磕磕撞撞
Kē ke zhuàng zhuàng
Walk unsteadily (when drunk or in a hurry).
Stumble or stagger along; reel.

My life continued on in repeating circles.

In the morning Ermi would come to my courtyard, and we would ride together to the university in the carriage. We would return home, some days later than others, and I would eat with Zakhar, Sanli and Kageyama at Wo You Nai. Then we would sleep, and I would wake the next day to do it all over.

At first Ermi was too shy to speak in class but rarely, and those rare times when she ventured an answer, the students, and sometimes professor, would make her feel inferior.

But gradually, Ermi learned to stand up for herself and her ideas.

"—and the reign of the Old Gods, just and proper, was rudely brought to an end by the coming of the six-clawed dragon Liu Zhua to the Inner Empire..." our history teacher paused, his eye finding the single, slender hand raised above the heads of the class. "Yes, Princess? Is there something you would like me to clarify for you?"

Ermi stood, as was expected when addressing an instructor. "Most sources say that the Old Gods were actually despotic. Humans, and some species of mu'ren, were treated as little better than property under their rule, and many argue that it was a great fortune that Liu Zhua killed them, and thus paved the way for the New Gods to take power."

I, and many of the class had been sleeping, but at Ermi's strong, clear words, we perked up, like flowers receiving rain.

Our professor laughed in a father like fashion, as though indulging the whims of a child. He was a tall man, with a narrow face and long nose, and a smile I did not like.

"And so we should thank Liu Zhua for killing them?" The professor replied, a smile on his face that was just short of a sneer. "Forgive me princess, but it seems you have fallen prey to a trend that is popular in many novels these days, of painting Liu Zhua and the Sixth God and all those other nefarious characters of history as heroes. We should never read our personal biases into history."

Ermi frowned. "Well in that case, it does not seem right to say that the rule of the Old Gods was 'just and proper' does it? That seems like a personal bias."

Our history teacher's smile grew tight, and he looked like he wanted to say several words he should not to a princess. But then he cleared his throat and continued his lecture.

On our rest days, Ermi often came to her uncle's courtyard and together we would study. Or rather, Ermi would study, while I would frit away time sleeping or eating or watching butterflies in the garden.

I started to enjoy attending the university. I liked the dull monotony of the lessons, the lectures. I liked seeing Ermi's boundless enthusiasm, and her determination, no matter how the other students or the professors snubbed her.

Her spirit grew day by day, and for some reason, I felt proud.

I also found I liked being surrounded by others. I did not like to admit it, but it had been lonely, my life, with much time spent in isolation because of who I was and who I had been. I came to enjoy my role now, companion to Ermi, friend to the prince. Resident of Wo You Nai.

Perhaps because of my contentment I found that despite the fact Sanli had removed my silencing seals, I did not want to tell anyone who I was. It was strange, to think the seals that had once bound me to silence had lifted. That I could now tell my name, my story, to whomever I wished. I could shout it from the tile rooftops of Linjing, if I wanted.

And yet I told no one. I was enjoying my place in life, and did not want it to change.

The seasons started to change all the same. When we had come to Linjing it had been late summer, though the perpetual coolness of the valley made one forget. Now, the days began to get shorter. In the cooler nights, the whir of cicadas was replaced by the lonely chirping of singular crickets.

The trees too, started to change, their green fading from its vibrant hue to a duller tone in preparation for the bronzed season.

One morning, Ermi burst into my room earlier than usual.

"Get up Ao-jie! It's the first day of autumn!"

I groaned and rolled over in my bed, tugging the sheets with me. "You said there would be no classes today," I muttered.

"There aren't! Let's go into the forest to celebrate. We can pack lunch boxes and eat beneath the trees."

"Can we leave later?"

"No! Get up! Let's go!"

Groggily I got up and began to dress in my scholar's robes out of habit before I realized what I was doing. I took the robes off and folded them, running a hand over the fine brown linen.

I thought back to how I had received the robes.

A few days after Ermi and I started at the university, I returned to my room to find a wrapped package on my bed. On top was a simple card that read 'they're new' in neat, tight hand.

