推心置腹
tuīxīnzhìfù
Give one's bare heart into somebody else's keeping.
Trust completely, to confide in somebody with entire sincerity.

Once, when I had still been whole, when I had still been what I was before, I had come to shore on a small island in the South East Sea to sun myself.

I dove deep that morning, in pursuit of a giant spear fish. The monster had put up a good fight, spraying its ink and fleeing, and then trying to latch to me and strangle me with its long tentacles when I caught up with it. But in the end, I triumphed. It was a delicious meal, but the time spent hunting it in the depths had chilled me.

I searched and found the small island, uninhabited to all appearances, and pulled myself out of the water onto the beach. The stones and sand scraped uselessly at the hard scales of my abdomen as I awkwardly positioned myself on the beach. In the water, Dalong were unmatched, but on land we were rather ungainly. Our short legs were made for grasping prey, not walking across land.

I lay down in the hot sand, curling my tail up and around my body. I closed my eyes, and soon the sound of the waves and the wind in the nearby palm trees lulled me to sleep.

When I woke, it was evening. The sun was setting in the west, the clouds a vibrant pink.

I turned my head, pebbles and sand shifting as I did so.

A man of the island stood there, dressed in clothes of woven grass and leaves. In one arm he held a spear, aimed directly toward my eye.

Immediately I reared my head, putting my vulnerable eyes out of reach. The man, startled, drew back his hand and hurled his spear at my stomach. The weapon clattered uselessly off my scales.

For a moment we regarded each other. The man's expression was filled with three emotions: terror, regret, and surprisingly... acceptance. He had tried and failed to kill me, and now fully expected to be killed by me, the superior predator.

That was just the way of the world.

I bared my teeth, some as long as his arm. I saw the man tremble visibly. His legs shook so that he fell to his knees in the sand. He closed his eyes and bowed his head, waiting for what was to come.

I drew back my head and... laughed, as much as a dragon could laugh, a deep rasping bark. Then I turned and slid back toward the water, the high tide already licking at my sides.

As I made my way back out to sea, I turned back once to see the man still on the beach, watching me. It was too far for me to see, but the expression I saw in my imagination caused me to laugh once more before I dove.

Now, stood on the deck of the Lan Mao, an angry Guang Han growling above me in his true form, I suddenly understood how the man with the spear had felt that day.

Terror, yes, there was definitely that. Regret I felt a plenty. If I had not left that note with Zhang'yu, Guang Han would never have known who I was. Why I had done such a thing, I did not know. Perhaps I had wanted to gloat, to let Guang Han know it was me who had bested him, again. Now my hubris had returned to bite me. Quite literally.

I think there was also a part of me that craved for him to know who I was. As though if one person in this world recognized me, even if it was Guang Han, I could somehow gain back something of who I had been.

Well, he certainly recognized me now. The dragon's single eye was looking at me, as though there were not a ship full of men between us. As though there was nothing in his head but the thought of ripping me to pieces with teeth near tall as I was.

In hindsight, I probably should not have left that note with Zhangyu.

A growl rumbled low in Guang Han's huge chest, like thunder, causing the boards of the ship to vibrate. He pulled himself further onto the ship, and closer to me, claws scoring deep gouges in the wood of the deck.

Around me, the sailors threw themselves down in prostration as the deck bucked and swayed. Many yelled his name. "Lord Guang!" They groveled, in the face of a superior predator, begging for their lives. But on the faces of many I saw they had already acknowledged their fate.

And there we had it. The final emotion. Acceptance.

I had asked Yan once, the Golden Emperor, what he thought of death. It was something even we, great dragons and gods and beings far above the rest, would face one day.

Yan had said that when confronted with death, it was best to accept it graciously.

Graciously? Hah.

I had still been on the deck, where I had fallen when the bad-breathed captain, who was now kowtowing and crying, had thrown me. I leapt to my feet and laughed loudly, pointing up at the giant dragon. Water dripped from his whiskered chin, many lengths above, onto my upturned face.

"About time you figured it out, you dull, ditch dwelling moron!" I yelled throwing my arms wide.

Guang Han pulled his lips back further, baring even more of his teeth.

"You didn't get the princess, and your ships will be confiscated by the Green Throne. You have nothing, and nothing is what you deserve! After all this time, you're still a coward, targeting the weak and helpless," I laughed like I was mad.

