推心置腹
tuīxīnzhìfù
Give one's bare heart into somebody else's keeping.
Trust completely, to confide in somebody with entire sincerity.

I dimly remembered someone lifting me and carrying me for a time. They held me carefully, so my broken rib didn't shift.

I was undressed and redressed in dry linen pajamas, then placed on a bed. Someone attempted to inspect my wounds, but I swatted them away. They persisted, fingers prodding at the long cuts on my arms.

"Leave it!" I snarled, lashing out.

They went away, and I lay back, left with my pain.

My rib hurt worse than ever, as it started to heal. The feeling of the bone fusing together was horrible. I wondered if Yan had intentionally made it this painful, or had simply been so absent minded that he forgot to write in a zih or two to mitigate the pain.

I drifted between waking and sleep, my exhaustion dragging me down, only to have the pain bring me back to consciousness.

"Let me help you," said Sanli's voice in my ear.

I opened my eyes. It was early evening. Sanli stood beside my bed. I could see dim shapes behind him.

Grimly, I nodded.

Instead of Tenzetsuto, Sanli took out a scroll of paper and brought his seal to it. The spell burned green, and the zih leapt off the paper and surrounded Sanli's hand.

Sanli brought his glowing hand to my side, and immediately the pain in my ribs faded, replaced by a cool buzz, like soft electricity.

I sighed, and at last fell into a deep sleep.

*~*~*~*~*~*

My dreams were filled with Lu, as always, as well as the times before I had met him, when I had been Dalong, a monster in an ocean of monsters. Those early memories were full of brutal scenes, of pain and struggle and blood tinted sea.

There were a few more recent memories. Sanli, showing me how to use the hand held fireworks. Ermi in her yukata. Except in my dreams her yukata was the wrong color, a mismatch of rainbows, and the little princess's hair held too many pins to count.

When I woke, I at first thought I was still dreaming, because the room around me was far grander than the snug den I had created for myself at Chuanfang. Tall arches leading to a balcony filled with potted ferns lined one wall, letting in bright sunlight. The remaining walls were hung with tapestries, green backgrounds on which bright white kirin frolicked and played and slept beneath trees.

The furniture was sparse but ornate, dark wood finished with green silk and gold. A similar color carpet was spread across the flagstones.

Beside my bed was a chair, in the same dark wood and green silk, no doubt placed there for visitors. It was occupied, to my surprise, by Prince Zhangyu. He sat by my bedside, hands clasped in front of him, staring pensively at the ornate carpet.

When he saw my eyes were open he sat up. "Good, you're awake. Just in time."

"Where am I?" I asked, looking at the opulent furnishings.

"The palace. My sister wanted you nearby, and we thought it was best, considering the dragon got away, and wishes you harm."

"Hah, I know that worm," I said, pulling myself up in bed. My rib twinged as I moved, but was already healing, and someone had bandaged my arm. "Guang Han is too much of a coward to return and challenge those who have already bested him." I ran my hands against the silk sheets, noticing the expensive feel and the giant pile of pillows behind me.

Zhangyu clasped his hands and then unclasped them again, placing them on his knees. "I leave today for Linjing. Before I do, I want to ask you something."

I watched the handsome prince's nervous movements. "Ask it."

"I know who you are," said Zhangyu, looking directly at me. His copper eyes were serious. "I know now, after you helped me frame Guang Han, what you are capable of. What I want to ask is—" Zhangyu turned away, searching for the words. "I want to ask if you will aid me in becoming the next Green King."

I smiled. Ah, here we are at last. "And why should I do that?" I asked the prince innocently.

Zhangyu gestured at the room around him with his hands. "I can offer you a life of delicious luxury. All I ask in return is that you advise me."

"I see," I said, coyly resting my finger on my bottom lip and stroking it, as though thinking. I wasn't. I already knew my answer. "And what is your justification for becoming a god?"

"I'm sorry?" asked the second prince, looking puzzled.

"Do you think just anyone can become a god? Why should it be you and not, say, your uncle?"

Zhangyu's expression changed at the mere mention of Sanli. His jealousy runs deep. His tone changed to match his expression, and his next words were spoken with vehemence. "The Green King is dead, his kingdom defenseless. Famine sweeps the central regions, and yet no one has seen the Golden Emperor in decades. The White Queen and the Red Duke are all but at war over water rights to the Yang River. And the Black Lord does nothing but ravage and raid those poor souls unfortunate to live within his reach."

Zhangyu sneered at the failings of his own gods. "In short, the Inner Empire stands on the edge of chaos, and our kingdom will be the first to fall, without a strong leader."

"Oh?" I said, faking puzzlement. "But surely you can be a strong leader as you are now, little prince. You're very capable. You still haven't told me why exactly you need to become a 'god'."

Zhangyu frowned, realizing I was toying with him. "You've already made up your mind not to help me, haven't you?"

"Try and convince me," I said slyly.

"I won't beg," said Zhangyu.

"Why should you be Green King? Give me a reason why."

