形單影隻
Xíng dān yǐng zhīa
Solitary form, a single shadow.
Extremely lonely; solitary.

*~*~*~*~*~*

"Here you are Sho Sensei." Ermi handed Kageyama a towel to dry his hair and face.

They sat on the veranda, eating lunch and watching the still falling rain on the pond below.

"Are you sure you do not want to use the baths?" Ermi questioned the kitsune.

Kageyama shook his head. "I will bathe when we go back to Wo You Nai. I'll take that dry shirt though."

Ermi passed Kageyama the cotton shirt she had brought, and Kageyama placed it on his lap. Then he reached to the hem of his wet shirt and pulled it over his head.

Sanli's eyes traced over the scars on Kageyama's chest. A line from a sword tip here, a star shaped scar from an arrow or spear there. The marks were familiar, and Sanli had already asked or speculated as to their origin a long time since past, when he had been a boy and had first seen them.

Most noticeable was the tapering shape of the kitsune's torso. A lean waist led up to a wide upper chest and shoulders padded with muscle from swordplay. The muscles shifted and flexed as Kageyama folded the wet shirt neatly and put it over the chair arm beside him.

Sanli looked to his niece. Ermi's face was pale, but there was a blush to her cheeks, and her mouth was slightly ajar as she watched Kageyama change from his wet shirt into the dry one.

Sanli bit his lip to hide a smile.

He had long known of his niece's interest in his yah'ying. Sanli tried not to, but he could not help but be amused by it. There was something about the futility of Ermi's wide-eyed wonder that Sanli found both endearing and entertaining.

The futility of it. Yes. Sanli had never known Kageyama to have relations with anyone, man or woman, in all the time he had known him. The kitsune also never spoke of past lovers. Sanli knew he had had one, long ago, and that the relationship had in part contributed to his banishment. Though Sanli suspected there had been other forces at play.

But since he had known him, Kageyama had never shown attraction for anyone. There had been a few times, at inns and brothels, where Kageyama had relaxed enough to spend the night in the company of a woman. But to be honest Sanli had no idea if anything had transpired beside pleasant conversation.

It wouldn't surprise Sanli at all if nothing had been exchanged between Kageyama and his chosen companion besides words and coin.

Kageyama wrapped the ties of the shirt around him, tightening it to his frame before tying them on one side. Ermi, realizing she was staring, quickly looked away and busied herself spooning rice porridge into Qingxi's mouth.

"When do you think Ao-jie will be back? I miss her," Ermi asked, as the blush on her cheeks finally settled.

"Soon, hopefully," Sanli replied, also reaching for his bowl. He heaped sour salted plums and pickled greens onto his porridge. "We miss her as well, don't we Sho Sensei?"

"Terribly," Kageyama replied, spooning toppings onto his own porridge.

"I hope she does return soon. And Zakhar Da-ge," said Ermi, spooning more porridge into Qingxi's mouth, which was thrown open like a begging baby bird's.

Kageyama and Sanli both said nothing. Zakhar had told them he would not be returning, but had not had the heart to tell Ermi. For that, Sanli was glad.

They finished their lunch, said goodbye to Ermi and Qingxi, and headed back to Wo You Nai.

"Maybe we should go after Ao," Sanli said as he and Kageyama walked back, side-by-side under the umbrella.

"Go where? We have no idea where she is, and she has my knife."

"I am worried," Sanli pushed. "It has been near three months. Maybe she did not make it in time. Or something happened. Maybe Ao is alone and grieving somewhere—"

Sanli stopped. They had just entered Wo You Nai, walking under the wooden plaque hung over the archway.

A lone figure was waiting for them on the veranda.

Sanli stepped out from under the umbrella, and approached with shaking arms, afraid the woman would turn her head, and her face would be unfamiliar.

"Ao?"

The woman looked up. "There you are. I was about to go out to Rabbit Run to meet you."

It was Ao. Her eyes, her dark hair, her lips, always curved into a taunting smile.

Except there was no smile now.

"Ao. When- when did you get back?" asked Sanli, still shaken.

"Just now, obviousley," said Ao, motioning to her travel clothes, worn and dirty on her body. Her saddle bags were by her feet, and she bent to pick them up.

"Where is Zakhar?" Sanli asked, then cursed himself.

Ao froze. "He is dead, of course." She stood, throwing the saddle bags over one shoulder. "Well, I just wanted to greet you. I will bathe and be in my room, if you need me."

Kageyama watched her go. "It is my room again!" he called after her. "I've just moved back in."

"I will have the servants move your things out for you, Lord Kageyama. And take a bath, you smell of pond scum."

*~*~*~*~*~*

When Sanli went to Kageyama's room, that was now Ao's once more by her own decree, he found Ao sitting in the same spot where he had sat that morning.

