Lionel's Point of View

As we approach home, I feel the anxiety begin to build at the thought of returning home... and to talk with mother, Reynold and Bertram about what happened.

Even after Lily brought calm to my mind of my decision about Alstair, this is... different. It is not a matter of the good of the kingdom, and cannot be excused as such.

But every word and phrase I can come up with to tell them of father's death, seems so insincere when I try to express them, that I feel as though even I would distrust myself.

I grip the reins tighter with clammy hands, and try to control my quivering breath.

Every time I go through the conversation on my own I end back up at the same spot every single time: 'why did I not stay by him and save him?'

Was I so far gone?

...had I stayed, then Alstair would have gotten away, but was it really worth the price?

These waves of regret wash over me once again. Lily said it was something I had to decide for myself, but we are not solitary animals. The feelings of the people closest to us matter as well... and in some ways more than our own.

That is exactly why I asked Lily. I know no one else so stubborn on the matter of what she considers right or wrong...

I... I had hoped for a clear answer from her. Foolishly begged her for the answers to soothe the pain and anxiety, but she left me with half an answer and told me to find the answer on my own.

While she's... right... those were also partly the words I wanted to hear the least.

I look up at the final gate of Castle Tepet as we ride through it.

What can I even say?

'Father died a hero'? Can I say that truthfully?

'Father died a fool. I am sorry I couldn't convince him'? While true, the coldness of the words make my chest knot up painfully.

Father was a fool.

I clench the reins tightly and grit my teeth. He was always such a fool when it came to women or to the crown... yet always so blasted brilliant on the battlefield.

Why...?

Why could he spot an ambush a mile away, but never the sweet manipulation of a woman, as she puts poison in our drinks?

A sudden overwhelming nausea hits me, making my throat and stomach knot up like entangled chains. If I could just... hate him... if I could forget the warm smiles as we went fishing last fall, or his vividly done tales whenever he read aloud fables. If I could just forget way he'd made us laugh til our stomachs were in knots or... the many hours we'd spent by his side training, working... laughing.

Why... had I abandoned a person like that to kill someone? He... he was an idiot, but... but even so...

There's... no way I can justify my actions.

We enter the main courtyard... surrounded by soldiers and knights standing at ready. Staring. Had it been an ambush we would be in a lot of trouble, but on top of the stairs to the entrance stands mother's tall and elegant figure. Proud and beautiful, far from the pallid, emaciated and emotionally wrecked state she had been in nine years ago where she couldn't even get out of bed. Reynold and Bertram stand next to her, both still barely at the end of their growth spurt. They can just barely fill out the armor given to them.

Bertram... if not for father then Bertram would likely have ended up on the streets when I killed Gwenore.

I hadn't been fond of Bertram back then... had I decided his fate back then, then he would be far worse off right now than the proud young man he is today as he stands next to Reynold as though the two of them had come in a set.

I dismount and hesitantly step up to the carriage as my time to speak draws closer...

A steward opens the carriage door and politely helps out the princess' maid while I stand ready at the door in case Emilia wishes for a hand.

I took Bertram's mother away from him, and now father is gone as well.

The young princess steps out confidently on her own, determined, and with a far clearer mind than mine.

"Lady Tepet. Reynold Tepet. Bertram Tepet. I am First Princess Emilia Blyenberg, I am honored with your fast accommodation for our soldiers. Thank you."

Mother knows that the real Queen's maiden name was not Blyenberg. Mother and the queen had been friends, but after the poisoning mother had mostly withdrawn to her quarters for everything but official business.

I... almost didn't expect to see her, but how will she react to this? To this child that is not the real Queen's.

I nearly jolt as a warm hand sneaks into mine. Small, yet rough and... comforting. I barely manage to lift my hand to support Lily as she steps out of the carriage, but the heat from her hand lingers when she lets go.

"We welcome you to Castle Tepet, first Princess Emilia. I hope your journey was swift and pleasant and we will do our best to accommodate you in the chambers of Castle Tepet, unrefined as most of them are."

Mother's eyes lock onto me... and my heart sinks to the pit of my stomach.

I am out of time.

I snap a breath as I move past the princess and up the stairs with heavy steps.

Should I start by giving her their wedding band?

My eyes drop to the granite steps as I approach them... and by the time the golden hem of mother's brown dress comes into view I... cannot look up.

What do I say?

Is there anything I can say? Where should I start?

"I-"

I What? I could have done something. I could have made a different choice, but I was too cursedly drunk on my feelings of needing Alstair dead?

I'm a failure of a son.

I-

Mother's warm arms wrap around me... and the gentle and nostalgic scent of her perfume fills my nose and mind with the warmth of childhood.

