"Vienne?"

I swished the liquid around in my cup and looked into the almost black reddish brown of the beverage. My own eyes reflected back from the surface as it stilled.

"Mistress?"

Why did my expression look so dismal? This would never do.

"Vienne!"

"Mmhmm?" I looked up to see Leif's vexed expression glowering at me from across his desk. Apparently I had not been listening.

"I asked if you gave your approval for the improvements Tiberius proposed."

"Repeat them, please?"

Leif launched into a long discourse on what they were doing at my underground weapons factory. It was not exactly literally underground, but it was hidden in the midst of my metalworking plant. Apparently they had some new designs to test or something. I did not really know, as I generally left such matters to the humans I selected who were talented at such matters. A technical and mechanical genius I was not, unfortunately.

This was why I had humans specialize. "What are your concerns?"

"Well, other than the cost, what concerns could I have? Higher powered weapons can only help us when we're trying to get it through a vampire's flesh."

"We are rather sturdy," I agreed. "Do you suppose a vampire could be destroyed with only a gun?"

"Well, you've said that guns slow vampires down, so presumably a young one could be, with multiple shots?" he did not sound certain, and he always did seem a bit tentative when discussing destroying vampires. I wondered if he was worried that I would see it as a threat. Silly human. He was also still tiptoeing around me like I was suddenly more breakable than I had been before.

Leif turned me back to the topic at hand. "They're having some trouble sourcing metal. The vampire who runs the mines we buy it from is having difficulty keeping enough slaves to work it. He's requesting that you lend him some humans."

I scoffed. I had seen the state of his slaves and he was not getting within a ten mile radius of any of my humans. "Not a chance."

"He also offered to buy or rent them with free resources."

Well, at least Jon was not stupid enough to think I would risk my humans under his care for nothing. "Still no."

"You'll need to talk to him yourself, Vienne. He's not going to take kindly to that response from a human."

I scowled. Leif was right, but Jon was such a drag.

"Still, we need more supplies and if his ability to produce is slowing down, then..."

I leaned back in my chair. "Perhaps I simply should offer to buy the mine from him. I wonder how much we'd need to figure out about mining to pull it off."

"Probably a lot, but maybe you could take the humans who work there off his hands? They might know."

I sighed. "Unlikely. I hear he pays fledglings to be overseers. The humans there are nothing but labour and fodder." It was such a waste of potential, treating them as disposable blood bags rather than creative perspectives.

Well, no matter. I saw humans for what they were, brilliant and flawed dichotomies. And where did that get me? Mooning around after a human who wanted nothing to do with me. Which was fine, as I had known the risks, but there was perhaps a certain comfort in the other's reckless cruelty that I was missing. They probably did not feel pain when humans died and left, and though I was accustomed to coping with that, it still was rather unpleasant.

For example, what if I simply drained Leif dry and tossed his body outside the walls the next time he nagged me? Who could stop me?

None but me and my undeniable attachment to his existence. I would be terribly sad to lose even a minute of his life. It was most troubling. I swirled my bloody coffee around in my cup again.

And now, Jamie was out there somewhere, probably still in danger if Ivan had not already killed him, and I had nothing I could do about it.

"Vienne? Are you okay?"

I glared at him. "Of course I am. Why wouldn't I be?" I dared him to respond.

He held my gaze for a moment, not giving in. That reminded me of Jamie, too. That same unpleasant sensation beneath my rib cage prickled like other times I remembered him.

Leif cleared his throat, which was never a good sign. "You know that I was against the way you taunted Jamie," he began, but his voice was hesitant.

I raised an eyebrow. "True. I would have to have been blind and deaf not to be aware, which I am not, so I really don't need to hear it for the hundredth time, Leif."

"But you're not acting like yourself."

I scoffed. "Of course I am. I don't know what you're getting into that head of yours."

"You once told me you needed me to be a guard against your excesses, Vienne. You said to call you out if I saw you slipping. With respect, you're slipping."

I did tell him that, and it was clearly a mistake, because it had resulted in twenty years of nagging by a human who took his job far too seriously. "And? I'm doing nothing to excess right now, so your services are not required. I'm flipping over a new page to my life and am doing wonderfully, thank you very much."

"You're daydreaming and getting lost in your thoughts."

"I've always gotten lost in my thoughts. That's nothing new." It was where my most brilliant ideas came from.

"Not like this. You normally wander around smirking and looking perfectly satisfied with yourself. But you're sad."

"I am most certainly not sad. Vampires don't feel such things and I most certainly do not."

"If you say so." He did not even try to pretend to believe me.

"I'm fine. Just a little bored."

Leif leaned forward on his desk and fixed me with a terribly stern expression. "When you're bored, you wander around annoying people."

"Well, I never," I said and pretended to be insulted.

"You miss him."

I sneered at the idea. This conversation was getting terribly uncomfortable. I really did not like it.

"You've got more than two months before the next quarterly. I can handle things here. Why don't you just go and look for him? Talk to him?"

I scowled at him fiercely and the uppity human should have been scared. Instead he looked determined. "I'm not going to run after a human who isn't interested, and who, quite frankly, isn't all that interesting. Besides, he won fair and square. I offered all of you a choice, and he made his."

He shrugged as if defeated. "Just remember that you don't want your centuries of planning to be wasted because you're fixated," he said. I had the oddest sensation reminiscent of my father lecturing me so long ago.

I shrugged. "I have more centuries where those came from."

"Do you?"

Was this more worrying after my unfortunate staking? I had not known that there would be even more fussing fallout with the humans than the time it took me to recover. What a bother it was.

"I suppose you're right. I'm not sure I could stand the boredom of another three hundred years of council rule. I have a lot of fun arguing with them, so it's a shame they wreck everything else in service to order's tyranny."

He looked unconvinced.

"Stop worrying, Leif."

"Vienne, I'm serious. Your plans. Our plans. We're talking about our lives here, everything is riding on this going well."

I inhaled as if I had a need for air and sighed. It was obvious he would be assuaged by nothing but sincerity. "Leif, I don't want you to die in an untimely way. I don't want any of you to die that way, but there's no way to avoid some damage over time. If I look straight at that, I can't take it. I have to be the way I am. It's how I survive."

I continued before he had a chance to respond. "I do take my plans seriously, and I won't let anything stop me. I promise you that, human."

He smiled at me, grim and warm.

"And if you ever tell anyone what I just said I'll leave your dried out husk of a corpse in the wilderness for the scavengers to pick apart."

"Understood, Mistress." His smile did not fade. I returned it in spite of myself. Bloody human.

* * * * *

I threw myself into my work and my leisure over the next week. I kept myself manically busy, which I could argue was a perfectly healthy coping mechanism although it was quite possible I would have been lying to myself. I considered starting another bill, but I had no inspiration. Instead, I spent more time helping my humans train. Obviously none of them could lay a finger on me, but I could see some improvements. My maintenance humans were never going to be warriors, but if they worked together they would at least be able to defend themselves against a young vampire.

Leif kept giving me considering looks and I was sure to smirk with my usual level of confidence. If he needed me to act like myself to reassure him, then I would act like they expected me to. Maybe my still heart was not quite in my smiles, but I hoped they would not be able to tell.