Karin: Karin Winter here, coming to you from Booker Larkin's parlour in the fine, seedy city of Tinkerfall. Thank you again, Mr. Larkin, for letting us use your home for this segment. It was very generous of you.

Booker: I don't recall actually giving you permission to—

Karin: Yes, so very generous. Anyhow, joining me today are Booker, Trinket, Daphne, Gin, and Scales. I recently asked our readers if they had any questions for the characters in the Elysium series. The response was nothing short of hilarious.

Trinket: Oh, Lord, this isn't going to end well.

Scales: Please tell me someone asked for embarrassing stories from Larkin's childhood.

Booker: All right, seriously, I did not give permission for you to bring him into my house.

Gin: I hate to ever agree with Scales, but I'm definitely up for some funny stories about Booker.

Booker: Good Lord, someone save me...

Karin: Relax, relax. This is a safe space. No murders or threats or unauthorized amputations. Just some friendly conversation. All right? All right. Let's start with something nice and easy and not controversial at all. Daphne.

Daphne: *perks up and smiles*

Karin: Thank you for being here today, Daphne.

Daphne: *gives a polite nod*

Karin: So for the sake of simplicity [read: the writer's laziness] we're going to supply you with a pen and some paper for these questions. Booker, if you will? *hands a pen and paper to Booker*

Booker: *reluctantly takes the pen and paper and gives them to Daphne* I don't much like being bossed around like this.

Karin: Dude, if you only knew how much I boss you around without you knowing it.

Booker: *furrows brow* "Dude"?

Karin: Daphne, what is your favorite thing to cook?

Daphne: *face lights up* *writes on paper* *hands paper to Karin*

Karin: "I love to cook anything related to breakfast. But if I had to choose one dish, I would have to say sausage eggs. They're fun to make and delicious to eat." Mmm, yes, those are definitely on my to-try list.

Trinket: You cook?

Karin: *forced laughter* Good one! Moving on. Ah, here's another safe question. Trinket. What is your favorite tea?

Trinket: Hmm, well, I'm quite partial to plain green tea with a little honey. Although I've tried some blends from Emma's shop that infused a bit of lemon and other fruits. Those were delightful.

Booker: Ugh, that green sludge is not tea.

Daphne: *smacks Booker in back of the head*

Booker: Ouch!

Trinket: Thank you, Daphne.

Karin: All right, Booker, since you insist on interrupting, tell us, what has been your weirdest surgery up to this point?

Booker: *smiles* Ha, my weirdest surgery. Well, I think that would have to be when I reattached a rather...ah...delicate piece of male anatomy to a local landlord.

Trinket: *eyes widen* Oh, you can't mean—

Daphne: *doubles over laughing*

Scales: *rolls eyes and lets out a long breath* Such a waste of my time.

Gin: Please tell me Grace was the one who cut it off.

Booker: No, I doubt she'd be as popular as she is if she had. It was his wife. Apparently he was a serial cheater, and one night she just got so fed up she drank a bottle of gin, picked up a carving knife and—

Trinket: You didn't replace it with a prosthetic, did you?

Booker: No, no, just reattached the original.

Trinket: That had to be uncomfortable.

Booker: Oh, I'm sure it was more than uncomfortable for the sorry cad.

Trinket: No, uncomfortable for you.

Booker: Me? Eh, I've mastered the art of disconnecting when it comes to these sorts of things. Most doctors learn that early on.

Karin: Lovely. Just...lovely...

Scales: I don't see any reason I need to be here for this.

Karin: Aw, poor little Mouse is feeling left out.

Scales: *narrows eyes* What did you—

Karin: Here's a questions for you then: When are you going to start your own gang?

Scales: *gives a sly grin* Wouldn't you like to know?

Karin: Actually, I already know.

Scales: You do not.

Karin: Oh, I think I do.

Scales: You're bluffing.

Karin: Dude, I'm your writer. I know everything that's going to happen to you.

Booker: There's that word again. What does that even mean?

Trinket: Booker, I think maybe we should be more interested in what she knows about Scales plans?

Gin: She's right. I mean, after what he did to me, it might be nice to be a step ahead of him.

Scales: She's not telling you what my plans are.

Booker: How do you know? I'm quite charming if you didn't notice.

Gin: Are you really going to flirt with your own writer? And in front of your assistant?

Daphne: *shoots Booker a dirty look*

Booker: Not flirt, exactly. Just...butter up.

Karin: Your butter won't work here, Booker. You may be my favorite character out of all the ones I've ever created, but not even you can't convince me to spoil the rest of the series.

Booker: *turns to Scales* Ha. I'm the favorite.

Trinket: Booker, stop gloating.

Karin: Next question. Gin.

Gin: Me?

Karin: What kind of hair ribbons do you like best?

Gin: Geez, didn't think my questions would be so hard. Let's see...hmmm...I like bright colors. And neat patterns. Or even lacey ribbon.

Karin: What about the ones you own? Which is your favorite?

Gin: *thinks hard for a moment* Oh! I know! My favorite is this really pretty red one. Bright red, like an apple or a tomato, and really shiny. And it has this little bit of lace on the edges that makes it looks so fancy.

Booker: Wait, didn't I give you that ribbon?

Gin: *crosses arms over chest and looks away* I dunno. Maybe. I got a lot of ribbons. Hard to keep track.

Booker: Pretty sure I gave you that ribbon after you saved me from Pigeon's brother.

Gin: Like I said, hard to keep track. Writer lady? Can we move on here?

Karin: All right, how about another one for you?

Gin: Ugh, fine.

Karin: If you could have any article of clothing, what would it be?

Gin: Besides ribbons? Hmm. I'd have to say a great big coat with lots of deep pockets. And secret pockets sewn inside that are hard to find. That way I could lift all sorts of stuff and if I got caught, they'd never be able to find it all.

Trinket: Thank goodness Jewkes isn't around to hear all of this.

Gin: Please, he can't arrest me for wishful thinking.

Karin: Yes, sadly, no one had any questions for Jewkes.

Booker: Better off without him. I don't need both an over-preened thug and an adulterous copper in my parlour.

Scales: If you don't watch that tongue of yours, I'll—

Karin: Trinket. Another one for you. What is your family like?

Trinket: *pales* My...my family?

Booker: Yes, do tell. I'm most curious to know what your life was like before meeting me.

Trinket: *fidgets* Ah, well...you know...I was raised in an upper-class household. So we had nice things. Like chairs...and beds...and the like...

Gin: *major sarcasm* No, really? Beds and chairs? How unusual!

Karin: And your parents?

Trinket: My parents? Um, they were...they were typical.

