Ufrik just finished telling me we need to escape. He hadn't been able to tell me more. The doctor decided that our time was up. I think she is nervous about our mind speech.

What I had initially mistaken as jealousy, I am beginning to think, is nervous agitation. I wouldn't be surprised if communicating telepathically isn't even allowed here. So by her letting Ufrik come here means she either really likes him, or he has more pull wherever the hell we are than he wants to let on.

But what has me severely confused is why we need to "escape."

I didn't get long to ponder it, though. The doc had shuffled Ufrik out faster than I could blink.

I had listened as Ufrik gave her a heartfelt thanks, then some words were spoken too low for me to hear without concentrating, and I couldn't focus right then.

Even now, I still feel remnants of Ufrik's emotions inside me. Not necessarily unpleasant, but it's adding to my confusion.

What I feel the most is an overwhelming sense of urgency and fear. He is deathly afraid people will learn what he knows about me. Whatever the stars, that is. He and I need some serious time alone to talk.

"Alright, Zea. My turn."

The sound of the doc's voice nearly throws me off my bed. Stars. My hand goes to where my heart should be now that it resides in my throat.

I need to get my head screwed on straight. That, or I need a nap. Usually, people cannot sneak up on me like that. Ever!

My hand still gripping my chest in some useless effort to slow my erratic heart, I take a deep breath. Realizing I am being rather childish, I centre myself and slow my heart rate properly. Like I have always been able to do.

Blacking out in the Game erased my years of military training and natural common sense. It seems—time to fix that. But first, I need to address this mad female who claims to be my doctor.

"Seriously, now you try to kill me?" I raise an eyebrow at her.

She tries unsuccessfully to hide a smirk. Well, if nothing else, hopefully, she's in a better mood now. Ufrik had made her edgy.

"Sorry. I guess you would have a lot on your mind. The Commander had said you had been in the Game when you had your mental break. I can't imagine-"

"Woah! What the? Mental break? Seriously? Thought you didn't know what happened to me?" Was she trying to piss me off?

I must have put on my mean face. She backed up a couple of steps, hands raised in front of her defensively. I could see the telltale signs of fear dance across her eyes.

Crap.

I don't need her to be a scared little rabbit right at the moment. Does she know about my power? I feel my head cock to the side as I analyze her.

Once again, I regret having integrity and morals. It would be easy to open my Eye and find out what she knows with a telepathic probe.

However, that would be unkind... and rude. So I need to do it this the old-fashioned way. Still, just for shits, I open my Eye to watch her aura. At least I will know if she is lying to me. Nothing wrong with that.

"I didn't mean anything by it. It... it... Ummm" The poor female stutters like I have a gun to her head. I am not that scary. Am I?

"Doc, seriously. Calm down. I am not going to eat you. If you didn't notice, I am kind of bedridden at the moment." I wave a hand gesturing to my prone state.

Honestly, I am not sure I even have the strength to wiggle my little toes right now. It takes all my effort to lift my arm as I did now. Granted, I don't feel like making this confession to the doc. Call me overly cautious but admitting how weak I am feels stupid.

"Sorry, it's just that your skin is glowing and your eyes... your eyes are... well, they look like fiery golden stars."

Well shit. That would do it. Not many species have glowing skin and fire for eyes. It probably would scare me too if I were her.

Shaking off the crazy thoughts about what a freak I am, I focus on calming myself. I feel my blood pressure drop. My heart rate slows once again. I take a deep breath and close my eyes.

I am crossing my fingers here that when I open my eyes, they will be normal. Thank the holy stars I had removed my hair. The doc might have wet herself.

Taking one more deep breath and forcing my muscles to relax, I look back to the nervous doctor. She is staring at me with a sense of wonderment and terror.

Well, at least she will have something to research now. She's the type who needs projects.

"Ok, Doc, better?" I raise an inquiring eyebrow at her.

"Ya, I guess so." She doesn't look convinced, but the terror is slowly fading from her haunted eyes.

"Ok, back to my question. Mental break? It sounds a little harsh if you ask me. And doesn't some sort of psychiatric analysis need to happen before you can go claiming something like that?"

"I'll level with you. I have no clue what happened. I have been telling Armada it looks like a mental break and that I just needed to do some tests when you finally woke up to confirm it." She has finally calmed down.

She examines the floor as she starts to pace back and forth in thought. Her left arm crosses her chest as her right elbow rests on it. She keeps tugging at her bottom lip in some absent-minded tic. She probably does this every time she is trying to solve a riddle or figure out a problem. I try not to let a knowing smile pull at the corners of my mouth. I don't want to embarrass her now that she's calmed down.

She stops and looks over at me with a sideways glance. I haven't spoken or replied to her information which appears to be the right move as she elaborates.

"But I guess because I kept saying your condition was due to a mental break so often these past few days that it just became a habit when addressing your... Ummm episode." She doesn't apologize, but her face looks apologetic. She has no clue what happened to me.

