POV: Banana Man

   Maybe joining the US military wasn't my most incredible idea. 

   I leaned over the railing of a giant ocean liner, of course eating a banana. I always left home with at least 5 bananas, although for this trip I've packed well over 500. My supply, however, was sadly growing low. And that- that was why my military enrollment was the worst idea of my life. 

   But who else would fight the Axis? With the power of my fruity-goodness I could take any country on with my bare hands. Well, my bare hands and a banana, that is. And besides, my banana family was counting on me. That's right. My family was made of bananas. My mom and dad are bananas, my sisters and brothers are bananas. I'm some sort of mutation that makes me look human, although my dick is a banana. That's why I eat as many bananas as I can, to try and connect to my true self. 

   "Another banana, man?" Scowls one of my friends, a bitch ass whiny bitch named Tomato. Tomato doesn't like fruit, even though he's named after one. I think it's part of his religion, Doitsuism. Doitsuist worship potatoes and hate tomatoes. Although right now, Doitsuism is illegal in the USA, so I don't know why he's still here. Real Allied soldiers don't worship Doitsu!

   "AnoTheR bAnaNA, mAN? Fuck off, Tomato. It's my banana eating that will save your ass out on the battlefield." I scowl back, before throwing away my banana peel and grabbing another gooey, sweet fruit from my pocket. "You're a disgrace, Tomato."

   Tomato scoffs and turns away, eating a potato like an apple. I'll have to take this case to the authorities. Heck, I'll turn him into my country's personification himself, and we can bEAT TOMATO TO A FUCKING PULP!!!1!11!one!!1!1!!!

   The USS Lightning McQueen went 'kachow' as it landed on the shores of some random African country. Like, London or smth, idk. The boat grew legs and walked onto the spicy sand. 

   I pack some more bananas and prepare to jump off the USS Lightning McQueen, but before I can lift a single foot, it says, "Nuh, uh uh, Mr. Man! You wait until I test the taste of this terrain."

   The USS Lightning McQueen bends down, tipping all of us forward and sending soldiers sprawling forward, including me and that bitch ass Tomato. The boat opens a hatch and a slimy purple tongue slips out, savoring the taste as it licked its tongue across the sand. Soldiers from other countries in our alliance looked at the USS Lightning McQueen in disgust, and in return we all flashed the bird at them. We loved the USS Lightning McQueen, and they'd have to deal with it!

   "Kachow," said the USS Lightning McQueen, a signal that the terrain was indeed tasty. 

   "Thanks, USS Lightning McQueen! Kachow!" I say, saluting our beloved boat and jumping down on the ground to scoop up the spicy sand to my mouth. "Mmm, normal people might enjoy the taste of this, but the only things for me are bananas."

   After me, that bitch ass Tomato jumps down next to me and nods his cherry-red face at me. He makes a Doitsu praying motion, whispers a quick prayer to Lord Doitsu, and ends his religious moment with a "I like German sparkles parties." What a traitor.

   Our squad started to unload the boat. I carried 3 huge cartons of bananas in my arms, 10 more cartons left on the boat. I'd get them later. We unloaded guns, guns, tanks, guns, guns, guns, tanks, boats, hardtack, and about 1000000000000000000 flags. We were pretty sad we couldn't bring many flags, but they'd have to do. 

   I give a last enthusiastic salute to the USS Lightning McQueen as we all get off and the boat starts to turn away, sailing away to pick up some cargo in Morocco. Don't worry, my friends! It shall return! 

   "Kachow!" I hear it call. 

   Teary-eyed as I watch my best friend sail away, I slowly open another banana,  biting into it sadly. Hopefully, I will find some new friendly faces in North Africa. 

   "Move, bitch," Tomato spits on my little button nose. 

   I can only hope for some friends in this unsettling time. I sigh deeply, patting my banana dick to make sure it's still there, (it's very sensitive and easy to break) and walk towards where the other troops from different countries have started to set up camp.