I'm writing this imagine because of how I feel right now. I guess can enjoy this one or not. Idk I'm just in a dark place e right now and I just need to get my feelings out and to have someone read them and support me through my terrible life.

*********************************

This takes place weeks after Negan take the guns from Rick's group.

(Y/B/Y) - your birth year.

I understand to think getting close to someone was a good thing, but it's not. Not when you lose the people who deeply cared for you to walkers. And they leave all alone in this shitty ass world to defend yourself all by yourself. My parents made sure I got to Alexandria before having the leader there, Rick killed them for their walker bites. I didn't even know if I feel anything anymore since it happen.

So because of what happened with my parents, I ended up keeping people at a distance so I never feel loss ever again. Rick's group and the other Alexandrians living there tried to talk to me, but I never really talked much before the world went to shits. I may live with Rick, Michonne, Carl and Judith, I didn't talk much to them. Carl makes small talk with me some days. He was cool to have as a friend.

He mainly just wants to read comics or just lay in his bed or my bed and stare at the ceiling. It was nice not having someone constantly trying to get you to talk to them. Carl knew I was going through something and just let me not talk for as long as I needed. So, I guess I just went back to the shy, quiet girl I once was. I didn't really listen much when Rick tells us that he doesn't want anyone outside these walls unless they're going on a run with a group.

But I still don't listen, I still got out without anyone knowing. Or at least I thought I did. I just wanted to get away for awhile. Away from the constant questions that their doctor and others ask me. All wanting to know how I'm doing everyday. I didn't realize that someone was following until I heard a branch break. I looked behind me and saw Carl, following me for a good mile now. I just wanted to see my house again. It was close by and I wanted to get something special to me.

"You know, my dad said he didn't want anyone out alone," Carl said.

"Yeah, so?" I asked.

"It's dangerous out here," Carl explained," And people have died."

"People started dieing before the walkers happen," I explained," I'll be fine, Carl."

I turned to walk away when I'm pulled back by my wrist. I was so close to Carl.

"Let go of me," I demanded.

"No, you're coming back with me," Carl replied, looking angry.

"No, I have to get to my house," I told him.

"Why?" Carl asks.

"Because I have to get something that's special to me," I told him, tears in my eyes.

Carl's eye soften at my tears in my eyes. I hated being weak in people's eyes but what I needed from my house was very important to me.

After a few minutes, Carl said," Fine, but I'm coming with you."

I smiled in what seems like a long, long time. I was just glad that I get to go to my house.

"Thank you for understanding," I replied.

"Well, lead the way," Carl says, letting me go.

After a mile and a half later, we arrived at my house. I walked in after hearing no walkers inside. I climbed up the stairs to my room. I grab my Dreamcatcher off my wall.

"Wait, we come all the way here to your house for some Dreamcatcher?" Carl asked.

I looked down at the Dreamcatcher and started to feel sad.

"I have trouble sleeping at night, my mom made this for me, she said that it would help take away all of my bad dreams away and that everything would be better in the morning," I explained, putting the Dreamcatcher in my bag," Besides, that's not the only thing I wanted to get while I was here."

"Oh, what else?" Carl asked.

I walked out of my room and down the hall to my dad's office. I got down on my hands and knees by my dad's desk.

"What are you doing?" Carl asked.

"I'll tell you in a minute," I answered.

I looked under my dad's desk. I pulled his hidden key to his gun room from it's hiding spot and hold it up.

"A key?" Carl asks, looking confused.

"Rick said that Negan take all y'all's guns, right?" I asked.

"Yeah, so?" Carl asks.

"This key is to my dad's gun room," I explained," And boy, did he love his guns."

I walked to the basement to my dad's big, gigantic gun room. Carl followed behind me as I unlocked the door and walked in. There were hundreds of thousands of guns everywhere.

"I figured that Rick would want guns to fight against Negan and The Saviors," I said, as I sat on one of the counters in the room.

I smiled at Carl as he take in the room and the many guns.

"I figured this should do it," I said.

Carl looked at me and I grinned at him.

"Seriously, why so many guns?" Carl asked.

"Because my daddy was in S.W.A.T forces before the walkers start roaming around and he always had a love of guns at a young age that he get every gun my rich grandparents would buy him," I explained.

Carl got closer and surprised me with a hug. I haven't been hugged since my parents died. It was nice and I hugged him back. I buried my head into his chest and it felt nice being held. My momma was a higher and I smiled. It actually felt nice being in Carl's arms.

"You're a lifesaver," Carl said, pulling away from the hug.

