I pour myself some water while waiting for Malik to pick my call. It's pretty late, needless for me to check the clock for the umpteenth time. The kitchen feels cold and the faster I return to the bedroom, the better. 

My desperation knows no limit despite the fact that I shouldn't disturb Malik at this hour. But what I desperately need to know is if Liam is safe and sound—wherever he may be—even if he's with Scarlet. 

"Professor?" At last Malik responds.

"Malik, have you heard from Liam? Has he called you? Are you with him, maybe?" I ask right away.

"Liam? No, he's not. I haven't heard from him since the moment you two left the party," he answers. "Why? Isn't he at home with you?"

"No. And he's not picking my calls either," I utter, and it's driving me crazy not knowing where he may be.

"Did something happen? Did the two of you fight or argue?" Malik asks.

Well, maybe it wasn't a fight, but it surely was more than an argument.

"Let's say we argued, and he left the house afterwards. I thought he may be with you . . . but since he's not, I guess he's with her." I stare at my nails, dismayed by the possibility of them being together. "I'm sorry for the—"

"Wait!" Malik interjects. "Whom do you think he is with, if you don't mind me asking?" 

"With Scarlet?" I shrug, laughing bitterly. "He's definitely with her, Malik. He has to be with her."

He probably needs to know about their baby. The irony hurts me even more.

"Scarlet? No, that can't be possible. Why would Liam be with her?" Malik denies sternly. "Hold on, I'll check on him. You try to relax, and go to sleep if you can. Stop overthinking, Professor, promise?" he asks gently as though I'm five.

"Hmm." I hum my response.

I wait for any call while in bed, thinking of what's gonna happen next now that everything is chaotic. Are we going to make things work as we always do? A soft sigh leaves my chest as I lay more comfortably.

And eventually I fall asleep.

The sound of the door opening wakes me a moment later. My phone that's been lying on my stomach slides off to the bed as I sit up ungraciously, darting my hazy glance at the sullen man who's just stepped in. 

"You're back," I croak while rubbing my eyes, the light abundant in the room. 

Liam seems indisposed as he stares at me with a frown. His eyes are still dark, he doesn't have his jacket, and his shirt is half-buttoned.  He sighs heavily while running a hand through his hair. 

"You should be sleeping," he scolds tiredly.

"I know." I press my lips together into a hard line.  "But I guess I forgot how to sleep without you by my side. I tried but . . . but it felt strange and difficult . . .  like I don't belong here at all." I smile nervously at him.

He stills in his stance, his dysphoric eyes calm like the summer lake despite the anger. 

"Where did you go?" I ask after a short moment of utter silence, and deep inside I'm already frightened by the answer he'd give me. 

I know he was with her. 

"I didn't go to her," Liam answers wittingly in a low voice. 

My eyes widen. "You . . . you didn't?" 

"No, I didn't," Liam affirms. 

He takes nonchalant steps away from the door and tosses his car keys on the couch. My astounded gaze stalks him like a shadow. Breathing out exhausted, he turns his eyes towards me, and I find them rather intoxicated to focus efficiently.

Did he drink? He looks drunk to me.

"Get some rest, Kira." He takes off his watch as he says this. 

He is indifferent, and perhaps the sight of me makes him sick in the stomach. I run all the possibilities in my head, watching him diverting towards the dressing room without sparing me a second glance.

"You're not sleeping in our bed?" The question slides out unintended as the sudden anxiety overpowers me. I wither inside at the feeling of rejection exuded by his disposition. "Liam, I know you're angry at me but—"

"I need a shower, Kira," Liam interrupts coolly and stares back at me. "I had a bit too much to drink and I'm not proud of the state I'm in right now, so please allow me to freshen up before I sleep next to you." He's beseeching despite the displeased tone of voice he uses.

"Okay." I nod, even though I care so little about his Scotch breath, smell, or whichever he's referring to. 

All I need is to hear him say that it's going to be fine. To feel his warm embrace that constantly leaves me oblivious of the arctic weather filling the whole of London. I desperately need him. 

I watch him nearing the dressing room entrance, but he stops midway.  It's as though he's forgotten to do something, and yet he can't seem to figure it out. He stands there for a moment, my eyes on his back, before he turns around.

"I shouldn't have left," he mutters gently, his tone forlorn filled with regret and hurt. His arms flail to his sides as he struggles to communicate his all. "I'm sorry," he breathes and without waiting for my response, he walks away.  

