He is willing to let what will be, be. It goes against every instinct in me. I always want to fight. Fuck fate, or destiny, or whatever the hell you want to call it, I will make my own future thanks.

Nevertheless, I feel the peace that emanates from the Gnarr. He is not afraid. He accepts that someone is going to die today, and he has decided it's him.

Accepting fate, I suppose, yet choosing how it plays out? I know there is a lesson here, maybe I will figure it out later.

The beast cackles loudly, sounding more like a snarling screech than laughter. The Gnarr looks at us, silently saying with his eyes what he didn't dare voice. Run!

I look to Ufrik, unsure what to do. He just shakes his head no, barely moving, but his message is clear. We wait. Suddenly, a horrific scream pierces the air. My breath hitches in my throat as I look at the sound.

The sudden awareness I had gained just a heartbeat before through my Eye, vanishes. Terror and utter disbelief grips me so tight, I am sure I will never breathe again. My eyes stare unblinking, at the gruesome scene before me. I want to look away but I can not. I can only watch.

"Focus on your K'ai Zea. This isn't real, remember that. The Gnarr is fine. You only get hurt, really hurt, if you fight what is meant to be."

I can't look at Ufrik. But I do reach for my K'ai. It is an instinctual act, without conscious thought. I need protection and comfort. I need my K'ai.

The Gnarr lets out another blood-curdling scream full of soul wrenching pain. It quickly turns to a quiet gurgle, then eery silence.

Just when I think I can't take it anymore, the Jakal preparing to eat the Gnarr, the awful ringing starts again. The white light blinds my vision, and I feel relief. This world is finally over.

I am already firmly focused on my K'ai, even though I don't know how, and it takes me away from the ringing but not the light.

This time I watch the new world form around me, never losing consciousness.

It is rather magical really. Watching a world form from nothingness. Trees form from particles of light as they slowly solidify and take on colour. Mist swirls around the bottom of the trees as ferns slowly unfurl and sounds of wildlife start to trickle into my ears. Rays of sunlight hit the side of my face, prompting me to turn and lift my face to the sky. Stars, that feels glorious.

However, when my eyes close to enjoy the warm rays, I don't see the darkness behind my eyelids. Instead, the image of the Jakal grabbing the oversized Gnarr, piercing him right through his stomach with his large clawed thumb, prompting the first scream, haunts me.

The Jakal then lifted the Gnarr upwards off the ground, blood running down from his stomach to the Jakal's hand, then its arm, to drip off its elbow. The Jakal's tongue flicked out, licking the stream of blood running down its forearm. A strange hiss escaping its mouth at the taste. It had been ecstasy for it.

Suddenly its eyes had narrowed, teeth clenching and a huge puff of steam escaped its flaring nostrils as it quickly reached up with the other clawed hand.

Grabbing the Gnarr with both sets of claws, it tightened its grip until almost all his claws pierced through the Gnarr's torso.

The poor Gnarr screamed in agony. The sound so soul-piercing, I had felt a part of my heart break with him in that moment.

Thinking of it now I feel a cool tear roll down my sun warmed cheek. Didn't know crying in a virtual world could feel so real. Wonder if my body is crying for real?

The memory won't leave. It has to finish playing in my mind like a video without a pause or stop option.

In a great show of fierce brutal strength, the Jakal slowly tore the Gnarr in two then.

I had watched in pure disbelief as tissue ripped apart, muscles tearing, left to hang loosely between the two halves and the sound of snapping bones making my stomach lurch. Blood had poured everywhere as the two halves of the Gnarr came slowly apart.

Funny the things you notice at a time line that.

The Gnarr's head went with his left side, and with a final snap, pop and tearing of tendons, he was fully rent in two. The Jakal licked the blood gushing from the headless half, preparing to feast.

That's when the ringing had thankfully started, bringing the blinding light. I couldn't be more thankful.

I don't consider myself a week stomached person, but much more of that, and I may have been sick. So much for the Jakal eating their victims alive. Granted that may have been more horrifying.

