"We're dead. He's going to kill us. I'm sure."
Hana paces back & forth in my room, panic paling her complexion.
"Calm down. Maybe he doesn't know. Maybe he only made an observation." I try to assure her, but even I don't believe myself.
Abeonim has never made a pointless comment. His words always mean something.
"You do know that's impossible, right? HE KNOWS! I'm sure of that!" She exclaims loudly.
"Shhh! The walls have ears. Do you really want to be punished?" I quickly cover her mouth & hiss.
"I-I'm sorry, Miss. I'm just so scared. I can't let anything happen to myself, otherwise who'll take care of my mother?" She sobs.
"Everything will be fine. I convinced you to help me, so if he ever comes at you, I'll protect you."
"Miss, you can't even protect yourself? How can you protect me?" She stares at me with an unfathomable sadness in her eyes.
She's right though. I'm utterly helpless.
I'm just a frail little sparrow in my father's golden cage. He can crush me any second or starve me to death as he wishes & nobody will say anything.
"I'm sorry Hana ssi. It's my fault.." I lower my head in guilt & regret.
How could I let my infatuation ruin someone else's life?
Sensing my anguish, she takes my hand & holds it in hers.
"I'm sure Sajangnim will tighten his surveillance on you, so we need to be extra careful for now. I don't know what you did or who you met earlier, but please stop. Whatever it is, whoever he or she is, it's not worth your well-being. Do you hear me? I'll stick to my words even if he forces me to betray you, but you have to promise me not to be reckless." She pleads.
"I- I promise.." I mutter lowly, suppressing the tears that are about to fall from my eyes.
Well, I'm not going to meet Taehyung again anyway. We've bid our goodbyes.
"Good. I'll get going now. Have a good evening, Miss." She bows at me & motions towards the door.
Watching her leaving, suddenly, I remember something.
"Hana ssi, wait!" I call out.
"Yes? Is there anything else?" She turns to me quizzically.
"Wait here." I order before rushing to my walk-in closet.
After a few minutes, I come out with a black rectangular velvet box in my hand.
"Here. This is for you." I shove the box to her.
"But this is the gold-plated pen that Sajangnim gave you. The one that I attempted to- I can't take this." She pushes it back to me.
"Hana ssi, I have no idea how much this is worth, but at least it can help you pay a portion of your mother's hospital bills. I wish I could give you more, but you know how Abeonim is, he's never given me any money, so.. Please just take it as my gratitude for helping me today." I put the box in the middle of her palm & fold her fingers tightly over it.
"Miss Y/n..." Her eyes glisten with tears & she pulls me into a hug all of a sudden.
"Thank you so much. You have such a kind heart. Thank you Miss, really. Thank you." She cries into my shoulder, wetting my shirt.
"You're welcome." Warmth spreads from my chest, happy that I could help her even just a little.
"I promise I'll pay you back. Thank you Miss. Thank you." She puts the box in her pocket & keeps bowing as she exits the door.
"Huh.. What a day.." I huff.
Unease begins to sneak into my mind again as I think about Abeonim's comment earlier.
Does he know what I did with Taehyung? If he does, how come he's not doing anything? Is he waiting for the right moment to strike? Arghhh! I don't know! Let's just wait & see.
I take my clothes off & throw them into the laundry bag. Then, I turn on the faucet, letting the hot water wash away the grains of sand that are still stuck on my skin.
With a heavy heart, I watch the tiny beige dots being flushed down to the drain. If I could keep them as a token of the wonderful escape I had with Taehyung today, I would. But then, it would remind me of the painful goodbye as well.
We are not meant to be. Not now, not forever. Not in this lifetime. We are from two very different worlds & I have to accept that.

Three days go by slowly.
My life is back to its old monotony. Which is good & bad at the same time.
Good, because Abeonim hasn't said or done anything about my tardiness on Wednesday & the inexplicable sand on my shoes.
Bad, because I'm becoming a zombie again. No more rapid heart beats, no more adrenaline rush, no more butterflies in my stomach. Dead as a fallen leaf in autumn.
Sunday comes.
