"There's the silence, there's my last chance
I stand up with shaky hands, all eyes on me
Horrified looks from everyone in the room
But I'm only looking at you"
—Taylor Swift

***

Past tense, present tense, future tense. It's one of the most easiest grammar that I learned, because he's the one who taught me how to use this correctly.

Future tense, a grammatical term used for verbs that describe action that will happen in the future.

Present tense, a grammatical term used for verbs that describe action happening right now.

Past tense, a grammatical term used for verbs that describe action that already happened in the past. Of course, the most painful one. The pain that will haunt me forever... I wish I can turn back time... I miss the way he loved me.

"He loves me, he loves me not, he loves me, he loves me not, he loves me!" Napatalon ako when I realized that he loves me. Napatingin ako sa tatlo tangkay ng rosas na walang laman. Sa wakas, sa tatlong beses na try, nanalo rin ako.

Tumingin ako sa paligid at dali-daling itinapon ang mga used roses petals na sinayang ko. I even grinned to myself na sa tatlong pagkakataon na try we became compatible.

I stared at the stem of the lucky roses. Napatalon-talon ako sa tuwa. I moved my face at him. Naka upo siya sa kubo ng school namin. I'm already grade 5 tapos siya grade 6. Sila ang magiging tutor namin ngayon since bagsak ako sa quiz ng English kanina. Gumagawa sila ngayon ng magiging quiz namin.

"Quendall, come here. Ito," Dwayne shouted my name. I smiled. I hated my name not until I heard it through his voice. Agad ako lumapit.

He is my crush when I was five. Sabay kaming nag nursery. But hindi kami same ng age. So mas matanda siya, isang taon ang agwat namin.

Nang nakalapit na ako sa kaniya, I took a deep breath. "Hmm?"

Tumingin siya sa akin at ngumiti. His perfect teeth melts me. Ako na may bungal pa.

"I picked five verbs na ipa-past tense mo," he pointed his ballpen on the paper, showing me the words that he chose.

I stared at the paper. His penmanship looks great, wishing he could flames our name with it.

1. Love
2. Wake
3. Sing
4. Sleep
5. Jump

My eyes winked at number one. Does love have past tense?

I cleared my throat. "I don't think may past tense ang love."

He raised a brow. Tinignan niya nang mabuti ang papel bago tumingin pabalik sa akin.

"Why do you say so?" maarte niyang sabi.

"For me, if we're talking about love, dapat walang past tense, love can't fade, though. Kahit anong mangyari nandiyan pa rin 'yan. It's inside us but hindi lang nag fu-function. They're just buried. So, I don't believe that love had a past tense."

He looked at me weirdly, like I said something that his bristle will stand on end.

Napahawak siya sa noo niya.

"That's why romance movies are for teenagers," he shook his head. He breath deeply. "Alam mo bang may past tense ang love?"

"Prove it," mabilis kong sabi.

He sighed.

"I can't believe I had to do this," he mumbled to the air. He thought that I wouldn't hear it.

"Just follow the English rule. Huwag kang gagawa ng sarili mong words," he tried to sound like a polite man.

"And past tense ng love ay loved, okay?"

My forehead wrinkled. "So, what if I told you that I love you? You think it is right to say in the future na I used to loved him, even though there's a little bit affection on it?"

I heard him cursed a word. Kumunot ang noo niya at napakamot sa ulo.

"Sa tingin ko, sumasakit na ilong ko kaka-english sa 'yo. Find another tutor, para kang pinsan ko."

And that's it! It was my first confession to him. Bata ko pa lang ang landi ko na. And look, five years passed. I still love him? When will I use the word loved? Like, I can love him forever if he want.

"Confirm? May jowa?" Kaidon looked at me, irritatedly. Pumunta pa ako sa bahay nila para mag rant. It's already 5:30 in the morning so kakagising pa lang niya.

Madali lang ako maka pasok sa bahay nila since magkatapat lang ang bahay namin. We are living in a subdivision where only people who make eight digits per month can afford. Little did they know, it's their money. Their taxes that our family used to steal. Or should I say stealing since they kept doing it everyday.

His bedroom is kinda cheep, and it's not what I like. Puro ba naman libro? Piling nerdy, for clout naman, hindi niya rin binabasa. And the color of his wall? The designs? Too much oldish. I like a modern one. Hindi tulad ng kulungan niya, parang hindi nag update.

"Bina-bash mo nanaman kuwarto ko?" he raised his eyebrow.

I laughed modestly. "Ako? Hindi... Why would I?"

Inilibot ang paligid. Natawa ako when I saw his underwear lying on the floor.

"Panty mo, sis." I joked.

He quickly stood up to hide his shit. Sa restroom niya siya nag run. After that, lumabas siya niro-roll ang eyes sa akin.

The hell.

"Too much gulo ang room, ah. Pati brief kung saan-saan," chinarot ko si kuya mo girl.

"Because it's my room? Hindi ka naman welcome rito, ang arte mo," he said in the kindest way. I don't know, soft spoken siya. "Ano na? May jowa ba?"

