35 (NEW)
ETHAN
Keren disappeared with Chalen, as Mom often did.
Hand outstretched to stop Keren from leaving him as she did.
He folded his arm against his chest and stuffed his face into the pillow and his skull throbbed with the motion. On his side with his hand draped over the edge, he dragged his teeth against his own jaw and longed to rip out his own temples. Fingers dug into the hem of the couch pillow, he counted his breaths and tasted the flames of his own rage on the streets of North Park. He dug at his scalp and tugged at the wavy strands of his roots. He drew his fingers across, and held out abandoned strands of brown.
It fluttered to the ground, and he tucked his arm once more to sit in silence with only her echoed sobs of his monstrous existence.
"Do I make things hard for you?" Keren asked, a broken visage of the playful baby brother he once knew.
Ethan unfurled his hand smeared with the memory of his own blood, where he bore his own soul for the family over the flames. He curled deeper into the blanket and tried to stifle her voice reverberating with Father's. Not good enough. Never. You're fine. I'm not. He set his free hand on the back of his head and adjusted himself into a more comfortable position, pushing the remote out of the way. Pain tightened around his brow when he rubbed it, and he scowled into the couch.
Alone in the universe, at the event horizon of a black hole.
Driven to action, he used his arm against the back of the couch to lift himself into a sitting position, putting his face in his hands. His breath caught in his lungs while he listened to the city sounds of Roxton whir across the streets, and the casino never slept. He brushed wavy strands off his sticky brow and ignored the flash of white hot pain striking his temple from where the counter cracked against his skull. I'll do better. I won't have Keren in that situation again. No. Ethan stumbled into the kitchen to set aside something for supper before Keren chose his upgraded soup with noodles — with extra spice if Keren felt bold enough. He rested his head against the freezer door and sighed out a smile. He's been getting better, though. Still, Mother taught him to never let family or guests go without food at any point — and it was one small joy without the use of a cookbot.
To make Keren smile like Mother used to do whenever she found the energy to cook meals for them.
He rubbed his fingers into the crease of his brow as he sorted through the fridge pods, but hesitated when a car rolled into the driveway. Jesti's old cruiser. Ethan closed the door when his friend slid out of the door when it lifted upwards and over the roof. He brushed the counter's edge for the stick of blood, then headed for the door when Jesti came closer to it, and gave him no opportunity to ring the bell. "What's going on?" he questioned.
"Just wanted to drop by," Jesti said and held out a bag. "Chocolates? I swiped them from the casino." Ethan stepped to the side to let him in, but held his head at the sudden motion, and frowned when he asked, "So, where's Keren? I got him his favourite starpops."
"Chalen took him out." Ethan closed the door with his foot then waddled after Jesti for an answer of his life. The one person who appeared to not have the self-preservation to avoid a black hole. "I..." He drew the lie over his teeth. "I tripped last night and hit my head—" Jesti stared at him, and he waved his hand. "Got the all clear from Dr. Evelion, but I got set with bed rest and that's what I've been doing since this morning."
Jesti squinted, then sat down on the couch to unravel his haul. "So that's why you look so miserable."
"What is that supposed to mean?" Ethan plopped himself beside him, pushing the blankets and pillows to the ground and kicked them underneath the table.
"Keren." Jesti set out the multitude of chocolates between them. "... He's never going to adjust to this, Ethan."
"I know." Ethan folded one leg over the other and prodded at a thick bar of candy sprinkled chocolate. "I'm going to do what I can though." He ripped open the wrapping, tearing it asunder like the heart he now lacked. "He may not adjust, but he'll know how to live." He studied Jesti when he nibbled on another candy bar. "What are you even doing over here?"
"I just said."
"Apart from that." Ethan curled his lips.
"Well, okay," Jesti said and turned on the I-Screen. "I've beentasked with getting Mr. Guon's payments from now on, since the Azaika's have been eyeing the whole business area. I'm to report back with whatever they're doing and make sure Mr. Guon remembers what you told him." He continued to nibble. "I mean... I'm not going to lie, Ethan, but I've never been good at this sort of thing either — ever since my dad got pinched — I don't know, I think maybe I'm worried about Keren because he's not that type of kid. Us? We were always in a little bit of trouble somehow. It was all in good fun, but..." He dug his fingers into his own temples, then shook his head. "You gotta do what you got to do by the family."
"You'll be fine, Jesti," Ethan said.
Jesti released a short huff of a laugh. "I don't know, Eth. You've always just been..."
A monster? Ethan waited for the words, but Jesti lost himself in thought from the way he chewed his cheek. "I put my best foot forward?"
"You're imposing."
Ethan raised an eyebrow.
"I don't mean that in a bad way," Jesti exclaimed. "I mean, you're the quiet type. Quiet types tend to set people on edge from the get go, and I don't know. I'm too chatty, and then I throw myself in a loop and next thing you know—" Homemade an explosion motion with his hands.
"You got to be careful with being a little too chatty... never let people know what you're thinking," Ethan pointed out. "That's really the only advice I can give you. Don't let them know what you're thinking, and leave them guessing on what you're about to do next. It's not the quiet that makes people nervous." Ethan tasted blood among moon-crushed flowers, the trigger of information pulled on an unfortunate soul. "Unpredictability usually does the heavy-lifting."
