Hey guys! So I'm going to continue from Chapter 70- Happy Birthday Paul. Thank you for all the support and love on this story! Remember contest entries are due in October something.

Thank you to @LisaVanVugt for helping me out of writers block! You are my savior! This chapter is dedicated to you!

 Tatiana's POV

The white limosine pulls through the iron gates as my breath quickens. I play with my fingers nervously in my lap looking out the window, seeing the limo's and expensive cars parked along the streets and driveway.

"Tati..." Paul whispers taking my hand in his as I look over at him.

"Should we go already?" I say nervously looking out the window, as paparazzi and fans scream.

They were all waiting for us.

He furrows his eyebrows slightly and gives a small laugh. "Tati, are you sure you'll be okay?" Paul asks looking over at me, as we ride in the backseat of a long white limo.

"Sure..." I say nervously checking the mirror again. "How do I look?" I look over at him.

"You look beautiful, Tatiana." he smiles staring at me.

I blush and smiles, as he smirks checking his watch.

"It's 8:30...." he says looking over at me. "Are you ready?"

"Yeah, I am now..." I say swallowing hard.

He flashes a smile opening the door hopping out the car. He opens the door for me, as I step out being greeted by flashing lights, and screaming fans and paparazzi. He takes my hand and we walk past them. We walk up to the white mansion and I look over at him when we are out of site from paparazzi.

I hear the loud music playing from inside, as I press against Paul's side, as he wraps his arm around my waist going inside.

"Are you excited?" Paul asks lowering his voice.

"Yes.." I whisper as we stop infront of the door. "I'm just a little--"

Before I can finish, the door swings open.

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY!" everyone yells as we walk in with everyone yelling with bright smiles. Someone throws confetti, and Paul laughs. I look around the room, as all of the A-listers of hollywood surround us.

"My man!" Will Smith comes up up from behind Paul wrapping his arm around his neck. "Happy birthday man!" he hands Paul a drink, pulling him to the side with a group of other guys.

I bite my lip standing alone as I walk around the party alone. Everyone smiles and waves as I pass by. I flash everyone a smile as I walk by. I walk upstairs to the bar, waiting in line as everyone orders. I look down at my hands, looking down at my heels.

"Tatiana Thumbtzen?" someone says from behind me. I blink my eyes a couple of times, adjusting to the party lights flashing.

"You don't remember me?" he laughs. "It's me--Justin? We performed at the Grammy's?"

I blink at him blankly.

'Should I walk away or pretend like I know what he is talking about?'" I think to myself.

"Justin!" I smile hugging him tightly.

"So I heard you have a new single coming out...." he smiles.

I do?

"Yeah..." I smile. "I'm really excited about it..."

"We need to collarborate sometime..." he smiles.

"I'd really love that..." I smile. "That would be amazing..."

Paul's POV

"And that's pretty much what happened..." I look down at my glass, surrounded by the guys.

"So you mean to tell me--" Will pauses taking another sip of his drink. "That Tatiana has memory loss..."

"Right." I say nod slowly staring at him as we sit down.

"She doesn't remember anything after--"

"The only thing she remembers is getting a modeling gig. After that it's nothing..." I take another shot, making a face as it burns my throat slightly.

"Wait, Wait, Wait....." Arsenio says putting down his drink waving his hands in the air sitting back on the couch. "So the girl can't remember nothing. You told her you were engaged when she's in the hospital?"

"Yep."

"And her old man, wants you to marry her?" .

"Yep." I nod.

"And then her old man bribes you and--"

"He didn't bribe me, I wanted to do it.." I shrug. "I mean, it isn't exactly a secret that I always loved Tatiana..." I mutter under my breath.

"Well shoot--I'd do the same thing too..." Will says taking a shot. "I mean first of all your getting the girl of your dreams, second its Tatiana Yvonne Thumbtzen." he shakes his head chuckling. "I ain't got no complaints there...."

"But yo' listen,--" Chris Brown, comes from behind wrapping an arm around Will's neck. "When Tatiana starts remembering everything, then what?"

I swallow hard. Tatiana would--I shudder at the thought.

"She's not going to remember--" I say clearing my throat. "She knows that I'm the one for her, anyway."

"And Michael isn't, man?" Chris says staring at me.

"Hell no, after all he did to her?" I chuckle. "That isn't love."

 Michael's POV

 Disclaimer: For Michael's POV I do not mean to offend, or hurt anyone. This is a fan fiction. I also do NOT want anyone EVER doing this. Please if you have feelings like this..please...go talk to someone like a teacher, friend, parent...whomever you trust.

 I look out the balcony, staring below.

I've been up all night thinking about her. Just like every other night, but tonight was different.

I go back inside and sits on the floor by the window, looking down at the view below him, the morning sun shining upon the city.

I can't take the guilt anymore. It was getting too much. The things I put her through....

Never did I ever think I could put someone else in so much pain, and not even realize it. Or putting a lady in so much pain.

And I didn’t even realize it. I didn’t know I was hurting her, up to a point. The car accident. And the fact that Tati nearly had to kill herself, the fact that Tatiana lost our child because of the stress I caused; for me to realize that I loved her proves something.