I stay puzzled for a good while, my feelings unsorted. What did he mean by that? Is he sorry for leaving me? Does that mean he's not angry anymore? Instead of feeling the sense of respite, I feel more confused. 

"Oh God." I heavily recline against the plush headboard of the bed, hugging my feet that are buried underneath the duvet. 

Liam emerges barefoot from the dressing room, still in his clothes except that he's removed the belt from his jeans, and his shirt is fully unbuttoned. Without a word, he heads into the bathroom.

It's almost three, according to the alarm clock. This night is longer than usual and it feels like my sweet bubble has been blown mercilessly by the twist of fate. Should I accept it as it is? I start wondering.

"But no, Kira! You're not going to sit still and let the fucking fate ruin your life!" I groan and tug the duvet roughly out of my way. 

I follow Liam to the bathroom because we have to talk, and right now.  

"Liam, I thought so hard about this and—" I start powerfully, determined, but my speech fades the minute I shut the door behind me. 

My heart shrinks when I see Liam through the glass walls of the shower stall. He's standing motionless, both palms on the grey tiles as if he's doing a wall push up—but he isn't. The water ripples down on his head, cascading melodiously through his clothed body up to the floor. 

He looks lost, extremely disconnected, and it devastates me. I draw myself closer. I don't wait for him to notice me, nor for his approval to walk inside the shower stall. I just want to hug him and ease both of our pain. I want to feel him, to tell him that we can go through this together.

As I open the glass door Liam resonates with reality, startled by my presence. He crinkles his eyes at me.

"Kira, I told you to—" He doesn't finish his reproach as I wrap my arms briskly around his chest. 

His body stiffens but he doesn't repulse my gesture. He lets me hug him.

"I'm not as patient as you want me to be," I mutter in a low voice, my head laying on his back. Warm water rains on us but I don't mind. "Don't ask me to wait, please." My tears get easily washed away as swiftly as they come.

Liam's hand stretches towards the faucet and he switches the shower off. All the noise comes to a halt, serving us some needed silence. Responsively, I haul myself back and he turns around to face me. 

He's soaked, his hair fully drenched.

Sighing, he wipes his face using his both hands, and I do mine in a similar fashion until our clear eyes behold each other's faces again, a few seconds later. He's still distant, and I need him closer.

"Are you angry at me, Liam?" I whisper. "Why? Is it because I can't—"

 Make him a father? I fail to let it out.

Liam huffs painfully, tipping his head to the side upon my question. "You hurt me so much, Kira." His voice is wounded, his gaze darker. "Who do you think I am, huh? Do I look like a monster to you?" he asks calmly, so calmly that it makes me swallow hard.

I finally discern the connotation behind his reaction. He's not hurt because of what I've been busy imagining—My God!

"Look at me." He holds my face firmly, lifting it up so we're perfectly seeing each other. He sniffs sharply and says, "Do you actually think I'd be angry because you may not be able to make me a father? That I'd hate and hold you responsible for that, huh?" 

"No, I—" I swallow again, nervously, his words piercing brutally into my heart. 

Maybe I did think so. 

"Fuck, Kira, do you know so little about me? Like seriously after everything we've been through together?" he snaps.

Tears stream down my face, and my lips quiver. I try to hold my sobs. "I was afraid, Liam. I'm still so afraid of your reaction to this situation I'm in," I confess.

"Why?" Liam asks fast, my face still between his large palms. "Why, Kira? Why are you so afraid of me? Why do you make me feel like a terrible, illogical husband without a heart? Why do you make me feel so miserable, for God's sake?" He frees me briskly and catches a deep breath for himself.

We're both crying. Liam is facing the wall, and I'm facing him. I'm hiccuping, my shoulders dancing in response.  

"It's not that I'm scared of you," I murmur between my sobs. "I'm just so scared to disappoint you, Liam. I never wish you to cease being proud of me . . .  as your wife, as your woman, and as the future mother of your children. I wanted to be your everything, Liam. Just like you're my everything in this life. The idea of destroying that possibility has been a hell for me!" 

Liam strides back next to me and takes a firm hold of my shoulders. "You are my everything, Kira Darcy!" he shouts painfully. "Fuck, what do I need to do to make you realize that, huh? I love you. Only you. And I want you. Only you. Not just now, Kira, but every single day of my life from the day I chose a life with you in it!" 

