分崩離析
Fēnbēng líxī
Disintegrate; fall to pieces; come apart.
To come apart.

*~*~*~*~*~*

Sanli and I made our way back along the hall, toward the staircase.

The prince didn't say anything. I took his uninjured hand in mine and squeezed it.

"I am glad you are alright my prince." Then my eyes fell on his bandaged fingers, his shaken face. Do you think he is alright? Fool.

Sanli smiled weakly, following my eyes to his hand. "They will heal. I am glad you are alright as well Ao."

I had meant to take Sanli's unhurt hand only for a moment. But when I went to drop it, the prince held on.

His grip tightened. "I am grateful you came back for us Ao. But I wish you hadn't."

I had just taken my first step up the stairs. I froze and turned. "What do you mean? The dog would have tortured you to death if I hadn't come."

Sanli looked away. "I do not want you to risk yourself for me. I do not want you to get hurt because of me."

I laughed. "Oh little prince. You worry needlessly. Even if I get hurt, I will heal. You have seen it."

Sanli frowned. "I have seen you in pain. And I do not like it."

I felt anger and embarrassment creep over my skin, hot like fire. A sharp response formed on my tongue. Something to say how, just like the character of my name, I would always do as I please, regardless of what he or anyone else thought.

And then I thought of how the last words I had spoken to the prince in the cabin had been unkind. How I had thought they would be the last words I ever spoke to him. I thought how heavy that had weighed on my chest as I galloped back to the fortress beside Zakhar.

Time is too short for harsh words.

"I understand your feeling, prince," I said gently. "But has it occurred to you that I feel the same? I do not want to see you hurt either. I am sorry I was not fast enough this time. Next time, I will be."

I pulled him toward me using our still joined hands. When he came close enough, I put my lips to his temple, in easy reach now I stood one step above him.

I did not have to look to see the color of his face. I could feel Sanli's blush in the air around us.

"Come prince," I said softly. "Let us go see if Zakhar has woken yet."

*~*~*~*~*~*

We climbed back to the upper floors of the fortress, and found the room that had been designated the infirmary.

Zhangyu had wisely agreed to treat the fortress's soldiers as well as his own injured. A comfy bed and kind nurse rarely encourage thoughts of revolt.

Looking around though, I couldn't see any of Zhangyu's guard in the beds. Do they really have no casualties after assaulting a fully garrisoned fortress? An impressive fighting force, indeed.

Zakhar was in the farthest bed. An owl-eyed woman was checking the bandages around his shoulder. Nearby a huge, brown skinned man sat, so large he dwarfed even Zakhar. I knew for certain he was mu'ren. Human men do not get that large.

The dark skinned man was watching over the whole of the infirmary with a placid eye, his thoughts indistinguishable.

Sanli stopped before him. "Excuse me... are you perhaps from the Eldest Lands?"

The giant man looked the little prince before him up and down silently, then nodded.

Sanli grinned enthusiastically. "I thought as much. I have read a lot about there. I always wanted to ask—"

Having often been the target of Sanli's unceasing curiosity, I pitied the big mu'ren man.

I reached Zakhar. Just as when I had stopped by earlier, he was asleep. Bandages swathed his shoulder and the entire right side of his face.

I perched on the edge of Zakhar's bed, taking one of his large hands in my own.

"I told you before, I dosed him heavily, he won't wake till tomorrow," the owl eye woman said. Her jerky movements reminded me of the pecking of a bird. She must be some kind of flighted mu'ren.

I shrugged. I wanted to sit with him regardless. I studied Zakhar's face. I had been so worried for the prince, and so hurried to get to him, it had not occurred to me that Zakhar could get hurt in all of my whirlwind schemes.

I stroked the back of his large hand with my thumb. Hands that had held me so tenderly, so carefully. I am sorry.

"He will be fine. He has a god's mark, and is strong besides," the bird woman said, seeing my worried face.

"Will the face wound scar?"

The woman scowled, clearly thinking my question was one of shallowness. "Most likely, yes. I will know better tomorrow when I unbandage it."

The woman continued scowling, and I sensed her dislike of me was not simply from my last comment.

"Have we met before?" I asked her, wondering if I had offended her on another meeting and forgotten it.

Her scowl deepened. "You are Lady Yunyou, are you not?" she said.

"I am," I answered, confused.

"Prince Zhangyu speaks of you often," the owl-eyed woman said harshly.

Ah... I see.

"Well, I hardly see why that is cause for you to dislike me," I said, innocently enough.

The woman scowled harder, and bustled away to find more bandages.

A woman in love with her commander... what a typical story, I thought to myself with a smile.

I gave a final look at Zakhar's sleeping face then stood, mention of the second prince reminding me I still had questions.