Ao had already made the room hers once more. Her traveling things were littered across the straw mats, a fur lined boot here, her traveling cloak there. Sanli picked up a silk robe, that must have been tried on and discarded, as well as strip of cotton toweling, wet, most likely from drying Ao's long hair.

The robe she wore now was the one that had deer across it, peering out from behind trees. She had fixed it about her waist with a bright orange sash, that contrasted boldly with the soft green of her robe.

He hair hung long and limp down her back, the ends still wet from the baths.

"It has been raining a lot, hasn't it?" Ao said as Sanli came to sit beside her.

"It has. I hope it did not make your journey back more difficult."

"It didn't," said Ao shortly, looking out at the rain-soaked forest around them.

Sanli did not know what to say. Obviously Ao had found Zakhar, if she knew he was dead. But what had happened? Had it been... unhappy?

Of course it was. Does she look happy now? Is death ever happy?

Sanli struggled, wondering what he should say. He opened his mouth to speak, then closed it, then opened it again.

"Ao I am sorry... for what you went through, and for not being there for you-"

"It is fine little prince. I am fine. And I am no longer angry at you, for not telling me. I understand why you did it. You did not want me to feel responsible for his death."

Ao's words were measured and reasonable, and that more than anything scared Sanli.

He began again. "Ao...Zakhar knew his fate, long before he met you. You gave him joy in his last days, for which I know he feels grateful. You are in no way responsible for his death."

"Hah, I know that prince. I do not need your words of comfort. I have been alive a long time, and have witnessed more deaths than you have hairs on your head. Zakhar was just one more."

And with that Ao stood. "If you wouldn't mind leaving, I am very tired from traveling and think I will sleep early."

*~*~*~*~*~*

Life at Wo You Nai went back to the way it had been before Ao's encounter with the tigress and their journey north, with a few exceptions.

The first was the increased need for protection. After the attempt on Sanli's life, and the obscenely high offer of money that Commander Sha had received for delivery of Ao, Kageyama would not let either of them go anywhere on their own.

"Neither of you leave Wo You Nai without a guard. Preferably myself, but if I am not available one of Zhangyu's men will do."

"Sho Sensei," Sanli protested. "We are in the Valley. No one who means the royal family or their visitors harm can enter."

"That means nothing if the threat comes from another member of the family," Kageyama snapped.

Sanli has nothing to say to that. Erli had been gloriously absent as of late, but it did not mean she would always be so.

"Alright," Ao agreed quietly. "I have nowhere to go anyway, beside to see Ermi."

Sanli and Kageyama's eyes met. Ao never agreed so easily to anything.

That was another difference. Ao, usually so bold, so ostentatious if her living, had become quiet, demure, uninterested in much. She would rise in the morning, go to the stables to care for the horses, (something she never used to do before) and then spend the rest of the day in her room, sitting on the veranda watching the forest, or lying on the bed staring at the ceiling.

And of course, the biggest difference in life at Wo You Nai: Zakhar was gone.

Sanli had not thought he would feel the big man's absence so keenly. They had been friends, of course, but Zakhar's main purpose for staying had been as someone employed by Kageyama.

But now he missed Zakhar. He missed the man's down to earth nature, his easy laugh, his enthusiasm for fine wine and the simple pleasures of life.

And if I miss him, then Ao must do so even more.

If Ao missed Zakhar, she gave no indication. She never talked of him. She did not visit his room, or do anything else connected with him besides caring for Dunya every morning.

She insisted she was fine. But Sanli knew she was not fine.

"We should have done more," Sanli said to Kageyama one morning, after finding the kitsune in his rooms, carefully polishing his sword.

"There was nothing for us to do," said Kageyama, not needing a further explanation of Sanli's words. "Zakhar was marked by a god. Neither you or I have the power to undo that."

"But we could have done more, for him and Ao, so that his end was not so unhappy." Sanli's fists clenched. "I could have done more. I should of-"

"Sanli..." Kageyama warned.

"I should have insisted he stay, and tell Ao the truth. Then at least—"

"Sanli!" Kageyama firmly interrupted. "You cannot control all that goes on around you. It is meaningless to think like this."

So life in Wo You Nai continued, quiet and dreary as the grey sky that was ever present above the trees.

The only light would come when Ermi and Xiao Qingxi would come for a visit. Then they would spend the afternoon eating and laughing on the veranda, or playing hide-and-find and other childrens' games in an attempt to keep Qingxi occupied.

"I wonder when brother and Cousin Xiangwu will return," Ermi wondered aloud absently one day as they all played catch in the courtyard of Wo You Nai with a woven grass ball. Qingxi seemed to enjoy throwing the ball at her companions rather than to them, but luckily her little arms lacked power.