Booker: Typical?

Trinket: Somewhat distant...very proper...and the like...

Booker: What about—

Trinket: New question, please.

Karin: *chuckles to self* See, I knew I wouldn't have to pull out the spoiler card with that one.

Booker: Spoiler card?

Karin: Daphne. Here's one for you. What do you think of Trinket and Booker?

Daphne: *smiles and writes on paper* *hands paper to Karin*

Karin: "I love them dearly. While they certainly have their individual issues, I couldn't ask for better friends or employers."

Trinket: Aw, Daphne. We love you, too.

Karin: "And I think they are one of the cutest couples I've ever seen, even if I want to hit them over the head for being idiots at times."

Booker: I'm not really sure how to take that.

Karin: Trust me, she's not the only one who's expressed such sentiments.

Booker: What? Wait, who else wishes us bodily harm?

Scales: Aside from me?

Karin: You're well loved, Booker, but plenty of your fans also want to smack some sense into you.

Trinket: I can attest to feeling something similar.

Gin: Yeah, sometimes you're really stupid, Booker.

Daphne: *nods emphatically*

Booker: *crosses arms over chest* Lord, the abuse I get...

Karin: All right, I think it's time for a write-in question and answer.

Trinket: A what now?

Karin: Since some of the questions posed were directed at characters who haven't shown up during the current time period the series takes place in, we had to have them respond via letter. You know, to avoid spoilers.

Booker: What does that mean, "spoilers"?

Karin: So this question is for Frieda.

Booker: *eyes widen* Oh, no.

Trinket: *looks at Booker* Frieda, as in your ex-lover?

Scales: *chuckles* Oh, this should be good.

Karin: The question: Frieda, what was your long-term plan if the snake hair worked?

Gin: Snake hair?

Karin: Her response: "My first act would have been to scare the living daylights out of Ms. Kaylock. Which I suppose we did, even though the procedure wasn't a true success, so at least there was that."

Gin: Who's Ms. Kaylock?

Booker: The matron of the orphanage I grew up in.

Gin: And snake hair?

Booker: Is exactly what it sounds like. Snakes for hair.

Gin: You were one odd child, Booker.

Daphne: *holds up paper* "He's still an odd child."

Booker: I'm not a child, Daphne.

Daphne: *rolls eyes and waves him away*

Karin: Excuse me. I wasn't finished reading. Ahem, it continues, "Aside from terrorizing her, I simply planned to intimidate everyone I met and live like the goddess I am."

Booker: She really doesn't need snake hair to achieve that...

Scales: I'm not going to lie. This girl sounds rather intriguing.

Karin: All right, stop right there. We don't need and ScalesXFrieda shippers.

Booker: Shippers? Why do you keep using such strange words?

Karin: Next question for Frieda: Were you actually in love with Booker?

Booker: *sinks down in his chair*

Karin: Her response: "Of course I was in love with him. I still am. I would do anything to be with Booker Larkin. He's the only person other than myself that matters in this world. He belongs to me, and I will get him back. Mark my words: he will be mine."

Trinket: Oh, that's not concerning at all.

Scales: I take back what I said. She's lost all her appeal to me.

Booker: Can we please move on?

Karin: Not just yet, we have a couple more questions for her. First, are you still married? I'm actually going to go ahead and answer this one in my best River Song voice: Spoilers!

Gin: What's a River Song?

Karin: And the final question: Where are you now?

Booker: *sits up slightly* That might actually be good information to have.

Scales: Has your little strumpet become unsatisfying, Larkin?

Booker: Keep your enemies close. You of all people should know that.

Scales: That explains why we're such bosom friends.

Karin: And the answer to that question is: Spoilers!

Booker: *curses under his breath and pouts*

Karin: Well, that was amusing. Back to our present company. Trinket, do you still worry that Booker may lose his humanity by getting too deep into this game?

Trinket: *hesitates and glances at still-pouting Booker* Truthfully, that fear is still in the back of my head.

Booker: *sits up* Wait, really? Trinket, my dear, I swear, I'm not going to become the monster I was before.

Trinket: You weren't a monster, Booker. But while I do at times worry, I've learned to have more faith in him. He's a good person at heart. I truly believe that. He's just been misguided, is all.

Booker: Which is why I'm thankful to have you to get me back on the right course if ever I should stray.

Scales: You two are disgusting.

Karin: Adorably disgusting. Here's another one for you, Trinket.

Trinket: Me again?

Karin: You were definitely the most popular character for questions.

Booker: I thought I was the popular one?

Karin: You're the writer's favorite.

Booker: Well, that promises a happy ending for me.

Karin: *laughs* You keep thinking that.

Booker: Wait, what?

Karin: Trinket, what is your weapon of choice?

Trinket: *thinks for a moment* My wit.

Booker: That also happens to be one of your most attractive qualities.

Trinket: Well, I have to keep up with your quick tongue, don't I?

Karin: Thank goodness Grace isn't here to comment on that *pauses dramatically* Or is she?

Booker: What's that supposed to mean?

Karin: Please welcome our next guest, the sultry slattern of St. Spittel, Grace!

*"Big Spender" plays in the background as Grace enters the parlour*

Grace: Well, if only all my customers greeted me with such fanfare.

Karin: Have a seat, Grace.

Grace: Gladly *sits in Booker's lap*

Booker: *jumps to his feet and nearly knocks Grace to the floor*

Daphne: *narrows eyes at Grace*

Grace: What? She said have a seat.

Karin: In a chair would be nice. Booker, would you sit back down?

Booker: I'm quite fine standing. Over here. By the fireplace. Away from any potential danger.

Grace: Oh, Booker, darling, I don't bite. You have to pay extra for that.

Karin: Always, the charmer, Grace. Anyhow, thank you for being here with us today. Our readers had a few questions they wanted to ask you.

Grace: Anything for my admirers.

Karin: To start out, why do you hate cats and mushrooms?

Grace: What's to like about them? Mushrooms are rubbery and disgusting and ruin a perfectly good meal, and cats are stuck-up, flea-ridden beasts that make me sneeze.

Karin: As a crazy cat lady, I take some offense to that, but moving on. What is it you like about Booker?

Scales: Lord, how many women have you bedded, Larkin?

Booker: That is personal, private information that I don't care to share with such a large audience.

Grace: You're welcome to tell me in private, darling. Anyhow, to answer your question, I like how easy it is to tease him. There's just something irresistible about watching him squirm.

Booker: Sadist.

