https://youtu.be/9cDpWZJg34E

Finally, I dared. I have felt for a long time that I have to do it. My mother would not approve it, I do not tell her. A twenty-year-old daughter going to the mountains by herself, to do a kind of meditative hiking for a week, is not nice news for any parent. The official version is that I'm going with my friends to an apartment in Benidorm.

I have always been kind of weird. And adventurous. I'm tired of women being told what to do. I do not plan to be afraid, no matter what happens. As an adult human being, I have all the necessary tools to get out of any situation; just like a man.

I'm going far away. The cabin that I have rented is cozy and rudimentary. Once I unload and order all my canned food, I explore the surroundings. Forest and more forest; what I was looking for. Some other sound that suggests the movement of the small fauna. I do not expect to bump into any other human being, it would be ideal for my meditation sessions.

The first two days I do hiking trails. I have no words to describe the beauty of the place. There is a dream lake nearby. That's where, on the third day, I decide to do the first meditation session. Why do it in the cabin, having this wonder of nature so close? It is a small lake, which the willows on the banks seem to want to hide with their steep inclination. There is a tiny island in the center; no, it's more like a rock that has emerged. It will be my sanctuary, my Mecca; I will orient myself towards it when meditating. I sit on the shore crossing my legs, close my eyes and open myself to the sensations that the place offers me. The breeze on my skin, the rays of the sun caressing my eyelids, the sounds of the forest stimulating my ears. I have never experienced such peace. I empty my mind. It's hard for me, even in this place I'm still a human being with city concerns. I am a restless person, but I try to relax. For brief periods I can get rid of thoughts. I begin to feel the presence of nature in another way. It happens to be a protagonist and a friend. Trees are living beings, we often forget it. Perhaps by autosuggestion I perceive their souls. A fly flutters in my ear, ends the pseudo-nirvana. I open my eyes, the world seems different; of other colors at least. The rock emerged from the lake seems to shine. I know that optical effects occur when you open your eyes after keeping them closed for a while. But my Mecca has already cast its spells on me; it seems bigger, it enchants me, it attracts me, I want to swim to it. I know how to swim, there would be no problem, and the water is calm. I want to take a bath, how come didn't I think of it before? I do not want to wet my clothes, but I'm afraid to undress. Fear? Don't! I promised myself not to be afraid. I have not seen anyone in three days, someone will not appear now. I get naked and leave my clothes in a pile. It's cold. I just have to acclimate myself, going into the water will help. I immerse myself little by little; the water is freezing. Nonsense, if the water is not frozen you can bathe. I move to get warm. The words paradise and happiness come to my mind. It is the best spiritual retreat anyone could wish for. I do not feel the cold anymore, but I want to climb the rock. An inner voice tells me that I want to look like a mermaid of mythological stories, beautiful and inaccessible. Is it possible that stereotypes about women continue to influence me even here, so far from everything? I ignore my thoughts, I obey my impulses.

I climb the rock. It's warm and soft, nice to touch. I sit on it, close my eyes and direct my face to the sun. I drain my hair and toss it aside. I'll stay here until I dry up, and then I'll go back to bathe. I'm going to try meditation again. Better in the sanctuary than looking toward the sanctuary, right? It is curious how human beings make sacred certain objects and places. Out thoughts. It is impossible for me, too many pleasant sensations. The sun, the breeze, the solitude... Being able to be naked in the middle of nature without a man observing and judging. I feel so comfortable that I get sleepy. I lean my back on the rock and immerse myself in the dream worlds.

My awakening is uneasy, something has alerted me. I hope that nothing and nobody disturbs the wonderful experience that I am living. I hear footsteps. I cannot believe that someone is going to spoil my moment. I listen. They look like steps of just one person. The branches crack. He or she approaches. The forest is thick, I can't see anyone. I do not know what to do, should I stay here or get in the water? I feel safer in the rock, but more visible. And I do not want to make noise when diving. Maybe if I don't move he won't hear me and will pass by. It's a man. I glimpse his silhouette crossing through the nearest willows. I feel like crying. It is obvious that he has seen my pile of clothes and wants to explore. I have to be strong. Not because he is a man he has to rape the first naked girl he sees. Nor does he know if I'm alone. And maybe he's an old man, a harmless person.

