"It's been a while."

Those words meant nothing before. Only words and voice. But now, something felt amiss. Like there should be something beyond words. That was too much of an ask, obviously, because General I knew was always like this.

Perhaps, having surrounded by unstoppably speaking mouth made me think so.

"It is, Generaloberst."

I looked at him in the eye, but not ignored the fact that Latifah was stepping back, standing behind General like an obedient dog.

"Four months missing. You should have gathered some important information." He paused. "But in state you're in, that wasn't the case."

"I'm afraid so, General."

There was nothing on his face. Of course Ares had completed facial figures, but something made his furrowing brows looked empty and his blue eyes looked as cold as marble stone, void from any odd sparks that filled Latifah's eyes.

Did I look like him?

"Your recovery should be at ninety percent rate by now." He furrowed. "If you used that serum, that is."

The warning on his voice startled me. The bag by my side suddenly felt so vivid while everyone else turned greyish and shady.

"Thank you for bringing the serum." General suddenly turned around, faced the woman that for a minute looked like a wallflower. Latifah threw a smile to General Ares, a smile that she didn't even show to Mika. "Thank you for telling me this."

"You should rest." Latifah told him with a face, tone, and expression that similar t Reana when she was with children. "We could prepare a room for you."

"No need." General Ares refused. "I have to depart immediately. You're the one that should rest."

Latifah laughed, or at least I thought she was trying to, because to my ears, she let a sound that similar to dying animal. "You're too cautious."

"I have to." General Ares added. "Tomorrow everyone would know you'd be my wife."

For all of my life, I knew precisely how to react and gave expression toward every occasion, but since this body reduced into something weak, I often got myself tongue-tied without knowing what kind of expression I should make. Today, was one of the worst occasion.

Whether that was because of how Ares's face void of any emotion or how Latifah's face lit up in front of him, I didn't know.

"Now, get some rest." He ordered her. "Let me talk to him."

Latifah nodded and walked out of my room. She sent me a faint smile before closing the door. I didn't wave her a good bye. I couldn't. I was too enthralled by the change on her expression. Her smile vanished and the sparks on her eyes dimmed, showed me nothing but depthless darkness.

"The war is still on our side, Nathaniel." Ares talked, snapped me back to reality. "We've taken this country for two months now. But another resistance called Ein and those bunch of Equatorials kept getting on my nerve. We need you in full power."

The name of Equatorial made my back halted as a response. Generalobersts didn't miss the change.

"I've heard what happened to you and will process the recuperation project on you, along with thirty five of our soldiers that infected by the same thing."

The statement sent question to my head. My mouth opened, but when I knew there were nothing but question that would come out, I sealed my lips again. We didn't supposed to ask question.

"We've had experienced with those bastards from Union and their new tricks. Need some time to adjust because they used different nano based tech, but the serum finally mass-produced starting this week. They need leader, so now," General Ares's eyes pinned to the serum. "Use that serum this instance, Soldier."

The order spread like blaze. It burnt me inside, moved me. Like how electric move a machine.

Right, because I was a tool and he was the electric. He was the life of me. The leader of us all. I should not doubt him. I should listen to all his commands.

My hand reached out to the bag, obediently listened to him. My hands, strangely, not even trembling. It moved like taking this bag and pulled out the syringe was ordinary matter. I pointed the needle to my neck. Injected the serum to its last, relieving the sealed power within.

After the cold pain of the needle struck my nerve, the haze washed away from my mind. I whipped at Ares, looked at him both in new ray and disbelief. I couldn't determine which one were stronger above else.

"Area secluded." Ares stood up before me. "Protocol Forty-One disbanded."

The memories flood to my head at the same time, caused nausea and throbbing pain to my cerebral. The memories of the past resurfaced. What seemed to be just few days, in reality it was few months. The memories that left me in tears, faded away, while the memories when I could calmly walked by a sea of blood seemed vivid. 

"Identify yourself."

