Olivia and I had spent the rest of the day together. I was been a little surprised by how easily we slipped back into being an item. The only difference, really, was when things started to get hot and heavy on my couch, I put a stop to it.

It was so, so incredibly stupid, but as soon as her and I started making out, my head filled with nothing but thoughts of Tristan. I started comparing Olivia to him. How she moved her lips was different; they were shaped differently, too. The intensity was off; Olivia was a firecracker, whereas Tristan always started slow and gradually let things build. Her hands all over me felt too small.

When I pulled away, she looked confused. I chuckled, leaning my forehead against hers. I closed my eyes, shielding myself from the inevitable disappointment from her eyes. "S-sorry. I wanna take things slower this time."

When I opened my eyes, she was smiling. It made everything ten times worse. "Sure, Orion. Whatever you want. Whatever you need."

So we spent the day curled up in my basement, watching movies. Afterwards, I didn't even suggest she spend the night. There were things I needed to do, since I unintentionally ended up back in my house. Things I needed to do to distract myself so my empty house didn't swallow me wholly.

I had Alexa pipe in music to every room in the house. I sang along, focusing on the music instead of what I was doing. There was no Gloria this time to call a box truck for me. There was no Jake to take me up to my room while Gloria, Ben, and Tristan cleared out my house.

I'm happy to say throwing away all that alcohol made me angry. Not angry about throwing it away, no--I was angry at the alcohol. It actually felt good, putting it all in a double-bagged trash bag. With every bottle I tossed, my anger festered, and stewed, and grew, until I was outright seething.

This shit had ruined my life. This shit had made me destroy the relationship with the best person I had ever been with. This fucking shit landed someone in jail. This putrid liquid pushed my best friend away from me. For the first time ever, I wondered why I even drank the stuff in the first place.

When I cleared my main fridge, I was disgusted at the smell. At one point I pulled out a liquefied bag of...something. Cucumber? Lettuce? No idea. I hadn't thought about that aspect of things, so I went through all my cabinets, too, and got rid of everything that had expired.

When I finally hefted the bio-experiment and alcohol filled bag into the dumpster, it felt good. I was cleaning up my life--literally. I felt vindicated throwing out that trash. Honestly, it made me feel on top of the world.

I'm surprised when, after I get back in, my doorbell rings. Confused, I look to see who it is. My confusion furthers when I see it's Ben.

"Hey buddy," I tell him with a smile. "S'up?"

I'm not used to Ben looking anxious, but he does. I tilt my head to the side a little, curious as to why he's standing on my doorstep in the dead of night, looking nervous.

"I wanted to talk," Ben puffs out, "and I saw you were still up."

"Ah, peeking into my windows, huh?" I joke, trying to get him to relax. But it doesn't work.

"No, I mean, your lights were on, and I saw you moving around, and--"

I side-step, growing increasingly concerned. "Come in."

Ben comes in. I offer him something to drink, but he declines. So instead we just sit in my drawing room. We've barely sat when Ben starts talking.

"This is killing me, man."

I'm confused. "What is?"

"You. And Jake. Not speaking."

I frown. "Oh."

"I just came from his house."

That surprised me, and I lifted my eyebrows. "Oh? How'd that go?"

"I don't know. He doesn't want to talk to you, but he said he would for me, but...Fuck!"

I'm a little surprised at the outburst, and even more surprised when he gets up and starts pacing back and forth. I watch him, wide-eyed, as he continues.

"You guys are my best friends. We've been so close since High School--that's a really long time, man."

"I know," I reply in soft sadness.

Ben stops pacing, and looks at me desperately. "You guys have to make up, you just have to."

I look at my lap. "If Jake doesn't want to, then I can't do anything."

"Fuck that!" Ben snarls, and I'm once again surprised. My head snaps up, looking at him. "What about the band?"

All I can do is shrug. Ben comes and sits next to me. I look at him. I wish he weren't so close, because he's making me uncomfortable. He's making me uncomfortable because he's making me feel so, so incredibly guilty. I want Jake and I to be okay. I want the band to continue.

"It's killing me that I don't know if Saturn Mutants is still a band. I said it didn't bother me the other day, but it does."

My eyes drop to my lap again, and I start fidgeting, playing with the rings on my fingers. "Me too."

"So then do something about it!"

I lift my gaze to Ben. "I d'no if Jake would even talk to me--"

"Can you at least try? For me?"

I don't know what to say.

"Orion, look," he tells me, viewing me seriously. "It's not just about you and Jake, and it's not even about Saturn Mutants. I mean, it is, but you gotta understand Ori. It's my livelihood. It's my life. Maybe I'm being selfish, I d'no, but it's not fair that my life has fallen apart in the blink of an eye, and I don't even get any fucking say in it."

"I know," I snap at him without meaning to. There's a tense moment before I drop my eyes. "Sorry. I get it Ben, I do. Did you forget it's my life, too?"

Startling me, Ben pulls me into a hug. I freeze, not moving. "I know. I haven't forgotten. Just--try, please?" He holds me at arms length. "Please? For me?"

I want to sigh, but I think it'd be rude. So instead, I just offer up the smallest smile to Ben. "I will. For you. I'll do anything for you, Benjamin."

He smirks at the use of his full name. "Thanks, Ori."

I bid him goodnight and once the door is shut, I pull out my cell from my back pocket and text Jake. I hadn't expected him to answer. It was late, past midnight, almost one in the morning.

I know I'm probably the last person on Earth you wanna see, but I would like to resolve things between us like adults. Hopefully we can patch things up. If we don't, then...I would like to at least attempt it, if you're willing. If we can't, we'll figure out the legalities of dismembering Saturn Mutants in a fair way where no one feels slighted.

I hit send. But after a moment I felt guilty, so I added,

Sry to bother u, it's late

I watched three dots bounce up and down over, and over, and over. It was making me feel sick. At one point I think he was writing a dissertation, but then deleted all of it. What finally came over was short, sweet, and to the point.

My place, 10:30AM

Well. Any chance of me sleeping tonight just went out the window. Sleep had become a fallacy for me at several different points in my life. I could survive one night without sleep.