It proves that I don’t deserve her.

And if I can’t have her…I can’t live.

Watching all the news coverage on Tatiana, and seeing her with Paul....it's killing me.

I end up staying all night sitting on the floor by the window, tearing sheets out of my notebook out, writing. Throwing it out, the words not coming out right.

How can I possibly win her back? I can't even face her. What could I say to her if I ever saw her again? Everything I ever felt about her, all the words would be sucked out of my mouth.

I can't live without her, but I can't face her.

The irony.

She’s the one for me, but I'm not the one for her. Paul is.

By now the hotel room is covered in balled up pieces of paper scattered everywhere. With every piece of emotion in it.

All of my emotions and everything I've been feeling lately in one letter, and once  finally finished it's sealed it in an envelope, her name on the back of it.

Tatiana…

I can’t find any of the right words to explain how incredibly sorry I am. I know a “sorry” doesn’t mean anything to you anymore. Though it would be a lot more meaningful if I said this in person, but I can’t do that. I can’t face you. Not after everything I just put you through. And you have every reason to hate me, I completely understand. I wasn’t myself when I drove you out. I shouldn’t have let other people control me, and it’s my fault. I should’ve focused on you, that’s what I should’ve done. You were mine, and that’s all that should’ve mattered. You were mine, and it should’ve been your word over everyone else’s. You were actually my girl… and now that I’m looking back at our memories I couldn’t believe that someone as beautiful as you could choose someone like… me. But those were the good times and I was so lucky to be with you. You put so much trust in me, and I broke it. I see it now. I was too quick to judge you. I just wish I knew about the obstacles you’ve overcome before you met me. All the pain, all the rejection, the heartbreaks. I should’ve been the one to prove to you that I’m the one for you. I should’ve showed you that I’m different. That I would never hurt you, because I know what it’s like too. I should’ve made you happy, but I made you cry. 

I wasn’t ever supposed to make you cry, make you go through so much pain. That was not supposed to be my role in your life. I feel like a monster when I fired you, seeing you shed tears still would’ve broken my heart, even if you never got in that car accident. And the day you got in that accident changed my life. My feelings for you grew stronger, just like that. And I know that it’s wrong, and I’m so sorry that it had to be like that. I’m so sorry that you had to go through all of this trauma for me to realize how much I love you. It felt like I wasn’t even allowed to miss you. And it hurts me deeply because all these things I’m writing right now, or all these things I’m feeling for you, I was supposed to share with you when I actually had you. Not when I lost you. But I learned too late. And love doesn’t wait. And I know that I will never love anyone the way I love you. Just know that you have my heart and you always will… Just like the way I once had yours. But I took you for granted and I’m so sorry. And when you were in that hospital, I know that you were lonely, and that every day you hoped and prayed that I would show up with dozens of roses and I’d spend all my time with you, watch movies with you, share stories with you, singing to you as you fall asleep, and telling you how much I love you. But that wasn't me. It was Paul.

I wish I was the one who'd make  you forget that you were even stuck in a hospital because you had me. I would've held you in my arms, and never have let you go. I would kiss you like no tomorrow...But I didn’t and I’m so sorry. I know that I can’t do that now because the damage is already done. After giving me all the love you had left inside you, this is how I repay you. I didn’t taste my words before I spit them out. And I know you said that you could never hurt me, but I deserve it. And since you won’t hurt me, I’ll do it for you.

I’m doing this because I can’t live with the guilt anymore. I can’t do this knowing that I’m capable of putting someone so fragile in so much trauma. I’m doing this because you are my other half, and I don’t have you… And therefore I cannot function. And I can’t have you, because I’m not your other half. Look at the way I disrespected you. That’s not a man. You don’t need someone like me. You need someone better than me and I really hope you do find him. You deserve all the happiness that comes to you. So by the time you’ve received this letter, I’ll be gone. I’m sorry it had to be this way. But I was hurting you and I didn’t even know it… And I need to make it stop before something bad happens. But now you know how I feel about you Tatiana. You’re always gonna have my heart and I will always be watching over you. And by the way… I’m so proud of you, baby. You’ve made me so happy with all your success and I’m so sorry that I made you think that I’m not. You have definitely made me proud and I’m so lucky to have been a huge part of your life. But I have to go now. So keep doing that you do best, by singing and dancing your little heart out. Keep making me proud in heaven. I hope Paul love's you just as much as I do.  I will always be looking out for you. You will never be alone. And I love you so much, Tatiana.

Love,
Michael

I slowly seal the envelope with tears in my eyes and sets it down on the bed as I make my way over to the bathroom, locking the door.

Opening the cabinet, I pulls out whatever pain relief medications I can find. I grab a glass cup and turns on the faucet, filling the cup with water. I open the bottle to my medication, mixing them together, swallowing the pills all at once. There had to be ten or fifteen....

The room starts spinning, my body feeling heavy. I close my eyes feeling my head spinning.

I fall completely, lying on my back. I lie there until I feel nothing.

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Also...check out this amazing story..."Nothing To Give But Love" by @michaelsloverShe's an amazing writer, and the story is incredible! I'm really hooked.

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