I unwrapped the package to find the robes. When I went to Sanli to thank him, he shook his head. "They aren't from me." He took the card from my hand, and frowned at the writing. "That's Zhangyu's writing."

"Oh," I said, surprised.

"If you wanted new robes, you could have asked me. You did not need to go to him," Sanli grumbled, turning back to his books.

"I didn't," I assured him. But it made no difference, Sanli sulked for the rest of the day.

Usually, I found Sanli and Zhangyu's rivalry amusing. But sometimes, it could become an annoyance.

Setting my scholar's robes aside, I dressed in a rich dress of bronze orange silk, in celebration of the season.

By the time I finished with my hair and make up and emerged into the courtyard of Wo You Nai, Ermi had rounded up the men plus Liang'yi. Around them, servants stood, leading horses whose saddles were piled high with things like lawn blankets, umbrellas, pillows, and what looked like poles for a tent. And of course, boxes and baskets of food, and many, many bottles of wine.

"Look Ao-jie! Everyone is going. Brother even said he would meet us there!"

"Grand," said Sanli under his breath.

"Where are we going again, Little Rabbit?" Zakhar asked.

"The old water mill, up the valley," said Ermi. "It's said my ancestor used to live there before he became Green King! That's over six centuries ago."

"Oh," I said, wondering if it was the same watermill I had in mind. It couldn't be, could it?

We left the courtyard on foot. The men, Sanli, Zakhar, and Kageyama walked ahead, talking and laughing loudly about something, while the women, the princess, Liang'yi and I, walked a short distance behind.

Ermi walked beside me, chatting with Liang'yi. I walked silently, focused on putting one too large shoe in front of the other.

Suddenly the princess turned the topic to those infernally addictive romance books she had forced me to read.

"What do you think of the new book, Ao-jie?" Ermi asked, turning to me.

"Oh no, she's got you reading those bloody things too?" Liang'yi laughed.

I carefully maneuvered my too tall shoe around a slick looking stone. "I thought that Aiyu's husband was an unnecessary character. I don't understand why she doesn't just leave him."

"Oh no! She can't," said Ermi. "They've been betrothed since birth. She can't disappoint her family. And I think, deep down, a part of her is attracted to him."

I snorted. "I cannot see why. He is a controlling, manipulative sadist. Hardly attractive."

Ermi hesitated. "Well... I think perhaps Aiyu believes she can change him... or perhaps she enjoys his control."

"Enjoys it?" I said, voice raised. The three men, who were walking ahead of us, had stopped talking, and I realized they were listening to our conversation. "What's the fun in being controlled?"

Liang'yi chuckled. "I have to side with Noodles on this one."

Ermi's voice was still hesitant, but she spoke clearly. "It think it is the relinquishing of control, of responsibility, that she enjoys. Not having to make decisions. Allowing someone else to make them for her. Isn't that also a form of control?"

"I disagree," I said. "And I do not find the husband attractive. Give me a pretty, pliable prince any day," I said, my eyes finding the back of Sanli's head.

Ahead of us Zakahr said something and claped Sanli on the shoulder, and the men broke into guffaws.

"Whoever thought up those novels is a genius," Liang'yi said with a sigh. "All these young suppressed noble women with coin to spare."

I had to agree with her.

We stopped mid morning in a small clearing beside a beautiful stream to rest. The stream ran in a thousand miniature waterfalls over the hillside, falling in crystal clear rivulets over the bright green moss. Bright orange fish swam in the stream, no doubt escaped or liberated from a nearby courtyard pond.

When we paused all the servants except for one man continued on ahead of us, leading the horses piled with all our items.

The servant who stayed behind took a blanket from his horse's back and carefully spread it upon the forest ground for our group to sit and rest upon. Next he unpacked a set of drinking cups and a pitcher, taking the later item to a nearby stream to fill with cold clear water.

When he returned, the servant poured the water into each of the cups. Then, bowing, he offered them to each of the six of us on a lacquer tray with all the reverent ceremony of a priest presenting wine to the gods.

