“People Watching” is the second single off of Conan Gray’s sophomore studio album, Superache. The song is an emotional, up-tempo ballad about wanting the love that you see in the relationships around you, but only ever amounting to looking in from the outside. [Source: Genius Lyrics]

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FFAEK: The chorus is Emily's motto in life.

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Chapter Nine: People Watching

It was Monday; time for the chemistry quiz I'd studied with Nathan. I was fidgeting in my seat when Nathan came by. We didn't greet each other.

Wong distributed the test papers, and I sent a prayer to the heavens. I would like to do better than I did last time. All that studying had to amount to something.

30 minutes later, I handed Wong the paper back with a relieved sigh. The test went better than I expected. I glanced at Nathan. He raised his eyebrow, acknowledging me.

As Wong sorted through the papers, I got my phone out. My notifications were blowing up for some reason. Our girls’ group chat had 79 unread messages. Along with 30 from Leanna and even 10 from TJ. What had I done?

I unlocked my phone and looked at the group chat. I couldn't make sense of what they were saying, so I opened the text from Leanna and scrolled up to the first unread text.

Leanna: OKAY, THIS IS BAD

Leanna: They think you are dating Simon

Leanna: DO NOT check the comments on the Debating Club Facebook Page

Leanna: Do they think I'm miserable how dare they

Leanna: They are totally overdoing it

Leanna: DONT WORRY, Malti and I will take them down bb

I stopped reading and did exactly what she had told me not to do. I opened the debating club Facebook page. It was about yesterday’s matches from the Interstate Debating Championship. They had bragged about the senior team (obviously), the sophomore team, and Simon individually.

Nobody used Facebook these days. Why would they do this? I wondered.

There were 30 photos. I knew some of them were Leanna's contributions. As I scrolled, I found the one with the most reactions and comments.

It was a photo of our team, of the three of us, Simon, Leanna, and me.

In the photo, I was leaning towards Simon, totally invading his personal space. Simon was reclining and looking at my hair with a smirk (I had no idea why). Leanna was sitting far away from us, rolling her eyes. It looked like Simon and I were a couple, and Leanna was the third wheel.

I wasn't even aware when this photo was taken. I was about to check the comments when my seatmate commented, “Wow. That sure looks cozy.”

I glared at Nathan. He continued, “Are you trying to climb into Wallberg’s lap or something?”

“It's not what it looks like.” The last person I wanted to be associated with was Simon.

“That's what they always say, Kingsley,” Nathan kept looking at the photo. “Wallberg looks ecstatic.”

“He isn’t even looking at me. I’m pretty sure he is looking at a senior girl.” The more I looked at the photo, the more I regretted sitting beside him.

“Jealous, are we?” Nathan said with a raised eyebrow.

“No, definitely not jealous, more like angry,” I said.

“And why, exactly?” Nathan sat up straighter. I hadn't even realized he was leaning close to me. (See? It was normal, people got into each other's personal spaces all the time)

“Simon might be the romantic hero you are looking for.”

I scoffed, “I'd rather die than be with him.”

“That's some strong feelings,” Nathan commented, facing forwards, shoving his hands in his pockets.

I shrugged.

“Won’t McArther see it?” Nathan said his name with visible disgust. “Is that why you're so worried?”

“Yep, that's why I'm worried,” I added, “Lest he might think I actually like Simon.”

As soon as the class ended, I dialed Simon’s number, “You have to fix it. I don't know how. I can’t let people go thinking that I’m dating you.”

Nathan was amused at this interaction.

“Ouch, Emily. You are hurting my feelings. Why is dating me so horrible?” Simon said from the other end, “According to people at school, I’m dating someone new every week. It's only natural, it'd be you someday.”

He had no responsibility to fix it. But he could do it. I knew that. People didn't know me, and they wouldn't believe me. On the other hand, Simon was popular and well-liked.

“No! I don't care, you go and kiss some girl or something, I don't care, just make it go away,” I told him.

Simon thought for a moment, “Are you sure, Emily?”

I nodded vigorously and saw Nathan smiling bemusedly. I said into the phone, “Yes, do whatever you have to.”

“On it, Ma'am,” Simon hung up.

I sighed in relief. I trusted him a little.

I went back to the station. I was pacing around the classroom, talking. Nathan was in his seat.

