Lily's Point of View

The summer heat lingers in the palace room as evening draws near. I somehow managed to chase off the curious kids and stumble back towards the bed, before sliding down the cold stone wall instead.

I'm drenched in cold sweat, and though the memories of the nightmare is already fuzzy, the feeling lingers like a burning dread with the smell of burning bodies.

Why...

Why is it like this?

It was fine until the siege, so why have the nightmares returned now?

I slump to the side down against the cool marble floor, hoping to remove even a little of the haunting feeling that clings to me like the spirits of hell.

I close my burning, heavy eyelids and sigh with relief at the cool feeling of the floor against my clammy skin. I'll just... stay like this for a bit.

Just... a bit.

—-*—-

"Rei-chui."

Haruki-Gunsou stops up in front of me once their scheduled training exercises end. He's trembling and would probably wobble if he took another step, but as you'd expect, he not only looks refreshed, but also fairly composed, despite clear exhaustion.

He's a squad leader for a reason.

Aiko, as a private, on the other hand is wheezing to get her breath under control and she has her hands on her hips while drawing breaths so big she looks like she's about to choke. She falls quite short compared to Haruki, but she's also a couple of years younger.

"As you are well aware of, Rei-chui, I've been informed that my marriage will find place this fall."

I turn my attention back to Haruki as he speaks up politely and catch a glimpse of his eyes that glimmer at whatever he intends to go with this. I am quite happy for him. He's marrying out of his family and into his fiancé's, who currently works at court dealing with the western clans, and thankfully the two of them are quite fond of each other. A rarity for sure given the big difference in occupation.

"As such, I was hoping that you would join me, and the rest of us for a celebratory drink this evening?"

I stare at Haruki slowly. I did sign permission for something like that a couple of days ago... getting permission for such a large group can be somewhat difficult due to worry for appearances. One drunk samurai is one thing, but 20 samurai is another. It would have been far worse if we had to include the rest of the unit. Getting permission for 100 samurai to go drinking at once is quite impossible. Especially since the army is gathering for war.

Still, it is uncommon to ask someone of a higher rank out for a drink. Usually I'd have to decline, but with the occasion being this, I suppose it will pass. I had expected said group of 20 samurai to include the squad leaders of our unit and perhaps some from other units. To think he included both me and the rest of the guard squad for this.

I glance to the other four squad leaders, including Oiwa and Yukio trying to hold in their smiles. They're probably planning on getting quite a lot more drunk than what a 'celebratory drink' usually refers to.

The only problem is that I cannot lose face in front of them. Were I to get drunk, then they would be obliged to get drunker. Were I to lose face, then they would have to lose face first. Seeing their smiles I feel like they've temporarily pushed that aside. Well, a couple of drinks shouldn't hurt.

A couple of drinks for the enjoyment.

And they excuse minor breaches of etiquette too.

"I accept. I will get the paperwork in order, Haruki-Gunso."

Haruki's eyes brighten at my accept, and Aiko's lips curl into enough of a grin that her eyes get crows feet.

Being a priestess and officer, going outside needs to be reported separately. Every priest and priestess in the army is under quite constant protection, and each have an entire samurai squad assigned to their protection. Even for a little walk in the city.

Haruki is also the squad leader for my guard squad. Originally I'd received a permission for him to leave the squad for the evening, so I'll need to correct that.

—-*—-

"One more, Rei-chui!"

Unsurprisingly, Aiko is over me like a playful lion, since she has the chance to act mostly unrestrained by our ranks, because of the alcohol. She pours the fifth cup of sake before I can even put my last cup down, all while grinning broadly from ear to ear as she gets another swig into her own cup and downs it, only to slam the small clay cup and her fist down against the wooden table in delight.

"Bah! So good!" Aiko visibly shudders.

I feel a few bubbles of laughter escape me at her unrestrained visage. It's not often I see people from their branch of the clan smile like this. If not for the alcohol and unofficial situation then it would be a breach of etiquette.

Second Squad Leader Oiwa on my other side smiles quite gracefully at Aiko's behavior. Aiko is far more elegant than everyone else in the squad all together. Like the visage of the moon trapped among the rough and stormy waters of the ocean.

Oiwa sips her tea quietly, giving a slow and thoughtful blink before she speaks with a silky voice, "Aiko-kun, I believe you have had enough," Oiwa cautions Aiko with that smile of hers, and causes the loud Aiko to stare at her blankly, like she just got the order to squeak like a chicken for an hour.