The man walks to my pile of clothes on the shore. I see him. He sees me. I make efforts not to panic. I cross my legs and cover my breasts with my arms. He is young, about thirty years old. He wears a hiker's backpack, boots and sunglasses. He is a hiker like me, lonely and harmless; I try to believe this last bit with all my strength. Despite his dark glasses, it is obvious that he has his eyes fixed on me. "Didn't you want to be a beautiful mermaid that melts the eyes of mortals?", an inner and inopportune voice tells me. "Now I'm just a fawn puppy, abandoned by its mother and at the mercy of predators," my conscience answers. I notice a certain indecision in the man, as if he were going to resume his march and then changes his mind.

-Hello! -His voice sounds friendly, but for me the friendly thing would be him leaving.

-Hello -it's my automatic reply.

-Are you alone? -Fear gets me. I feel my heartbeat.

-Go away -I can't think of another answer to his question.

The man hesitates again. His sunglasses prevent me from capturing more nuances of his attitude. He turns and starts a slow march to the trees. He stops and turns around. My heart is going to burst. He walks back to my clothes. He takes off his sunglasses. From that distance his eyes seem green to me. He is good looking. I discard thoughts of this type, I do not know the intentions of the intruder.

-Sorry, I didn't want to scare you -he says. He takes off his backpack and pulls out a notebook and a pen. Starts writing on his knees. What is he doing? I notice my body tense from head to toe. The peace experienced minutes before is shattered. The internal debate continues. I should not judge every man without knowing him. If I do, I put myself at the level of macho men who prejudge women. But the situation is more than rarefied. I'm naked in the middle of nowhere, I can not ask for help from anyone and only a stretch of water protects me. And this man won't leave! He writes for what seems like an eternity. At last he finishes and takes the page. He folds it and puts it on top my clothes. I hope the wind blows it far or it falls into the water. No, I'm curious to see what it says. But is he leaving or not?

-Goodbye -he says, and resumes his march, this time in a determined and jovial manner. Not without first giving me one last look. My hands have not stopped covering my intimate parts.

-Goodbye -I answer again automatically.

After a prudential time, I get in the water and cross the lake to the shore. I dress up without waiting to get dry. I keep the note in a pocket. I walk to the cabin at a speed I did not think I had, running at times. Once inside, I open the note and read it avidly:

"Again I apologize for having scared you, my name is Arturo, I like to go hiking on my own, to experience nature, five mountains from here I have a cabin where I am doing a spiritual retreat, I'm not saying it so you come, far from it. I had planned to visit the Lake of the Siren, to do something like what you are doing right now, to undress, to bathe, but you have gone ahead of me, I suppose I have bothered you since you didn't expect to find anybody. I wonder if you too get stressed by the city and run away just like I do. I got the impression that we are alike, maybe I'm wrong, I get carried away by the situation and I think I'm in a movie. Let's see each other in the city, with more clothes on and a table and two coffees in between. My phone number is 344546."

The Lake of the Siren? I do not give credit, I read the note several times. Too many emotions, I dry up and throw myself on the cot. But I'm not sleepy, I've already slept a while on the rock. Or should I say "in the siren"? I give a lot of thought to the note of that Arthur, that man that I seem to have prejudged. Or not? We do not know what people really are like until we treat them. Do I have to make a decision regarding his proposal? The most logical thing is to let it pass. I begin to notice the effect of not having a relationship with any human being in days, I can't stop thinking about Arturo. He's attractive, but weird. He isolates himself from the world. Just like me. If he is undesirable, so am I. I do not consider myself undesirable. I realize that I am taking his proposal to meet in the city seriously. Perhaps because of the rubbing of the sheets, or the emotions of the last few hours, I feel an itch between my legs. Do I want sex with Arturo? I don't know him. "But he's just like you," says that inner voice, so inopportune. "And you are crazy about green eyes, you've always been." I will make a decision when I return from my retirement, I am here to disconnect.

However, all the cells in my body tell me that the decision is already made.