“What are you still doing here?” I asked him, arranging my backpack.

“Free drama?” He said, cocking his head to one side. He had a nice neck, or whatever.

We left the room side by side. Nathan said,“Are we doing chemistry today?”

“Every Friday would do. We can review the whole week's worth of studying that way,” I replied.

He thought it over, “But we haven't discussed something important.”

“What is it?”

I texted Leanna that I was out of class.

“What am I exactly getting out of letting you study with me?” Nathan said, turning towards me as we reached the entrance.

“Oh, please. You are helping a friend. It's not like you are doing that much. You don't even give me your notes.” I complained.

Nathan had excellent notes. His handwriting was ten times neater and more beautiful than mine. But he made it clear that he wouldn't share.

“You can make notes yourself,” he said, pulling his backpack straps, “And if I'm not helping you, then maybe you should stop coming over, Kingsley.”

He smiled at me, which was not a kind smile. It was a “get out of my sight while I am still being polite” smile.

“Fine!” I raised my palm, “I’ll compensate for it.”

Nathan’s eyes twinkled, “How exactly?”

He said with a devious grin, his full lips stretching.

“I umm,” I cleared my throat, “I’ll take you out to eat with me?”

“You’ll pay me with food?” He asked, “Not a bad idea, Kingsley.”

I knew nobody could turn down that offer, “Yup, but there’s a condition.”

“What condition?” Nathan asked impatiently, tapping his foot.

“Only, and if only, I ace my tests.”

He laughed, “If you’re dumb, how’s that my fault?”

This jerk.

“Gosh, I hate you.” I turned away from him.

“Always lying,” Nathan tsked, “I sometimes wonder if you were Pinocchio, just how many inches would your nose be right now?”

I wanted to say something very inappropriate. I blamed the books I read.

“Do you agree or not?” I looked around the hallway for signs of Leanna.

“For better or worse, yes.”

I looked back at him. He was going through his phone. He glanced at me, then looked back at his phone and started cackling.

I was utterly confused, “What?”

I took a few steps towards him, trying to peek at his phone. He turned it around. It was a Facebook comment section, precisely the comment section of that photo of Simon and me.

Simon Wallberg: Don’t worry girls. I had dumped her *heart emoji*

Son of a fuckin bitch.

Nathan made a show of leaning into the wall while holding his stomach because he couldn’t contain his laugh.

He even wiped his eyes, “This is so good.”

“No, it's not,” I jumped at him, “Stop laughing!”

He shook me off, “This is awesome.”

I punched his chest. My wrist bounced back, and I stared at his pecs, forgetting the humiliation I was facing.

Nathan looked down at me, “What are you doing?”

I stepped back with my cheeks red, my heart beating fast, and cleared my throat, “I’ll have to teach Simon a lesson.”

Nathan raised an eyebrow, “Sure.”

I heard Leanna calling my name. I looked at Nathan, who without saying goodbye of any sorts turned around and climbed down the front stairs, leaving me by myself.

I turned away from him as Leanna crashed into me.

“Girl! Finally, you had a dating rumor about you. It was about time.”

Some friends I had.

*****
I was rolling around in my bed when I had the thought that I should check those Facebook comments. There were more than a hundred of them. I knew it was a bad idea to check comments from girls who wanted Simon to be theirs (What a bad choice. It really said a lot about their personality.)

I opened them and scrolled.

Eww whos that beside Simon

Are they dating

Cant believe Simon went for a brunette

I don't like her

It was getting weirder the more I scrolled.

Looking at her sitting beside simon is giving me hope

Seriously, Simon? Seriously, When I am right here

Damn bro SCORE lol

That was a step down from Mel thats for sure

Mel was the girl Simon had hung out with the previous week. She was popular, blonde (Why are they always blonde?) and kind of mean.

I turned off the screen and threw my phone across the bed. It was funny how Simon's comment had more reactions than the photo itself.

I should have listened to Leanna.

I wasn't always so proud of how I looked. Some days, I even avoided looking in a mirror altogether. It was hard to think of myself as a main character of any stories with a face and height like that. In my head, whoever would love me would have to forget about how I looked and totally fall for something else, like my brain or something.

I couldn't really figure out what he would fall for. I had nothing that a guy could fall for.