I sighed as I took mine. I had forgotten how good it felt to be treated as royalty.

"Uncle Sanli, will you help me finish up the script for the fall play today? I haven't had much time to work on it, having been so busy with studying." Ermi spoke from where she sat on the blanket.

"Of course I will," replied Sanli. He stood, and held out a hand each to me and Ermi, to help us to our feet.

We began to walk up the path again, leaving the servant behind to pack away our things and follow.

"What subject did you choose again for the play?" Sanli asked his niece, falling into step beside us.

"I chose the fall of the Sixth God," Ermi replied proudly.

"And which version did you choose?" Sanli asked, glancing at me.

Ermi smiled. "My favorite version. The one where Xiyu and Liu Zhua are lovers, and Xiyu comes to the Inner Empire to rescue Liu Zhua after he has been imprisoned for killing the Old Gods."

I felt my mouth twist downward and spoke before I could stop myself. "A fanciful romance. Why waste your time with such nonsense?"

Ermi looked at me, surprised by my tone. "It's not nonsense... it's a lovely story."

"Hah, what part of it is lovely?" I said, unable to keep the derision from my voice.

The Ermi of some months ago would not have responded. But Ermi had changed, and she spoke up, even against me, her Ao-jie.

"I think it is wonderful, the way Xiyu loves Liu Zhua, and fights for him even when all the world is against him." Ermi's said stubbornly.

In any other situation, I might have been proud of Ermi, for taking a stand for her ideas, but the topic of the conversation had put me on edge. "It is foolishness, for fools to enjoy." I snapped. "This is why you struggle so in our history classes, princess. The teacher was right. Do not mistake myth for fact."

There was an awkward silence, broken by Liang'yi saying, "Well, I think you're both fools for wasting time arguing over it."

The topic changed, and we carried on. I fell behind the others, partly because of my too tall shoes, which I was regretting wearing, and partly because I felt ashamed of the way I had spoken to Ermi. The girl did not know who I was, or the truth of my past. She had not meant any harm with her words.

"Are you alright?"

I looked up. Zakhar had stayed behind to wait for me.

"I'm fine," I said. "Just having some trouble with these shoes."

Zakhar chuckled. "Don't get mad at me, but they're bloody ridiculous."

My eyes widened indignantly. Then I laughed. "They are aren't they. I'm taking them off." I slipped my toes from beneath the straps, and left my shoes sitting neatly by the path side.

*~*~*~*~*~*

As we travelled deeper into the valley, the path started to incline upwards. I realized we were ascending toward the mountains.

The air grew crisper. Here, higher up, it started to truly feel like the bronzed season.

Lu had always said his favorite season was autumn. He told me he loved the changing of the colors, the harvesting of apples and other autumn fruits. The smell of wood smoke on a cool rainy evening.

I would tease him. "You're the Green King. Not the Bronzed King."

Lu, laid out on a blanket beneath the red and orange trees, laughed. "I like the Springing Season too. But there's just something about the fall, that makes you want to go home."

My teasing words died in my throat. Home. What a strange place.

Lu reached out and grabbed my hand, to pull himself up. "Come, let us return to the house. I asked cook to prepare an apple tart for dessert. With extra cinnamon and cloves. Your favorite."

I did like apple tart.

The path had become less smooth, and I was glad I had left my shoes behind. The incline became steeper and steeper, and roots twisted across the path. Stepping on any one of those roots in my previous shoes would have twisted my ankle, and sent me tumbling back down the path.

Still, I had to pick my way carefully, so as not to catch my long robe on any of the gnarled roots.

"Would you like me to carry you?" asked Zakhar, from where he walked ahead. I was still the slowest person.

"Or perhaps you would prefer to ride?" said a voice behind me. I started, and turned back to see the source of the voice.

Zhangyu was riding toward us, on the back of his magnificent chestnut stallion. For the first time since I had met the Second Prince, he was not wearing his military uniform, but was clothed in a loose silk shirt and leather riding pants.

It seemed strange, to see him dressed so, and riding alone, as I had grown used to seeing him always flanked by a set of his black garbed guards.