Grace: Aside from that, though, I like that he doesn't see me for only my occupation. Most folks look at me and immediately label me as a whore and think no more of me. Not Booker. He appreciates my intelligence. I know that even when he comes to me for favors, he's not trying to get a free session. Despite his tendency to attract trouble, I feel very safe in his presence. And for a woman in my situation, there's great value in that.

Trinket: I can agree there. He does have a way of making a person feel protected *smiles at Booker*

Booker: *smiles back*

Scales: That's it, I'm leaving.

Karin: Hold on, hold on. Here, I've got a couple questions you'll enjoy answering. What irks you about Booker?

Scales: *grins* Basically his existence, but if I must elaborate, he's a cocky upstart who flaunts his wealth and thinks he's the king of Tinkerfall.

Booker: How do I flaunt my wealth? I live in the slums and often wear blood- and oil-stained shirts.

Trinket: That's only because you don't know how to do a proper wash.

Daphne: *holds up paper* "It's true."

Scales: You're a menace to society, Larkin.

Booker: And you aren't?

Karin: All right, enough about Booker. What about Viper? What irks you about him?

Scales: *lifts lip in disgusted snarl* He's a moron with too much power.

Karin: Follow-up: who do you hate more?

Scales: Excuse me?

Karin: Between Booker and Viper. Who do you despise the most?

Scales: They're both so idiotic, I don't think I could pick.

Gin: Well, say you're in locked room with just them, and you have a pistol with only one bullet. Who would you shoot?

Scales: If I were locked in a room with those two, I'd shoot myself.

Daphne: *holds up paper* "Do us all a favor."

Scales: You're awfully brazen for a woman with no tongue.

Karin: Let's move on to a cheerier subject. Gin, what is the best heist you've ever pulled?

Gin: Oh, I have so many amazing jobs I've done. But there is one that stands out above the rest. See, we were robbing a shipment coming in for the general store. Early morning, barely even light out. Somehow the blasted bobbies got tipped off and were hanging about, ready to swoop down on us if we made a move. So I got Madison to convince this night flower who'd been servicing one of the coppers to start yelling at him and all, saying he owed her money and what were they gonna do about the baby and stuff. The look on his face. Hilarious!

Booker: It wasn't Jewkes, was it?

Gin: Nah, he's not the only bobby plucking night flowers hereabouts. Anyhow, the copper started getting all upset, and the other officers and the delivery man and even the shop workers got so wrapped up in the show that they didn't notice me and my crew unloading their goods. And cuz I was feeling especially bold that day, I managed to sneak one of the bobby's whistles outta his pocket.

Trinket: So that's where you got it.

Gin: It was one of my finest moments. Madison and I still laugh about it.

Karin: And on that note, I'd like you all to help me welcome our next guest, the ever loyal urchin, Madison!

*"Hard-Knock Life" plays in the background as Madison enters the parlour and sits next to Gin*

Booker: Where is that music coming from?

Karin: Thank you for joining us today, Madison.

Madison: *smiles shyly*

Gin: Don't worry, Mads, she's not too scary. Talks weird sometimes, but that's the worst of it.

Karin: You of all people, Gin, should know how frightening I am. Anyhow, Madison, the readers would like to know: What is your signature item of clothing?

Madison: *furrows brow* My what?

Gin: *playfully whacks his flattened top hat* She means this.

Madison: My hat?

Gin: He's never without it. Kinda like my bowler hat.

Karin: We know the origin of Gin's hat. What about yours, Madison?

Madison: You mean where'd I get it?

Karin: Yes. Was it a gift? Or did you steal it like Gin stole hers?

Madison: Nah, I didn't steal it. Used to be my dad's. When he died, I kept it to remember him by. And to keep my head warm.

Trinket: It suits you nicely, Madison.

Gin: Mads and I are probably the best dressed urchins in the city. We have very good fashion sense.

Karin: Speaking of which, Gin, how large is your gang of urchins?

Gin: I mean, we basically incorporate every urchin in the city. And there're so many, it's hard to keep track of the number. But I guess there's a core group that I know pretty well. I think there's about a dozen.

Madison: Anyone's welcome to join, though.

Gin: Right. We street rats gotta stick together.

Karin: You make a formidable team to be sure. Hey, Booker, you're awfully quiet back there.

Booker: Just trying to mind my own business.

Scales: Since when?

Grace: I'm going to have to second that.

Karin: Why don't you rejoin the group so I can ask you another question?

Booker: I'd really rather not.

Karin: Reminder that your fate and, in fact, your existence are completely in my hands. Wanna rethink your response?

Booker: *sighs and drags a chair over to where Trinket is and sits down* Better?

Trinket: *loops arm through his and smiles* Much.

Daphne: *holds up paper* "Awww."

Scales: *scoffs and rolls eyes*

Karin: Perfect segue into our next question. Booker, when did your feelings for Trinket begin?

Scales: Just kill me now.

Karin: Maybe later. Booker?

Booker: *fidgeting slightly* Uh, well, I suppose my feelings for her grew fonder after the Wolf attack.

Grace: Yes, that's how all great relationships start. Being maimed and nearly killed.

Booker: At the time, though, I don't think I saw it as anything but friendship. And then things just sort of started to grow from there. If I had to pinpoint the moment I knew I loved her, it would probably be after that incident in the alley with the Mice during the card game.

Scales: I hate that I had any part in this nauseating disaster.

Booker: Seeing her in such real danger like that. I just...I thought I was going to lose my mind. I completely and utterly panicked. At that moment I would have given Scales whatever he wanted to see her safe. And in the aftermath of it all, when she was in my arms, I just knew. And from then on, there was no going back.

Trinket: *smiles up at him and leans forward to kiss him*

Gin: Oh, gross. Mads, cover your eyes *puts hands over Madison's eyes*

Karin: Yeah, you guys are so my OTP.

Booker: OT—it's like she's speaking another language or something.

Karin: All right, since Scales looks like he might legitimately puke, let's go back to Daphne. Do you miss speaking?

Daphne: *gives a sharp laugh and writes on paper*

Karin: *takes paper* "Definitely. Some things can really only be expressed through words." Why don't you just write to communicate then?

Daphne: *writes on paper* *hands paper to Karin*

Karin: "It's not as effective to write to someone that they're being a stubborn idiot as it is to shout it." Yeah, I can see that. All right, here's something a little more personal. Do you miss Wren?

Daphne: *smile falters*

Trinket: Wren? Who's Wren?

Daphne: *lets out a long breath and begins to write* *hands paper to Karin*

Karin: "I miss some things about him. The way he smelled. The feeling of his arms around me as I slept. I miss the person he was when I fell in love with him. But I know that's not the person he was when he died. If he were still here, I could never feel the same way about him knowing what he'd become. But some days I can't help but mourn the life we could have had." Wow. That's...yeah...