My lifeless heart starts beating faintly, as I grasp on a sliver of hope that I might see Taehyung at the church.
However, something dawns on me when I get into the backseat of the car with Abeonim.
So what if he comes? You can't talk to him or even glance his way. It will be more torturous than not seeing him at all.
And just like that, my heart goes silent again.
Everything proceeds normally. People flock to us when we arrive & we greet them back politely.
I can't help but secretly scan around looking for Taehyung, but he's nowhere to be seen.
He must have been lying when he told Abeonim that he would start coming every Sunday.
A heavy disappointment fills my chest, but I swiftly chase it away.
Maybe this is better for all of us.
I sigh inwardly & am back to plastering my pretentious smile on my lips, when all of a sudden I hear a familiar deep baritone coming from behind.
"Good morning Kang Sajangnim. We meet again."
He's changed his looks so much that I almost didn't recognize him. So does Abeonim, who only stares at him with genuine confusion on his face.
But the suit-wearing man in front of me is unmistakably Kim Taehyung.
"It's me. Kim Taehyung. We talked last week, remember? The tattoo guy?" Taehyung smiles.
"Ahhh, now I remember. You cut your hair! And your tattoos are gone. That's why I couldn't recognize you. I'm so sorry, please forgive this old man." Abeonim immediately switches on his most heartfelt smile & pats Taehyung's back.
"I covered them with foundation because I thought it would be more respectful for this setting. How are you today Sajangnim?" Taehyung bows at Abeonim, completely ignoring me who's standing right beside him.
"I'm better than I deserve to be. It's all thanks to God's grace. Y/n ah, could you please save us a seat? The mass is about to start." Abeonim says without looking at me.
As if someone would dare to take our regular seats.
It's just an excuse to get me as far away as possible from Taehyung, but I have no other choice, so I nod & walk away.
Their faint laughters can still be heard from where I'm sitting.
God, I missed his laughs. And how can he look so much more handsome than I remembered?
The urge to turn around & see his face once again is so strong that I have to dig my nails into my palms to remind me of the consequences.
Think about Hana. Think about yourself. What if Abeonim finds out what you did with Taehyung?
The mass starts.
I keep my gaze straight at all times, not even daring to turn a degree. In spite of my perfect posture, it's hard to focus on the sermon, because I can't help but wonder..
Is Taehyung looking at me? Or does he not care anymore?
When the mass ends, I rise from my seat but Abeonim pulls me back down again.
"Go to the car right away. I don't want that filthy guy to come anywhere near you." He commands.
"Yes, Abeonim." I readily obey, although I feel upset for not being able to at least see Taehyung one more time.
I lower my head & hastily rush out of the church. The ground outside is still quiet since the rest of the crowd is still gathered inside the church for casual post-mass chatter.
As I walk pass a shed, which serves as a storage, towards the parking lot, someone snatches my arm & pulls me inside.
My eyes widen in shock as I find Taehyung hovering over me.

"Hi.." He grins.
"What are you doing?! My father will find us here! Are you out of your-"
I can't finish my sentence because he muffles my mouth with a deep kiss. All the concern & worry I had is gone in an instant.
The only thing that matters right now is me, him, & this kiss.
But all of a sudden, an alarm goes off in my head, my natural defense system kicking in.
"Stop. We can't do this." I say as I push him hard, going against my cravings for his red lips & intoxicating scent.
"Why?" Taehyung chuckles.
"I should be the one who asks you why are you doing this to me? I thought you didn't want to see me again." I frown.
"I never said that." He tilts his head in confusion.
"B-But you said goodbye." I clearly remember him bidding farewell without turning back.
"Well, yeah. Goodbye for that day. Omg, did you think that it was a forever goodbye?" A wide grin splits his face as the realization dawns on him.
"W-What else was I supposed to think? You didn't say anything about wanting to see me again." I lower my head in embarrassment, my cheeks reddening.
"I still can't get enough of you Y/n, so you'll be seeing a lot of me until you get bored." He lifts my chin & gives me a peck on the lips.
I doubt I'll ever get bored of you Kim Taehyung.
The sound of distant chatter makes me abruptly turn my head towards the door, the hair on my neck standing up.