I tapped Sanli on the shoulder, at last freeing the big man from his curiosity.

Sanli was completely changed from when we had entered the infirmary. The haunted look was gone from his eyes, as he babbled to me about the knowledge he had just gained from the large mu'ren.

I nodded to the man gratefully for distracting the prince, and he nodded back, most likely for a similar reason.

"Gakere told me that in his land mu'ren are commonly as big as he is, some are even bigger! There are creatures with huge tusks, and necks as tall as trees. And since they have no Circle to force them into human form, most live out their lives in their true forms, only taking human form to enter human settlements."

"I have seen the Eldest Lands little prince. They are as beautiful as they are awe inspiring."

"You have? Why didn't you say so?" Sanli was indignant. "They say all life originated there. That is why they are called the 'Eldest Lands'."

As we were about to leave the infirmary, a tug in my middle stopped me in my tracks. I looked back at Zakhar's still face.

Sanli's hand fell on my shoulder. "He will be alright Ao. He would not have let you come alone, so it is pointless to blame yourself."

I knew that. I already knew.

I turned to leave. "Come little prince, let's go find your nephew."

*~*~*~*~*~*

Sanli followed me up to the commander's room, still talking about distant lands and strange mu'ren.

His ceaseless chatter reminded me of Ermi. I was starting to miss his stunned silence, when I realized Sanli's enthusiasm was as much to distract me as himself.

He does not need to worry about me. I have seen blood and death before.

Through the shattered door of the commander's room, remains hanging on broken hinges. Inside the room had received a quick cleaning. The bodies at least had been removed, and most of the blood.

The furniture was still in splinters. Zhangyu stood in front of the table, carefully sorting through the commander's papers.

I went to stand beside him. "Little Copper Prince. I almost forgot to give you my well wishes. Congratulations on your marriage."

Zhangyu glanced up at me, then back to the paper in his hand. Blood streaked one corner.

"Thank you. I am not married yet though."

Sanli stopped beside me, hovering like a protective dog. There was an uncomfortable silence.

"How did you know to come, Zhangyu?" the prince asked finally.

"Xiangwu and I have been taking turns to lead patrols near the northern border since you all disappeared last year. I have men watching the fortress, and when they saw a hunting party ten men strong ride out toward the mountains last week, we knew they must have found you first. Luckily I was nearby and could come quickly."

"Oh," said Sanli. I sensed him contemplating a thank you, but it never formed, and the awkward silence resumed.

"Did you find anything Zhangyu?"

All three of us looked up. Kageyama had entered, wiping his hands on his trousers.

I wondered what he needed to clean off of them.

"Nothing," Zhangyu replied. "A note promising ten thousand gold for the delivery of Lady Yunyou, unharmed, but there was nothing to suggest the sender."

Zhangyu passed the mentioned paper to Kageyama. The fox inspected it, then passed it to me.

I saw nothing but black ink on the page. No other clues to tell the sender. The only clue was in the amount.

"I have many enemies. But not many of them could promise this amount. If not a god, a clan head, no doubt."

"Which though?" Kageyama asked.

I shrugged. "I am universally disliked. It could be any of them. "

"Why?" asked Sanli. "Why would they want you, and alive? And why now?"

I shrugged once more. "Like I said, I have many enemies. Probably they learned my location after my meeting with the tigress, and now want to enact revenge, while I am human and helpless."

I moved away to sit on the nearest chair. Of the four chairs before the fire, it was the only one that hadn't lost a limb or suffered a scathing swipe from the liu xing.

"What of the daquan? Did he have any useful information?" Zhangyu asked.

"No," said Kageyama."Except-" here he looked away, eyes sliding from Zhangyu to Sanli beside him. "He believed someone in the family paid to have Sanli killed."

Sanli snorted. "Are we surprised? We all know who it was. Her son is standing right here."

"You don't know it was my mother," snapped Zhangyu.

"No? Who else was it then? Perhaps your darling new wife?"

"I am not married yet."

"No, but you soon will be. And where will your allegiances lie then Zhangyu? Oh, of course. With yourself, as always," Sanli said sarcastically.

Zhangyu bristled. "You are always so quick to paint me the villain. Did you think I proposed marriage because I liked the color of her stripes? I offered marriage because the Western Kingdom promised weapons and armor for ten thousand men as a marriage gift. "

"You married yourself off for armor? If that is not self-serving-"

"And what do you think would have happened if all of us had refused the tigress's marriage proposal?!" Zhangyu stormed. "Do you think they would have given up trying to sink their claws into our kingdom? No, next it would have been one of the White Queen's many sons on our doorstep. You know my mother would happily marry Ermi off for the prospect of an army."

