Luckily the rest of the week went smoothly. A majority of it was spent playing video games with my brother and sister. Occasionally I would play music for them. At one point we stopped at a pet store, because Amy the Fish was quickly outgrowing her small bowl. I got a little bit too excited, and ended up with a really nice fish tank with pretty blue-purple rocks for the bottom. I was told that goldfish actually can become depressed if left solitaire, so I bought another one (John insisted on naming it John. I was fine with that.). I even got them a castle for their tank.

I ended up not doing anything with Jake or Ben, instead devoting my time to my siblings. Tristan never tried to reach out to me, and I was trying my best to just forget him. I had apologized profusely to Olivia, as did she. Even so, she admitted she wouldn't feel comfortable being around my siblings. She was respectful about it, but even so I apologized profusely for Amy's behavior.

When the week was over, I was very sad to say goodbye to John and Amy. John, to my slight surprise, seemed equally upset. I ruffled his hair as he was out the door.

"Not like we'll never talk again," I assured him. It made him grin, and his mood seemed to perk up a bit.

After that, things went back to my new normal. I hung out with Ben and Jake. Slowly my relationship with Jake warmed back up, and it was as though nothing happened between us. I think all parties involved were happy we could repair our relationship.

If I wasn't with my friends, I was with Olivia. Our relationship was proving to be...difficult. She was afraid of offending me. Often I could tell something was on her mind, and I'd have to pry it out of her. It usually would end in a squabble. After a while, I decided it wasn't worth trying to get her to tell me what was wrong, and I'd just let her blow off her steam, however long that took.

Late summer easily melted into early fall. Early fall quickly became Halloween. Halloween was spent at my house; I invited Jake, Ben, and Olivia over. We all dressed up and hung out, watching scary movies into the wee hours of the morning. It was nothing extravagant, and I felt guilty, like I was holding them back from a proper party; I kept my guilt to myself, however.

In the blink of an eye, it was nearly Thanksgiving. It was around Thanksgiving when Olivia and I finally went our separate ways. By that point, things were pretty strained between us normally. Looking back on it, I'm not even sure why we allowed the relationship to limp along. Maybe she didn't want to hurt me. Maybe I felt like I owed her something.

"Are you okay?"

Olivia and I were at our usual spot, curled up on the couch in my basement. We had been watching a movie. I blink, focusing on her. "Huh?"

Olivia frowned at me. "I said, are you alright?"

"Oh. Y-yeah, just...thinking."

"About?"

I shake my head. "Nothing, don't worry about it."

"Orion."

"Seriously, Olive, it's fine."

Olivia (or Olive as I've started to call her) reaches for the remote and pauses the movie. She then leans back, lacing her fingers between my own. "Baby...I care about you. You seem upset. Please let me know?"

I sigh, and I'm vaguely aware that I have a hundred yard stare. I try to focus on the present, but admittedly am having a hard time getting there. "It's coming up on the anniversary of when I was stalked."

"You were stalked?!"

That snaps me out of my cloud. Instead of sounding concerned, she sounded angry. I look at her. "Y-yeah."

"Jesus Christ. Why didn't you say anything?!"

I can feel the first flicker of anger in my chest. I force myself to remain calm. "Because I don't like talking about it. It was a horrible experience."

"So then let it go."

I chuckle bitterly. "Okay, Elsa."

"I'm serious," Olivia snaps at me. "If it was that bad, and you've never even mentioned it to me, then why are you letting it affect you now?"

"I didn't mention it to you because I try really damn hard to keep my life compartmentalized into Orion Bauwens and Orion Rockstar. I want to keep Work Orion out of Orion's life."

"But it's all who you are!" she protests angrily. "You are Orion Bauwens, rockstar!"

I throw my hands into the air. "For fucks sake, is this going to be a thing now?"

"A thing?"

"Yes, a thing. We have many things and I feel like this is going to be one of them."

"The only 'thing' I have is you keeping something from me that affects you so deeply!"

"I'm dealing with it, okay?!" I shout, losing my temper. "Why the fuck do you think I'm in therapy?"

"To add to your list of one hundred other reasons."

I glare. "Don't."

"Do I even know you?"

"A dog's head was left on my doorstep!" I yell at her. "Yeah, that's going to fucking affect me! And the bitch stalked my then-boyfriend, too!"