The Second Prince slid from his horse as he approached us in a smooth motion. Pulling the reins, he brought the stallion to a stop beside me, and gestured to the saddle. "Do you want to ride?"

I hesitated. I did want to ride. My feet were sore, despite the softness of the ground, and my arms were tired from holding my robes up so I would not stumble or snag them on the ground.

But I did not want to allow the Second Prince to help me. The thought of putting myself in his debt infuriated me.

Zakhar stepped up behind me, seeing my hesitation. "I will carry you Ao, if you do not want to ride."

"Perhaps she does not want to be carried over your shoulder like a sack of onions, giant," said Zhangyu, harshly. Beside me I felt Zakhar tense.

"I do want to ride," I said. When Zhangyu put out his hands to help me up into the saddle, I ignored him. "Zakhar, would you please help me up?"

I put my hands on his shoulder and my foot into his cupped palms, and with a quick heave Zakhar lifted me onto the horse.

Zhangyu took the reins with a grumble, and began to lead his horse forward, carefully guiding him around the worst of the roots. Zakhar walked beside me.

The rest of our party was now out of sight ahead of us. I hoped they were not far. With Zhangyu's arrival, an awkwardness had settled in the air. I wondered if this awkwardness followed the Second Prince wherever he went, or it was simply a product of his relationship with his uncle.

"It is a good horse," I said, to break the quiet more than anything.

"Yes," Zhangyu agreed. "Banli is a very good horse."

"Banli?" I asked. That was the word for chestnut in the old language.

"Chestnut," replied Zhangyu. He glanced back at me, sensing my questioning gaze. "Ermi named him. Not me."

"I see." That made more sense. I could not imagine the Second Prince naming his horse, let alone giving it a name like chestnut.

Beside us, Zakhar's mouth looked like it was trying not to frown.

After only a few minutes more of awkward silence, we reached the main group, and our destination.

The servants who had traveled with us had already started to unpack and set up camp. I was surprised to see two grand tents being erected, both sizable enough to comfortably sleep twenty people or more.

Zakhar helped me dismount and I made my way to where the rest of the group was already sitting on a large blanket, food and drinks set out on trays around them.

"What's all this?" I said, gesturing to the tents. "Surely we don't need all this for one day?"

"We're spending the night, of course," replied Sanli. "Do you really expect us to make our way back down that trail drunk? Which is what we'll all be, by nightfall." Sanli's merry smile tightened as Zhangyu came up behind me. "Nephew," he greeted.

"Uncle," Zhangyu greeted back. The barest of courtesies.

I sat on the blanket beside Ermi and Liang'yi. "Here Ao-jie, try this berry cheese on this hard bread. It's delicious!"

I had always liked that Ermi appreciated food as much as I did. I tried some and thanked her. "You're right. It is," I agreed heartily, with a smile, trying to make up for my harsh words earlier.

As our party took our seats on the blanket, the servants came and spread more delicacies. Sweet candied meats and fruit fresh and ripe. Breads twisted and shaped in ornate patterns and then baked and glanced with clear syrup that sparkled like gems. Cheeses of every size and pale shade, that smelled both fragrant and foul at the same time, a curious mixture of appetizing and not.

The seven of us, myself, Ermi, Liang'yi, Sanli, Kageyama, Zakhar, and Zhangyu ate until we could eat no more. When we were done, servants came to collect the leftover food and pack it away.

"And now it's time to drink!" said Sanli enthusiastically.

"It's not even noon yet," Kageyama sighed. But no one listened to him.

The servants came back with wine. It had made the trip in thick ceramic jars, which had been placed in boxes stuffed with straw and ice to keep it cool.

We each took our ceramic cups. They were plain, without ornament, rough pottery glazed in cool stone colors, greys and browns, flecked with spots of black. Simple, but elegant.

"The most beautiful woman in the group should pour," said Zhangyu, surprising me with his knowledge of such etiquette.

All eyes turned to me, and Zakhar passed me the long necked jar.