"Zea..." Ufrik speaks in my mind hesitantly. Aware I am upset.

I sense him behind me. Turning around I am met with the sight of a black as night Feyronian. How did he do that? How can he change the way he looks in here?

Doesn't matter. His gold eyes give him away. They are more striking than ever with his black skin.

I have no words, so I just stare at him. This may not be real, but that sure as fuck had felt real. I have seen some messed up shit in my day, but that... Well that, definitely takes the cake.

I wonder when I will be able to close my eyes without it haunting me.

"I know. Sorry. That part I can't help you with. You have to figure it out. But maybe once you see him here, in this world, it will be easier to see it was all fake."

Sounds good. I am finally starting to understand the term mindfucked. I won't be leaving here the same. I need to accept that.

Turning away from Ufrik I take in my surroundings. We are deep in a forest on some sort of Heavy-G planet. A Gnarr planet. Makes sense, this is his world now. He won. He won by giving up, just like Ufrik had said. Bloody stars.

A sudden and violent urge to kill something flushes through me. This is fucked up. No one should have this sort of fate forced on them. Ever!

I feel my energy collecting, my hair starts flailing wildly around my head whipping my ears, my eyes feel burning hot.

I am extremely pissed off! I barely see straight. Energy is coursing through my veins so hot, I think I might burst into flames.

Clenching my fists tight, neck muscles flexing and teeth grinding, my energy takes me high into the air, and I look around for a target. Something needs to pay for the injustice!

It's a deep-seated need to seek rightful vengeance for an innocent life brutally taken. Blood for blood. Life for a life. I have no idea where this anger come from. Yet it's all consuming and I can't fight it.

I hear a sharp intake of breath to my right. I turn my floating body to the sound, ready.

And there he is. The Gnarr. Perfectly fine.

I realize I am not breathing as I can't even gasp with my surprise at seeing him.

The Gnarr obviously has no memory of who I am as he stares horror-struck at me, slowly reaching down to pick up a large rock about the size of my head. Presumably to throw at my head, if I advanced on him.

"Easy my man. She is just scared and upset. She won't hurt you, or me. I swear."

The Gnarr looks at the oddly calm Ufrik. His eyes show his doubt. Ufrik seems unmoved at my show of power. That or he's trying really hard to show the Gnarr it's all ok. But is it?

Ufrik had said, none of this is real. Nothing to fear. Looking back at the Gnarr I see the truth in his words. It takes a long time for me to accept it though. I finally choose to accept all is ok. The Gnarr is ok.

Suddenly the energy leaves me in one huge wave. It ripples outwards causing the leaves on the trees to rustle, the small plants to blow over and a puff of dirt and debris to blow out in a circle around me.

Ufrik and the Gnarr cover their eyes from the dirt, as I slowly lower down, letting my bare feet meet the cold hard ground.

"It gets easier. I promise."

Looking to Ufrik I see the sincerity in his eyes. He understands. How many times has he played this game?

Rubbing my face with both my hands, I lean back as far as I can arms wide. Then I scream out my frustration as loud as I can to the "pretend" sunny sky, "FUUUUUUUCK!".

Turning to the other two, staring at me like I have just grown a second head, I just shrug.

"What? Never needed to scream before?"

"Feel better little glow bug?" The Gnarr seems nervous about me still. Don't blame him. At least he isn't staring at me like I am a goddess this time.

"Yup. Now, what do we do boys?"

Just then I hear the unmistakably fast rhythm of Dukri feet sailing over the earth. The whirring sound of the wind rushing through the trees, followed in her wake, announced her arrival before I see her.

She comes to an abrupt stop when she sees the huge Gnarr. Giving him a cautious assessment, she turns to Ufrik and me. She barely gives Ufrik a second glance, but similar to before she looks at me with obvious distaste. It borders on hateful.

Looking at her I finally get it. This crazy female is being hostile for the stupidest and most basic reason. She sees me as competition for the male's attention.

