I grunted slightly as my body suffered the shock from falling. Even though I landed on a cushion, it probably felt like the equivalent to a Spark attack.

Scanning the area, I noticed that walls surrounded me except for two openings, one to my right, and one to my left. Looking at both openings, I decided that left was probably the way to go. Left, left, straight, weird curve.... bleh, this maze already sucked. I continue to head as leftward as possible, when something sharp implanted its self into my back, knocking me over.

"Trying to run away from me?" an obnoxious, snobby, prissy, ditzy voice asked from behind me. Rayquaza, not another ditz. I stood up, reaching for the projectile in my back, only to have the cold, stone-like object dissolve into thin air.

“Uh, yeah, ‘cause I just want to get out of this stupid maze so I can go murder Darkrai and bring his head to my Sensei so I can go home and shoot some Wingulls, is that too much of a guy to ask?” I rant, turning around to look at Ditz #3. Seeing nothing but a platform, I look upwards to see her sitting atop said platform; trying, and failing, to attract me as her long, brown ears twitch. An Eevee. Uuuughguguguguguh.

“Aw, you poor thing…” she murmured with false sympathetically, and hopped down from her standing surface. “Is there anything I could do to help?” She winked. Ew. She is so an-MAZING! Suddenly, a realization hit me like her beautiful perfume registering in my brain. Right here, standing in front of me, was the loveliest woman in the whole universe.

“You are lovely; even lovelier than death,” I whispered with feeling. Such poetic words… I hope she likes them. She giggled, and I felt something I never thought I’d ever feel again; happiness.

“Oh, you are so… kind!” Hesitation. She needed time to think of such a complementative word. Wait, is complementative even a word? Eh, doesn’t matter; I have discovered ecstasy.

As I stood there, star struck by her, she began walking towards me in the most angelic way possible. As she got close, she pulled my sunglasses off, hooking them onto my shirt and revealing my grey eyes. Leaning in, she kissed me on the cheek, and once again a cloud seemed to cover my brain as I realized something; my cheek was trying to steal her from me.

Oh, so you’re trying to take her from me, eh cheek? I thought. Well take this! Winding up as much as I could, I slugged my cheek as hard as possible. And apparently, my cheek had attacked me at the exact same time as I made contacted with it because right under my cheek was hurting enough to make me grimace in pain.

“Oh, you’re going to play it that way, huh, punk? Well take this, Mr. Cheek!” I began forming a Dragon Claw in my hand, and once it was ready, I struck. Sadly, I missed, and the unused momentum threw me to the ground. My sunglasses sat in front of my face, and I picked them up and returned them to their original position on my face. Hauling myself back onto my feet, I got ready for another round.

“Wait a second… You’re in on it!” I quickly slugged Mr. Chin when I determined that he was on Mr. Cheek’s side. But, like Mr. Cheek, Mr. Chin was a tricky one, and he was able to get me as I struck him. His blow caused me to stagger backwards, and the lovely Eevee behind me (I must get her name) giggled in delight. I must be impressing here.

Come on Elkarez, this is totally lame. I was about to attack my rivals in love when those words suddenly protruded my mine. The voice that spoke the words wasn’t my own, but it made me wonder two things; one: Why am I attacking my face? And two: Why did I even think of proclaiming love for this dim-witted jerk-wad of and Eevee? Recalling the past few events, I concluded that she had used Attract on me when she winked and Sweet Kiss when she mauled my cheek with her lips.

“Aw, sick!” I exclaimed, remembering when she used Sweet Kiss on me. Glaring at her, I only murmured, “You are going to die” before rushing her with a Brick Break at the ready.

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“Just let me through.”

“I’m sorry, we can’t” I groaned. Two Pokémon stood in my way, a Ditto and a Zangoose, and I they were standing between me and the one way to the next part of the maze. They wanted a fight, and I was still banged up from my encounter with that Eevee, thus why I didn’t want to fight; that and I never want to fight.

“Why?” I whined.

“Because,” the Ditto on the right began, “That’s Lady Uxie’s rules. If we see a challenger, we must battle them.”

“And the only way for them to continue is for them to defeat us or for them to get away,” the Zangoose finished. I groaned. Now would have been a nice time to have known Dig.

“Fine. Let’s just get this over with.”