Trinket: Oh, Daphne. I didn't realize...

Daphne: *gives a sad smile*

Karin: *clears throat* All right, so another question for you, Daphne. And an appropriate one, I think. What inspires your courage?

Daphne: *writes on paper* *hands paper to Karin*

Karin: "My mother. She was strong and always fought for what was right. She taught me that love and compassion often mean taking action and putting aside your own comforts to help and protect those who cannot defend themselves. She was my rock and the woman I most wanted to be like. I still carry her spirit with me today."

Trinket: Your mother would be proud of the woman you are today, Daphne.

Booker: And we're grateful to her for bringing such a wonderful friend into the world.

Daphne: *smiles at them both*

Karin: I think we need to take a break from all this heartfelt stuff and move on to something a little sillier. So, we have another special guest *leans down and picks up a jar with a coiled up snake inside* Please welcome the one, the only: Spotted tree hopper!

Booker: Blast it all, I thought I killed that thing.

Karin: Since I personally have a bit of experience in dealing with reptiles, I'll be translating the tree hopper's responses for you all. Now, Tree Hopper, when you got loose in Booker's house, were you actually trying to kill anyone? Or did you just want to check out the eclectic furnishings?

Tree Hopper: *flicks tongue out at the glass*

Karin: *closes eyes and concentrates* He says, "I was looking for a warm, dark place to sleep."

Madison: *leans over to Gin* Can she really understand it?

Gin: I dunno, but maybe she'll let us keep it when this thing's all done. Imagine the sort of heists we could pull with a snake on our side.

Karin: Next question: How did you feel when Booker stuck you in the jar?

Tree Hopper: *flicks tongue twice* *shifts slightly*

Karin: *leans forehead against glass and nods* "Scared. Angry. Angry. Bored."

Booker: Sorry? I guess?

Karin: Final question: What were your last thoughts before you died?

Tree Hopper: *stares for long moment then suddenly strikes at glass*

Grace: *gasps* Blast it all, Booker, why didn't you do a better job of killing that awful creature?

Scales: Just another way you're inferior to me, Larkin. When I kill something, it stays dead.

Gin: Uh, hello? Sitting right here.

Karin: Ah, I'm going to have to censor the tree hopper's response. Let's just say it was something to rival Booker's mumbled cursing.

Trinket: You're even a bad influence on snakes, Booker.

Karin: Thank you for joining us, Mr. Tree Hopper. We wish you well in your future endeavors *places jar under chair*

Daphne: *holds up paper* "Please make sure that lid's on tight. We don't need another sleepless night."

Karin: It's fine, I'm far more experienced in this sort of thing than Booker is. All right, so how about some more write-ins? We have a question for Mr. Patterson, Booker's teacher in the medical field.

Booker: Mr. Patterson?

Karin: What do you think of your peculiar protégé? His response: "He is the most brilliant and respectful young man I have ever known. Never have I seen someone with as much potential as him. With his intelligence and talent, he could change the world. I have no doubt that he will do great things.

Booker: *tries to hold back a smile*

Trinket: *takes his hand and leans into him* And how very right he was.

Gin: Not sure what he would think about you reattaching the white staffs of cheating cads, though.

Grace: Whoa, wait, hold on there. I think I missed some vital information here.

Booker: No you didn't. Let's move on.

Grace: Tell me, do you also do removals? Because there are one or two gentlemen I—

Booker: Another question! Please!

Karin: Of course. Here's another write-in, this time from the leader of the Dead Mice himself, Viper.

Scales: *narrows eyes* Who would want to ask that moron anything?

Karin: The question: What is the best thing about leading the Mice?

Scales: Oh, this should be good...

Karin: His answer—ugh, there're a lot of spelling errors here. Let's see if I can figure it out. "Everyone does what I tell 'em to. It's the beast—" I think he must mean best. "And I get toons of booze and ladles."

Daphne: *holds up paper* "Ladles? Does he cook?"

Scales: *rubbing the bridge of his nose* "Tons of booze and ladies." His priorities are something to marvel at.

Booker: I still can't believe he's the feared leader of the Mice.

Scales: Nor can I. But he's a lot more conniving than you might think.

Trinket: Well, I never thought I'd see the day Booker and Scales agreed on something.

Gin: Yeah, it's kinda scaring me. Can we do some more questions?

Karin: Absolutely. Here's another for you, Gin. What did you think of Booker's maids?

Gin: *laughs* Oh boy, were they a pathetic bunch. That old lady, she was pretty good at cleaning and all, but she was awful scary.

Booker: You're telling me.

Gin: And then that stupid lovesick one. Ugh. I think I hated her the most.

Trinket: Lovesick one?

Booker: She was not lovesick.

Gin: She fawned all over you, and you loved every second of it.

Trinket: *raises an eyebrow at Booker* Is that so, Mr. Larkin?

Booker: *holds up hands defensively* She was just curious, that's all.

Gin: And nosey. Bleh. Pigeon wasn't too bad, but her stupid brother had to come and ruin everything. And then that last one. The really skittish one. She was a wimp. Although, it was funny when she puked in your shoes.

Booker: Not as funny as you seem to think it was.

Karin: No, it was pretty hilarious. So Gin, where do you see yourself in five years?

Gin: Eh, I try not to think that far ahead. Chances are I won't make it.

*Trinket, Booker, and Daphne glare at Karin who whistles nonchalantly*

Gin: But if I am alive, I'll still be looking out for Booker, making sure he doesn't go and get himself killed.

Booker: I appreciate your efforts.

Gin: And maybe by then I'll be experienced enough with cards to reopen the gambling den in St. Spittel. Me and the other urchins can run it. I think that'd be fun. Whaddya say, Mads?

Madison: I'm up for any of your plans, Gin.

Karin: Staying on the subject of Gin, Booker, what is your favorite thing about her?

Booker: *smiles affectionately at Gin* I think it's impossible to choose just one aspect of her. She has so many admirable traits. Her wit, her cleverness, her loyalty, her bravery. I think it'd be simpler to just say "all of her."

Trinket: Agreed.

Daphne: *nods*

Madison: Sounds about right.

Gin: *blushes slightly* All right, enough about me now. Next question.

Karin: Daphne, if you could speak one sentence to Trinket, what would it be?

Daphne: *writes on paper and holds it up* "You are stronger than you know."

Trinket: Aw, Daphne.

Karin: How about Booker?

Daphne: *holds up another piece of paper* "Think, dangit!"

Booker: Uh, all right then...

Karin: And Scales?

