ETHAN

His little brother sat on the couch within the VIP lounge, his arms slacked over his knees as he stared into the abyss of the universe. Mother's words chewed at his spine. Of his responsibility. Of his existence pushing Keren onto the path he chose. Foundations splattered with blood and the bones of control and advancement as he dragged his feet closer to his baby brother, wide-eyed and innocent until the chains crashed down on him.

The hidden weight of their family.

Her disappointment turned to hatred.

Ethan reached his hand out to poke Keren's forehead, but he stopped when Keren trembled underneath the shadow of power they held, eyes darting from side to side when he came closer. He scooted until his elbow rested on the arm of the couch, gaze zoned in on his shoes.

"Keren, I-"

"Is that what she meant?" Keren whispered. "Is that why Mom was never happy?" He dug his fingers into his kneecaps, and his shoulders shook when he raised his head. "Why... why was that happening, Ethan? Why were you just standing there?"

Questions had a consequence. Rules had punishments. Each interlocking chain stained with blood. So, I don't look away. Ethan loomed over Keren, wanting nothing more than to throw close the veil of innocence and serenity. "It-"

Every bone in his hand cracked when Father's heavy footsteps sounded behind him when the door slid open after someone tapped the code into the panel. Frozen in space, he chewed on his tongue when Father rounded him. Electricity spiked through his spine, but he dug his teeth deeper. "Ethan is bound by silence," Father murmured.

Bound by the chain.

Father glared down at Keren. "I can answer your question, Keren, but I want some of my own answered first and foremost. Why and how did you sneak in here?"

Keren stared at him, slack-jawed.

"Answer me, Keren Malakai."

He dragged his nails against his skin.

"I just wanted to find Ethan," Keren squeaked, the consequence of an answer, and Ethan tasted the blood of his failure. "I managed to slip past the guards and I just... I couldn't see Ethan out on the casino floor so..." His words faltered, and he pulled his attention back to his knees. "I told them to go get Chalen, one did, and the other..."

Father imposed on their space, and Ethan chewed on the code of silence. "You ask why that man suffered that fate, Keren?" Father leaned closer. "Why do you think that happened?"

It's our rules. It's not his world.

Keren gave a tiny shake of his head and went pale.

"Rules were broken, and if we don't uphold the rules, the whole system falls apart," Father revealed the truth of the world. "All we worked for will become nothing but solar ash. In this life, people understand and accept those rules, and if they break them, they know the consequences."

Keren winced.

"We work together with this understanding, and those who can't work on that same principle will be the end of all of us. The system, these rules exist for a reason," Father explained. "And that is why I had that man killed. On my orders. He skimmed off the top of our own market and thought we would not find out. He passed information to a rival family."

Ethan turned to Father and stared into the cold gray eyes. "If all we ever did was hits, who would do the actual business?" he pointed out and slid in front of Keren, causing him to stand. "You say so yourself, you know. It's a risky gamble if you're caught. It is a serious action with permanent consequences. Who'd keep those that do the dirty work out of trouble?" He came closer into the shadow of Father. "I've been around enough times. We're not on Tersilia anymore. This is Eteran. Maybe if the old timers took their own foot out of their ass—"

A firecrack sounded through his skull when Father slapped him with the back of his hand. He found the trail of burrs on his cheek as Keren let out a small gasp and set his hands on his elbows.

Never reveal the hand.

"Your problem, Ethanius Malakai, is that you lack respect," Father's voice never wavered from the cold, dead space as he ran his finger down his cheek before dropping it to his side. "And you should know better." It rattled his bones with each pounding footstep to add more pressure into his head, but Father twisted to Keren instead. "You." Ethan grabbed Keren's shirt to keep him in place. "If it is your curiosity you wanted to sate, then maybe you can be a part of this."

"He's—"

"My son, Ethanius, not yours," Father said. "And you were no older than he was when you learned the rules."

Mother's scream tore through his skin when she found out. Monster.

"I was already suspicious," Ethan argued, then flinched when Father raised his hand with careful aim. Keren's arms wrapped around his middle for support, but he steadied himself and rolled his neck.

Father lowered his hand with a scowl. "Get out of here. Both of you."

"Come on." Ethan grabbed Keren's arm to pull him out of the VIP lounge and away from Father's oppressive presence. Tears flowed out of Keren's eyes when he followed him out of the casino in a quick rush. In his peripheral vision, Jesti waved from his card table, but slammed to a stop at the sight of Keren. Why? Questions stained his soul, set aflame in his blood when he rushed out of the tower with Keren on his heels.

"Ethan—"

He tossed Keren into the car before checking the environment. A habit. He rushed around to the other side to slip into the driver's seat of his car. Stuck against his seatbelt when Keren softly wept.

"Keren..."

Keren sniffed and tried to school his expression, but it shattered in the fatality of childhood. Ethan choked the wheel and ground his own teeth to dust. Stars damn it...

In the silence of the parking lot, Ethan's entire body went cold when Keren rasped, "Is that what happened to Mom?"

Ethan, run!