"Boyfriend?! I thought you said there was nothing going on between you and Jake?" Olivia laughs bitterly. "My God, I really don't know you, do I?"

"It wasn't Jake," I reply gruffly.

She looks shocked. "How many men have you been with?!"

"How is that any of your damn concern?" I narrow my eyes.

"Have you ever been with another woman?"

"Yes!"

"How many?"

"One," I oblige. "Well, dated one, anyway."

"And how many men have you dated?"

"Olivia, this is ridiculous—"

"No, am I butch or something? God, I know I'm not super girly but it seems like you prefer men—"

"I do!" I admit angrily. "But that doesn't invalidate my bisexuality, and it also doesn't mean you're butch and that's why I like you! Jesus Christ..."

"Well I don't know! Now I'm going to be self-conscious about that."

"Great," I mutter. Then I glare. "What does any of that have to do with me being stalked?"

"Everything! Was it a guy, was it a girl? What exactly did they do that disturbed you so badly?" Before I can answer, Olivia holds up her hands. "Actually, never mind. I don't know if I even want to know. You always have something wrong with you, I don't need to know this, too."

That hurt, and I'm no longer shouting. "What?"

"It's true! You're always off in your own little world, brooding over past transgressions. Orion—the past is in the past."

"Remember when we first met?" I say from a very visceral place. "Remember how you were crying, and told me that your life was screwed up, and how your dad used to beat your mom?"

Her eyes flash venom.

"I suppose that's in the past, too, huh, Olive?"

"That's one thing! There's always something going on with you!"

"Don't act like that 'one thing' didn't fuck you up," my voice shakes, in the lower registers. "Don't act like you're better than me."

"I'm not better than you!"

"Fine, then what's the point, huh? You know I have issues. You know I'm working on them. So what—am I not working hard enough? Is it my fault that I'm where I am in life, because I simply haven't flipped a switch on my head and moved on?"

"I didn't say that—"

"No," I snarl, "but that's what you meant, and you're essentially victim blaming. If I just tried harder, I'd be better, right?"

"Orion, stop—"

"If I actually wanted to be better, I would be, yeah?"

"Orion," she says desperately, now looking near tears, "that's not what I meant—"

I'm no longer shouting at her, but screaming. "That's not how mental illnesses work, babe! Trust me, if it was I'd have flipped that switch eons ago! But it's a daily struggle, alright? I have major depression disorder; I'm on fucking meds for it."

"I know—"

"Well clearly you don't!" I jump to my feet, shouting down at her. "Do you know what it's like to have to will yourself out of bed daily? Do you know what it's like where sometimes the act of getting dressed feels overwhelming?"

"It's too much!" Olivia shouts at me, and I'm genuinely upset when she starts to cry. "It's too much, okay? I can't handle all your baggage in addition to mine, okay? Fuck!"

She crosses her arms and looks off to the side. For a long while I just stand there, watching her cry. Occasionally she wipes the tears off her face. I sit beside her, offering her a box of tissues from the coffee table in front of us. She takes them and blow her nose, putting the box besides her.

For a while we don't say anything. Finally I can't take it anymore. When I speak, I'm not looking at her. "Sorry."

Olivia laughs at me, but it's not mean. "You don't have anything to feel sorry for. It's me."

"Clearly it's me."

She looks at me angrily for a second, but then it dissipates. "I'm sorry."

"Hey," I tell her with a smile. "Do you want to go somewhere? Grab a coffee or something?"

"Er, okay...I guess."

I wait patiently as she collects herself, putting on some makeup to hide her red nose. As we get to one of my cars, and I open the door for her like a gentleman, I wonder what the fuck I'm doing. Why was I trying desperately to salvage this--us? We clearly weren't going to work; so then why the fuck was she in my car, and we were headed to the mall?

The car ride was in silence. Olivia was just staring out the window the entire time. It was snowing ever so softly; flurry, really. It was pretty, it was serene. I didn't even bother putting on music. When we arrive, I flip up my hood and come around, opening the door for her again. I take her hand and help her out. There's a tattoo and piercing place at the way back of the mall. We had wander around for a while, but ended up there.

"I've been meaning to get my nose pierced," she tells me, somewhat excitedly. It's the first time we've spoken; we've been here for roughly fifteen minutes.

"Sure," I tell her with a shrug.