Mother of stars grant me patience. I roll my eyes involuntarily. Seriously of all the stupid things. Ok maybe it's a little funny.

I can not stop the snicker. I turn my head though to be discrete. She is young. She will learn. Well, I hope for her sake. Ufrik raises an eyebrow at my show of amusement. I just shake my head. The smirk won't leave my face though.

"So, any of you wanna tell me where the nearest town is?" the Dukri hops from foot to foot with her ever-present nervous energy.

And so it begins.

The Dukri is trying to covertly get information without admitting she has no clue where she is. My smirk grows.

Well, as they say, let the game begin. Not sure my sanity will survive, but only one way to find out.

***

Many worlds later and many wins for Ufrik later, I am done. The shit these people have in their subconscious is mega messed up.

I have seen the Gnarr kill and be killed several times now. Ufrik seems to have things down to an art. I get the impression he is showing off a little. In the last world, he won by actually killing all of us. Some nonsense about saving the Universe and the only way to do it meant we all had to die.

One of his deepest fears apparently is to have to kill everyone else so he can live and save the Universe. Not sure if I am more disgusted with the ego behind that fear or being killed.

Feeling yourself die, and being able to remember that feeling, is enough to give you serious mental issues for life. As I said, I am so done with this shit.

This is another one of his worlds again. It is different than all the rest mind you. There is nothing. Hard rock ground, red as the sky, and dustier than t unused apartment on Feyronia.

Flat, hard, dusty red land, is all there is, for as far as the eye can see. I can't see the others. There is no one.

I don't get it. Normally we are in relative proximity to each other. With there being nothing else to see, anywhere, it should be easy to spot them. I strain my ears but hear nothing. Not even a breeze.

I don't bother to move. There is no point. I stop looking for the others too. Eventually, someone will win and we will move on.

Hopefully, we will be done with this awful mind game sooner than later.

A storm is brewing to the south. Wait is that the south? Whatever. It's moving quickly towards me. Screw it.

It's not real anyway. I have already survived death. This can't be any worse. I lift my arms, spread my legs wide, tilt my chin up and wait for the dust to tear at my skin. It is going to be what it will be anyways.

When the ringing starts after the storm closes in around me, making my skin sting madly, and the blinding light hits me I realise my mistake. Bloody stars! I have won.

As the new world takes form, my world, I know I won't be winning this one.

When all the particles have finally settled I stand staring at my childhood home, a mixture of dread and terror gripping me. I have no idea how long I stay here standing, staring. Time seems completely stop.

Until I see her, that is.

My mother walks out and smiles at me, wiping her hand on her apron. For the first time since this damn game has started, I wish I had forgotten everything.

I am not going to be able to fake this. The gig is up, as they say.

I feel a lonely tear streak down my face. The figment that is my mother cocks her head, looking questioningly at me.

How is this going to play out? Will she recognize me? Will the Zu'Lar come now?

My heart races, a lump forms in my throat making speech impossible. I don't know what to say anyway, so it's for the best.

The Gnarr suddenly comes lumbering out of the tree line to the west. Once again surprising me how quiet someone his size could be.

"Run! Hide!" He is running towards us.

I am not sure why. Does he plan to protect us or does he need somewhere to hide?

A horrible sinking feeling settles in my gut. My mouth is dry as I see my mother's face contort in fear. She looks to the horizon behind him and whispers the one word I am not sure I can handle.

"Zu'Lar." She turns on slippered foot, running back into the house.

What am I suppose to do?

A panic I have never felt before, runs cold in my veins, freezing me to my spot. This can not be happening. I can not do this. Not again!

I shouldn't have won the last game.

I hear my mother calling my name. Is there a fake version of my kid self around the corner? Standing in the garden as I had on that horrible day?

Before I can decide what to do the giant Gnarr male barrels by me, grabbing my arm.

"Are you deaf glow worm? I said RUN!"

He gives me no choice, dragging me around the house. I assume he thinks to hide in one of our outbuildings. Little does he know.