I didn't want to compare myself to other girls. Other girls were pretty, accomplished, amazing at whatever they did, social, and admirable. Some other girls were also like me, couldn't fit into society's beauty standards, not sociable, stunning, awesome, admiring enough. Always struggling.

I admired all of them, though. I admired Leanna for who she was; pretty, confident, almost like the sun blessing us with her light.

But I was only human. And my heart wasn't so pure all the time. I wasn't an angel. On some days, when my self-pity stacked up like mountains, I didn't even want to see her face. It reminded me how unpretty I was.

Who ingrained these thoughts in me? Since when did I feel so ugly, so obliged to follow some rules of society, to have the perfect oval symmetrical face with a perfect jawline, a cute nose, and full lips? I understood all of it. The reasons. And yet, I fell for it anyway.

Maybe this was what it meant to be a girl; chasing a dream you could never fulfill, always having an empty spot in your heart that would never close up.

I tried to stop the chain of thoughts before it got out of control. I guessed it was time for me to hide behind a book that would make me forget about my reality. So I did exactly that.

Three days passed after that weird rumor about me. I was at lunch with my girls. The lunch wasn't going down well because Wong would hand back the test results today. I was kind of hoping to see some results of my hard work.

“That whole shit with Simon was shitty,” Malti said as she leaned back in her seat, “People could be mean.”

Malti and Leanna had actually replied to some of the comments. They had gone so far as calling off people’s moms.

Azra said, “And all for Simon, seriously.”

“I remember Azra saying Simon looked hot,” Uyen said from the side, and we laughed.

“Come on, you can't deny he looks hot, but he was such a jerk to comment that,” Azra said on my behalf.

“But it's all gone now. Simon deserves someone like Mel, not our sweet, sweet Emily,” Erika said.

Uyen awed beside me. I rolled my eyes. Leanna laughed, “I kind of enjoyed it all, not gonna lie. Fighting Tiana online on how bad her hair looked really made my day.”

I smacked Leanna on the arm as we joked. I looked around in the cafeteria, and my eyes found Nathan Callahan; sitting at a corner, looking at his phone, and eating lunch by himself.

“Who's that?” said Uyen, which made everyone turn towards him, “Is that Nathan Callahan?”

Shit.

“Oh yeah,” Malti said giving him a proper look, and I knew where it was heading, “That is definitely Callahan.”

“Hey, isn't he like your seatmate?” Erika asked. I’d totally forgotten Erika shared chemistry with me. But thankfully, she sat a few stations in front of me. So she hadn't seen me talking to him, hopefully.

“He is kinda hot, isn't he?” Azra said, looking him up and down. Uyen nodded, “Yup, definitely.”

Leanna was eyeing him too, and I could already see the cogs in her brain turning.

“Didn’t you and Callahan get detention the other week from Wong?” Erika commented, and all my friends turned towards her and then back to me. Leanna sat up straighter, “What?”

“Ah, well,” I said, “You guys know Wong.”

“Did you miss the debating club meeting last week because of that?” Leanna said.

“It wasn't really my fault,” I realized it was the wrong thing to say because Azra shook her head.

Uyen joined her, “Yeah, we can tell. He’s got some bad reputation.”

Leanna was looking at me, “And he'd been your seatmate, what, the whole year? You should have requested Wong to change it!”

I wanted to defend him, really badly. I wanted to tell them that Nathan helped me, that I'd been to his house, met his mom, friends, and his cute little brother and sister. I wanted them to know he baked cakes for their birthday.

When I looked at Nathan, this time around, he looked up, and his eyes met mine. He raised an eyebrow characteristically, then went back to his phone. The whole interaction lasted less than a second, but it reminded me how Nathan wasn't bothered by these lies and rumors, and he wanted to keep it that way. If I told the girls everything I knew about him, other people would know, and his reputation would definitely change. Maybe he wouldn't like that.

He wanted peace, after all.

“He doesn't bother me that much, and you guys know Wong. He would never change seats, so I stuck out,” I shrugged, “Besides, junior year is almost over. What's one more month?”

Leanna was narrowing her eyes at me. “Whatever you say, Emily.”

*****
A/N: I'm so excited for you to read the next few chapters. Gonna update soon.

So I'm reading Icebreaker and...

All I can say is choose your Nathan wisely.

Jokes aside, all I know about icebreaker is, it has 'the Uber scene'.