I in turn passed it to Ermi. "Ermi, pour my glass deep. My feet are hurting and I need to soothe the pain."

Ermi blushed, and filled my cup first. Then she turned and poured Kageyama his cup, her blush deepening.

"Thank you Ermi," said Kageyama. "In future you should always pour for the eldest drinker first." Ermi nodded.

"Oh?" I said. I raised my cup to the fox, in salute. "How do you know I am not the eldest of us?"

Kageyama's eyes narrowed at me over his wine cup as he took his first sip.

"Time for a drinking game!" said Sanli. "Any suggestions?"

"None of those poetry games you lordlings like," said Liang'yi. "Not all of us enjoy that. Let's play 'Till Ten'."

Ermi finished pouring everyone their wine. "I love till ten!" She clapped her hands enthusiastically.

"How does it work?" I asked.

"You've never played, Noodles? Where have you been?" I ignored Liang'yi and turned to Sanli, who had moved to sit beside me.

"It's simple really. We first sit in a circle," said Sanli. As he spoke, the others were rearranging themselves in to such a shape. "One of us picks a category, say... fruit. We then go in a circle, each person naming an object in that category until someone repeats an already named object, or cannot think of a new one. That person then has to drink their cup."

"That is simple," I said. "But how does the 'ten' come into it?"

"Ah, that's the fun part," said Sanli, grinning. "If you are the chooser of the category, and your playmates cannot name at least ten things in your category, then along with the person who repeats or fails to give a word, you must drink as well."

"That must get rather confusing, trying to remember how many words have been said." I frowned.

Sanli laughed. "Exactly. More often than not, the chooser has to drink because no one can remember the number of objects that has been named. If you're chosen as chooser, better pay attention!" Sanli warned. Then his grin faded and he scowled at my left side, where Zhangyu had just sat down.

The game began. Ermi chose first, and she chose vegetables. We continued around the circle, until Liang'yi repeated the word 'carrot'.

"Wait a minute... weren't you the one who said 'carrot' earlier Liang'yi?" asked Sanli.

"Of course," said Liangyi, draining her cup and holding out to Ermi to pour more. "I want to drink my wine, not just look at it." We all laughed.

Our next category was fruit. That too made it around the circle several times, until Ermi said the word 'pebble fruit'.

"Wait! Zakhar said pomegranate before. They're the same fruit!" I cried, now thoroughly engrossed in the game.

"Oh no," said Ermi, raising her glass. Kageyama, sat beside her, held out his hand.

"I'll drink it for you, Ermi," he said. "You don't want to get drunk too early."

"Let the girl drink, fox," tsked Liang'yi."She has a stronger constitution than me." The Dachuo herself was already red in the face.

"Or perhaps she simply understands moderation," muttered Kageyama.

Ermi drank.

Our next category was famous poets. All the most well known were named, and as my turn approached I could think of no one.

Suddenly, Kageyama's lessons at the university flashed to mind. The poet we were studying, the fool who was obsessed with love and revenge. What was his name...? Red Brush. That was it.

The name had formed on my lips, ready to say, and a smile was on my face when beside me, Zhangyu said "Red Brush," and smiled at me smugly.

He had read my lips. I glared back at his smile. Unable to think of another poet in time, I drank.

"Don't worry Ao. I'll get revenge for you," said Sanli beside me. As the next person after me, it fell to him to choose the category. I saw him thinking deeply, and counting around the circle...

"The four directions," said Sanli.

We all counted around the circle, realizing that with four people between them, Sanli's choice meant Zhangyu would have to drink.

North, south, east and west where each named, by Zakhar, Kageyama, Ermi, and Liang'yi respectively.

When it came his turn, Zhangyu smiled wryly at his uncle.

"That is less than ten Uncle. You have to drink as well," the Second prince pointed out before throwing back his cup.

"But of course," said Sanli. "Any sacrifice for my dear Lady Four Strings." Sanli winked at me, then threw back his wine.

Both men drained the contents of their cups, and then held them out to Ermi for more.

With Zhangyu, on my left, having just lost, it now fell to me to choose a category.