He stops so suddenly that I run right into him. My fear seems to keep my feet on the ground somehow even though it feels like I just ran into a brick walk.

Peeking around the massive male in front of me I freeze.

Nooo!

I must have screamed my thoughts out loud. Like being jabbed with a hot poker the Gnarr bursts into action. He charges the first Zu'Lar who has appeared beside my pretend kid self and Ariatha.

My father goes after the second one. Both lose their heads before I even have time to blink. Burnt flesh and smoke is all I can smell.

I see my younger self lose herself to her K'ai. I see the rage take over. Just as the Zu'Lar goes to reach for Ariatha, I know what is going to happen.

She will lose control, absorb too much energy and accidentally reach for the black crackling ball that most benders never see.

"NO!" I scream so loud I even get the damned Zu'Lar's attention.

This is not happening again.

Energy gathers around me. I feel myself start to lift upwards. My skin tingles, my hair comes to life and my eyes turn to fire.

I call on my K'ai and for once we join with a common goal in mind, united as one. This is the moment that ruined my entire life. It will not happen again.

My K'ai shows me energy streams I hadn't been able to see before.

I drink from them like they are sweet honey milk. Just when I start to feel I can not absorb any more power, something new inside me explodes, expands, letting me absorb even more. This happens several times.

Holy stars this feels glorious.

It feels like I could suck every last drop of energy out of everything around me.

I can hear hysterical laughter somewhere. When I realize it's me, I cackle even louder. Why have I never done this before? It feels so good.

I tingle and vibrate with energy, from the tips of my toes to the ends of my hair. I stretch my arms out wide letting myself float upwards.

The wind whirls around me with such force I see shingles lift of the dome house roof. I have never felt so powerful or in control before in my life.

The images of the Zu'Lar and my younger self flicker before me. They stare blankly in my direction, bits and pieces of them appearing and disappearing.

Something isn't right.

I can smell burnt polymer somewhere. That is odd. The scenery flickers even more around me. But I can't stop.

I will soak up every last drop of power at my disposal and kill my former self before she can destroy the people I love most.

I hear myself laugh again. This is too easy. Has it always been this easy? Have I just been to chicken shit to try? What a waste.

Something catches my eye to my right. Ufrik. He looks upset, even worried. But why? I got this. She will die and my family will be safe.

His lips are moving but the roar of the energy coursing through me makes it impossible to hear. Then his image flickers like the others.

No! He has my answers.

I don't want to kill him. That is wrong. Only she needs to die.

I reach out to make a mental connection with him. As soon as we connect his form drops like a dead weight. On his knees, he grips his head like its about to explode.

"Aaarrghhh. Toooo much Zzeaa! STOP! you're killing... Aaaaaaggh!"

I break the connection instantly. No. He can't die. He promised me answers.

I don't know what to do. Yet she still needs to die. If I let loose all my collected power on her then I can help Ufrik.

My K'ai seems to agree. It is time to let lose the excess energy I have collected. An image of me holding a dense ball of crackling energy flashes in my mind's eye. I know what to do now.

Focusing on the flickering image that is me at the tender age of eleven, I form a massive ball of energy between my hands. Pouring all my excess energy into it, as tightly as I can.

When it hits her, she will blow into a million pieces, maybe more. Stars, she may dissolve into nothing for all I know.

It's for the best. The Zu'Lar are close enough to her they will die too. Absentmindedly I notice I can not see Ariatha, or my mother, anywhere. Hopefully, they have gotten away.

My image, her image, starts to flicker again. No. It ends now. She dies now.

I push my hands out towards her, palms first, using what energy reserves I have left to throw the heavy ball of crackling energy at her. Somewhere far away I hear Ufrik, "Oh shit. What have you done Zea? Fuck. Fuck. Fuck!"

What have I done? With all the energy now out of my body, I am suddenly struck by the severity of what is happening.

There's no time to think about it. The ball of energy hits an invisible wall of some kind. With a deafening thunder and crack, it explodes.

Then it's black.