Daphne: *writes furiously on paper*

Karin: *sneaks a peek* Whoa, whoa, language! *reaches out and crumples paper up*

Daphne: *crosses arms over chest and pouts*

Scales: Oh, what? Did the fish maid say something to hurt my feelings?

Karin: Hurt your feelings. Suggest you put something up something that shouldn't be up...something...

Booker: Nicely done, Daphne.

Karin: Moving on. I think it's time for another special guest. Well, maybe I should say guests. Please give a warm welcome to Alternate Universe Booker and Trinket!

*House, M.D. theme plays as AU Booker and Trinket enter*

Booker: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Whoa. Why do they look like us?

Karin: Because they are you. Well, modern-day versions of you.

Trinket: Modern day? I thought we were in the modern day.

Karin: It's complicated, and for the sake of time, I'm just asking you to accept this. Anyhow, AU Booker and Trinket, thank you so much for joining us today.

AU Booker: The pleasure's all ours, my dear.

Booker: Good Lord, he even talks like me.

Scales: Two Larkins? I must be in hell...

Grace: It's like a dream I once had. I remember being simultaneously aroused and annoyed.

AU Trinket: *eyes Grace warily* You remind me of someone back home.

Gin: Wait, are there more versions of all of us?

Karin: Well, there is a fanfic being written, so technically yes. And depending on my own boredom, I may whip up a few more modern stories. But we're getting off track. Booker, Trinket—

Both Bookers and Trinkets: Yes?

Karin: I meant the AU versions. Do you have any television or movie recommendations?

AU Trinket: I like a lot of period pieces. Like The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society. And Victoria on PBS. Oh, and one of my very favorites is Poldark. Booker likes that one, too, even if he denies it.

AU Booker: The only reason I watch that ridiculous show is because you make me.

AU Trinket: Oh, sure, and the reason you were crying at the end of season four was because you were cutting onions, right?

AU Booker: Allergies. I told you I had allergies.

Trinket: My word, they even bicker like we do.

Booker: This is unnerving.

Karin: AU Booker? What about you?

AU Booker: A lot of my favorite shows aren't around anymore. Like Dark Matters. Or Mercy Street. Could've done without all the romance in that one, but still pretty good.

AU Trinket: You totally shipped Mary and Jed, admit it.

AU Booker: I admit nothing. Sometimes when I'm up late, I like to catch old episodes of Aqua Teen Hunger Force or Robot Chicken.

AU Trinket: I still can't believe you watch that stuff. Seems so not your thing.

AU Booker: Even a genius needs to take a break from thinking once in a while.

AU Trinket: We do both enjoy watching Bob's Burgers.

AU Booker: Oh, and It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia. Gotta love dysfunctional families. Make us feel a little more normal.

AU Trinket: Only a little.

Booker: I don't think I understood a single word they just said.

*phone rings*

AU Booker: *pulls cell phone from pocket and checks message* Whoops, looks like we have an emergency patient. Better head out.

AU Trinket: Thank you for having us. And sorry if we freaked our other selves out too much.

Karin: They'll recover. Thanks again for coming.

*AU Booker and Trinket leave*

Booker: I'm still not sure what just happened.

Trinket: What's television?

Gin: And a robot chicken? That sounds disgusting.

Karin: It often is. So since you all still seem a bit stunned, I'm going to do some more write-ins. This one is for the butcher: What happened to you? Now, I made certain to reassure him that this is strictly confidential and no one will try to hunt him down or anything.

Gin: Do you have that sorta power?

Karin: I have unimaginable power in this universe. All right, so his response: "After a little assistance to slip out of the station, I was given a ticket for the steam engine with instructions not to come back. I headed to an undisclosed location and managed to find a job. It's good, honest work, and I've even met a lovely lady. Nothing too serious as of yet, but here's to hoping."

Trinket: Well, that's a relief. I'm happy to know his whole life wasn't ruined because of us.

Booker: You mean because of Scales. We didn't kill the Resurrectionist and sneak his body parts into the meat display.

Scales: I wouldn't have had to do that if you hadn't gotten him involved with all this dead body nonsense.

Grace: He was a resurrectionist. I think he was already involved with dead bodies.

Karin: Here's a question for one of Daphne's old friends.

Daphne: *perks up*

Karin: To Lilah: Did you take over the boarding house? If so, how's it going?

Trinket: Daphne, you had a boarding house?

Booker: That explains so much.

Karin: Her reply: "I kept everything up hoping Ms. Barreau would would come back. After a week or so, I tried to find out what happened to her, but some of Wren's men whom I'm particularly friendly with warned me not to go sticking my nose into the matter. So I finally gave up and took over running the place. My brother pitches in a bit, and we're hoping to save up enough money to hire someone to help out. It's not easy, especially with how rowdy some of the tenants are. For the most part I keep them in line, even if it takes a little flirting. But I'm certainly no Genevieve Barreau."

Daphne: *wipes tears away and smiles*

Trinket: Daphne, I didn't realize you'd lost so much. I'm so sorry.

Booker: I could help you get the boarding house back, if you'd like. My money can surely buy you protection, even away from Tinkerfall.

Daphne: *waves away his offer and smiles at them both*

Karin: This might be a good time to ask you this, Daphne: How are you healing after all you went through?

Daphne: *takes deep breath and writes on paper* *holds paper up* "With the best friends I could ask for."

Trinket: *leans over and takes Daphne's hand* We're so happy to have you in our lives.

Booker: Yes, you're more than I deserve as both a maid and a friend.

Daphne: *nods solemnly*

Karin: I think we'd all agree Daphne is indispensable. Trinket.

Trinket: Yes?

Karin: You're so modest when it comes to spending Booker's money. If you were to purchase something impractical, what would it be?

Trinket: Impractical? What exactly would be impractical?

Booker: Buying something specifically for yourself and not for cleaning, like I'm always trying to get you to do.

Trinket: I just don't have much desire for those sorts of things. I actually like the work dresses I have. They're more comfortable than the more posh ones. And I'm not really that interested in ornaments and the like.

Gin: Geez, Trinket, even I like useless junk like ribbons. There has to be something.

Trinket: I enjoy sewing. Perhaps an embroidery hoop or stencils? Maybe some nice thread?

Booker: You're so bloody practical it's a little sickening.

Trinket: And what would you indulge in, Mr. Larkin?

Booker: *smiles slyly* I might do some big spending on jewelry or whatnot in the near future.

Trinket: *cheeks flush*

Grace: Very subtle, Booker. No one knew what you hinting at. Not at all.

Karin: Oh, my little fangirl heart. All right. Another question, Trinket: If you could travel anywhere in the world, where would you go?