Not sure I liked episode any better than "mental break," but I get what she is saying. And I can see this is eating her up, not to know what happened.

"I am guessing your 'tests' are the questions you want to ask me?" She snorts at my discernment of the obvious.

"Yes. I hope you will answer me honestly, Zea." Her eyes plead with me. She wants to figure this out.

I take an involuntary deep breath. This is a heavy demand that she is making. I am honestly not sure I can trust her. I sure as hell don't trust Armada. Even if I did, or do, work for them. Do I still work for them?

I also have no idea how Commander Ufrik had come to bring me to a doctor who reported to Armada. So I am undecided about what I feel like sharing with her.

I obviously wasn't wearing a poker face because the doc read me like a micro reader.

"I can tell by the look on your face you aren't sure if you trust me."

"I don't trust anyone." I stare flatly at her.

"Probably true. But I am guessing not remembering how you got here and never meeting me before isn't helping."

I shrug. She cracks a smile. She has a plan. I know that kind of look.

"I am going to make you a deal, Zea. I will answer all your questions. At least the ones I have answers to, even if I am not supposed to share the information with you. But for each question you ask me, I get to ask you one too. We will trade, an honest answer for an honest answer." She looks at me square in the eyes.

She had some balls. I have to give her that. Fuck it. What else do I have to do to kill time in this place? She kicked Ufrik out. Possibly for selfish reasons, now that I see how hungry she is for answers.

The doc presses me as I keep silent, debating my options.

"Zea, I know you can see. You have the advantage here. You will be able to tell if I am lying."

She is right. Auras can't lie. I had been watching hers for a while now. I have a good feel for it. If she lies, I will know.

Some auras pulse when people lie. Others change colour. Some even move outward. Depending on the species, and yes, everyone I have ever met has an aura. Some can control it better than others. Eventually, though, your aura always gives you away.

I make an impulsive decision. Let's hope to stars this female has info worth the risk.

"Alright. I go first."

I don't like her smirk. It feels like I just let her win. It puts a bad taste in my mouth but, I want answers too.

"Of course. Whenever you're ready." She's way too prim and poised. Creepy.

Suddenly she hurries over to her desk and pushes over her chair. It hovers above the floor, with no legs or wheels visible. Not a standard Armada issue. This is a state-of-the-art grav chair. Damn!

She has to be getting funds from other sources. That means she is either on a contract or does piece work. Right then, I know what I want to ask first.

I have already catalogued my questions in order of importance in the half-second it took her to settle. Something about the speed and clarity of my thinking strikes me as off. I will have to come back to that later. First.

"Your connection to Armada, what is it, and how much do they control here?" I gestured to the door and the rest of the ship. If she doesn't answer this honestly, this entire exercise is over.

"I used to work for a wealthy explorer. She had to retire a while back. Her health and age finally caught up with her." The doc squirms a little as she answers. Not quite meeting my eyes. My eyes narrow.

For some reason speaking about her former employer makes her uncomfortable. I can't help but wonder if there is something important she is choosing to withhold. Unfortunately, that isn't the same as lying.

She clears her throat unladylike after a long pause. I don't rush her. "Anyways, after she retired, she sent my name to a long-ago acquaintance of hers. It turned out this person had recently become a consultant to Armada. Technically I work for neither party, but I am under contract to Mr. Talki'ser. He is the acquaintance, and he sends me work from Armada every so often."

Watching her talk, I learn two things right away. She is afraid of Mr. Talki'ser, and she is mostly telling the truth but has left something important out. The question is, is it important to me, or just her?

Her aura wavers slightly, her anxiety and discomfort showing when she thinks of her current employer. She may call it a contract, but if he works liked Armada does, the contract left her his slave until she could meet all the requirements on the "contract," or she loses her usefulness. However, she still hadn't answered the last part of my question.

Ok in fairness, it could be counted as two questions, but she hadn't made an argument regarding this point when I had asked it. So it needed to be answered in my mind. Perhaps she needs a little coaxing.

"So does this ship belong to Mr. Talki'ser?"

"I am assuming. He sent an escort to bring me here after I agreed to his terms and signed the contract. His funding is generous and he has granted me ample time to complete my own studies. In truth, this has been an amazing blessing for me. Most of the work he sends me is pretty basic - so far." She gives me a funny smile.

I can tell she hadn't expected things to pan out like they had been offered. And she was right. Most times, it doesn't. So either her employer is a man of his word, or the catch is still coming. The good news is, this isn't likely to be an Armada vessel.

"My turn then." She smiles widely at me. I feel sweat trickle down my back. Why am I nervous?

"Looks like it."

"Explain to me the last thing you remember before blacking out, please?"

Oh damn. Really? How am I going to explain to this innocent, pixie-looking Zukrog that I had been planning on obliterating the 12-year-old version of myself with a giant ball of raging energy that I had created inside my mind somehow? Nothing about this is going to come out sounding sane.