Perhaps I was.

A few of the men on the deck glanced up at me. I hoped if I taunted Guang Han enough, perhaps I could get him to take human form.  And then I might be able to take advantage of his weaker form to get the best of him, as he did to me all those years ago.

"I can't hear you! Have you nothing to say for yourself?!" I yelled. "You acknowledge that you are a coward then?!"

In response the dragon slowly retreated from the deck, his long body sliding back into the water until all that remained was his head. This too he slowly submerged, his single eye watching me till it sunk beneath the waves.

Then there was nothing to show a giant monster had just been on the ship, save the broken railing, the long gouges across the deck and the sobbing men on their knees.

I was confused, and then I realized what he was doing.

With a burst of water, Guang Han shot up from the surface. His momentum carried his massive body up, up... and then back down again. As he fell, he twisted, bringing his body crashing down across the ship.

I had a brief moment to curse as I was thrown from the ship in a blast of white water.

Then I hit the sea hard. When the momentum propelling me died, I started to sink. I thrashed wildly, not knowing which way was up. The tight sleeve like skirt of the yukata made it difficult to kick my legs. Both my shoes were gone, and the cursed obi on my back was like an anchor dragging me down.

I twisted, pulling on the obi sash, and finally the horrid thing unwound and I shed it to the sea.

With the obi gone, I managed to pull my way to the surface using my arms.

I broke the surface. All around me were fragments of wood and floating barrels and crates, along with dead and drowning men. The drowning cried out for help, fighting their own crew mates to get higher on the islands of flotsam. The ship itself had been broken in half. The stern rose up out of the water, buoyed up by the air trapped in it's hull.

I turned my head. In the distance, rising out of the water, I could see the Wall. It's golden zih, which I usually hated for reminding me of Yan, their creator, suddenly seemed welcoming, beckoning me toward safety.

It was at least a ten minute swim between me and the safety of the Wall. There was no way I would make it. Not with Guang Han in the water. Most likely he was beneath me now, trying to pick me out from all the other debris.

I tread water, trying to think back. Back to when I had been a Dalong. How sharp had my senses been? Would I have been able to detect one body, amongst many thrashing, dying others in the sea?

Yes.

Shit. I need to get out of the water.

I stuck my head below the surface, opening my eyes. Just as the salt water stung them and I prepared to shut them again, a coil of reddish silver came sliding up out of the depths.

It looked slow in the water, but when Guang Han's tail slammed into me it hit me with enough force to knock all the air from my lungs. It felt as though my body had been broken in half, like the ship earlier.

Snap.

Pain.

My right side throbbed, vibrated pain. Broken rib, I thought. I gasped, sucking water into my lungs, and then coughed, trying to remove it. I only succeeded in breathing in more water.

Bright white stars appeared as my vision blackened. I tried to struggle toward the surface, ignoring the searing pain moving my arms caused to my side.

It was hard to see, but I sensed I was near the surface. I could see light fragmenting against the water. I reached to pull myself above the surface—

—and a long clawed foot wrapped around my legs to drag me back down.

I was too disoriented to figure which way was up anymore. I didn't know which direction to fight my way towards. I couldn't even tell if my arms and legs were still moving, still kicking, still fighting.

The black deepened. I had sunk deeper or my vision was fading.

And then suddenly I could see again. I was standing in a forest. Lu stood beside me, clothed in his customary green scholar's robes. Despite the formality of his dress, his feet were bare, blades of grass sticking up between his toes.

"It's that tree," Lu said, pointing.

"What tree?" I asked.

"That one over there. The one you and I planted." His finger indicated a skinny, unimportant looking sapling, surrounded by much more grandiose hundred-year-old trunks.

"We planted that tree?" I asked, incredulous. I could not remember.

"Yes. You were probably drunk." Lu's voice was warm with humor.

"Well in that case, you were probably drunk too. How do you know it's that tree and not, say, that one?" I said, pointing to another tree close by.

He smiled at me, that familiar, slow smile. "I just do."

A sudden pain cut through my left arm. I wanted to cry out, to reach out to Lu. But he was gone. Then the dawn sky was above me, filled with clouds. I felt cold, and realized the clothing I was wearing was wet. My chest burned, throbbed. Because of my broken rib.

