You make me glow, but I cover up, won't let it show ~ Heart attack

I remember that night. It was printed in my mind, always reminding me, and that was what helped me move on.

I never thought it would be the moment that my life changed.

My life changed.

I was currently at the apartment, painting my thoughts away, using the new brushes my boyfriend bought me. It was the correct ones this time. I loved it. It was the same as the ones I buy myself, but I didn't buy it this time. He bought it. For me!

A small smile made its way to me, and I finished the last few strokes on the canvas, really happy with the results. When was the last time I actually was glad of the final product?

"That looks amazing!"

I jumped so high that I almost fell off the stool. My favorite brush fell out of my hand and splattered onto the ground.

"Oh," the voice chuckled from behind, before the figure of the voice moved closer.

He was home!

"I surprised you again." He picked up the brush and placed it on the rack. "But guess what?"

I looked up at him after he stood in his full frame. I noticed how his office attire made him look amazing. He looked older, but young at the same time. We've gone through so much together.

"Pete," he waved his hand in front of my face. "Guess!"

I let a small smile and thought. "I don't know, can you tell me?"

He huffed, laughing because he knew that I wasn't trying too hard anyways. "I got something to help you with our timetable." And then only I saw the bag of take-out he was waving high. "Come on, wash your hands and let's get going."

I gulped. I am better now. But that didn't mean I was a normal as we were progressing towards.

The look of the bag didn't make me feel any better.

I didn't want it.

He leaned down to give me a kiss, sighing into it, mumbling how much he missed me.

"Shouldn't you go and shower first?" I followed behind him none-the-less and watched him set the table up. I helped him bring out the plates. I watched him watch me.

He smiled, giving a sweet smile. I loved it. "Good job, baby."

I beamed, my heart soring at the feelings I was finding in myself.

So yes, things have changed. A few months ago, I broke down and my boyfriend found out my struggles in the ugliest way possible. But, after he dug deep into the walls I built to 'make myself better', we finally realized that I'll listen to what he will plan for us to be better together.

We made a change in the calendar, added some things I must do to help myself, love myself.

The first was easy; I was to smile more. Though it left me unsure, it did help me slowly forget myself from my head and put in the moment itself, with him.

Then it came to date nights, cuddling where he'd come home early. At first, it made me feel doubtful, because he was risking his work time to come and pay attention to me when he had work.

But the irony, from the times I used to crave it to now that I have, it makes me shy. The days I started to think of myself being more selfish each day, he'd be there, guiding me to not think so.

That's how affirmations started. Five positive statements a day. Something so simple yet with big impacts.

I tried my hardest. For myself. For him. For us.

My eating habits have become better as well, but not the proudest. We've started to jog everyday in the mornings before he goes off to work, but I still felt uncomfortable to eat the good portion. It just felt like if I do eat, it's not going to make a difference if I run. My boyfriend's been understanding more than I expected him to be. He understood that I didn't control it when I felt like vomiting everything out.

"We can shower after a while, or the food will go cold." He pulled out the chair, and we sat down. I was more reluctant. "I know this might be hard, but let's try a bit by bit, like how we do for everything else, okay?"

I nodded, looking away from the food being taken out of the bag. I smelt it anyways so looking would be too much. I do feel healthier these days but having to eat large portions means feeling the fat being added to my body.

"It's Chinese. But you don't have to eat everything. How about, two vegetable, one small piece of chicken and a few spoons of rice?"

I nodded softly, grateful for how he cared.

I felt bad when he apologized after that night. He continued to do so and when I told him not to, he just shook his head, reminding me that it was his fault as well. The workload made him forget that he should shower me with more love than usual since he's busy.

He told me that it was okay for me to want attention from him. I am his lover. He told me that it was okay that I was wanting to be better for him, but the way I pursued it was the wrong thing.

My plate was set in front of me, and I decided to start with the vegetables. They tasted amazing. I loved it so much, with all the flavors, that I closed my eyes tightly and made a satisfied noise.

I could hear him laughing so freely at my reaction. A little embarrassing Pete.

I grabbed a few spoons of rice, reaching for more vegetables that were covered in white sauce. I gave him a small glance, as he ate with a warm smile, encouraging me.

I felt great, and it surprised me.

But now, the chicken stared back at me. So, everything wasn't so easy.

"You don't have to force yourself Pete," he reminded me, and I gave a tight smile. "You did eat extra vegetables." And that made me grateful and happy.

So, I might have not finished the plate but I did improve. And I made him happy.

You being healthy and happy is why I live Pete...

It's never too late. I might be an adult but I am still growing.

I have to remind myself of the improvements that I've made for myself. I'm growing to love myself. And loving myself makes him happy. I guess, natural disasters do come and go, I know I have to survive.

For us, when he tries so hard, and cares so much. How had I failed to recognize that?

---

Another chapter for you lovely people. More than the usual word count. So, this chapter is different to the previous ones. What do you think? How do you feel of the emotions displayed here?

Don't forget to vote and comment!

<3.