"I'll keep that in mind."
Ethan sat in the sounds of silence while Jesti chewed with nervous fervour. "Besides," he pushed. "Mr.Guon is all bark and no bite, as I've demonstrated. Just raise your voice a little and he'll cave. You can handle it. If you want, you can call me if he's giving you some attitude and I'll give him a little nudge."
No one likes a cheat.
"Thanks, Ethan." Jesti swallowed the last piece. "So, you're just waiting for Keren to get back? Why did Chalen want to take him?"
Because I slipped up. Ethan drove his fingers into his kneecaps. "Because Chalen likes to think he's something he isn't since our mother died. He took Keren to show him the safe areas in our territory, but we all know that can change in an instant. I would've showed him the ropes myself."
"Hm." Jesti nodded. "You can't do everything, at least Keren has other people who do care."
Trust nobody.
Malic trickled through his own heart when Keren begged for his life at his own hands. A perfect storm of utter doom. "Yet I am the only one who can protect him consistently."
Chalen stood on the sidelines as Mother bled out her life and his own scream burst out of his ears. Ethan hunched his shoulders and trembled with the electric rage in his spine, but it quelled when Jesti held out another candy bar.
"Keren will be fine, he's got a pretty good brother," Jesti said.
A monster of one, and that's his only saving grace in this life that he's been thrown into from his own curiosity... Stars, I should not have left him. Ethan released the rage and took the chocolate bar from Jesti, his strange old friend. "Thank you for the compliment." He unwrapped his next victim and sunk his teeth in while Jesti flicked through the channels. It blitzed through white noise between the buttons of his clicking.
"Wow, you must've hit your head hard," Jesti teased. "Usually you'd go, 'I know, I am pretty great.'"
"Yeah." Ethan sniffed out a chuckle and threw the wrappers into the small trash bin connected to the couch. "When does your shift on Mr. Guon start?"
"Tomorrow while the older guys start poking their noses around Azaika businesses to garner their game plan," Jesti said. "Especially with the abandoned quarry outside of Roxton. The boss is hoping we can use it for our operations since the Sanctum abandoned it."
Ethan held the code of silence. Trust nobody. He nodded along with Jesti's assumption, for it was a fair guess. "Tunnels are cleared out, we might start moving stuff if that's the case," he said and left the options open. "Might want to run the Azaika's out of Roxton... and after that pirate attack on Eastpoint a couple of quadrums ago, maybe completely off of Eteran."
Jesti's compearl chirped, and he tapped it. "That's my cue. Enjoy the rest of the chocolates. Give Keren some with my regards," he said with a smile. "I'll see you later, Ethan. Take care of yourself."
Give Keren your regards...
Ethan let Jesti see himself out and sat in front of the chocolates of flimsy friendship, then curled up on the couch when the front door closed and relocked itself with Jesti's departure. Hours passed into the evening before his baby brother walked through with his own set of keys, but he got no chance to check on him before he was on top of him.
"I'm sorry it took so long," Keren said, out of breath. "There are a lot of places Chalen pointed out to me."
"Did you run through all of them?" Ethan questioned.
"Oh, well, no." Keren shifted on his feet. "I just really wanted to get home and check on you." His gaze fell to the chocolates, and he lunged straight for the starpops. "You didn't go out and get this, did you?" Disapproval filled his green eyes, and he winced at her shadow.
"No," Ethan said. "Jesti came over. He said he gives you his regards."
"Oh." Unperturbed by the weight of words as Jesti had been, Keren took Jesti's previous seat and sucked on the starpop. "Did you get any rest?"
How can I make you happy?
"Yes. I have not left this couch except to let Jesti in." Ethan sat up, then wrapped his arm around Keren's shoulders. "Next time, I'll show you my safe-spots. Because the common ones are liable to be changed on a whim, and I want to make sure you always have somewhere to go. Think of it like our own little personal spots where we can regroup." He squeezed his cheek, but lost the moments of joy of their younger days, with his hand on the trigger, crossing the lines of family. Keren scowled, but it too, was as empty as his heart.
"Just in case?" Keren mumbled.
"Yes."
"I won't tell anybody."
The code of silence.
"You can trust me," Keren added.
"Thank you." Ethan listened to the white noise from the I-Screen when Keren nibbled on the candy with lackluster ambition and drive. "... and I know I can." It's you who can't trust me. His heart broke at the inevitability of their life. Mother knew, and hated it, hated me. Ethan bit on his tongue to stop the tide, and he flinched when Keren studied him. And now... now I know for sure. He has it, Miama... and I don't know what to do except... not tell him at all.
"Are you sure you're okay, Kellzoro?"
"I'm great," Ethan said through the lies in the chain winch. "You don't need to worry about me."
Keren's gaze dropped to his shoes and he let go of the starpop's wrapper, ripped open of the silent truth. Ethan shook his arm, then let him go to take the empty candy wrappers and abandon them into the trash, to be destroyed.
Like the heart he no longer had.
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