That, and I was being pressed to the remaining deck of the Lan Mao by a giant, clawed paw.

Guang Han loomed over me. His great head was turned so his one eye could view me and my pain completely.

The pain in my left arm came from one of his claws slicing through the sleeve of my yukata and into soft meat of my arm. The claw was wickedly sharp. It was hard to believe such a huge thing, near a length long, could taper to such a needle sharp point.

Even as I realized what he was doing, he drew a second long gouge down my left arm. I gasped with the pain, and the gasp affected my rib, which caused me to start coughing again.

Guang Han was not content to let me drown. He wanted me to suffer.

Seeing I was awake, a growl rumbled in the dragon's chest and he grinned. At least, that's what it appeared to be, as his scaly lips drew back further from his teeth. Had my arms not been pinned to my sides against the deck, I could have reached out and stroked those teeth. They appeared to be more metallic than ivory like in consistency. I knew that their strength also rivaled that of metal.

I had teeth like that, once.

Guang Han's right forefoot pinned me tighter to the deck. His grin widened, and he blew air between his long teeth in a huff. A laugh. His breath smelled of the deep ocean, salt and cold things below. Slowly, carefully, he moved the claw that was digging into my arm and brought the point to hover just over my left eye.

He intends to take my eye, I realized. My body froze like ice.

"Ao!"

I turned my head.

At first, I thought I was seeing another memory from my past, as I had a moment earlier with Lu. Sanli stood, shakily, on the bench of a small wooden rowboat, hands cupped around his mouth so his shout would reach me. Kageyama sat behind him in the stern and Zakhar was at the oars.

Then I realized I had never seen the three men in a row boat, so it could not be a memory. The little prince was really here.

"Ao, close your eyes!"

Sanli had two objects in his hands, and he knelt down and started to strike one against the other. Tinder and flint. Why did the little prince need a tinder and flint out at sea, I wondered?

Then I saw the objects lined up along the stern of the small boat, all pointed directly at Guang Han and me.

I did as Sanli said, and closed my eyes.

Unfortunately, I couldn't close my ears. The first of the fireworks exploded somewhere near me, and my hearing disappeared, replaced by ringing.

There was another explosion, and another after that. I could only tell by the vibration of the deck beneath me. I felt heat blossom across my cold face.

One of the fireworks must have hit him, because Guang Han let me go with a roar, and I slid from the steep deck into the sea.

In the water my soaked clothes caused me to sink once more. I turned, feebly trying to crawl my way underwater towards the direction I thought Sanli and the boat was in. My hearing was returning. I could hear the muffled booms of fireworks continuing to explode just above the surface. I turned, for a brief moment, and saw sparks of red and gold and purple dancing above the waves, outlining Guang Han's massive, twisting shape.

Guang Han's tail thrashed through the water close to me, and I was caught in the curl of the water at its passing. I tried to kick harder, to put more space between the dragon and me, but my strength was gone. I could barely move.

It was an interesting plan little prince, but it failed, I thought grimly.

Then, from nowhere, a pair of arms wrapped carefully around me. I felt strong kicks propelling us through the water toward the hull of small boat.

We broke surface just beside the small dinghy. I was confused, as the three men still sat in the boat, attention on the dragon.

"I told you not to swim in the canals Noodles, but this is hardly better," said Liang'yi's voice at my ear. I could not see her face, but I heard the laughter in the Dachuo's voice.

I decided to humor her, since she had just saved me, and chuckled weakly.

Zakhar reached overboard and hauled me aboard like I was a wet cat. Liang'yi followed, and then sat beside Zakhar, taking one of the oars, and they began to row at a frantic pace.

I lay in the bottom of the boat, still stunned with disbelief, and stared up at Sanli's back as he lit first one firework, then another, launching them at the roaring dragon.

Then I started laughing.

"Are you all mad?! Who challenges a dragon in a rowboat!?" I asked through my laughter, incredulous.

Sanli briefly looked over his shoulder. "You're welcome," he said, grinning.

My laughter turned to wet coughs as my broken rib reminded me it was there.

"Ao, are you alright?" Zakhar asked worriedly. His eyes trailed over the sleeve of my yukata. The white material was dyed a watery pink with the blood seeping from the claw wounds there.