Trinket: Why do I keep getting all these extravagant options? Honestly, I don't know much about the world beyond what I studied in my history lessons. If I had to choose, maybe to the town Booker grew up in? That way I could see where he got his start. And get a better idea of the little boy he once was.

Booker: I pray Ms. Kaylock doesn't still run the orphanage or else you'll get a less-than-flattering account of my youthful indiscretions.

Trinket: Oh, I'm counting on that.

Karin: Trust me, you'd get plenty. Gin, how about another for you?

Gin: Ask away.

Karin: Is there anything that could entice you to give up street life and live with Booker permanently?

Gin: *scoffs* No. I was born for the street life. I'll live and die an urchin. Nothing no one tries to give me or promise me could make me change my mind.

Booker: What if we adopted you?

Gin: *inhales sharply* Wait, what?

Booker: What if Trinket and I adopted you?

Trinket: *smiles and nods*

Gin: *swallows and turns eyes away* I dunno. Guess it would depend on my mood. Maybe...maybe that would be all right...But just maybe.

*Booker and Trinket exchange a sad look*

Karin: Oh, what could have been. Let's lighten the mood a little, shall we? Booker.

Booker: Yes?

Karin: Do you have a chamber pot in the laboratory?

Booker: Pardon?

Karin: A chamber pot. You know, for those long nights tinkering and planning so you don't have to drag yourself upstairs.

Booker: *clears throat and glances nervously at Trinket* Ah, well... *clears throat again* Yes, yes I do.

Trinket: What? I've never seen a chamber pot down there.

Booker: I keep it discreetly stored away. And I only use it when absolutely necessary. Honestly, I don't use it nearly as often as I did in days gone by. Being above ground has become much more appealing as of late.

Trinket: I feel like as your maid, I should have known this.

Booker: There was no way I was going to let you clean it. Or Daphne for that matter. I take care of it myself. I'm not completely helpless, you know.

Karin: Actually, on the subject of helplessness, who took care of the chamber pot when Booker was going through withdrawals?

*Daphne and Trinket exchange a glance*

Daphne: *raises hand and tries to hold back laughter*

Booker: *covers face with hands* Oh, Lord...Thank you, Daphne. Truly. You went above and beyond even when we were barely acquainted.

Karin: And who cleans Booker's drawers?

Grace: *bursts out laughing* Someone knew the important questions to ask.

Booker: I don't see how my unmentionables are a subject of interest.

Grace: They interest me greatly.

Karin: So? Who's in charge of them? Daphne or Trinket?

Trinket: *clears throat* Ah, well, when I was the only maid in the house, it was my duty. But since my relationship with Booker has...changed a bit...Daphne's taken over in that department.

Grace: Oh, come child, surely you've seen much more than just his drawers at this point *raises eyebrows suggestively*

Gin: This is getting disgusting. Look, Madison's face is completely red.

Madison: *sinking down in his chair* It's fine. I'm fine.

Karin: Also, Booker, do you lift weights in your laboratory?

Booker: Weights? No. Why?

Trinket: You do drag corpses all around the city, though. That must count for something.

Grace: I think they're trying to ask, what do you look like with your shirt off? And I believe Trinket would be the one who could answer that for us.

Trinket: *blushes*

Karin: Mmm, I'd say Frieda would be a better bet.

Booker: *glares at Karin* Are you trying to cause trouble?

Karin: And Trinket, are you really that flat-chested?

Trinket: Excuse me?

Grace: Allow me field this one: YES.

Trinket: Grace!

Grace: What? It's the truth. Nothing to be ashamed of.

Booker: I think Trinket is quite lovely the way she is.

Grace: Ooh, so does that mean you've gotten a better look than us?

Booker: *face goes red*

Trinket: See, this is how rumors get started. Can we please move on?

Karin: Fine, fine. Here's a write-in for Mr. Goodfellow.

Scales: Who?

Karin: Benedict's mentor.

Booker: *perks up* I wonder if he might know Benedict's whereabouts.

Karin: The question for him: What happened to you? And the answer—well, you'll just have to finish the series to find out.

Booker: *curses*

Karin: Come on, I've got almost an entire book to post. I'm not gonna give away major spoilers. All right, I think it's time to get some fresh blood in here. Please, help me welcome two lovely ladies from right here in Tinkerfall, Emma and Theo!

*"Toxic" by Britney Spears plays as Emma and Theo enter*

Karin: Hello and welcome! Please, have a seat.

Booker: Well, Miss Emma. I must admit, I didn't think you'd ever step foot in my house again.

Emma: *glares at Booker* It's a little hard to argue with the woman who wrote you into existence.

Karin: I'm happy to see some of my characters have appropriate respect for me. So, we have a few questions for you two. First off, Emma. What is your favorite flower?

Emma: Oh, I love jasmine flowers. They're so petite and just exude purity. And they make a lovely tea.

Booker: Funny, I would've guessed foxglove for you.

Trinket: Booker!

Booker: What? She's responsible for the deaths of several citizens thanks to her little elixirs.

Emma: It's not my fault people have no restraint. I give them clear warnings about how much will kill them. They just don't listen.

Karin: Since we're on the topic of your side business, how exactly did you get into mixing drugs?

Emma: *eyes Karin suspiciously* There're no coppers hiding somewhere in here, are there?

Karin: No, no, anything said here will remain completely confidential.

Emma: All right, then. Well, I've always had an interest in herbs and teas and the like. I studied everything I could about plants and their different uses. My older brother used to have chronic headaches, so I started concocting elixirs for him to help alleviate some of the pain. When his friends caught wind of what I was doing, they asked me to make them some special mixes. I was a little hesitant at first, but then they started offering me rather large sums of money.

Booker: And to think people feel I'm the criminal.

Scales: You flatter yourself, Larkin.

Emma: By the time I moved away from home and came here to open the tea shop, I'd pretty much put an end to my side business. However, the shop didn't prove to be all that profitable, and I was getting behind on rent, and...well...I got desperate. I didn't want to go to the Mice, as I'd seen what they do to those who can't pay their loans. So I fell back into my old hobby—

Booker: Hobby?

Emma: And I've just kept it up. I don't mean to hurt anyone, but a girl's got to eat.

Gin: She's got a point there.

Karin: Thank you for sharing that with us, Emma. Very interesting insights into your person. Now Theo. We have a couple questions for you, as well.

Theo: My life isn't very interesting. Hope I don't bore anyone.

Booker: You were friends with a supposed vampire. And you have a mechanical prosthetic to replace an arm you had amputated. I really wouldn't call that boring.