"I'm sorry," is all I get out as a useless whimper.

I want to say more, I want to speak properly, but all that comes out is bottled up regret.

"I am so sorry," I whisper against her shoulders  as she pulls me close without a question... without blame... all the words clog up in my throat together with the guilt, causing the tears to overflow. Yet, mother holds me tighter.

"I know," she says softly... a tone I've heard her use with Reynold, Bertram and Curtis so many times when they were younger.

"Go inside. We will talk later," she whispers against my ear while stroking over my head so gently I feel guiltier. She pulls back, and with a gentle push sends me into the arms of Reynold and Bertram. Reynold grabs my arm gently, worry filling his eyes as they lead me through the cold stone walls of castle Tepet.

—-*—-

I've not cried so hard for years... and never in front of my brothers. Yet, once the dam was broken everything poured out of me like a flood. The tears, the memories of what happened... everything...

Yet, Reynold just shrugged and sat next to me quietly, and Bertram just stared quietly at the floor.

"Lionel... you don't need to worry that much."

Reynold shifts a bit on the bed and looks at the window with a frown. His hand tightens in the sheets of the bed.

"You always struggled so hard to protect us when we were kids, and you still do. I don't need a father that only acts like one when it's convenient for him and ignores the pain of his family."

A burst of resentment flashes over Reynold's expression. Reynold was always the quiet one of us... but also the most socially observant. To hear him say this...

"The only heroes I need is you and Lady Lily," he adds bitterly while scowling at the floor... yet his eyes still carry hints of pain.

"Curtis might cry, but he remembers as well as I who was running around for us that night, and who was sleeping comfortably in their bed while mother wept... you were always too kind to that idiot."

Reynold probably doesn't realize the coldness of his own words, nor the utter hate that those words show for father.

"If father heard you say that he'd cry, Reynold," I say softly to soften the blow. He's exaggerating. Reynold looks at me with bitterness in his green eyes.

"Burnt child shies the fire," he responds.

Bertram finally speaks up, though quietly and carefully, "Rey. You're being unreasonable. Father did a lot for us."

In return Reynold lets off a huff and grits his teeth.

"He prepared us to die on the battlefield, even if it took a bit of negotiation in the shape of trying to make us laugh and take us on trips. If he truly cared, then he wouldn't have been able to be with Gwenore in the first place, when mother told him of what Gwenore was doing."

Bertram's eyes widen as Reynold brings up his mother, but stands up from the bed with a roar.

"Shut it!"

To Bertram, Gwenore abandoned him. Leaving him helpless and, if not for father, for a life as a street kid. It's a topic he detests to speak about.

Yet...

Yet her body lies dead in the palace.

"Why?! As much as I love you as a brother Ber, your mother was horrible! You're just as soft as Lionel on both of them!"

Both of them flush red with anger, and even Reynold stands up as well. Bertram snaps at Reynold's words this time, ready to tear into him if needed.

"I don't want to hear you say it! And being soft is far better than being cold like yo-"

I cut them both off by gripping them by the shoulders and draw them into my arms.

"That's enough, both of you," I say out hoarsely and grip their shoulders tightly.

Bertram lets himself get pulled in, but still trembles with both anger and frustration.

Reynold struggles for a moment...but then grips onto my shirt tightly as his shoulders begin to tremble and the warm of his tears spread through my shirt. His muffled sniffs makes Bertram go quiet as well and eventually ruffle Reynold's hair quietly.

Reynold in return smacks the hand away.

"I'm not crying," he insists stubbornly, though I myself am still crying. Causing a smile on Bertram's lips.

Thank you Reynold, for supporting me... and I'm sorry, Bertram.

—-*—-

It took a little while longer before I managed to gather enough composure to rejoin mother and our guests.

My head both felt clearer, but also somewhat light from crying for so long. I... had expected them to be angrier, but in the end even Bertram could only give a vague smile at me with the words:

"Father was too stubborn and too blind. He hates everything from Headal... except for mother. He would probably have killed the princess, be it the last thing he did. Between life in prison and death, I can't tell which would be worse."

I couldn't argue with him over that... no matter how guilty I felt for effectively having left him to die.

As we enter the visitor's room mother perks up from her chair, searching my eyes...

I walk up to her and this time gather myself enough to gently take her hand, and put father's wedding band in her palm.

I... don't follow up with words.

I cannot come up with something fitting right now, and we are in front of guests.

Mother's brow eyes peer quietly at the golden wedding band, but with a calm far more sincere than Reynold's.

"Thank you, Lionel. Please sit down."