"I'm grand," I said weakly, still coughing seawater from my lungs. Each cough made my chest feel as though it was being stabbed with a white hot knife.

"Keep rowing, or none of us will be alright!" shouted Liang'yi.

"Sho Sensei, I'm out of fireworks..." said Sanli nervously.

"Move," said Kageyama, stepping over me to get to the stern. Sanli scooted aside so Kageyama could crouch beside him on the narrow bench. Kageyama's sword was sheathed and in one hand. The other hand he held poised and ready to draw.

Sanli took his tinder and flint and started to try and light the last remaining fireworks, two giant rockets strapped to each side of the rowboat. The fuses had gotten wet in the waves, and refused to light.

Behind us, Guang Han must have recovered. I heard the angry roaring growing closer along with the sound of a large body cutting through the water.

"You got him right in the eye, San," Kageyama chuckled, looking behind us at the fast approaching dragon.

"It doesn't matter," replied Sanli still struggling with the fuses. "He can hear the oars. Dragons have a much better sense of hearing than sight."

"We're going to die. Why did I come with you idiots," said Liang'yi, rowing harder to keep up with Zakhar's huge strokes. The sounds of the dragon grew louder.

Kageyama shifted his feet, preparing to draw.

"What are you doing? He's a monster, nothing can cut through those scales," I wheezed up at the kitsune from where I lay in the boat.

Kageyama turned, and smiled down at me. And I saw something of his true nature, beneath the bumbling, fatherly exterior he customarily wore. It chilled me. And thrilled me.

That's right, I thought. He's a monster too.

"Nothing, huh? Well, it looks like we're in luck," said Kageyama, smile widening. "The name of this sword just happens to be 'Nothing'."

He turned back just as the huge mouth of Guang Han loomed over us, preparing to dive.

I saw that the dragon's single remaining eye was swollen, nearly shut, and the skin around it was singed pink. The eye looked in our direction, but did not see us.

Nice hit, little prince.

The dragon dove, missing us by a fraction thanks to his impaired vision. The impact pitched our tiny craft sideways. My body slid as the boat tipped, threatening to capsize.

Zakhar threw his bulk to the opposite side, bringing the boat back to level in the water. The sea around us settled and was quiet once more save for the wind.

"He's under us," said Liang'yi in a low voice. No one moved.

Kageyama turned to the Dachuo. "Listen, if he tips the boat, you grab the girl and swim straight—"

The sea beside the boat erupted in white water.

This time the boat did tip, and I found myself in the water once more. Liang'yi immediately wrapped her arms around my middle and started to swim on her back, kicking backwards so she could hold my head above water.

I struggled feebly. "I can swim on my own."

"No, you can't. Stop moving Noodles," Liang'yi said, her breathing labored.

I looked back at the hull of our capsized boat. Kageyama was ordering Sanli and Zakhar to hold the boat steady while he climbed onto its upturned hull.

"Hold it!" he shouted at them. I noticed Zakhar and Sanli were both kicking their legs, trying to make as much noise as possible to cover Liang'yi and my retreat.

Guang Han loomed above them, teeth bared. He tilted his head, trying to hear where we were.

Liang'yi was keeping her legs beneath the water, trying hard not to splash, but he must have heard something, because the dragon turned his long muzzle in our direction.

"Down here, dragon!" Kageyama yelled. "What, still afraid of my sword, even in that form?" he taunted.

His provocativeness was out of character with what I had come to expect from the taciturn kitsune. I knew what he was doing. He was trying to draw Guang Han's attention.

It worked, because Guang Han turned back, rearing his neck and roaring. The sound echoed across the waves. The dragon reached out, again and again, until at last his huge claw connected with the small dinghy, claws sinking into the wood. He pulled it toward his body, the way one might pull a plate across a table, and Kageyama swayed, struggling to maintain his footing.

"Why doesn't he take his true form?" I asked Liang'yi, desperately. Change, stupid fox.

"He doesn't have one," said Liang'yi.

"What?" I asked, surprised.

And then we were in the Wall.  The golden zih danced calmly around us, like fish swimming in a pond, unperturbed by the violence happening just beyond their bounds. I had never been so happy to see Yan's magic before.

Liang'yi and I floated safely within the golden veil of characters and watched the scene unfold.