Another bubbly laughter begins to spread through my body.

Aiko's colored hair even has a somewhat red tinge rather than being properly blonde.

Chickenhead Aiko.

"Eeeeeeeeh, I don't wanna!" Aiko whines at Oiwa while leaning over the table to talk past me.

"My mission is to get Rei-chui drunk," she drunkenly admits her plan loud enough for the people around us to hear.

Ah, as always Aiko's strong side is not her mind. I press my lips together to choke the bubbly laughter and smile before I give my best display of a polite smile.

"A-I-ko-kun."

Aiko stares up at me blankly for a couple of seconds before flinching as she realizes what happened.

"Drop and take forty."

"Geh."

Aiko puts the sake flash down and puts her head against the table with a childish drunken pout.

"I just wanted Rei-chui to have fun," she tries to defend herself and presents me with kitty eyes.

"Fifty, Aiko."

Even though I say it with a somewhat cold voice, I can still clearly feel the happiness and the warm bubbly atmosphere of the room as the people around us burst into laughter and tell Aiko to get on with it.

When even her squad leader Haruki gives her a somewhat stern look of disappointment, she caves in and gets up. My guess is that Haruki is the most sober one right now.

Him and Ken-chan were out fetching more sake with the owners since it was quite late.

I shift my gaze onto Oiwa, who in return gaze into my golden eyes with the usual fascination. She just smiles though.

"Oiwa, how is your marriage?" She was married last winter, so it should be about time for there to be some developments. The lucky guy has spent a LOT of time courting her. He still does too. Whenever we deal with the letters for the camp there is always  at least one for Oiwa, and judging by her reaction every time those letters must be quuuuuite the sweet ones.

Oiwa's cheeks darken and her gaze drops a bit as she leans close.

"Once summer passes I likely won't be able to stay until winter, Rei-chui."

I pause at those words as she pulls back and then discretely puts her hand on her stomach while sending me a little glance. In that moment she shines far brighter and far warmer than a moon.

I feel my lips pull into a sincere smile.

"Congratulations, Oiwa. Does your husband know yet?"

I rush and quiet my voice a bit. Forgetting about Aiko's push ups entirely.

"Not yet. I'm struggling to find the best way to tell him."

She blushes more as she says that, and I can only smile at the sight. I put an arm around her and give her a squeeze as I feel my heart be filled to the brim with happiness as I take in the atmosphere around me.

"Haruki!"

I call across the room and make the poor squad leader jolt into attention.

"Yes, Rei-chui!"

"May you become as happy as Oiwa in your marriage!"

I raise the sake cup, and smile as the others join in. Even the poor embarrassed Oiwa.

Ah, but it's getting quite warm in here. I should go for some fresh air.

I finish my drink and get to my feet as everyone starts messing a bit with Haruki. Although wobbly, I shuffle towards the inner garden of the tea house with a fuzzy happiness through my body.

I push aside the sliding door and step out... but rather than the cold, a thick hazy blast of air hits my face.

—-*—-

The smell of blood, ashes and burning human flesh tear into my lungs, and I immediately pull back and try to grab the doorframe behind me... now gone.

"Rei-chui!"

The night is a sunset... lit by fires taller than men and resounding with screams of death and orders.

Haruki and the other squad leaders look to me with worry in their eyes. They're afraid to charge in... but our lord is on the other side of that wall.

Our lord.

Thump...

The sound of something hitting the ground sounds in front of me... and Aiko's vicious and tear stained expression stares up at me as... as he head stops rolling.

I pull back, but stumble into a pile of corpses. Most of which are clad in our golden armor now stained with blood.

My eyes shoot back to Haruki, but where he stood the black smoke is thick... and Oiwa lies quietly on the ground in front of me. Her blank brown eyes staring at me emptily as she holds her stomach... quietly and desperately having grasped at the spear that pierced her stomach.

'Once this summer is over, Rei-chui'

I hear her whisper, but tears stain my cheeks and blood soaked hands.

Why?!

—-*—-

I jolt awake again with tears staining my face, and my fist slammed against the wall, throbbing painfully.

I cover my eyes with an arm in the darkness, as the tears continue to stream and puddle up on the floor like blood drops. I try to swallow the knot in my throat, but just like the regret it stays as though it hopes to kill me slowly.

I try to control my shaky breath and focus on my breathing instead.

It's all about control.

I can't linger about it.

...Even these feelings... even these sinful and weak feelings will pass with time. Until then, hold it in... keep it under control, so that no one can see.