Mother motions for us to sit down on the couches around the coffee table. I find a place in one of the couches next to Reynold and glance around. Emilia and her maid are here, as well as mother and her bodyguard. Lily is here too together with both Magdalin and... Asher? Shouldn't he have been the one to help Lily out of the carriage? Asher meets my eyes and simple gives a hint of a playful smile before glancing down to Lily.

"If you wouldn't mind, your Highness. How did Normand die?" Mother asks calmly as she closes her hand around the ring, and draws the subject back upon a far darker subject.

I remember Emilia being in the great hall when Lily and I left for Alstair and Gil, but I'd never properly asked her what happened...

Emilia glances around at us, and then looks down.

"Ellie killed him."

"Ellie did?" My eyes widen as those words pop out of me, due to the unexpected name of Alstair's dead little sister appearing out of the blue.

"I see... Elizabeth did."

A soft sigh slips from mother's lips, but she doesn't sound surprised at all as she should have. Ellie was far sweeter and far more innocent than anyone I've met. About as sweet as Claire, but far more composed, though still very naive.

I only vaguely remember that she died shortly after she turned fi-... after she turned five. It had been quite sudden too. All the other kids that died were usually sick for a while before they died.

I feel a wave of nausea. Why did she die so suddenly?

"You knew Ellie-chan?" Emilia gives a surprised stare at mother, brightening up like a child as she sees the recognition in mother's eyes. With a twitch, mother clasps her hands on her lap and squeeze her hands together. Her expression twists into a disgusted frown.

"I did. She was the last one of the royal children I ever met...If Elizabeth killed Normand then it's likely revenge for killing her...and not believing her older sister that had begged for help."

She gives a distant look, but stares at her own clasped hands.

Emilia frowns as well but simply gives a nod of affirmation.

"To those of us who are not aware of the situation, would you care to explain?"

Lily speaks up from the chair next to me. Her brows are furrowed, and she looks tense with discomfort.

"Elizabeth was Gilbert Salender's betrothed. It had yet to be settled in stone."

Betrothed?!

Gil's?!

Mother continues before I can properly deal with that information,

"But to explain everything, we have to start further back. We have to start at the king's firstborn... back when the king had yet to grow cold hearted to his children, and when Normand and I had just gotten married."

Mother squeezes their wedding band.

"The King's first born was a boy. Black haired and with violet eyes, but very kind despite being raised strictly. The king, queen, Normand and I would often visit the mansion and spend time with him. When a daughter was born we visited even more often as well. The king happily raised those two, but with such joy, of course, things went wrong and the oldest boy... 'got sick'. At least so we believed back then."

She grimaces.

"He must have tried to defend himself when he activated the ghost field... of course after he did that he was killed. By the end Normand strongly requested of the king that their son's death was made public and that he was given a proper burial... but as you know, this didn't happen. Normand was bitter, but in the end he didn't do anything."

She opens her hands and look down at the wedding band and then to Emilia.

"Two years later their daughter begged Normand to save her. She said the king and queen would have her killed. Normand refused to believe the king would kill her, and in the end he ignored her. The same year the king convinced Normand to take in Gwenore, Bertram's mother, probably because it overlapped with my pregnancy with Lionel... Gwenore abandoned the baby she had brought along to fit in. Probably because of the child's purple eyes."

...Indeed, bringing a purple eyed child into Ristaze would not only be risky, but also a near death sentence in the Tepet lands for the baby... but to just abandon your own child.

Asher's parents didn't abandon him despite being aware of the stigma and the worry that he could turn into a monster, and I think very few would do that considering how rare a condition it is. Wouldn't it be more natural to hide the child away instead?

"That was not miss Gwenore's child, Lady Tepet."

Princess Emilia interrupts Mother's story, with a hint of hesitance in her voice.

"That was the half brother of the prince Jacques: Azure Maizin Ronchelieu, third prince of Headal."

"She kidnapped him from the castle where she had worked as Jacques' nursemaid. King Philippe, their father, had already killed the other twin brother since he found out their mother was a spy, and he would pay quite well to kill the other one. On the other hand, Prince Jacques quite adored his younger brothers. If she could keep Azure alive then he might be worth a lot in the future. Miss Gwenore made a deal with the crown for her safety in return for keeping the location of the prince secret so that Headal would not find him, since their ghosts would have a hard time tracking him in Ristaze.

The king accepted in amusement, planning to use Azure against Prince Jacques when they grew up. Hopefully making Jacques lose his life on the battlefield. When Gwenore three years later gave birth to Bertram she made another deal. Azure's location, for Bertram being the new heir of House Tepet. Out of spite for Normand's questions into the lacking burials and Fiora's safety,

The king accepted."