This chapter is super dialogue heavy, so sorry about that.

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three o'clock: make a man out of you

Because Remy was so incredibly rude to me, I swiped one of the teacups from the retirement home. I knew that stealing from an institution dedicated to helping the elderly was “wrong,” but I needed to get back at him somehow. It was currently displayed on my bedside table. I saw it not as framing a rejection letter but as an accomplishment of my successful thievery.

“Which princess are we doing today?” Donovan asked.

“I had Chinese food last night...”

“Mulan’s not a princess, though.”

“She still managed to snag a guy. It’s more than you can do,” I teased.

“I choose to be single.”

“Sure, yeah. I need you to take off your clothes.”

“I know I’m hot and everything, but I’m not stripping for you, Coralie. What would your parents think? You’d bring dishonor on your family.”

“Har har har. You’re not funny. I didn’t mean it like that. I just need to be a guy. Do you know anyone who can teach me?”

“Don’t push it. I’m your only ally here.”

“I prefer the term sidekick. It’s more Disney, don’t you think?”

“I don’t think Walt up there really cares what you use.”

I slapped my hand over his mouth. “Shh. Don’t speak about him like he’s alive. It’s rude.”

“I don’t think he cares about that either.”

Donovan refused to trade clothes with me, so we made a trip over to his house to grab something from his closet. I would’ve taken something from Dad, but it was just too uptight and loose-fitting for my liking. There was nothing in his closet that screamed “I am a crossdresser for my father.”

When I said this to him, there was nothing on his face but sheer disappointment. “That’s because I’m not a crossdresser for my father.”

“I suppose you don’t own any armor, do you?”

“Let me go check my dress-up closet.”

In my seven years of knowing Donovan, I had no idea that such a thing existed. “Seriously? You have one?”

He shook his head, eyebrows knitted with dissatisfaction. “No, Coralie. I don’t. It was a joke. Why are you so gullible?” he breathed, exasperated.

“I was just a girl believing that her bestest friend in the whole wide world would tell her the truth.”

“I’m your best friend?”

“Who else would help me with all of this?”

“Touché.”

I spotted an army green bathrobe hanging from the rack on his door. If I wore something minimal under it, say maybe a black tank top and a pair of shorts, I could wear it around all day. That way, I wouldn’t accidentally flash anyone because that wasn’t the Mulan way to snag a guy. I pointed to it. “Can I wear that?”

“My bathrobe? No.”

“Why not?”

“It’s been on my naked body!”

“So have the rest of your clothes.”

“You suck.”

“I’ll take that as your surrender. I’m going to need some long black socks.” He reached into his sock drawer and tossed a pair to me. “While I get dressed, I’m going to need you to get me another sports bra from my room. Can you handle that?”

I brought the essentials, but I completely forgot that I was going to need to make it look like boobs were just a thing seen in Playboy magazines, not that they had that in ancient China.

“I am not going to touch your bra. I’m willing to do a lot of things for you, Coralie, but that is not one of them. Seeing your bra is one thing, touching it is another.”

“You’ve never seen my bra, have you?”

“Nope, and I’d like it to stay that way.”

“Wear a blindfold and gloves.”

“Or I could just drive you home and you could get it yourself.”

“We’d save so much time this way.”

“How am I going to explain to your parents that I’m going up to your room to get a bra? They’ll think I’m some sort of pervert.”

He was persistent, so I had to get my bra myself, which was probably a good thing considering all of the things I’ve done to embarrass him. Not that he would sabotage anything that had to do with my breasts, but even the slightest chance of these babies getting itchy on account of him was enough to get my lazy butt in the passenger seat.

I put my hair in a tight bun, put my attire on, and marched into my room with a toilet paper roll in hand. “How do I look?”

He burst out laughing. “I thought you were supposed to be a warrior. You look like you’re wearing lederhosen. Those socks look ridiculous on you.”

“I’m wearing your bathrobe and the socks are the only thing you can comment on?”

“Green looks good on you.”

“You’re clearly blind because it doesn’t. I’m only doing this for love, Donovan.”

