[Trigger Warning: More discussion of Orion's suicide attempt.]

"I don't understand why anyone likes me."

It's the following Tuesday. Scott and I are sitting by the pool, drinks in hand. He had been MIA from group for a few days. I had a feeling it had everything to do with what he told me about his past.

This was the first time I've run into him since. Scott was acting like nothing was wrong, like he hadn't just disappeared for a couple of days. I decided not to press the issue, instead sitting poolside with him, in the dark, the illuminated water's ripples bouncing off our faces.

Scott looks at me, sipping his tropical drink from a straw. He swallows and laughs. "Excuse you?"

"Ben came to visit me over the weekend." I wave my free hand, the one that's not holding my equally fruity drink. "Ben--my drummer. Known him since High School, one of my best friends."

"Are you gromless?"

I blink. Then I moan. "Dude, lay off the British terms, yeah?"

Scott laughs at me. "Basically, are you stupid? Why wouldn't people like you?"

I frown. Scott's still laughing at me, so I start to get a little angry.

"I nearly killed myself," I snap irritably. "A good friend of mine is in jail because he's the one who gave me what I OD'd on. He's also the one who saved me. He's also friends with Ben and Jake."

I turn my body to face Scott, and I'm full-on glaring now. "So I scared my friends half to death by almost dying, and I landed an innocent party in jail. God, I'm such a fuck!"

Losing my temper, I hurl my drink into the pool before I'm really cognizant of what I'm doing. Scott sits up, surprised. He looks between the pool water that's quickly turning red and me. Smiling in a cheeky manner, he points at me.

"You're in anger management, aren't you?"

Instead I just huff and get to my feet. Scott scrambles to his. He gently takes me by the bicep and turns me so I can't walk away.

"Hey," he tells me seriously, still holding my arm. "Your 'innocent bystander' of a friend gave you what you OD'd on. Look, I'm not saying it's not shitty he's in jail now, but he gave you drugs. Right?"

Humiliated, I look to the side. "Yeah."

Scott lets go of my arm and shrugs, "Okay--so a drug dealer is in jail. Isn't that how the system is supposed to work, mate?"

"He wouldn't be in jail if I wasn't a selfish twat!" I shout at him.

"Anyone who thinks people who try and off themselves are selfish don't know fuck all."

I blink. Scott's own anger surprises me.

"Summer of '24. Remember how Golden Heart Insert, that movie I was supposed to star in, abruptly got scrapped?" Before I can reply, he continues. "It's because I tried to kill myself."

My eyes go huge. "Fuck, Scott, I'm sorry--"

He points an angry finger at me. "No. People who are so depressed they get to that point are anything but selfish. They just want to feel okay, and they've reached the end, and yeah. Going that route is fucking extreme, but the assholes that call us selfish have never felt an ounce of the pain we have. They don't fucking know the depths that pain can go."

"Scott, dude, I--"

"Do not feed into that bullshit!" he shouts at me now. "I never, ever want to hear you call yourself selfish! It's just a social construct, shit survivors tell themselves to make them feel better that they couldn't do more to save their loved one! It's the same damn reason religion made it a sin, and why it's illegal to attempt. It's because people can't deal with the messes!"

I'm slightly offended. "I--I don't think it's entirely like that--"

He throws his hands in the air. "Think what you will, but regardless I never want to hear you say that, Orion. Got it?"

I hold up my hands and raise my eyebrows. After a few moments he downs the rest of his drink and wings the empty glass into the pool. It makes me laugh.

After stewing a moment further, he shoots me a smile. "You're a bad influence."

I shrug, grinning.

"Hey," Scott says seriously. He takes me by the back of the neck and looks at me seriously. I swallow thickly. "I can tell you mean well. I can tell you're a really, really good guy. Just because some of that gets lost in translation doesn't mean people shouldn't like you. Got that, mate?"

I blink.

"You're flawed. Show me a Goddamn person on this earth that isn't flawed in some way. And when you do, I promise you, I'll give you my entire estate."

And it's with those words Scott rubs the back of my neck, roughly shoves me away, gives me a boyish smile, and leaves me to my thoughts.

~

"Hello, this is Gloria Gonzalez with EMI, how may I help you?"

I shut my eyes and smile happily. Her voice washed over me like a warm bath. It felt good. It felt like normalcy.

It felt like home.

"Hey, Glo."

"Orion!" she shouts excitedly into my ear. I laugh, briefly pulling the phone away from the volume. She continues in a normal voice. "How've you been pumpkin?"

I glance at the nurse that's leaning against the wall, pouring over a tablet. The thing with rehab is, they try to seclude you from the outside world. As you heal, they don't want any possibility of your old life tainting your progress. As such, all phone calls to the outside world are not only logged, but a nurse has to be on hand. I hate having private conversations in front of someone, but at the same time I get it.

"I've been good," I reply genuinely.

"Why'd you call my work line?"

I laugh. "I don't have my cell, and I don't have your number memorized."

"How do you not have my number memorized by now?" she teases.

"Well gee, Gloria," I droll with a smile, "I'm not a dinosaur like you. I wasn't born before cell phones; I just hit a button and boom, I get who I want."

Gloria laughs, and it's music for my soul. "Vete a la mierda!"

"Hey," I say, now laughing myself, "I'll shove soap through this damn phone."

She laughs some more, and it's just what I needed. I close my eyes, a pleasant smile on my face. When she's done laughing, I open my eyes and speak.

"I miss you, Gloria."

"I miss you too, babycakes. I love you, you know that, right?"

I'm still smiling. "I know. I love you too, Gloria. Thanks for everything."

"Well," she says then, a tinge of sadness to her voice even though she tries to cover it up with a joke, "some of us have work to do, unlike you, kicking your feet up and living the good life."

I laugh and roll my eyes. "Yeah, 'cause it's totally like that here."

"I miss you, pumpkin," she says seriously.

"When will I see you?" I blurt out eagerly.

There's a pause, and then, "You want to see me?"

"I'd love that."

"Do you have an opening this weekend?"

"Yup!"

"Okay Orion, I'll see you then."

"I'll see you then, Glo."

"Take care, love."

"I will. Promise."

When I hang up, I'm still smiling.