Matauhan ako. I already forgotten ang sadya ko rito.

"From your first question, yes may jowa siya. But, pake ko?" I smirked. "I'll be his wife in the future, by the way?"

He pulled my hair, I glared at him as a react. His blue eyes are already louring at me so I look at his outfit instead. He was wearing a pair of padjama. And nothing special on it.

"Kakabit ka?" he asked. "Sa lahat ng p'wede mong gawin, that's the thing that you shouldn't do. Just respect their relationship. Babae ka, makakasakit ka ng kapwa mo babae kapag sasabit ka."

I laughed exaggeratedly. "Come on it's a joke! Ako? Magiging slave of love? You wish!"

Umiling-iling siya. "Ikaw? Tatantanan mo si Dwayne?"

Umiling ako. He's right. I think, hindi ko tatantanan si Dwayne. No matter what happen. I will landi him hangga't mahulog siya sa akin.

"Hehe."

"See? What if may jowa na talaga?" he walked through his bed, inayos niya mga gamit niya.

Napaisip ko. If may jowa talaga siya, edi hintayin? I can't wait naman kung gano'n ka pogi ang lalaki, right? Luluhuhuran.

Nang naayos na niya ang higaan niya humarap siya sa akin. "Ano na? What will you do if he have already a girlfriend?"

"Edi ikaw? Free ka ba?" ngumiti ako nang nakakaasar. "You know, if 30 na tayo or something tapos wala pa tayong asawa, we can marry each other!"

Tumingin kami sa isa't isa at sabay tumawa.  I let a loud laugh na full of sarcastic like it will never happen. Of course! Us? Dating? Eww!

"What if, let's make the table turn! Did Fenica accepted your friend request, btw?"

Umiling siya. Tumawa ulit ako.

"Eww! Mahina! Me and Dwayne are friends in Facebook since I was in grade 5!" pagmamayabang ko.

"Okay lang, may bago naman akong crush."

My eyes widened. My lips pursed. I just wanted to laugh but I don't want to look bitch or something so I need to hold it.

"Who's that malas girl na mapupunta sa 'yo?" I queried, intriguedly.

"Secret, hindi mo kilala, taga Santiago, same age natin."

"Secret? But you almost spilled everything about her? Stalker!"

"I'm not," he defended himself. "I just appreciate her beauty, Cadence. Hindi tulad mo, there's nothing special."

"Blah, blah, blah," I mocked him. "Ano name?"

I'm not curious but gusto ko lang marinig ang pangalan. To rate it if she had a elegant name like me.

"Quezhia, Quezhia Kaye."

Tumango-tango ako. Sounds unfamiliar but it's a 10. Unique just like mine. Whoever she is. Malas siya if she ended up with Kaidon. Hindi naliligo.

*****

Today is Monday so may pasok kami. I put a light make up sa face ko since hindi naman prohibited ang make up sa school namin. And there's no wrong with student who wear make up on school. Last time, my blood boiled sa isang dummy na lalaki noon. He said na I do make up to impress male gaze. Kaya In the end, we ended up in the discipline office kasi I slapped his face.

Like super imbicile. Wala talaga akong mapapala sa lalaki homophobic x mysogonist x child of God daw. Kaya me and Kaidon ended up being an agnostic because of this kind of mindset.

Pumikit ako and I quickly wear my uniform. Another day another slay. Pagkababa ko ng hagdan, nakita ko si Dad na nasa table. Looking at my card.

"So, this is your grade?" I heard Dad's voice.

Iyan nanaman ang sakit niya. The perfectionist idiot.

"Yes?" trying to calm myself.

"Bakit may 93? 'Di ba, I told you na dapat 95 ang lowest mo?" his voice began to rise up. Bigla akong nanginig. "Buti pa si Rigde walang ganiyang grade, lahat matataas!"

Yumuko ako.

"Nakakahiya ipagtabi ang card mo sa card niya kapag magkikita kami ng kaibigan ko? Aren't you ashame of being you?!" he slammed my card on the table. "Nakakahiya ka sa kaibigan mo, buti pa siya."

"Edi ampunin mo," I mumbled. Sinigurado ko na he wouldn't hear it.

He was about to bring out all of his fire on his mouth but he stopped when his phone rang. Kitang-kita ko ang pag-changed agad ng facial expression niya.

Plastic.

"Uh, hello, yes. Yes. I was about to go, nakikinig lang ako ng misa, paalis na ako," he ended the call and he looked at me darkly like he was going to say na, 'mamaya ka lang.'

Hypocrite.

I took a deep breath at nagsimula nang maglakad patungo sa pintuan. I stopped when I saw Kaidon. Nakatayo siya while his face looks like a guy who saw a ghost.

Of course, sinong hindi? Even I, kung gano'n ba naman ang maririnig ko sino'ng hindi mapapatulala, right?

"Let's go?" I asked him.

Umiling siya. "I know hindi ka pa kumakain, let's eat. Sabay na tayo."