Once again, he bind my will. I could feel my facial muscles moved on its own as the memories I didn't have before, flooding into my mouth. "Oberst Nathaniel. Birth number M-0789. Code 007. Affiliation, Legion of Mars. Under command of His Eminence Generalfeldmarshall Azrael."

"Final procedure." General Ares suddenly appeared by my side, closed to my ears. I tried to shove him aside, but he quickly grabbed my fist and twisted it to my back, pinned me on my knee, in one attack. "Memory extraction."

He grabbed my head, leaned it to one side. He put another syringe, this time he pulled something from me: blood.

"Among the infected soldiers, you disappointed me the most, Oberst Nathaniel." Every words felt like poison that melt my will, bit by bit. He pulled my fist with brute force. I was sure my fingers would break anytime soon. "But as the youngest of us, I put my bars high on you."

I looked up at General Ares that seemed content. For the first time in my life, I rejected the man in front of me.

***

"This is yours."

My gaze shifted to a strange-familiar silver gun before me. General Ares handed over that thing to me. Of course, without Lohengrin within forty feet perimeter, Protocol Forty-One could not be disbanded.

"Once you reunited with this gun, you're at your full potential." He handed me the gun and I felt something meddling with my bio-electric. It tingled my arms, pinched my head, and rung in my ears. "Take it."

My hand moved on its own, slowly grasped the gun. But someone knocked at my door and stopped Ares. I pulled back my hand before anything happened.

General whipped his face to the door. "Enter."

Latifah appears on the door. The traces of something dark that I've witnessed from her the moment before she left, was none to be found. As if those clouded eyes were my own delusion.

"Greetings, Generaloberst." She bowed deeply. "Pardon my intrusion."

"No." General Ares put the Lohengrin on my bed. "It's about time." He threw a gaze to Latifah for a brief moment before returned to me. "You will be accompanied to return, Soldier."

In other words, he kept watching over me.

Ares walked to the opened door, along with Latifah. Even in my sight, Ares was clearly had zero percentage of interest to her. He looked at her with the same way as a Human when they caught a sight of a turd on the road. Ares disgusted by her presence.

I know it better than anyone else. I know how he hate Humans. His hatred even rivaled Generalfeldmarshall. There would be nothing in their marriage. He would not been able to--

I swallowed the next word.

It was too obscure. Something that exist only in humanity, not ours. But darn that child story, the word now eternally etched to my mind.

Affection.

"Soldier."

I snapped back to reality. "Yes, Sir."

General Ares half turned his face to me. No smile on his face. "I'll wait only good news from you."

Then he completely left with Latifah. He didn't even show any intention of escorting her. Once again, Latifah smiled at me before leaving the room.

No affection, indeed. Only Latifah showed it. General Ares was more like a doll compared to her.

After they left, I took the belt of Lohengrin, careful not to touch it, then I pushed the remaining serum inside. That was when someone, once again, knocked my room. I permitted whoever that was to come in, half expected Latifah to drop by, but instead, I got Mika that had swollen eyes and black circle beneath his eyes.

"Sorry, but I want to be in this room for a moment." He tried to be reasoned with me. "Do you mind?"

"No."

He whipped his eyes to me, looked surprised, as if he never expect that answer. We both exchanged looks. The darkness on his face lifted.

There was no petty man. There is only a man with pain that forever engraved to his face. "I was such an idiot ... right?"

He stood there motionless, but I can see his legs wavering. A moment later, he fell and buried his face deep within his arms. Ever so faintly, I heard him sobbing.

"Unable to save your friend and lost her in front of your eyes...." He whispered. "Do you really understand the pain, Maha?"

My gaze shifted to the gun on my bed. There was someone in pain in my room. If I took this weapon, would I turned into someone like Ares? Would I ignore Mika and his pain, just like what I did thousand times before?

Couldn't I showed emotions like Uriel?

No. That wouldn't work. Whatever expression I used, I couldn't feel like this. Everything would just turned bitter, numb, and empty, just like before. I didn't even know that was empty until they filled me up.

"Yes." I told Mika. "I do understand."

***