Guang Han had sunk his long claws into the boat to hold it close. He reared back his head, preparing to snap Kageyama up in his jaws.

The fox drew his sword and drove it through the dragons foot, pinning it to the small ship. Guang Han roared in furious agony and dove his head toward Kageyama.

"Now, Sanli!" Kageyama yelled.

Sanli tossed something up to Kageyama. I could not tell from the distance, but I assumed it was one of the two great rockets that had been strapped to the boats sides. Kageyama caught the rocket, drew something from the air and drove it into the wet firework, before tossing the whole bundle into Guang Han's gaping mouth.

Then, in one movement, Kageyama pulled his sword from Guang Han's foot and threw himself from the boat into the water just as the rocket exploded.

Color lit up the cloudy morning sea. Whatever Kageyama had driven into the rocket, it had managed to ignite the sodden firework. Sparks whizzed and whirred, shooting out of Guang Han's mouth liked he was one of the winged dragons of the west, who breathed fire instead of water. 

Guang Han attempted to roar, and only succeeded in sucking the rocket further down his throat.

"Go!" cried Zakhar. The three men righted the boat, pulled themselves inside, and began to row toward us.

Behind them, Guang Han thrashed madly, churning the water into white foam. Then he dove.

"Where is he? I said, as the sea settled.

Sanli, Zakhar and Kageyama were less than 20 lengths from where we were now. Sanli and Zakhar rowed frantically while Kageyama stood in the bow with his sword at the ready.

Guang Han reared from the water, his body shooting straight up, intending to crush the three men and the tiny boat as he had the much larger ship earlier.

The huge body reached its zenith and started to fall, down, down—

—into the water, missing the boat and the three men by a hair's breadth.

The resulting wave washed the boat the final short distance through the Wall. Liang'yi kicked her strong legs, bringing us up to the boat.

"Bloody hell, I thought we were goners," said Zakhar, staring stunned back through the wall. Sanli leaned over to help Liang'yi and me into the small, battered boat.

Just beyond the Wall, no more than ten lengths away, a huge, very angry dragon raised his head out of the water.

Guang Han gave a furious roar. His mouth was red and bleeding from the firework, and his eye had fully swollen shut.

I could not stop laughing. I fell back into the boat, clutching my side in agony.

"You got his other eye!" I said to the little prince.

The dragon heard my laughter, and threw himself against the Wall. A sound like a thousand brass trays being dropped to the floor rang out, again and again, as the dragon threw himself against the Wall.

The golden construction shimmered, the zih flittering to the side like fish startled by a pebble dropped in their midst. But Yan's magic did not falter.

Finally, exhausted, Guang Han gave one final growl and turned, swimming away toward the east.

"I can't believe we're still alive," said Liang'yi. Kageyama grunted.

"This boat's seen better days," said Sanli. He tore off a strip of cloth from his shirt and wedged it into a small hole that had appeared as a result of Guang Han's claws.

"You all are bloody mad," I said, finally controlling my laughter, and gasping for breath. Suddenly I remembered something. "The little princess, how is she?"

Kageyama looked down at me curiously. "A bit bruised, but she'll be fine."

I sighed in relief and sank back into the bottom of the boat.

Liang'yi had taken the oars. "Why was the dragon trying to kill you?"

I shrugged, then immediately regretted the action as my chest throbbed. Yan's magic was trying to heal my broken rib, causing it to twinge unpleasantly, but my continuous movement, and laughter, prevented the bone from setting.

"Ao...?" Zakhar questioned, seeing the pain on my face.

"Just a broken rib," I said, reassuringly. "I only need to lie still and I'll be fine."

"Do you want me to take the pain?" Sanli asked, reaching for Tenzetsuto. His green eyes were worried.

"No need," I said, shaking my head, and causing my rib to twinge again. I lay back, and forced myself to keep still. I felt my exhaustion catching up with me.  "Wake me when we get to port."

"If we get to port," said Liang'yi, nervously eyeing where water was seeping through the hole Sanli had try to plug.

Above us, dawn had turned into morning, and the clouds were slowly dispersing, burned away by the sun. A bright blue sky showed in patches overhead. It was going to be a hot day.

Smiling, I closed my eyes. Lulled by the rocking of the small boat, I sank into almost immediate sleep.

*~*~*~*~*~*