26. Five Feet Apart
Five Feet Apart is a 2019 American romantic drama film, which was inspired by Claire Wineland, who suffered from cystic fibrosis. Haley Lu Richardson and Cole Sprouse play two young patients with cystic fibrosis who try to have a relationship despite being forced to stay six feet apart from each other. [Source: Wikipedia]
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Fun fact: Nathan Callahan slept a total of three hours, that night of the party. It was definitely not because Emily Kingsley sleeping, practically, on top of him.
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Chapter Twenty Six: Five Feet Apart
“Nothing,” I waved him off, “Just a stupid one.”
Nathan raised an eyebrow, “Oh really? I don't think so. Out with it.”
“Okay, so, umm,” I started, “Your parents are, like, what, childhood sweethearts? Always been in love?”
Nathan rolled his eyes, “Yes, and always showing it off too. Kissing at the breakfast table. Yikes.”
I nodded, “But it's nice, though. Having someone like that, all through their lives.”
Nathan lifted one shoulder and shrugged.
“And then your brother got married?”
Nathan blinked slowly, “Yes?”
“So, another great love story? A successful one, I hope?”
“Yeah, they are also disturbingly sweet,” Nathan made a face, “Always makes me want to throw up.”
I couldn't stop myself from laughing.
“What about Georgie?” I said, “I don't know much about her dating history.”
Nathan narrowed his eyes, “Where are you going with this?”
“Trust me. What about Georgie?”
“She started dating this guy in college, I think?” He said, “I don't really know much. It's not like I discuss my love life with my sister.”
“You never even had one?” I said.
“I mean, I'm only 17?” Nathan said, “Why'd I?”
“And you’ve literally turned down anyone who asked you out?”
“I don't like them.”
“And you'd rather break hearts?” I said because I was not nice all the time.
He glared at me, “Never bring that up again. Now spill the theory, Ms. Psychologist.”
I took a deep breath as I said, “You are scared.”
“Enlightening discovery,” Nathan deadpanned,
“You see your parents all the time being in love, your brother and his wife, your sister too. Everyone with their happy endings, ” I said, “But you think you won't find it. So you don't even give yourself permission to feel. To start anything. Deep down maybe you think you don't deserve to be in love.”
I continued, “Like that movie quote, ‘we only accept the love we think we deserve.’”
Nathan let out a slow exhalation. His cheeks slowly turned pink, and he gritted, “You are kidding me, right?”
“Well, you see-”
“You think, you know some things about my family, and now you've figured me all out?”
He was angry. I must be messed up, because I found it adorable.
“You know,” I said, “Your reaction is proving my exact point.”
Nathan growled. I squealed as he lunged at me from his sitting position. Giggles burst out of me when I struggled as he tried to pin me underneath him.
I tried to fight him off, but Nathan grabbed both of my wrists and pinned them overhead.
“You are impossible.” He gritted through his teeth.
“I think you meant, you are impossible,” I laughed as he fumed at me. He brought one of his hands down, leaving the other to still hold my wrists, and jabbed my sides, the same tickle spot he had attacked in the Algebra class.
“Ow,” I tried to squirm away from him but he held put. I managed to loosen on of my wrists.
“You deserve worse, ” He glowered.
“If my mom walks in, you'll be six feet under,” I replied, as I looked up at him.
“You are a witch.” Nathan countered.
“Why?” I said, “Because I'm so magical?”
“A whimsical, wondrous witch who says whatever is on her mind.”
“So, you are agreeing with my theory?” I said, blinking up at him through my lashes.
I was on my back, on my bed, with one of my hands pinned overhead by Nathan Callahan as he breathed through his anger, with his cheeks red, hovering over me.
“I will agree to no such things.”
“Because,” I said as I touched his cheek with my free hand, following the rush of blood with my index, “you know it's true.”
“You think,” Nathan leaned down, and down until I felt his breath on my cheek as he whispered in my ear, “you are so smart.”
“I never said I wasn't,” I smirked.
Something sharp made contact with the skin of my earlobe. I gasped as I realized Nathan was biting down on me, his teeth sinking into my flesh.
“Always acting so oblivious,” He whispered before letting go, moving away, his breath trailing on my skin.
Then I felt a soft brush of his lips beneath my jaw. It was a wonder how I stopped myself from arching my back.
“Always driving me crazy,” He murmured into my neck, his eyes concentrated on my skin.
His hand left my wrist. He moved it towards my stomach. Then he slowly raised himself from his position, leaning on his elbow, while his other hand bunched the fabric of my top, fisting it as I watched, breathless, thoughtless and motionless.
“So much skin,” he muttered almost to himself.
I forgot what words meant. All I could feel was heat, breath, and heartbeats.
Nathan stared me down with a sharp gaze, all his attention cataloging my every reaction.
“What?” He accused, “It's nothing we haven't done before.”
I stared at him.
“We slept together, Em.”
I swallowed as the memory of that night after the party came back to me, of me sleeping in his bed.
