Chapter 18:

Lincoln Xavier:

I opened the front door to the house and walked into my family sitting down at the dinner table.

"Where were you Lincoln?" My mum asked setting at me with a scowl.

"Sorry mum I was rescuing a girl from some weird stray cat and had to get my friend to take it to the pound." I told my mum.

She nodded her head up and done and turned back towards the dinner she was eating.

I pulled out the empty seat next to my sister, plopping myself onto it, taking in my dinner.

There was a bowl of spaghetti with meatballs covered in a red sauce.

Licking my lips I picked up my fork from beside the white bowl and dipped it into the spaghetti, frosting when I realised that I was missing the finishing touch; cheese.

Leaning into the middle of the table I grabbed the cheese hastily and poured it all over my food.

Once I was satisfied I stabbed my fork into one of the meatballs, shoving it into my mouth.

I licked my lips again and chewed the piece of meat in a rush and I dived into the next forkful of food.

So,s of the spaghetti hung out my mouth, touching my chin causing my sister to snicker at me.

"You're such a messy eater Lincoln." She said while shovelling some spaghetti in her mouth.

Once I had finished eating my mouthful I smiled at the brown haired girl next to me.

"Sorry sis, but I'm a guy, we eat a lot."

She rolled her brown eyes at me and turned away, concentrating on her food.

Putting another mouthful in my mouth I sighed and thought of Lydia.

She loved to eat just as much as I did and we always went on dates where we would just eat so much that we got sick afterwords, then she'd go running the next day with me to burn all the food off.

Lydia was so fit and she also loved singing as well as dancing.

She was pretty darn good at them both too.

With these thoughts I stopped eating and looked down at the table just thinking of what Lydia's beautiful face looked like.

I never wanted to forget my gorgeous girl.

"You alright there son." My dad asked and I looked up to meet his deep blue eyes.

"Fine I'm just thinking of her." I smiled sadly at him and he scratched at his pointy chin with one of his fingers.

"Oh..." My dad trailed off and turned back to the food he was eating, in which was different to everyone else's.

Instead of the meatballs he had potato gems and instead of the spaghetti he had a bunch of vegetables on his plate.

I smiled at him and turned to look at my mum who was feeding my baby brother causing him to giggle in a cute voice.

I turned around and put the last meatball in my mouth, pushing the empty bowl away from me, standing up tucking the chair in behind me, not wanting to stay for family discussion.

They would understand.

Some days were worse than others, and this was one of the bad days where I just couldn't stop thinking about her.

If I could have one wish right now it'd just to be able to kiss her at least one more time to feel the love seep through and just to see her happy.

What happened to her made me such a bad person.

She was my first everything and now I've kissed a million other girls.

I once promised myself that her lips were the only ones that I would kiss.

What would she think of me now?

Would she understand?

I only messed with girls because I didn't trust them enough not to hurt me like she did.

Nobody knows just how bad her death affected my life.

My family don't know that I'm a player now.

They still see innocent Lincoln Xavier.

Yeah I wish.

Breathing out deeply I opened my bedroom door, grabbing my phone from my pocket.

Once I was in my bedroom I sat on the edge of my bed and dialled up a number of a girl by the name of Heather.

The phone rung three times before she answered with a hello in her girly voice.

Scrunching my noise up I replied back.

"Hey Heather, it's Lincoln, Lincoln Xavier."

"Oh what's up?" She responded.

"I'm feeling a bit down and I need you to pick me right back up on Tuesday afternoon." I winked my right eye at her even though I knew she couldn't see it.

Through the phone I heard a high pitched giggle.

"You're so cute Lincoln, of course. Meet me at my house. It's a street away from the school and my parents won't be home." She giggled at me some more in a flirtatious voice.

I almost burst out with laughter through the phone but I stopped myself otherwise I may make a fool of myself.

"Sure thing baby. I'll be there. Just send me your address through text tomorrow morning." I said loudly in a seductive tone, trying my best to sound sexy.

"Alright we'll I'm going to go. Bye!" She squealed in excitement.

Once she had hung up the phone I dropped into onto my bed and fell back letting my head hit the middle of my bed.

I massaged the side of my temples with my hands and groaned loudly.

I missed her so, so much.

Sighing I sat up, remembering the note she had left me.

I decided that I'd grab it from the draw that I had shoved it in after she died.

I made my way over to the draw and opened it up, grabbing the letter from it with my name addressed on the front in her best handwriting.

I half smiled and sat down in my bed again, my finger meeting with the letters seal.

Closing my eyes I ripped the seal open and blindly grabbed out the piece of paper from it.

When I opened my eyes I saw a piece and a half of lined paper with Lydia's neat handwriting on it.

Sucking in a breath I began reading the letter.

I couldn't avoid reading it any longer.

I needed to know what it said.

Dear Lincoln Xavier, my love,

I need you to know that I really and truly do love for you.

I'll love you forever em though I'm not going to be here for much longer.

I'm sorry that I have done this to you.

I think you were the only person who really needed me and I thank you for that.

I think it's time I tell you why I am no longer here even though I'll know you'll avoid reading this letter for as long as you can.

Well here goes.

I felt like nobody in the world cared except you.

You were all I had left.

Yes I know what you'll say.

That I had both my parents but what you didn't know in the time we were going out was that they verbally abused me by saying how fat and ugly I was.

I believed them you know, because there my parents.

You told me everyday how beautiful I was but nothing you said ever made me think differently.

Don't blame this on yourself and I hope to god you're not the one to find me in my bedroom.

Oh want to head another reason I did this?

I know you said no my love, hut you've got no choice.

*evil glint*

I acted like myself, yes, but that didn't mean I wasn't hiding parts of myself.

Ages ago, before I met you there were rumours going on about me.

What were they you say?

Apparently I've had sex with all the boys in my year at my old school and another one was that I was a lesbian, like what?

They're both so different.

There were more too and they were that I was anorexic, which I wasn't and never have been.

That I was two faced and pretended that I was your friend when I gossiped about you behind your back and the last one was that I sent nudes to all the guys in the school.

Seriously who comes up with these because none of them are true.

I just can never seem to forget about these.

They make me feel sad and I couldn't bare the thought of living with it for any longer.

I know stupid and weak right?

Yeah I know what you're thinking right now and that would be that I'm far from stupid, but I really am to let these things take over me when I have you, but I'm not strong enough to go on.

One day I hope you find a girl who you can be happy with.

One who will treat you right and will never do what I'm about to do to you.

Just remember that I'll always love you my love and don't you ever get so down that you result in this too.

I want you to be happy even though I know it'll be hard for you.

Just try, try for me my love. 

I love you Lincoln Xavier.

Yours sincerely, Lydia Pierce.

When I finished reading the letter I sat it down and stared at the photo that had been enclosed in the letter as well.

It was of Lydia and I sitting by the water at tascott straight enjoying the picnic I had made.

That day was by far our favourite date that we'd been on together.

I sniffed, holding back my tears and sat the letters back into my draw, closing it back over.

I rubbed my eyes with my hands and pulled back my covers so that I could lay in them even though I knew that I'd just wake up sweating again.