"I just like living in Alexandria," I explained," And I can't have some guy coming in and terrorizing everyone there."

"You know, this is the most you've talked since your parents' deaths," Carl said, hands on my hips.

"You just happen to be easy to talk to," I explained," It's probably time for me to be friends with someone at Alexandria."

"I thought for sure you would become a mute forever," Carl said.

I smiled at Carl's comment. He put his hand on my cheek.

"You have a pretty smile, you should do it more often," Carl says.

He leans in and the next thing I know was that Carl was kissing me. Love Carl was actually kissing me. I kept thinking it was a dream or something. After realizing it wasn't dream, I kissed him back. When the kiss started to get too heated for me, I pushed Carl away.

"I'm sorry I should've done that," Carl said.

"No, it was fine, and as much as I would love to continue kissing you," I told him," I haven't show you the next surprise."

I pulled him out of the room and locked the door. I put the key in my pocket and walked to the other side of my house. It was a pretty big rich folks' house. I punched my birth year into the keypad next to the door. My house still run on generators (Idk what you call the machine where in case your power goes out, it's there to keep it going. For the life of me, I feel like I spelled it wrong?) I opened it and it showed this massive room filled of food, every thing medical, and other supplies.

"What the heck?" Carl asked," You just full of surprises today?"

"Yeah, while my dad was crazy about guns, my mom was this crazy coupon lady and brought a lot of food and other things," I explained, pulling out my favorite chips and soda," Plus, she was a nurse, so she always take some of their supplies home every two days a week."

"When was you going to say anything about all of this?" Carl asked," Why did you take so long to say anything?"

"My parents just recently died, you don't think I was really up to talking to anyone, let alone talk about this," I explained," I wasn't in my right mind at the time."

"Well, let's hurry back and tell everybody," Carl said.

I locked everything up and make sure no one knew about my secrets in this house. We made it over the wall and Carl and I would tell everybody about my house. Rick hugged and thank me for wanting the group to have what's at my house. I got Rick the key and the code for the keypad. Show him on a map that he had where my house was. I told him where everything was at. I told him that there was a lot of stuff and to bring a few vans when he goes. That it might take a couple of days to get all of it.

Hours later

I was in my room across from Carl's putting up my Dreamcatcher up. I felt arms snake their way around.

"Did you feel better now that you have that?" Carl asked, as he put his chin on my shoulder.

"Yes," I answered," I feel like I still have a piece of my mom with me."

"You know if you had trouble with sleeping, you can have climbed in with me at night," Carl explained.

I turned in his arms and hugged him.

"Thanks, Carl," I told him," I felt like I'm starting to feel better."

"Good," said Carl.

"Well, maybe a little happier," I replied, looking at him and pulling my arms around his neck.

Carl kissed me again and we would have continued if his dad didn't come in. Rick cleared his throat and we pulled away from each other. I sat on my bed while Carl stand there.

"Carl, I just wanted to tell you that Michonne and I leaving to find these guns (Y/N) was talking about," Rick said," Maybe bring some back some of the supplies."

"Okay," Carl said," Do you want me to watch Judith?"

"No, Tara said she would after giving Rosita medicine for her scar," Rick explained.

"Okay," Carl said.

Before Rick left my room, he turns to Carl and says," I don't want any funny business with you two while I'm gone."

"Dad," Carl says, turning red as a tomato.

I laughed at Carl embarrassment.

"Hey I'm going to be gone a few days and we don't need another Judith running around here," Rick said.

"You have nothing to worry about," I told Rick.

Rick left and I laughed again. I laid back and looked up at my Dreamcatcher. Carl laid next to me watching me. I looked at Carl and blushed when I saw he was looking at me. I yawned. It has been a busy day for us and I was tired. I rolled over to Carl and laid on Carl's chest. He kissed my head as I let sleep take over.

"Sweet dreams, (Y/N)," Carl said.

Good night was the last thing I said to him before darkness take over and I was out like a light. It was nice to feel something. I know now that it was to care for someone again. Be sure honestly they can make you a stronger person then you was. Or they can bring you back into the light of your darkness. I really did care for Carl. He made me smiled, laugh, and want to be around someone. I'm just going to live in the moments I have with Carl. I'm even going to worry about how much time we had together. I'm just going to enjoy being with him for now.

**********************************

Well I enjoy writing this one. I really put my full emotions into it. And if you knew me, you would know that it's hard for me to say how I'm feeling. So, that's one of the reasons why I'm writing again. Comment and let me know if you like this one.