I had to agree with Zhangyu's words. They were an astute observation of the situation. Trouble was brewing between the West and the South. It had been for years, with disputes over boundaries and control of crucial waterways both countries shared. With the Golden Emperor out of the picture, and the Central Regions in chaos after years of drought and most recently rebellion, there was little hope for an alliance there. And in the north Hei would be as he always was, indifferent to what was going on around him. The most logical place for Baihu to seek allies was in the East.

Though plentiful in metals, the dry mountains and barren steppes of the Western Kingdoms had always meant a limited food supply, a limitation even Baihu in all her ingenuity had difficulty overcoming. The Green Kingdom, rich in agriculture and timber, and grown soft as it prospered, provided the perfect ally for the well armed and armored Western Kingdom. A ripe fruit, ready for the plucking.

The fact that Lu was no longer around to contend with Baihu's schemes did not hurt either. Just as the second prince had said, without a strong leader to protect it, the tigress would sink her claws into the Green Kingdom one way or another.

Zhangyu continued, and I could not quite define the tone of his voice. Resolute? Regretful? "If it were Ermi, you know she would end up taken advantage of, little better than a hostage in her husband's home. At least this way I can try and use them, as much as they plan to use us."

My heart tightened at the second prince's plight, though I did not know why I cared. I spoke up from where I sat. "You are playing a dangerous game, prince. Only a fool tries to trick a tiger. You would be better off staying away from her and her kin altogether."

Zhangyu's face twitched, then turned nasty. "And where are your armies, my most wonderous sixth goddess? Forgive me if I don't swear my allegiance to you just yet."

"Don't speak to her that way," said Sanli sharply.

"How should I speak to her? In a coy flirtatious tone, as you always do?"

I stood. I had heard enough.

"Best of luck to you, little copper prince. Be careful not to let your new wife know she is having my seconds."

I left the men standing around the table, to argue over politics.

*~*~*~*~*~*

I spent the remainder of the day in the infirmary by Zakhar's side. He did not wake, and I wondered if the owl-eyed woman was secretly slipping more sleeping herb into his water, just to spite me.

At dinner time I ate in the mess with the soldiers. What was left of the fortress garrison sat huddled together in the corner at a single one of the long tables, either by order or out of a sense of security.

Zhangyu's soldiers on the other hand had spread out, and were celebrating their victory. It seemed they were able to relax their supremely trained mentalities when time and orders allowed.

"Whooohoo, pretty lady! I know you are, under those boyish clothes. Come join us!" one of the younger of the guard yelled, before being laughed at and shushed to silence by his elders.

I tipped my cup and smiled in salute, but stayed at my own table.

After eating I wearily made my way up to my room. I had not realized how exhausted I was. The energy that surged through the veins when a weapon was in hand had lingered with me throughout the day, but suddenly deserted me as I climbed the final round of the spiral staircase and staggered toward my room.

Inside, a square of orange light from the sunset had found its way through the small window to burn its color on a wall of my room.

It was not the only thing waiting for me in my room.

"What are you doing here, prince?" I said, as I shut the door behind me.

Prince Zhangyu sat on the edge of the small cot, hands folded before him. He looked up as I entered.

He withdrew a wrinkled letter from his uniform. "Ermi asked me to give this to you, if I saw you again," he said, holding the letter out to me.

I took the letter, cut the wax seal with a finger, unfolded the paper and read.

Dear Ao-jie,

When I sat to start this letter, I was not quite sure what to say to you. I had so many things I want to tell you about, but I was afraid they might seem petty and insignificant compared to what you must have been through since we last saw each other.

Then I realized if you have been through difficult and troubling times, perhaps hearing about easy, petty things might be exactly what you wish. So I apologize if this letter seems frivolous, but that's what I will write about.

After you left I was terribly bored. So I threw myself into study, and guess what! I got the second highest marks in the year! Even in our history class, and we both know the teacher despises me.

Who got the highest? It was the tall, skinny boy who always sat on his own. You know, the one with the dark rings under his eyes, who we guessed had either forgotten how to sleep or was a panda? I started talking to him, and he's actually very nice, when he's had a decent night's rest.

And the strangest thing happened! After the exam results came out, the other students started talking to me a bit. And I know what you're thinking, they were just talking to me because I had scored well, but I think they have started to accept me.

We never got to perform the autumn play, so I changed it around a bit. In the new version, Xiyu and Liu Zhua are not lovers. Instead they are enemies, and Xiyu seeks the Sixth Clawed dragon out for revenge. After doing some research, I thought perhaps that might be more accurate—

I smiled at that. Haha, revenge and not love, eh princess? Close, but not quite.

I skimmed the remainder of the letter, eyes settling on the closing lines.

I hope brother finds you, and that you come back safe to the Valley. I miss you everyday.