Gallant as Sanli's action was, I had never been one to let others fight my battles for me. I wanted my own revenge. I mimicked Sanli's strategy, counting around the circle. Five people between the Second Prince and I.

"The seasons," I said.

"There are only five. You'll have to drink as well, " warned Zhangyu. I shrugged my indifference.

The rainy season, the burning season, the bronzed season, the springing season, and the freezing season, were all named, by Sanli, Zakhar, Kageyama, Ermi, and Liang'yi respectively.

When it got to Zhangyu, he appeared displeased, but drank as the game required him. Then he looked pointedly at me, until I drank.

"Poor brother!" cried Ermi. "Ao-jie, don't bully him so. He is weak to drink."

"Thank you, Ermi,"said her brother tersely, embarrassed by his sister's concern.

"It was he who chose a fight with me," I said innocently. I grinned, enjoying the small power that had come to me, as It was my turn to choose the category again.

Around us servants had packed up the remaining food. The afternoon had grown late, the sun warm despite the cool of the air. The wine had caused my head to buzz, my smile to become a little freer. I counted round the circle, thinking of categories with only five items, so as to catch the Second Prince out again.

"The gods," I said.

"The Green King, Lulin," said Sanli, naming his ancestor.

"The Golden Emperor, Jinyan," said Zakhar.

"Xuanhei, the Black Lord," said Kageyama, shifting on his sitting cushion.

"Baihu, The White Queen," chirped Ermi. Which meant that-

"The Red Duke. Zhuque," was said by Liang'yi.

All eyes turned to the second prince, as it was now his turn. I grinned triumphantly, waiting for him to drink again.

But instead of raising his cup his mouth, the second prince instead turned to me and said-

"Xiyu. The Sixth God." He smirked, and raised his glass to me, as if in toast.

I froze, embarrassed. How had I forgotten myself? Or perhaps I had not thought that Zhangyu would think to include me.

Sly little prince.

"Fair enough," I said. I drank the contents of my cup, the wine burning like pleasant fire on its way down my throat.

"I believe that was also your category, Lady Yunyou," said Zhangyu. "And that was less than ten items. So you need to drink double."

I scowled at him, and he laughed. His laughter, usually so rough, sounded a little softer, like a stone that has been worn smooth in a stream.

My scowl shifted to a smile. "Well played prince. Well played." I held out my cup to Ermi, and after she poured I drank my second cup.

Liang'yi stood. "Alright I'm done. If you all are going to use the game to flirt, you can do it well enough without me." Taking a wine bottle, the Dachuo walked off in the direction of the creek that ran along one side of our clearing whistling.

Beside me, Sanli stood as well. His smile was in place, but it seemed more fixed than usual.

"I'm going for a walk. Care to join me, Ao?"

"I'm rather drunk-' I began.

"Join me," Sanli insisted.

Beside me, Zhangyu stood. "I'll join you, Uncle."

"I do not want to walk with you," Sanli snapped.

Zhangyu looked satisfied at breaking Sanli's smiling mask at last. The second prince then turned to me and held out a hand.

"We really should see the old mill near here, before it grows dark. It is said my ancestor was a frequent visitor. If you are feeling tipsy, I will lend you my arm, Lady Yunyou."

I could not help it. The look on Sanli's face amused me too much. It was nice to see my over confident prince put out for a change.

And I was enjoying being fought over.

I took the Second Prince's hand and let him pull me to my feet, then tucked my arm into his.

Sanli fell into step beside us. I could tell he debated taking my other arm, but it would be awkward, and too obvious.

"Wait, Uncle Sanli, you said you would help me finish the play!" called Ermi, pulling out a stack of paper and an ink box from a satchel a servant had brought her.

Sanli hesitated.

"Don't worry, Uncle. I am not going to steal Lady Yunyou. We will be back shortly," said Zhangyu, gently pulling on my arm to lead me away.

I laughed inwardly. Stealing me. As if that wasn't exactly what the Second Prince intended, with his sweet words.

I felt Sanli's eyes on our backs as we left.

*~*~*~*~*~*

Author's note HERE.