Barriers shuddered against the force of traded blaster fire. "No," he forced out, to answer that one question. "She was caught in the crossfire of another group, and that was it." He drove out of the parking lot and sat in strangled quiet, tasting bloodsoaked rage at Keren's stifled sobbing. No amount of model ship building or pretending erased the sight Keren had seen. Ethan sucked in his lips and his own tears at the relentless sounds around him. No. I'm not allowed. Ethan willed the pain out of his eyes before checking on Keren, who hid his face in his hands. His fingers twitched for useless connection, but he kept his focus on driving back home.

What can I even say? There is no excuse, I know that. I've accepted the consequences when I walked into this life. I accepted the things I'd be asked to do. I shed my own blood on that understanding. Ethan checked on Keren once more, but words failed him again. "Sellzora," was all he could drag out, and it sounded pitifully useless in his ears and sent an urge to slam his fist into the wheel through his arm.

Keren shook his head and dug his fingers into his temples. "She knew, didn't she?"

"Keren—"

"Don't lie to me," Keren hissed through his fingers.

Ethan frowned at the cold tempest of rage. "Yes. She knew."

"That's why she was always angry with you."

Ethan chewed on the words, a harder strike than Father's slap. "Yes."

Keren covered his mouth with his hand. "And that's why we went to the cottage."

"Yes."

"That's why you were so jumpy. That's why you didn't want to go on the boat with me..." Horror drained out the greens. "That's why you took your weapons when you agreed to take me to the ship museum."

"Keren, let's not talk about—"

"You knew."

There was no excuse.

"I did."

Keren stared at him, dumbfounded and his heart broken on his sleeve. Mother. Her eyes. Her disappointment. Her pain.

"Ethan," Keren pushed. "What did he do to you?"

What?

"What did he do to you when you found out I was taken out of school?" Keren demanded. "What did he do, Ethan?"

Ethan held the silence.

"Ethan."

"What makes think he did anything?"

Keren lurched through his raging, fearful tears. "Because you threw me into the gym and I felt like I was going to die!"

He slowed the car to a stop. "What?"

If Keren has it, don't let your father find out.

Keren tugged at his shirt to point at his heart. "I felt like I was being crushed. Like any move I would make meant the difference between living or... or dying," he rasped. "I was getting electrified thinking about what was happening!"

It cracked against his face, and he shivered at the truth of his shaken family.

No.

He grasped for words fumbling on the edge of his lips. "You were just panicking, Keren. You weren't in danger."

No, No, Miama, this isn't happening. I promise.

"But I felt like you were!" Keren snapped past his sobs. "And now..."

No.

Ethan sped the rest of the way into the gated community, an escape from the conversation. He flew into their driveway and pushed Keren out of his car before joining him outside.

"Ethan."

"Let's not talk about this," he said and rushed into the house.

"No!" He jumped when Keren grabbed him through the door and dragged him to turn around. "You can't leave me like this, Ethan! You were down there. You knew. She knew. It was all a lie, wasn't it? That's why you were always so busy, isn't it?" Keren shook his arms with a strangled gasp, and Ethan held on tighter to keep him still. "Jesti, Urto, they know too? It's the only thing that makes sense! Urto was jumpy during the boat ride, and you called Jesti after North Park because you said you had no one else you could trust when I was right there."

Ethan waited for the words to splatter against his shoes as Keren clung on tighter. "Kellzoro, is that why you were so tired?" Keren stared at him. "You're wearing the same expression Mom used to have..."

Ethan slipped out of Keren's grip with a shake of his head. "I... didn't want you to find out. Ever. I wanted you to get an education," he said. "I wanted you to live a better life, Keren. You didn't need this in your life."

"So you hid it from me?"

"Because silence is safer," Ethan spoke out the first rule. "Keep the silence. Keren, I didn't want to tell you, but I also couldn't tell you. You heard Father." He motioned at the door. "We have rules."

Keren brushed his hand down his nose with a soft, sob mixed with horrified laughter. "Now what?" he asked once again through a shattered smile of his little brother's dying innocence. "I can't pretend."

Ethan shook his head in answer.

I would have looked away if you ran, Miama.

Keren hugged himself and his pained laughter died into quiet sniffles. He pressed his hand back against his lips as his pallor went ashen. "I think I'm going to be sick, Kellzoro," he said through his palm.

But we never could run. There is no running.

Ethan stepped for Keren, but stopped when Keren matched it with a step back, shaking his head more wildly.

Family fell into ash at his fingertips, crushed by chains. Keren let go of his mouth with a softer sigh. Emptiness filled his face as he drew his shoulders to his neck. "Ethan?"

You're a monster.

Ethan braced himself.

Keren slumped into the tears cracking against his cheeks. "Just don't leave me."

The bubble in his lungs popped into stardust. Into the light Keren stood in, he reached out to his shoulders. "I can't promise that, Keren... but of course."

Keren appeared to accept his lackluster, worthless response from the way he relaxed and nodded with all the motivation of a slug.

It didn't make him any less useless or a failure of a son and an older brother.

A bundle of words trailed on the edge of his lips. One's Mother would never say to him, but held for Keren unconditionally. Ethan released the tension in his jaw, then patted Keren on the back, then chewed on air when Keren slipped out of his reach without another word to rush upstairs. Hand on the counter, he drove his hands into his eyes, cursing the wetness threatening the edges of his world.

I'm not allowed.