“Yeah, I mean, we just…” I reminded him,“slept.”
He was looking at me that it was my fault nothing else happened.
“I woke up later that night and found you lying on the far side of the bed,” He said like he had forgotten I was there, “I went away, got fresh, and came back only to find you right in the middle of my bed.”
I closed my eyes in embarrassment. I felt him untangle his hand from my top.
“I lied down on whatever space was left. I lied there staring at the ceiling, barely breathing when you reached for me,” Nathan said, threateningly, “although, saying you threw yourself at me would be more accurate.”
“I'm sorry,” I said.
“Your arms, your legs,” He catalogued, “Your thighs. All over me.”
See? I had no idea that had happened.
“It wasnt intentional.” I replied. “I move around a lot when I sleep.”
“Huh,” Nathan replied, “that's no excuse for the torture you put me through.”
I finally opened my eyes and watched him looking at my stomach.
He smoothed down the fabric of my top, then looked back at me. I could feel the heat of his skin over the fabric, on my skin.
“It's only fair,” He said, “if I put you through the same.”
“I don't know what's that–” I stopped as I felt him move his arm.
While we stared at each other, he slowly trailed his finger down my sides, down and down. His index made their way, over the fabric, from my stomach, to my hips, to the side of my upper thigh. He stared at me unblinking, challenging me to stop him.
I wasn't going to.
I never knew you could feel so much from a phantom touch over your clothes, but I stood corrected. Or rather lied there, underneath Nathan Callahan as he touched me, but didn't.
I swallowed. He kept staring. Then he reached the seam of the shorts where the clothes ended.
I wanted to squeeze my thighs together, to make sounds I had never made before. But I was set on winning, even though I wasn't quite sure what game we were playing and what the rules were.
His finger rounded the seam of the fabric around my thigh, as he spoke, “Do you know how hard it is not to touch?”
“I-”
“I bet,” Nathan swallowed, his hand tracing the inner corner of my thigh over my shorts, never my skin, “I bet you have no idea.”
“Nathan.”
“What?” He said with that same determination. He was winning this game.
I wanted nothing but to surrender.
“Touch me, then,” I whispered.
I watched him as he registered the word, as his lips stretched on one side slowly as they bloomed into a smirk. Nathan removed his hand from me entirely and then said softly, “No.”
“No?” I asked, in surprise as he watched me.
“No,” He nodded, still smiling.
Well, that is one son of a bitch. I had had enough.
I jolted up from my position into sitting and grabbed his collar as he burst into a laugh. “I hate you!”
His eyes crinkled in the corner as he watched my outburst. I grabbed his cheeks, “I'll teach you a lesson.”
“You’re always all bark, no bite,” he said, smiling, as he snagged my waist and pulled me closer.
I clenched my jaw. “What if I actually bite?”
“I might die of shock, Emily.” Nathan said, amused.
“Serves my purpose,” I rose gently, keeping my eyes on him.
He wanted to be shocked. He would get what he wanted. I thought to myself.
He sat up, as I was on both of my knees for leverage. I loomed close to him and wrapped my hands around his throat, my fingers splaying around his jaw. His skin was warm underneath my palm, a little flushed. His Adam's apple bobbed as his eyes bored into mine.
“Kinky,” I muttered.
“You have no idea,” he whispered back, smiling with a hint of mischief. “And what kind of biting requires you to-”
“Shh,” I urged as I traced the outline of his jaw.
I tried to press my fingers on him, but with his face so close, all I could focus on was his lips.
And I remembered how we started talking in the first place, how he had been making fun of me and my dreams ever since. Yet, how he took me out for movies and ice creams. How he planned an entire promposal by himself. How he took care of me when I was sick. Yet, he insisted he was no good.
This boy. This boy.
My ruin. My temple. My mural. My sky.
His lips could be an altar I sacrificed myself for.
“Don’t you get scared?” Nathan said, in his eyes, a silent plea.
I ran my fingertips on his skin, “Yes, I do. I am scared right now, thinking what might happen if I do what I want to do.”
Nathan let out a shaky breath. Both of his arms wrapped around my waist, pulling me closer. I was practically in his lap. I wasn’t going to complain about it.
“What do you want to do?” He asked as his eyes strayed down to my lips and lingered there, for one beat, then two, then more.
I stared at his mouth, that damn bottom lip that had haunted me forever and some more.
“I want to-”
“Emily!”
A voice rang through the house. A voice from downstairs that belonged to my mom. Nathan and I froze as we looked at each other.
“Emily, come downstairs!”
It was her again, I realized as Nathan blinked at me, both of us stuck in time. His arms still around my waist, my hand still around his face and me on his lap.
“I-” I said, removing my hand and not knowing what to do next.
“Yes,” He said but didn't move.
“We need to-” I said moving my hand motioning something I wasn’t quite sure, probably at our positions.
He looked down at my lap, at our laps so did I. “Right,” He said, clearing his throat and looked at me again.