"Oh no, people have started coming out of the church. I need to go now." I frantically rush towards the door.
"Wait! Here, take this." He fishes out something from his pocket & tosses it at me.
"A phone?" I observe the black rectangular device in my hand.
"Yeah, so that I can contact you more easily. My number is in there. I'll be waiting for your call. Now go." He winks at me.
Such a simple, yet dangerous, object brings my deceased soul back from the death. A rope that I hope will pull me out of the hell I'm living in.
"Thank you." I mutter before slipping the phone under the waistband of my skirt & covering it carefully with my shirt.
Then, I hurriedly step out of the dark shed into the bright light.
Some churchgoers are strolling my way, but luckily they're too engaged in their conversations that they don't notice me dashing towards the parking lot.
My heart is still pounding rapidly when I slam the car door shut.
"Where is Sajangnim, Miss?" The driver asks through the rear view mirror.
"He'll be here soon." I calmly say, trying hard to control my unsteady breaths.
The coolness of the phone's surface against my skin exhilarates me. It's probably the most precious thing that anyone has ever given me.
I need to keep this hidden from Abeonim.
A smile spreads across my lips as I gently pat the phone underneath my shirt & recall the kiss earlier.
But then, the door abruptly swings open & Abeonim steps inside, wiping the smile off my face instantly.
"Drive." Abeonim furrows his brows & commands.
He seems to be in a dreadful mood, which is quite unusual because Sunday has always been his day. The happiest day of the week for him, after absorbing all the compliments & admiration people throw at him.
What's wrong? Did someone see me & Taehyung & tell him about that?
The numbing anxiety reverberates through my flesh & bones, keeping me on edge.
I fold my hands to stop them from trembling & pretend to look out the window.
"Y/n ah, did you meet him when you walked to the car earlier?"
My suppressed disquiet explodes at his sudden question, stopping my heart for a second.
"I'm sorry, but who are you referring to?" I cautiously ask as the gears in my brain churns rapidly.
"That tattoo guy. Kim Taehyung. I didn't see him at all after mass was over." He turns to me & searches for the truth in my eyes.
It takes all of my courage to maintain a firm gaze & not falter.
"No, I didn't. Maybe he left during the mass."
"That guy truly got on my nerves. I feel like I've seen him before but I can't remember where. And something about him incites an unpleasant premonition." His frown becomes deeper & I can tell that he's thinking hard.
This is dangerous. I have to stop him from focusing so much on Taehyung.
"Maybe you've seen him downtown. He definitely stands out in the crowd with his grisly tattoos & bizarre sense of style. That's probably why looking at him triggers a bad feeling in you. If he disturbs you that much, you should tell him to stop coming to the church. Indirectly, of course." I suggest carefully.
"No, he's not worth it. I should stop letting him getting into my head. Just stay away from him Y/n ah. Do you hear me?" He throws me a stern side glance.
"Yes, Abeonim. He disgusts me anyway." The lie glides smoothly on my tongue.
"Good."
I breathe a sigh of relief inwardly.
Hopefully he won't be suspicious of Taehyung anymore.
Once we get home, I immediately excuse myself & run up to my room.
I pull the phone from underneath my waistband & feel its weight in my hand.
He's just one call away now.
A giggle travels up my throat & bursts into a short snort. I instantly muffle my mouth with my palm & glimpse at the door, scared that Abeonim would hear that & barge in.
The phone suddenly vibrates in my hand, completely startling me.
It's a text from Taehyung.
I quickly run to the restroom & lock the door behind me. Then, I sit down on the floor & open the text, pulse racing in anticipation.

Jealousy boils inside me, heating me with an unreasonable hatred for the unknown woman.
Who's that girl? Is she really just a client?
I want to ask him but I don't think I have the right to. I'm not even his girlfriend. Which gets me thinking..
What am I to him?
He's firmly planted himself inside my heart & I don't want to be just another notch in his belt. I want him to want me the same way as I want him. I want him to see a future with me & fight for it although the outlook is bleak for now.
I should ask him that question the next time we meet, although the answer might break my fragile heart.