Ngumiti ako. He know me very well. Alam na alam niyang ayaw kong kasabay kumain ang Daddy ko. Everyone knows that I have a daddy issue. Buhat-buhat ko ba naman ang apelyedong Cortez? Alam ng lahat ng kurakot ang pamilya ko. Lumaki tuloy na walang asawa. Toxic.

*****

"Sis! OMG, you know the balita na ba?" Khryza pulled my hair. Gulat akong napatingin sa kaniya. It's already 9:30 in the morning kaya break time na. Punong-puno ng tao ang cafeteria kaya nandito ako ngayon sa kubo kaharap ang mga kaibigan ko.

"What issue?" I raised a brow.

"Hindi issue, let's just say na... bad news for you!" Lumapit siya sa akin. Tumigin siya mula kaliwa at kanan like she was ensuring na no one can hear it. "Sa Santiago na yata mag-aaral si Dwayne!"

May forehead frowned. "What?"

I quickly pulled Khryza. Dapat alam ko 'yong p'wedeng mangyari para updated me for possible things that could happen.

"Ano pa?" I asked like a desperate woman who was willing  to catch a bullet just for her love one.

"Itutuloy ko but..." she stopped. "Reto mo muna ako kay Kaidon!"

Tumawa ako. Kaidon looked at us in surprise. I laughed even more when he suddenly hugged himself. I know, it was a joke. Lagi namin inaasar si Kaidon kasi his reaction is kinda funny.

"Bakit ako?" he removed his specs, nakakunot ang noo.

Khryza stood up modestly but her facial expression were opposite. She stared at Kaidon seductively.

"Hindi mo ba ako gusto?" she bit her lower lip. Napipigil ako nang tawa. Looking at my best friend with that impenetrable eyes and inscrutable countenance gives me a never ending guffaw.

"Hindi, magtigil ka Khrizelle Yzania Aurelio. Hindi ka nga marunong maglaba," he prounced Khryza's full name in a serious tone. She pouted at umupo sa inuupuan niya kanina.

Na realtalk ang tingle.

"Tang-ina niyo, ah?! Bulgaran pala ng full name?!" Khryza held her chest like she's hurt even though na you can see in her eyes na tumatawa 'to. "Grabe ka na Kaidon Rigde Cariaga?! Hindi mo ba ako mamahalin para kay Quendall Cadence Cortez?"

"No. Sino ba kayong dalawa?" he looked at me. Nakataas ng kilay. I copied him.

Dahan-dahan akong lumapit sa kaniya.

"You don't love me, anymore, baby blue eyes?" I teased him. Tumigil siya at umiling.

"Si Quezhia ka ba?" taas kilay niyang tungon.

Khryza stopped. Tumayo siya sa tapat ni Kaidon. I closed my mouth using my hands to cover my smile. Alam ko na ang susunod na mangyayari.

"Hindi mo na kami mahal ni Cadence? May Quezhia ka na?! Taga saan 'yan? Kilala ka ba?" she paused. "Siyempre hindi, sino ka ba?"

Inilabas ni Khryza ang tongue niya to annoy Kaidon more.

"Khrizelle, tumigil. Ang baho, ah." Tinulak niya pabalik si ate mo girl and he cover his nose to add mo drama on it.

"Hayss, kainis so much!" sumingit ako. "Malay mo magustuhan ako ni Dwayne 'di ba? We will sleep in the night habang his hands are on my boobs!"

They looked surprised. My forehead frowned. I know, sanay na sila with my words but ang fishy why gano'n ang facial expression nila.

"What?" I interrogated, weirdly.

They looked at each other and ibinaling nila ang stare nila sa puwesto ko then tumingin sila sa likod ko.

"What?" Inulit ko.

"Excuse me," narinig kong saad ni Dwayne. I know his voice. Kahit nakapikit ako, kilalang-kilala ko ang boses nito. "Khrizelle Yzania, need ka sa office."

Nagpipigil na tumatawa si Khryza. She stood up at dali-daling umalis ng kubo. Dwayne didn't look at me, his eyes stayed on his friends. Paalis na sana sila but I shouted his flawless name.

Nakakunot noo siyang lumingon sa akin.

"Do you have a girlfriend, Dwayne?" I asked nervously. I closed my eyes dahil sa hiya. I didn't expect na 'yon ang masa-say ko to him.

His face went down. Tinignan niya ako mula taas at baba. I even fixed my posture for him to rate me from 10 over 10.

"Bakit?" he raised a brow.

Lumapit ako sa kaniya. Knowing na halos lahat ng kaibigan niya ay naka tingin sa akin.

"I just wanted to know if you're available. So, I can be your girlfriend," taas noo kong sabi. I even pronounce it in a sexy way.

"Oo, bakit?" hindi siya tumingin sa akin. Kainis so much. "Kaya, please. Bata ka pa. Itigil ang pag romanticize mo sa akin. You're not even worth it."

My jaw dropped when he said it too loud and I knew everyone heard it. Tumingin ako sa paligid. All eyes on me. Everyone is laughing. But I don't care. Grab it or lose the chance. Someday, Cadence. Someday. He will be yours.

*****
The Way He Loved Me
#UnconditionalLoveSeries
-kyahhhgorgeous