I look over at her while rubbing the back of my neck. She sits eagerly on the edge of her chair, ankles crossed, hand-folded primly on her knees, head leaning forward... waiting. Sweet mother of the stars. Ok then. I can do this. Shit!

"I was in the game. I had just won so the world... the world was my world. I had to face something from my past I didn't want to relive. At least not without doing something about it." I stare at her hard. I know I am being vague, but does she really need the crazy details?

"Ok. What were you thinking, and what were you doing exactly."

"I was only thinking I had to stop what was happening. What I was doing... Well, that's harder to explain. The best I can describe it is, I was absorbing energy through my link to the Game's main computer... or something."

I haven't thought much about this. Ufrik had literally just shown me what happened, and I have only been awake a short while. I don't know what I had done. Shaking my head, I give her my best guess, shrugging helplessly.

"Honestly, I have no clue what I actually did. But I became supercharged somehow. Then... I umm... I let it go." I slowly lift my eyes to meet hers. I don't like confessing any of this. My guts are all in knots, and I feel a little queasy.

I barely whisper the last part, as the image I had seen in Ufrik's mind, the space station imploding in the rear viewer as he sped away on the fighter ship he had commandeered, played across my mind. His feelings of pure awe and horror at what I had just been able to do, tingled my senses. Even I hadn't known I could wield such power. It shook me to the core.

Taking a shaky breath and squeezing my eyes shut like it will help somehow, I explain what Ufrik had shown me. I may not understand the how, but the results had been pretty plain.

When our eyes meet, I see she understands. She's obviously dealt with people who were energy benders before. When the implications of the catastrophic damage I had caused hits her, I watch her face transform.

Her face just freezes after, mouth slightly open in a silent gasp, eyes wide and unblinking, staring at me in amazement. Or is it horror?

Ya, I guess destroying an entire space station that was home to over 2.6 million people, a fact brought to my attention from Ufrik's memories, is rather impressive.

At first, this thought just bounces through my mind, and I feel impressed too.

Then it hits me. Like a cold slap in the face. How many people died? How many injured? I have done it again. The one thing I swore I would never do again. In some emotionally overloaded state, with all rational thought gone, I had temporarily lost my mind, and I had done it again.

Invisible hands grip my neck, squeezing the hair from my lungs. Sweat breaks out all over my cold skin. Terror rips through my chest and shreds what little is left of my heart.

"I'm a monster. Someone needs to kill me." Without conscious thought, these words quietly escape my lips -barely audible.

A thought keeps repeating in my mind. Over and over. I am a monster. Dear mother of the stars, no one should be able to wield that kind of power. What am I? It doesn't matter. I need to be locked down, sedated or killed. I am a risk to everyone around me.

Not sure how long I have been sitting here chanting what a monster I am. Feels like seconds. Or maybe hours. I can't stop Ufrik's memory of the exploding station from replaying in my mind. I feel numb. I hate myself. I hate myself more than I have ever hated anyone. Or anything. I am death.

A substantial amount of time must have passed. Because when I finally come back to myself enough to ask the one question I have to have the answer to, the doctor isn't the one who answers me.

"How many are dead?"

"Three hundred and sixty-eight found dead. Two thousand three hundred forty-five critically injured and twelve thousand five hundred and twenty-one with minor injuries. Considering the size of the population that was on the station, those are good numbers for what happened."

Britt! When had he arrived! How?

I finally open my eyes and let go of the vision I have been punishing myself with. My head shoots up as I peel my tear-stained face from my hands to search for him. 

I don't have to search. He is right there. Sitting on the edge of my bed, an arm wrapped around my shoulders, holding me. How had I not noticed him?

An overwhelming sense of warmth and relief sweeps through me. The release of the anger and disgust that I had let consume me leaves me drained and weary. I feel a true sob escape my mouth then. The sound of my anguish escaping my throat.

"Aww, Zea. I am sorry, Sikri. Nothing I say can change what's done. But I am here now. I won't leave you ever again." He grips me tightly, holding me while I let it all go.

I hadn't realized how much I had missed him. Needed him. He feels like home.

"Thank you.", is all I manage to sob out. I will ask him how he got here later. The how isn't nearly as important as the fact that he is here.

Just when I think I can't handle it anymore, my grief consuming my soul, I feel something. Unexpected, but not unwelcome. Britt sends me a wave of emotions. Relief, regret, sorrow and joy. He feels the same sense of warmth and comfort as I do right now. Not sure what it is we have, but it is some sort of bond, connection, and we both need it. How had he done that?

The last thing that registers before sleep comes for me is the sound of Britt's deep breathing and steady heartbeat. He had fallen asleep while he let me cry. Just happy to hold me.

I have so many questions. However, the calming rhythm of the familiar sound of Britt's heartbeat pulls me into a deep sleep.