“Are you waiting for the moment where he says, ‘Coralie, even though I’ve known you for about two minutes, I’m hopelessly in love with you. Will you marry me?’” He rested his elbow on the bedside table, gazing dreamily at my closet doors, batting his eyelashes like my mom when she first puts in her contacts.

I scowled and elbowed him. “I don’t like you.”

“So you’ve said.”

He suddenly threw himself on the ground, shaking my bedside table, causing my stolen teacup to fall victim to gravity. I should’ve reached for Donovan and helped him up, but I went for the inanimate object instead. Catching it with my pinky, I said smugly, “Well, would you look at that. I saved China.”

That actually got a laugh out of Donovan.

“See? I’m hilarious.”

“Please don’t tell me you’re not actually going to tell people that.”

“I was thinking about it.” He gave me a look. “What? It’s a conversation starter.”

“You could start a conversation with a weather report.”

“Seriously? That’s lame.”

“I never claimed it would be interesting! Anyways, have you picked out a victim—I mean boy—

yet?”

“Not nice. It’s Shane Derby.”

“Captain of the wrestling team?”

I nodded. “That’s the one.”

“I don’t think that’s a very good idea. You could lose every ounce of dignity and respect you have left. Maybe you should pick someone else.”

“But I can’t.”

“Why can’t you?”

“First off, stop mocking me. Second, because he’s just perfect for the part of Shang. I mean, his name is Shane. You can’t get any closer to that without his parents being complete psychos.”

“Coralie, you’re going to be rejected.”

“You just need to make me one of the guys. Then he’ll accept me.”

“I don’t think that’s what it takes.”

“Then what does it take, Dr. Phil?”

“I don’t think Dr. Phil is a matchmaker…”

“You’re just full of negativity today, aren’t you?” I snapped. I could tolerate a little bit of reality from him now and then, but if I had wanted it in large doses, I would’ve invited one of my other friends on my journey to find love. Donovan was supposed to be my sidekick that only offered advice when it was wanted and support my crazy but potentially successful schemes. He wasn’t doing his job, but I wasn’t about to fire him.

He shrugged. “You’re delusional.”

“I’m going to join the wrestling team.”

I had made up my mind and there was no way Donovan was changing it. Since I was never one for sports, I wasn’t sure how to approach the coach. I brought my resume in case that was necessary, and Donovan didn’t say anything about it, but he laughed.

When I showed up in the gym after school requesting to join, Coach Brown took one look at me and chuckled. “You’re joking, right?”

He wasn’t very tall, but he sure intimated me. I shook my head. “Not at all, sir.”

He looked around the gym at all of the guys in their singlets. “Which boy is it?”

“Excuse me?”

“Which one are you after?” He said it so bluntly, it embarrassed me. “Is it Shane?”

Grudgingly, I nodded. There was a small satisfied smirk playing on his lips.

“Shane!” Coach Brown called, waving him over.

Shane jogged over, a confused expression painted on his face. “Yeah, Coach?”

“I’ve got another one for you.” With that, he left the two of us alone on the sidelines. Donovan was waiting outside the gym doors for me.

This was the first time Shane Derby ever acknowledged me. His easy smile made my insides squeal with delight and jump for joy. “Hey, I’m Shane.”

I know. “Coralie.”

“Look, Coralie, I’m talking to this girl right now and I really like her.”

I knew nothing would ever come from this, but I never imagined Shane would actually (almost) have a girlfriend. There was nothing wrong with him, but he hadn’t had a girlfriend in a while. “Oh.”

He smiled apologetically. “I’ll see you around?”

“But I saved China!” I blurted.

He, once again, looked confused. “What?”

I didn’t know what came over me. I knew that he wasn’t available and that he would just think less of me after I explained the joke to him. “Nothing,” I mumbled, stalking away, feeling utterly humiliated. I would never recover after this.

“Didn’t work out, did it?” Donovan said, casually leaning against the wall, a water bottle in hand.

I sighed and that was enough to clue him in on yet another one of my failures. If he said anything along the lines of “I told you so,” I was going to kill him. Luckily for him and my parents, he didn’t.

“I have a fortune cookie at home. Do you want it?”

I saw that he was holding back a smile. I scowled. “I hate you.”

“Too soon?”

“Too soon.”