Zhangyu's jaw tightened, as did his grip on the arms of the chair. "Why? Why? Because I am a prince, and yet I am forced to grovel and scrape to creatures like Guang Han and the kappa. Because that dragon DARED kidnap MY sister," Zhangyu's temper grew as he spoke, his voice rising, shaking. "Because no matter how I surround myself with weapons and soldiers and knowledge, at the end of it all, power is power, and I am without." He slammed the arm of his chair. "Because our kingdom will never survive with a human leading it, and my idiot of an ancestor should have known that!"

"Do not insult your ancestor in my presence—" I said tersely.

"—he was a sentimental fool, and I'll say what I want about him—"

"Leave," I said. When Zhangyu didn't move, I yelled. "GET OUT!"

"Fine," said Zhangyu, standing at last. His face was bitter. "I'll leave you to my uncle. I'm sure he'll take very good care of you." His last words were rife with implications.

The door had opened at my yell, and Zakhar stood outside it, frowning. The huge blond man glared down at Zhangyu as the second prince brushed by him.

"I didn't hurt her. Stop looking at me like that," Zhangyu snapped. And then the prince was gone, his steps disappearing down the corridor.

*~*~*~*~*~*

Zakhar sat by my bed for the rest of the day, and we talked while I was awake. Zakhar seemed relieved to find that my engagement to Guang Han had all been an act. I was somewhat insulted that he had not guessed as much and told him so.

"I'm sorry," said Zakhar shrugging. "But you're a beautiful woman, he's a rich powerful man. Why shouldn't the match have been real?"

"Do you really think I'm the kind of woman to cling to a man for power and riches?"

"I have no idea what kind of woman you are," said Zakhar, grinning. "Just when I think I have an idea, you surprise me."

I was not sure if he meant it as a compliment, but I took it as one anyway.

Zakhar then recounted to me what had happened in Guang Han's study.

I laughed uproariously. "I would have given anything to see the look on his stupid face."

Zakhar smiled and shook his head. "I don't know why yer laughing. It was bloody terrifying. If I never meet a dragon again, it'll be too soon."

I laughed again, and glanced to the neck of Zakhar's shirt, where white bandages could be seen wrapped around his shoulder.

"Thank you, Zakhar," I said. "For coming after me."

He shrugged. "You'd do the same for me."

Would I? "Of course," I said.

Sometime in the afternoon I fell asleep, and when I woke it was night.

Zakhar had been replaced by Kageyama. The dark eyed man sat looking down at a book in one hand, spectacles on his face. A lamp on a nearby table had been lit, and he read by its light.

"Do you even need those?" I asked him, nodding to his spectacles.

Kageyama tilted them, their glass catching the light of the lantern. "Not really, no. But I'm told they make me look handsome." He grinned.

I was so surprised by his joke, I forgot to laugh.

Kageyama returned to his book, turning the page with a soft wrasp of paper.

"What happened to your true form?" I asked, staring at the ceiling above me. It too was painted with kirin. They floated on the ceiling, white blurs in the darkness.

"In order to get something, you need to give something up." Kageyama turned another page.

"Which means?"

"If you think I'm telling you more than that, you're very mistaken," he said. Wrasp. Another page.

Ah. Of course.

I lay, staring up at the ceiling, listening to the kitsune turn pages beside me.

"You have my thanks, for what you did for Ermi," said Kageyama. "Or tried to do."

I studied the kitsune's guarded expression. "But not your trust," I added.

"No," he confirmed, turning another page.

I rolled over, my back to the light, to hide my smirk. Small steps.

*~*~*~*~*~*

The next morning, it was Sanli who had appeared at my bedside, along with a giant vase of fresh flowers in a rainbow of colors.

"Good morning!" the prince said brightly.

"Good morning," I said, still drowsy.

"I wish I could say those are from me," said Sanli, gesturing to the flowers. "But they're from Ermi. Here, I'll move them closer to the bed so you can smell them."

Sanli moved the flowers by my bed and then sat, scooting the chair closer. Sanli's smile, his voice... were not his own. His mask, which had dropped the night before when he had pled to help me in the dark by my bedside, was back in place.

For some reason, I felt embarrassed.

"Has Zhangyu been here already?" Sanli asked.

"Yes." I said. I had a feeling Sanli knew the contents of my conversation with Zhangyu.

Sanli pulled a single flower from the vase and lifted it to his nose. "What did he offer you?"

"A 'life of delicious luxury', to aid him in his pursuit of the green throne," I replied, watching Sanli carefully.

"Hmmm, a good offer. Did you accept?" Sanli twisted the flower between his fingers. A casual gesture, yet I was reminded of how Zhangyu had clasped and unclasped his hands when nervous.

I didn't respond. I knew why Sanli was here. What he wanted to ask. But I was still unsure of my own answer. Would I help him become the next Green King? Did he deserve it?

And who was I to judge?

"What do you want, little prince?" I asked, frustration clear in my voice.

Instead of answering me, Sanli sat in the chair, beside my bed. The flower was still in his hand, and he played with it while looking across my bed and out the window, eyes distant.

Then he began.