Karin: First question: What's your favorite food?

Theo: Oh, good, an easy one. Roast chicken is my very favorite. Even better if it's a full dinner with green beans and potatoes and carrots. Just thinking about it makes my mouth water. But I don't make a whole lot of money at the Clocktower, so I can't exactly afford that sort of feast.

Daphne: *holds up paper* "Come over some night and I'll make it for you."

Theo: Oh, I couldn't intrude like that.

Trinket: Theo, you helped us immensely when we were trying to find Tory. It's the least we could do.

Theo: I really didn't do much.

Booker: You did plenty. Please, it'd would be my pleasure to have you over for dinner.

Emma: Good gracious. When he had me over, he tried to break my wrist.

Booker: Actually, your customer with the shiny teeth beat me to it.

Trinket: You didn't help, though.

Booker: I fixed it.

Emma: Only after causing me more pain.

Karin: Okay, okay, no fighting. Next question. Theo, what would be your theme music?

Theo: Theme music? What does that mean?

Karin: Music that represents who you are.

Theo: Oh. I don't really listen to much music. I can't afford to attend shows.

Karin: I'm actually going to butt in here as the writer and allow a little modern influence to answer this question. Think of a song. Any song from any time period, past or present or future, that you feel embodies who you are. And readers, I'm asking for a little suspension of disbelief here, so work with me.

Theo: Hmmm. Oh! I know. "Fight Song" by Rachel Platten. I realize I seem plain and forgettable. Which I suppose I am. And my life hasn't been the easiest. A lot of bad things have happened, like losing family and friends. And my arm. But I refuse to let it bring me down and stop me from trying. I may be little and poor, and people may think I'd be easily defeated. But I have fight in me. And I won't let anyone put out my fire.

Trinket: You're quite amazing, Theo. I'm happy Tory met you while she was here. You were clearly a good friend to her.

Karin: Thank you for sharing with us, Theo. You may be a minor character, but you're certainly not a minor person. Our next question is for Madison. What happened to you and the other urchins after Gin died? Do you know that she's gone?

Gin: Again, I'm sitting right here. Could we not rub it in that I'm dead?

Karin: Sorry, can't change the past.

Booker: Actually, if you're the writer—

Karin: Can't. Change. The past. Go ahead, Madison.

Madison: We know. The whole city knows, actually. Gin was an important person, so it didn't take long for news to spread.

Gin: I'm not that important.

Trinket and Booker: Yes, you are.

Madison: But we're managing. I've been trying to pick up where Gin left off. We keep up her traditions and still use her methods in the jobs we do.

Karin: Have you visited her grave?

Madison: We all did. Had a little gathering to pay our respects. We hung around the grave all night, telling stories about her and reminiscing about all the good times we had. Lots of laughter. And crying. And then before we left, I tied a ribbon around the mortsafe. Swiped it off a mannequin in the front window of the tailor's shop. Thought she'd appreciate the craftiness that went into getting it.

Gin: *hugs Madison* I certainly do.

Madison: I miss you, Gin.

Gin: Miss you, too.

*lots of sniffling*

Karin: *clears throat* All right, we need to move on before these dang onions get the best of us. We have another write-in, this time to the Clocktower.

Grace: As in the alehouse?

Karin: Yes.

Grace: Someone asked the building a question?

Karin: The building, the staff. Whatever works. The question: Have you ever served your customers salted kippers that have been dried in the privy? Theo, maybe you can answer this one for us.

Theo: *fidgets slightly* Ah, I can assure you that we at the Clocktower only serve the very finest food and drink to our lovely, esteemed—

Karin: Your boss won't hear anything you say here.

Theo: *let's out a long breath* Oh, Lord, privy kippers are probably one of the only things on the menu I would dare to eat. I'm not even sure what some of the meat we use is. I suspect rat.

Trinket: Rat?

Theo: They're quite plentiful. And sometimes when we're especially busy, I notice there aren't as many of themscurrying about.

Trinket: Booker, I can't believe you keep bringing us there to eat.

Booker: I don't go for the food. I go for the gossip.

Theo: And sometimes the bread and cheese get moldy, so the cook just throws it all into a pot and makes a special stew of the day. Figures no one will notice if it's floating around in a thick broth.

Daphne: *gags*

Gin: It's better than no food, I guess.

Booker: I'm genuinely surprised I don't get more patients with food poisoning.

Theo: Oh, no, we don't poison the food. Although, we do sometimes poison the rats...

Booker: *grins at Trinket* It seems my little joke with Jewkes about the vampire victims having succumbed to bad stew wasn't that far-fetched after all.

Karin: Let's move on before I puke. Booker, what's your long-term plan with regard to Benedict?

Booker: Um...I...I guess I don't really know?

Trinket: You've been searching for him all these years and you don't know?

Booker: I suppose I sort of thought we'd just pick up where we left off? Maybe?

Karin: Do you think you'll stay in Tinkerfall forever?

Booker: I can't imagine living anywhere else. What other city can offer me poisoned rat stew and more corpses than I could ever wish for?

Karin: Yeah, sure. Who wouldn't love that?

Grace: Probably not the best place to raise a family, though.

Trinket: Family?

Grace: And if your children are anything like Booker, they'll get into all sorts of trouble here.

Booker: Children?

Gin: Yeah, your kids would be a handful, Booker.

Daphne: *holds up paper* "I'll help wrangle them."

Trinket: Wait a moment, I—

Karin: All right, enough speculation. Trinket, are your hallucinations always horrific? Have you ever had any that were funny? And if so, what was the funniest one?

Trinket: Funny? I'm not sure I'd call them funny exactly. I mean, some of them are just mundane things like animals or people. But seeing them in certain situations can be a bit humorous. I remember when my mother was scolding me for spilling gravy at dinner—one of the voices suddenly shouted and took me by surprise—and when I looked up at her, there was a squirrel sitting atop her head. It wasn't doing anything strange, just chewing on a nut. But the sight of a bushy-tailed rodent using my prim and proper mother as a perch was rather amusing. It took a lot not to burst out laughing.

Karin: Seeing as I actually know your mother...sort of...I have to admit, that would be pretty funny.

Booker: You know Trinket's mother?

Karin: Well, I did create her, so yes.

Booker: Would you be willing to share some—

Trinket: Next question, please!

Booker: Oh, come on, I just—

Trinket: Question! Any question!

Karin: You're right, we should move on. Need to avoid spoilers. Also, this interview has dragged on for a bit too long, and the readers have got to be bored by now. Let's hear from our favorite ruthless thug again.

Scales: I'm sure that was meant to insult me, but remember who you're talking to.