Starting off the battle first, I rushed at the Zangoose with my hand glowing in the beginning of a Brick Break. He swerved to the side to dodge, and I instead pivoted on my foot and jabbed my hand into the stomach of his partner as she began to Transform. I had heard about Dittos when I was younger, and from what I could tell, battling them was like battling yourself, and whether she was transforming into him or me, the best option was to keep hitting her so she wouldn’t be able to perform her shenanigans.

I realized that my back was open to the Zangoose, and use Aerial Ace to locate him. Using him as a wall, I kicked of said person and used the boost to attack the Ditto with a half-dispersed Aerial Ace. Though as I tried to form a Dragon Claw and hit the Ditto once more, a frigid beam of pain nailed my in the back and caused me to collapse.

“Not as much damage as I would have liked it to do, but it’s still quite enough,” the Zangoose said, approaching me. “Destiny, keep transforming.”

“Roger,” the Ditto, Destiny, answered, “But it’s going to take about two minutes with the crap he’s already landed on my, so try not to die, okay, Zane?”

“Quite enough time, Destiny, quite enough.” As I began to try and get up, the one called Zane kicked me in the stomach. “Now, you little Wurmple,” --he cooed maliciously as he picked me up by the collar of my shirt-- “how about we have our own fair fight, where you don’t go bouncing off of others like a Buneary that’s hopped up on Sweet Hearts and Rare Candies, eh?”

“How… about--” I spit out a bit of blood, and without finishing my sentence, I dug my Brick Break enshrouded digging claw into Zane’s stomach. He let go of my shirt and I jerked my claw out of him.

“So, we fightin’ fair, then? Let’s dance.” Zane stood ready, waiting for me to make a move. By the way he was smirking, I could tell two things; One, he had some trick up his sleeve, and two, he wasn’t going to move till I did.

“Fine, you little Rattata, but don’t go crying to your mommy when your bones are turned to Star Dust.” Doing the only thing I could do, I charged him with a Brick Break, planning to feint and hit him from where he wasn’t expecting. What I had expected him to do: use when I’m up close to hit me with another Ice Beam or something. What I didn’t expect to happen: me ending up and the floor, winded. When I got close, then unexpected happened, and suddenly, he clapped his hands around my Brick Break. I felt the power surge out of my hand and into nothingness, and while I was dumbfounded at my sudden power loss, he tightened his grip on my hand, began to swing me up over his head, and kicked me upward, hard, knocking the air out of me and simultaneously launching me onto the ground behind him.

“Just another minute, Zane.”

“Quite enough time, Destiny.”

As I lay on the ground, gasping for breath, I began to whip up a plan to beat this guy. Clearly he knew how to fight, with moves and in hand-to-hand combat, leaving me basically screwed. What I needed to do was immobilize him, which would mean getting rid of his legs, or fainting him; the former was probably the only thing possible. Right now, he was facing away from me, so if I could just hit the back of his knee with a Brick Break… I began trying to form another Brick Break, but it was like I was glitching out, and the Move wasn’t forming. That tricky little jerkface must have Disabled me right before he flipped me with Counter. So, that strategy was out, meaning I would have to just up and faint him; that is, if I could actually hit him. I mentally grumbled. If he could just simply use Counter on me, my attacks were basically useless—

“Hey, I’m not done with you yet, get up,” Zane said, poking me in the side with his boot.

“Pay me,” I mumbled, getting up any ways. Once again, we stood facing each other, and I was sure that he was planning on using the same strategy as before. I glanced over at Destiny, who was almost completely Transformed into me, and suddenly I realized where she stood and got an idea. Forming a Dragon Claw in each hand, I dashed madly towards Zane. The Zangoose prepared to grab my hand again, only to have me juke him and head straight for Destiny. Not noticing I was coming after, she simply continued to Transform, and when I got close, I put my hands and her shoulders and vaulted myself over her; if there was one thing I was good at, it was jumping. Not expecting what I had just done, Destiny fell backwards and stared at me in awe as I bolted down the corridor.

“Get back here and fight me like a man!” Zane roared as he took chase.

“You’re not my mom!” I hissed through clenched teeth as I continued to run from him. He only stopped when I thundered up a flight of metal stairs and onto the next part of the maze.