I realized I was forgetting something as Nathan slowly removed his arm, his eyes never leaving my face.
Ah yes, my mother, downstairs. Right.
My mother.
Downstairs.
She could come up anytime and she would see I was sitting on Nathan Callahan’s lap.
I pushed his shoulder as I jumped out of his lap. Suddenly I was standing in the middle of my room, with my hands on my hips, looking at my door. Thankfully it was locked, still.
I turned around, looked at my room, saw Nathan sitting in the middle of my bed.
“Shit,” I muttered.
I grabbed the comforter and threw it over him.
“Oomph-” he let out a sound as I pushed him into a lying position. I covered him hurriedly as I thought that he was tall, too tall, “Stay here and don't move.”
“Are you really-”
“I gotta go!”
I turned and ran, after closing my doors, downstairs.
I stood there in front of my mom as she said she needed a glass of water, lying in the couch, few feet away from the sink and the dining table.
Right. Glass of water.
I breathed through my mouth as I supplied her the glass of water. Then I watched her gulp it down, while thinking of the boy who was lying in my room.
“Mom, why don't you sleep in your room?” I suggested, thinking quickly, “The couch will give you back pain, again.”
Mom frowned and looked at the pile of papers by the coffee table.
“Come on, Mom, it's late,” I said, “Let's go to bed.”
Mom yawned. “I should, huh? I don't think I'll get back to work.”
“Yes. A little break never hurts anybody,” I encouraged her as she slowly sat up and started walking towards her bedroom. I watched as she closed the door.
As soon as it closed, I ran towards my bedroom. I found Nathan Callahan, covered in my comforter.
I tiptoed around him and lifted the cover. Nathan grabbed my wrist and glared, “You suffocated me!”
“Hey,” I replied, “I did what I had to.”
“What if I died?” He said, “From lack of oxygen.”
“Nobody dies from a comforter.” I rolled my eyes.
He stared at me as I chuckled.
“I'd like to keep you,” I said, “ but mom went to her room so this is our chance.”
Nathan sighed, running a hand through his hair as he sat up, “Yeah, I should go.”
I didn't want him to go. I felt he didn't want to go either.
He rubbed his neck. As our eyes met, I cleared my throat.
I could still feel his finger tracing the seam of my shorts.
We left my bedroom and tiptoed our way through the stairs and the living room. When I finally led him out, I leaned against the front door, looking up at him.
He shoved his hands into his pocket.
“So, I guess, goodnight?”
Nathan nodded and started walking towards the gate. I watched him leave. Then he suddenly faced me.
“What is it?” I said, leaning against the door. “Did you forget something?”
“Yes,” He said.
Nathan stepped closer until he was standing right in front of me. I plastered myself to the door, my breath shaking in anticipation.
He placed both of his hands on my waist, warm and big, then lifted me up. My eyes widened, and I tried to stop him before he wrapped himself around me, his face hiding beneath the angle of my jaw, his chin resting on my shoulder, his arms around me.
I breathed out slowly, open-mouthed, as I moved my arms. I wrapped them around his shoulders as my legs automatically wrapped around his hips.
Nathan breathed in deeply, his nose in my skin. I, too, breathed into his hair, smelling the clean scent of his shampoo. I felt warmth seeping through my blood to every single one of my cells.
I tried not to think about how perfectly we fit into each other; how his face fit into the crook of my neck, how his broad shoulders curved to envelop me, or how my legs made enough space to accommodate his hips.
There were so many ‘why’s inside my head. But as I held onto him, I realized maybe all those ‘why’ doesn’t need answers. Maybe it was okay to leave some of them unanswered, unsolved.
Perhaps the answers were right there, in both of our heads, in that embrace, between our beating hearts, and it didn't need to be put into words.
I could hear it in the silence. In his breathing. In the nuzzle of his nose underneath my jaw. As he set me down on my feet. I knew, as he looked down at me, his arms still around my waist, our faces tilted towards each other's.
I opened my mouth and didn’t quite know what I was about to say before his lips brushed over my forehead.
It was a soft touch, there and then gone.
I stared at him. Those same lips of his bloomed into a smile. The stars in the sky burnt a little brighter.
“This one is for that night,” Nathan said in a voice so low only I could hear.
“For wh-which night?” I stumbled to put meaning into words.
He moved, leaning down a little as he lined up his mouth to my cheek. Then he pressed another feather-light touch of his lips on my cheek.
“This one's for after I asked you to prom.”
Nathan leaned back, examining my reaction. I was speechless, with my wild heart, my wide eyes, my dry throat, and my shaky breaths. He untangled himself from me and stepped back a few paces.
I already missed the warmth of his body.
“And now we are even, Emily Kingsley.”
He said with a self-satisfied smile as I stayed glued to my front door.
Nathan Callahan then had the audacity to walk backwards, with that same smile. He reached the front gate, gave me a small wave, and vanished into the night.
I stood there watching him for as long as I could, knowing very well that I would never be the same.
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A/N: you better vote the shit out of this chapter
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