Karin: Actually, I quite like you. You're one of my favorite characters to write.

Booker: What?

Daphne: *holds up paper* "Are you insane?"

Gin: I mean, he killed me. How can you like him?

Karin: I like almost all the characters I write, even when they do bad things. Scales is a complicated character. And I know his mind better than you guys do. Plus, I unknowingly cast Brendon Urie as him so there's also that.

Booker: I don't know how I feel about you being our writer anymore.

Grace: Wait, you said you like almost all of your characters, right? So who don't you like?

Karin: Whoa, hang on. I'm the one who was supposed to be doing the interview here.

Booker: I mean, if Scales is a favorite, I have to wonder who you would dislike.

Karin: *sighs* Fine, fine. I really dislike Ford.

Gin: Uck, you and me both.

Madison: Same here.

Karin: And Viper. Such a moron.

Scales: That's an understatement.

Karin: And while I don't necessarily dislike them, I do find Alice and Henry really annoying. Like, I kind of want to slap them.

Booker: All right, that's fair. They are obnoxious.

Karin: Okay, enough about me. Let's get back to these last few questions. Scales: Do you realize that by hurting and using people like you do, you're following the example of the same people who hurt you and your sister?

Scales: *clenches jaw* Excuse me?

Karin: You're doing exactly the same thing as that cop who abused Charity.

Scales: What I do is completely different. I'll have you know that every life I—

Karin: Stop!

Scales: What?

Karin: You're getting into spoiler territory. We should move on.

Scales: Wait, you brought this up, and I—

Karin: Nope. Sorry. Moving on.

Scales: I am not—

Karin: Zip that lip or I will write you out of existence, young man! Don't think I won't. You've seen how mad with power I am. Now sit down as I welcome our next guests. Please put your hands together for the brother and sister duo, Gabe and Charity!

*"You Are My Home" from The Scarlet Pimpernel plays as Gabe and Charity enter*

Scales: *pales*

Karin: Welcome, welcome. It's so nice to have you both here with us today.

Charity: Pleasure all ours, ma'am.

Scales: This can't be real.

Gabe: *furrows brow at Scales* You seem familiar.

Charity: Hey, yeah, he does. Did we face off in a gambling match or something?

Scales: *shakes head slowly* It's not real. It can't be real.

Karin: We should probably get to the questions before Scales has a mental breakdown.

Charity: Scales? That's an awful silly name.

Karin: Gabe, what is the best thing about Charity?

Gabe: I'd say her courage. She's not afraid to speak her mind or stand up for the downtrodden. And she's always bright and positive, even when times are really tough. And she makes me feel important despite how useless and untalented I am.

Charity: Hey, you aren't useless, Gabey. You're the best brother a girl could ask for.

Scales: *takes trembling breath*

Emma: You all right there, Scales?

Theo: He looks like he might faint.

Karin: Charity—

Charity: Call me Char.

Scales: *twitches*

Karin: Char: What is the best thing about Gabe?

Charity: *smiles at Gabe* His quiet loyalty. Like I said, he's the best brother anyone could ask for. Don't know what I'd do without him.

Scales: *jumps up and knocks chair over* That's it, I'm done *storms out of the parlour*

Charity: Geez, why does he seem so familiar?

Karin: Maybe it's his quiet loyalty.

Charity: *furrows brow then gasps* Oh my God *jumps up and runs after Scales*

Gabe: Wait, Char! Where're you going? *runs after Charity*

Karin: Well, that was interesting.

Booker: Hold on. Was that Scales' sister?

Trinket: Oh my goodness. That would explain his reaction. Poor Scales.

Gin: Poor Scales?

Grace: So that little boy was the vicious thug we know today?

Emma: It's hard to imagine him as a child.

Daphne: *holds up paper* "He was such an adorable child. What happened?"

Karin: Life will do that to you. All right, let's wrap this up, the word count is way too high. Our final questions are in the form of write-ins, and they are for none other than our elusive madman, Benedict Hawk.

Booker: Benedict?

Karin: Benedict, what is your favorite procedure you've performed? His response: Working with Booker to replace Nuada's leg.

Booker: Really? Out of all the complicated surgeries he's clearly done since then, that's the one he chooses?

Trinket: Maybe it was his favorite, not because of the complexity of the procedure, but because he did it with you.

Booker: He wouldn't be that sentimental.

Karin: Next question: What's your long-term plan once Booker finds you?

Booker: Oh, excellent question.

Trinket: I must admit some curiosity myself.

Karin: The answer: Sorry, spoilers!

Booker: *curses loudly*

Karin: And finally, do you miss your cat? The answer: While she is less lively as of late, she's still relatively good company.

Trinket: Benedict has a cat?

Karin: He does indeed. And that's it for the questions.

Booker: What? Are you serious? I finally get a chance to hear from Benedict, and the only questions you allow him to answer are concerning that blasted cat?

Karin: Hey, I got a story to post. No spoilers.

Booker: That stupid, blasted, bloody cat. I should've euthanized it the first chance I got.

Grace: I think that's a rational reaction to any cat, really.

Karin: Trinket, would you please calm Booker down?

Trinket: Would dissecting something make you feel better, Booker?

Booker: Not unless it's that stupid cat.

Gin: You're going to cut a cat open?

Grace: There's a stray that hangs about my apartment building I can offer you.

Trinket: I was thinking something already dead.

Grace: I could arrange that.

Booker: Urgh, that cat!

Karin: This looks like it might dissolve into chaos soon, so I'll wrap it up. Thank you all for joining us. I apologize for the length. Things kind of got away from me.

Daphne: *holds up paper* "I thought the writer was in control of the story?"

Karin: Yeah, we like to fool ourselves into thinking that. Anyhow, I hope this shed some light on the characters of the Elysium series. I'd like to thank RosieRoo689, grapeleafgurl, TheRussianPrincess, and Lost24601 for contributing the questions for this interview. You guys had me in stitches with some of these. Hope I did them justice. If you want to learn the answers to the spoiler questions, keep reading The Numbered Corpses. I promise there are going to be some major revelations.

Booker: Like why Benedict keeps choosing that cat over me?

Karin: Maybe. But you'll have to read to find out. Again, to all of my readers: Thank you, thank you, thank you from the bottom of my dark and twisted heart. Have a good night! Or morning. Or whatever time it is where you are.

Booker: Eloquent as always.

Daphne: *hits Booker in the head with papers*

Booker: Dang it, Daphne!

Karin: Cue the music.

Booker: Who are you—

*The Merv Griffin Show theme music plays*

Karin: Thank you! You've been an amazing audience!