"Then don't ever walk away from me!" I shout back, crying heavily. His Adam's apple bobs. "You can fight me, argue with me, stay mad at me . . . but don't go away from me. You don't know how that makes me feel, Liam Darcy. You just don't know what the thought of you walking away makes me feel!"

"How does it make you feel?" Liam whispers, defeat evident in his eyes. "Tell me. Talk to me, Kira."

"Exactly the same feeling as that wretched night when we were young. The dreadful feeling of losing it all at once and yet you can't do anything to stop it." More tears pull down on my face at the memory. "I don't want to lose you, too, in any way, Liam. I never want to—"

He basks me into a tight embrace. I easily relent by burying my face on his chest, hugging him back. His heart beats harshly against my shoulder, and he's all I need. 

"I'm sorry, Kira," he breathes into my hair. "I'm so sorry, my love. I'm sorry." He's regretful, even though it's not really his fault that we're having this conversation right now. 

Pushing my tears back, I reply, "I know you were confused, Liam. I dropped two bombs on you and . . . it must've been too much to take in, I suppose."

Liam holds me tighter and we remain like this for a good while, glued together. Our freaky hearts beat as one until he gently drags his head back. Our eyes lock with uttermost affection, and quite naturally our lips clash into a deep, heartwarming kiss. 

The taste of whisky in his mouth is hardly a setback for this beautiful endeavor. I forget everything and savour the moment. This is my home. Him, right next to me, is what I define a home. There's no place I'd want to be if he's not there with me. 

"I always find solace as my best escape when I can't think straight." Liam breaks the silence. "Well, I do not wish to make any excuse for walking away, but can you understand that I needed it today? It's my way of dealing with things sometimes."

I nod as we detach. "It's okay. There's nothing to forgive anyway, I also screwed up big time and pushed you away somehow."

Liam's lips stretch into a half smile as he looks at me. "And you should also promise me that you shall never, under any circumstance, hide things from me. I do not want you to think twice before informing me of any afflict, Kira. Whatever it is, baby, I want you to trust me." 

"I will, I promise," I mumble.

And suddenly I smile joyously at the sight of his majestic blue eyes that are back on track. Now this is my hubby.

"Why are you smiling?" he asks, and his lips quirk into a smile of his own. 

The eerie tension is gone as I graze my fingers on his bare chest, watching the sets of his fine abs. Lately he workouts a lot after work, and I see the patent results as he feels tighter than before.

"Because I'm happy." I look up at him, meaning every word. 

"You're happy?" He blushes.

"Hmm." I slowly tug on his shirt, gliding my gaze between his chest and his face. "Let's take these off," I whisper.

But my mood suddenly changes as I think of Scarlet. I want to say sorry about her baby but I'm afraid to jinx the easiness stretched between Liam and I after just patching things up. 

"What's wrong?" Liam murmurs while shrugging out of his shirt.

"Um . . . I'm just thinking of Scarlet and my situation." I fail to lie. 

"Not now, Kira. Goodness, baby, we've had enough for one day, don't you think?" Liam dismisses.

He's afraid of the topic, isn't he? But he'll have to face it sooner or later.

Sighing, I also peel off the sweatshirt I'm wearing, as Liam unzips the fly of his jeans. He grins playfully as I remain naked before him, and I adore what I'm seeing, too.

"What?" I throw our clothes at the bathroom corner. 

"I'm in awe." Liam scoots my waist with one unyielding hand, while turning on the shower with his other hand. I flush. "Even in my worst, you manage to bring the best in me, Kira." 

"Oh really?" I smile, feeling his skin against mine.

God, I missed my husband's magical touch. 

"Yeah . . ." Liam's voice is suddenly hoarse, sultry, his eyes impetuous with darker shades of lust. "Just like . . .  right now. I feel like fucking the hell out of you."

"What?" I burst out laughing.

"I mean it," he purrs, and from where I'm pressed against his reaction, I find him as hard as a rock. 

"Then what are you waiting for? Take me right here, tiger. I'm all yours," I whisper and our lips are back on one another.

Thank you, Jesus! The storm is over.

__________________________

This chapter had me cry a river. As someone who's lost something precious once or twice, these two had me in my feelings.

 
Thank you for reading.