"Zakhar Dage as well. If he is in Zhanghai, perhaps we could go visit him?" Ermi added, catching the ball and throwing it back to Qingxi.

Ao quickly looked away. She stood in a circle with them, Qingxi in the center. But perhaps sensing her disinterest, Qingxi rarely threw the ball to her.

"What is Zhang'yu up to, these days?" Sanli asked hurriedly. Qingxi launched the ball at him next, but it went wide, and Sanli was forced to chase after it as it rolled away across the courtyard.

"He doesn't send me many letters recently, because they are always on the move. He's told me he's patrolling the border. But if you ask me, he's just avoiding his upcoming marriage." Here Ermi gave a knowing look.

"It sounds as though rebellion has mostly settled," said Sanli, returning to the circle. "All of those Liu Zhua fanatics have been caught or vanished. Now it is just hungry farmers." Sanli threw the ball back to Qingxi's reaching hands. "He will not have much longer to use that excuse."

Kageyama grunted his disagreement. "I do not know about that. Such things are not settled so quickly." The kitsune grunted again as he was forced to leap to catch Qingxi's throw.

"Fools," said Ao, speaking for the first time in a while. "They worship a monster."

Drawn by her voice, Qingxi threw the ball to Ao. Ao deftly caught it, returned it, then turned and walked away.

Ao did not return to the courtyard that afternoon. Sanli and the others ate dinner on the terrace, and then talked until late. Finally Kageyama stood and offered to walk Ermi back to Rabbit Run, hefting a sleeping Qingxi in his arms.

Sanli waved goodbye, then turned and made his way to his rooms.

Just outside his door he stopped. Ao's door was closed, but he thought he had heard...

He went to the door to Ao's room, and slid it open.

Inside was dark. A faint light from outside came in the open doors that led out onto the veranda.

Ao sat there, in the dim light of night. He robes fell around her, white in in the dark.

"Ao?"

He saw her face turn, then turn away again. "What do you need, little prince?"

"Did you eat?"

"I am not really hungry."

Sanli picked his way across the room, tripping over discarded items of clothing. There was a dull thrum as his foot collided with Ao's lute.

He sat beside her, on the deck, just as Kageyama had sat beside him not long before. The rain, that had stopped with evening, was slowly starting to fall again.

Ao had turned her face away, dark hair falling in a curtain between them.

Carefully, Sanli reached out and lay a palm along her face, thumb stroking her cheek. Ao pushed his hand away, but not before he felt the gritty warmth.

"Ao..."

"What do you want, little prince?" she said, voice thick. "If there is nothing, I will ask you to leave."

"You do not have to grieve alone," said Sanli. "I miss him too."

He reached out his arms, but Ao swatted them aside. "I am not grieving. Leave."

"I won't," said Sanli firmly. He reached out again, and again Ao pushed his hands away.

"I do not need your pity! Leave me alone!" her words were harsh, but her rebuff was feeble.

Finally, the third time Sanli reached out, Ao did not push him away. He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her to his chest.

He could feel Ao's shoulders beneath his arm. He squeezed her shoulder gently, and ran his other hand down her hair, silky smooth.

It was strange, Ao always seemed so big, so much larger than life. But now, held against him like this, she was quite small.

He thought of how Ao had cared for him and comforted him the cave. Her unceasing confidence. And her kindness, rough though it was, that she showed to him, and to others, but refused to acknowledge, or show to herself.

Like a stone on the bottom of a river, smooth on one side, rough on the other. Ao had so many sides.

He felt her shoulders twitch, and then heave in his arms. She pressed her face into his shirt.

"It hurts little prince. It hurts so much," she gasped between sobs.

Sanli did not know what to do, so he held her in his arms as she cried.

*~*~*~*~*~*

Eventually Ao fell asleep, exhausted. Sanli carried her to the bed and lay down beside her.

Sanli must have fallen asleep as well, for when he woke it was just before dawn. A lone bird was singing with the rhythm of the rain beneath the dark trees.

Beside him, Ao was awake.

"I cannot stay here, prince."

"Where would you like to go?" Sanli asked, yawning, one hand behind his head. He lay fully clothed, on top of the silk sheets. "Zhanghai? Or Nan'ye, or anywhere else? We can even go to the capital, if that's what you want. My brother won't begrudged us a small corner of his estate. And Ermi may go soon as well."

Ao's silence told him what her words had not.

She does not mean the Valley. She means she cannot stay here, with me. A flash of fear twisted his insides, and then it was gone.

"When-when will you go?"

"At the end of the rainy season, I will leave."

That is so soon! Less than a month. "Perhaps you should stay until summer is finished. You will not want to travel in the heat-"

"No," said Ao firmly. "After the rainy season ends, I will leave."

*~*~*~*~*~*