So we go in. Almost immediately the guy behind the counter recognizes me. As Olivia gets set up, he's talking to me the entire time. I can tell Olivia is annoyed, but I don't even care. Even as he pierces her nose, he barely takes the time to ask her if she's ready. Once it's done, and she has a cute little sapphire in her nose, I pay for it.

"You didn't have to," she tells me quietly as I hand him the cash. She's red, but I can't tell if it's from anger or embarrassment. Truthfully, I don't care which.

After that we head to the food court to grab some coffee. We sit. My hood is still up, of course. Olivia and I sit, sipping our coffee in silence. She's looking at her lap, and I'm sort of glaring off to the side. My want to pick at my cuticles is strong, but I'm fighting it tooth and nail.

Olivia lifts her head once I'm halfway through with my coffee. "Look, Orion--"

"Excuse me."

We both swivel our heads to the voice. There's a guy standing there. I notice immediately when I do, more people start to come over.

"Fuck," I mumble quietly, and I don't think either Olivia or this guy heard me.

"You are, you're Orion Bauwens!"

Three more people make their way over, and I can already see another two. I slip into work mode, fighting down my anger, and give the guy a smile, holding out my hand. "Yes I am. And you are?"

"Your biggest fan."

That makes me laugh. As more people crowd around, I glance at Olivia. She looks extremely uncomfortable. "So, does my biggest fan have a name?"

"Yeah, Will."

"Are you from around here Will?" I ask, and in my peripheral vision I see people starting to take out their cell phones.

"Yeah. Man, I never thought I'd see you here."

"Well," I say as people start saying my name, over, and over, and over, "it was really nice to meet you, Will."

It goes on like that for a while. More and more people come, until we can no longer see past the circle of people that surround our table. It turns into an impromptu fan event--I take selfies, sign random bits of paper. All the while no one ever asked if they were bothering me, and all the while Olivia looks like she wants to bolt but is too scared to.

This goes on for, I don't even know. When shit like this happens, it's really easy to lose track of time. I'm silently kicking myself for not having my security detail with me. What a fool I was--I've been doing this long enough that I should know better. I should always have a plain-clothed detail following me.

Finally enough is enough. Not only am I sick of it, but Olivia is to the point where she looks near tears. I get up and politely excuse myself, and push my way to Olivia. I grab her hand and lift her to her feet when she doesn't move. I lean over, whispering into her ear.

"Everything's going to be fine. I'm not going to let go of your hand, just follow me, okay?"

She nods, and now she really looks like she's going to burst into tears. No one seems to notice, no one seems to care. I'm holding onto her hand tightly as we wind our way towards the exit, being followed by a wave of people. Near the exit I spot a mall cop; I pull down my hood, so he can recognize me, and give him A Look. The man starts to walk over, saying something into his radio attached to his shoulder.

"Alright, alright, give the man some room," the security guard says as I glance over my shoulder, and I'm relieved when I see two more security guards walk into the corridor, rushing towards our location.

By the time we make it outside, there are four security guards holding everyone back. Olivia rips her hand out of mine. I flip my hood back up, cram my hands into my pockets, and keep my head down as we rush quickly to my car. As soon as we're in, Olivia bursts into tears. I turn to her.

"Olivia, I am so, so sorry--"

"Just take me home, Orion."

I want to say something. I want to make everything right. But what's the point? We were a wreck, and she had just been subjected to my life, and she couldn't deal. So, with a disappointed sigh, I put on my seat belt and start to drive away.

The silent car ride is accentuated by Olivia's crying and sniffles. When we're close to her place, I speak.

"I'm really, really sorry that happened."

"I'm sorry," she tells me, "but I can't do this. I really can't. We're not good for each other, and after that..."

"I know," I tell her quietly, "It's a lot. I'm sorry, too."

A couple of minutes later, I pull up to her apartment. We sit in more silence. Finally Olivia looks at me.

"How do you do that?"

I smile sadly. "I just have to. That's my life. I hate it."

Olivia leans over and kisses me on the cheek. "Thank you, Orion. Friends?"

"Yeah," I tell her, "sure. Friends."

Although, unsurprisingly, that's the last time Olivia and I talk. And I'm sure the last time she has anything to do with me is when my lawyer sends her a non-disclosure on my behalf, essentially silencing her to talk about anything and everything about me.

Welcome to my life.