Your friend,
Ermi

I bit my lip. It was natural to feel nostalgic. I had enjoyed my time in the Valley very much, so of course I would miss it. That was the reason my eyes suddenly felt warm.

Before me Zhangyu was smiling slightly. I composed myself and addressed him.

"Thank you for this prince. But you could have waited till tomorrow to give it to me. You did not need to enter my room to do so."

Zhangyu looked down at his folded hands. "I was hoping to talk to you."

I looked down at the second prince sat before me, sheepishly folding and unfolding his hands in an attempt to cover his nervousness.

"If you hope to use me once again to make you betrothed jealous, you will have to seek someone else out," I said sharply.

"That is not it," Zhangyu protested. "And I confess, though part of what motivated me that night was desire to make my uncle jealous, it was not the only reason."

"Oh? And what other reason was there?"

"You are attractive, of course, and you make me feel... powerful."

I cackled. "Powerful? Like a good strong sword in your hand, or a swift steed beneath your legs?"

"No, powerful like... like I am in control of my own fate."

The sincerity in his voice burned like a candle, and I held back the next jibe I had formed ready on my tongue.

Zhangyu buried his face in his hands. "Nevermind. I don't know why I am here."

But still he did not go.

I sighed, and sank to the bed next to him. There was a heavy silence that made it clear that there was still something the second prince wanted to say.

I sighed again. "Why do you feel like you are not in control of your own fate prince?"

I did not need an answer. I already knew. His controlling mother, who used him and his siblings as little better than tools. Pieces on a chessboard.

Apparently Zhangyu felt I did not need an answer either, because when he spoke, it was to begin a story. One I had not asked for.

"My grandmother gave me a maid on my 16th birthday," the prince began. "Her name was '暘昤 Yánglīng'. Sunshine. I don't know if you know this, but it is common for noble houses to hire maids for their sons, whose sole purpose is to... well to..."

"To make you into men," I finished for him.

"Yes," said Zhangyu, looking faintly embarrassed. "But Sunshine... she was more than that to me. She would make it her mission, everyday, to brighten my world. Just like her namesake. I cared for her, very much."

I understood now, that Zhangyu was explaining the history of his contentions with Sanli. Why he felt the need to explain, I did not understand, but I listened patiently.

"But then, she met Sanli." Zhangyu paused, and that bitter jealousy appeared on his face, though it was mixed with sadness. "Even when we were young, women were always drawn to him, and Sunshine was no different. Her free time became devoted to him. She did her duty for me, she was kind and cared for me, as always, but it was Sanli her heart was with."

"I— I was jealous. Like a child, like a fool, I ran to my mother. Told her about my uncle and my maid."

"Three days later, Sunshine disappeared. My mother said she had offered the girl money, to go into the country and start a life. The sole condition was that she could not have contact with any members of our family again."

"Sanli was furious, as was I. He blamed me for separating them, and I blamed him for the same. We fought, and well, never reconciled, as I'm sure you can tell."

I looked to Zhangyu, but sensed his story was not yet done. He clenched one hand, as if wringing out the memory from the past.

"At first, I believed my mother. Then I started to suspect something was not right. I sent a servant to track down Sunshine, to the village my mother told me she had settled in. But the servant returned and said there was no one of Sunshine's descriptions in the village."

I knew what was coming. I felt my stomach turn.

"Kageyama Sensei helped me find her. One of the servants had complained about a smell in the garbage chute in the eastern kitchens. Apparently the trash had been backed up for weeks, and the smell was getting so bad that no one would go near it."

Oh no. Oh no, no...

"Kageyama and I, we pulled her out of there, on our own. What was left of her."

There was a faint croak to Zhangyu's voice, as though he were thirsty. That was all. The only thing that betrayed his feelings.

Oh, little copper prince.

"We buried her in the forest, in a clearing she liked. Sho Sensei convinced me it was best not to tell Sanli, and like a coward, I agreed. I- I was afraid he would hate me more than he already did." Zhangyu put his face in his hands once more.

When he did not speak again for a long while, I asked "Why are you telling me this, Little Prince?"

"I don't know," he said, voice muffled by his palms.

"It sounds to me like you want my forgiveness," Zhangyu's shoulders shuddered, and he shook his head. "It is not my forgiveness you need."

I sank to the floor, and knelt between his legs, looking up at his covered face. Carefully, I peeled away his hands, until his bright copper eyes met mine.

I held his chin steady with one hand. "You need to forgive yourself."

Zhangyu's mouth twitched, then he sank to the floor beside me. He buried his face in my neck, in my hair, in the folds of my clothes, trying desperately to muffle his sobs, but he could not. They broke out of him, ripping free from his throat, shaking his grown form.

I held him, running a hand up and down his back, and made comforting noises, as one might make for a small, sobbing child.

*~*~*~*~*~*