"Five is a holy number. There are five fingers on a healthy human hand. Five seasons in the year. The freezing season—"

"I know the story," I interrupted, but Sanli continued. He told the whole story, to the end, word for word, while I sat there and resented every syllable of it.

"—And thus it was the Five Gods returned to their original number. The sixth god was forgotten, her temples destroyed, her image erased, her followers scattered, her name lost to time."

Sanli took my hand, running his thumbs across my rings as he said the final line. "Five is a holy number. Six is not."

I withdrew my hand and placed it in my lap, saying nothing.

"Of course, that's only the most well known version," Sanli continued, his tone, which had been solemn, brightening. "There are others. In one, Xiyu is a dragon, and comes to the Inner Empire to rescue her lover, Liu Zhua. In another, and this is one of my favorites—" Sanli's eyes met mine, "—she tricks the Golden Emperor, and frees Liu Zhua in order to take revenge, for all the grief the Six-clawed-dragon brought to her kind."

Sanli's eyes ran across my face and my ringed hands once more. "In many of the stories, it is not a hideous form the Sixth God is cursed into, but the body of a beautiful woman. She is set apart by only her six fingers, mimicking the monster Liu Zhua."

I said nothing, but kept my eyes on Sanli's face. The silence between us pressed on my chest, urging me to speak.

Then Sanli smiled cheerfully, as though we were just chatting like farm wives about crops. "So many versions. What story do you think is true, Lady Four Strings?"

"There is some truth to all stories," I answered.

Sanli grinned. "That's what I thought as well. When I was a boy, I tried to piece the truth together, from all those stories. What kind of person was Xiyu exactly? An ambitious seducer? A loyal lover? A revenge filled dragon?"

"Who knows?" I grated out.

Sanli sighed. "I consider myself a good judge of character. I always thought, were I ever lucky enough to meet the Sixth God, I would be able to tell immediately what kind of woman she was. What story was true."

Sanli's green eyes met and held mine. "But I must say, after meeting you, I am more confused than ever."

At last, he acknowledges it.

I ground my teeth. "Get to the point. At least your nephew had the decency to be direct."

"Oh yes, dear Zhangyu is nothing if not direct. I try and exercise a bit more finesse," Sanli laughed.

"Enough of your finesse. Tell me what you want!" I yelled. The green-eyed prince was toying with me, just as I had toyed with Zhangyu. I sank my fingers into one of the many brocade pillows behind me.

Sanli thought. "Hmmm...what I want...what I want...what do you think it is I want?"

I threw the pillow in my hands at Sanli's head. Sanli laughed and ducked, and the pillow sailed uselessly across the room, hitting a tapestry before falling to the floor.

I threw another pillow, and another. Sanli was forced to move from the chair in order to avoid them. He caught one of my projectiles, laughing all the while, and used it as a shield to deflect others, so I was unable to land even a single hit on him.

Finally, panting, I acknowledge defeat, and lay back on my remaining pillows. "Tell me now what it is you want from me, little prince, or I will go after your nephew and accept his offer."

Sanli dropped the pillow he was holding to the floor. He came and knelt by my side, taking one of my hands in his. As though he was about to propose something much more romantic than what was actually passing between us.

"I know who you are, Ao." Sanli's eyes were earnest, and at last, his tone was true. "And you know who I am. What you don't seem to understand is what I want. Let me tell you now, money, power, prestige, those are not the things I am after."

"Oh?" I sneered. "Then you just want to become Green King out of the goodness of your heart? For the wellbeing of the people, I suppose?"

Sanli's smile softened. "Who said I wanted to be the Green King? Zhangyu can strive for godhood. He'll make a far better god than I ever would."

I frowned. "What do you want from me then?" I asked, confused.

Sanli laughed, eyes crinkling. "You thought you had me all figured out didn't you? Just another greedy mortal trying to carve his name on the world?"

I confess, that was exactly what I had thought.

"Well, I guess that is not entirely incorrect." Sanli turned my hand over, idly running a finger across the lines of my palm as he spoke. The sensation caused my stomach to heat. "I do want to carve my name on the world, what man doesn't, but more than that... I want this world to change. I want this dull, predictable world we live in to alter, to transform. The famines, the wars, the endless struggle. Gods and kings and mu'ren and humans. Strong over weak. I want it to change. Ideally for the better, but... any change will do, really." His last line fell heavy in my ears.

"I've come to the conclusion," Sanli continued, squeezing my palm. "That the only way to achieve lasting change is to get rid of our current system. To eliminate the Five Gods."

My skin tingled at what he was suggesting. Revolution, I thought. Or chaos.

"And- and how do you plan to do that? To depose gods?" I asked, annoyed by the tremble in my own voice.

"Oh, it is not I who will depose them," said Sanli. He closed my palm and turned my hand over, then brought it to his lips, smiling up at me.

For the first time I saw his smile, that ever present smile, held just a hint of reckless abandon. I realized now why Zhangyu had called his uncle mad.

I shivered in anticipation.

"What I want," said Sanli slowly, "is to bring the Sixth God back."

*~*~*~*~*~*