I DON'T THINK THIS WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THIS DEPRESSING AND SAD BUT OOPS

SO UH MENTIONS OF DEATH AND A LOT OF SAD THOUGHTS INCLUDED ((I'M SORRY OMG))

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Imagine being scared of losing Kai // Based on Like I'm Gonna Lose You by Meghan Trainor

"I found myself dreaming
In silver and gold
Like a scene from a movie
That every broken heart knows
We were walking on moonlight
And you pulled me close
Split second and you disappeared
and then I was all alone."

With a smile on your lips, you looked over to your boyfriend who was holding your hand tightly. The two of you were walking outside, it was midnight and the sky was full of stars and it was very romantic, especially when you rested your head on his shoulder and admitted your love to him. He kissed the top of your head, and together you continued to walk until you spotted a lovely fountain and ran to it like an excited child, leaving your lover behind.

"Look, it's so pretty", you sighed, and adored the clear water full of flowers. In the bottom was a bunch of coins, and you wanted to throw one too, so you turned to your boyfriend but he was nowhere to be seen. The atmosphere turned hazy and you understood that every step and movement was soft like you were surrounded by clouds and you felt somewhat odd and like you didn't belong there. You swallowed thickly, and looked around, calling out his name but it seemed like he had disappeared like smoke into thin air.

You felt uncomfortable and uneasy at the situation, and a lump rose in your throat as you seeked for your boyfriend but you were all alone. It was your biggest fear, that on one day everything would go south on you. And he'd just be gone. There would no longer be you and him, just you, and somewhere, living a new chapter of his life, him.

"Kai?", you whispered weakly, your voice breaking because of the victorious tears racing against each other in your eyes, rolling on your cheeks and meeting at your wobbling lower lip. But he wasn't there. He was gone.

"I woke up in tears
With you by my side
A breath of relief
And I realized, no, we're
not promised tomorrow."

With a frantic jolt, you woke from the dream that you had succumbed to weakly, incapable of resisting the hold it pulled you to. You had broken into tears because of the idea and image of losing your dear, your boyfriend, and as soon as you had reached the point of entire, sole consciousness, you looked to your side and breathed out in relief at the sight of Kai Parker being soundly asleep next to your sweaty, shaky body.

You tried to even your breath and heartbeat as you wiped your tears away. The feeling was swallowing you whole, and you licked your dry lips while you realized it wouldn't go away. It was eating you from inside, and your heart was breaking, while you just sat there and thought about the person you'd be if you ever lost Kai.

You had met him when he got out of the prison world he had been stuck in for quite the while, and when everyone was busy planning on taking him down and attacking him, you helped him with getting used to the life of today. You helped him create a Twitter account, you showed him the biggest hits nowadays, taught him everything he needed to know to go along and he was still in deep gratitude. You two instantly got along and only weeks later Damon was constantly groaning because of you two making out on his couch or something.

You fell for Kai immediately. And he fell for you. You two were a match made in heaven, or well, in his case it was most likely hell. He stole your heart like the devil he was said to be, but instead of crushing it, he made sure he kept you happy and loved. But not even the happiest relationships always made it through.

You were afraid that you'd lose him. Especially with him being a danger to Mystic Falls, apparently, he always had enemies in line to stab him in the eye and it scared you. Maybe you two were happy, but as you sat there on the bed and looked at him, you couldn't help but feel afraid of the future. You and him maybe weren't together tomorrow. Maybe in a few days, your heart would be broken.

Maybe Kai would want to keep you safe and would break up with you. Maybe Kai would be killed. Maybe you would be killed. Whatever the reason would be, you knew that one day you and him would be separated and it terrified you.

"I love you", you whispered, and smiled sadly at Kai's sleeping body before sliding onto your back and hugging him, enjoying his warmth. "I love you so much", you added, and kissed his forehead before closing your eyes to fall asleep again.

"So I'm gonna love you
Like I'm gonna lose you
I'm gonna hold you
Like I'm saying goodbye."

The next day, you surprised Kai with fresh coffee and his favorite kind of breakfast right away in the morning. He had gotten quite used to Damon's vampire pancakes, and although you could never reach his level, you gave it a shot and now, Kai was absolutely in love with your pancakes. He often said how his favorite kind of mornings were when he could find you in the kitchen, cooking pancakes for him with just some underwear and one of his big shirts on you, while the perfectly satisfying smell of coffee lingered in downstairs. He loved it, and he loved you.

And so you made sure there was nothing to worry about, but nevertheless, you stared at him the whole morning like it was the last time you'd do so. Fear resided in your heart, and you struggled to hide it but you managed to keep your feelings as a secret. You didn't want Kai to know, because you were also scared that if you'd tell him about your fears of losing him, he'd realize that your relationship wasn't in fact working and he'd leave you. And maybe, just maybe, he'd think you were a psychotic bitch and he'd understand that he didn't need it in his life.

But you didn't realize that if you were a psychotic bitch, then you were perfect for Kai.

"Is everything okay?", Kai asked while chewing on his pancakes. You shuffled on the chair, discomfort arriving into your mind and heart and you bit your lower lip in thought, though eventually nodded. Kai gave you a look of disbelief, but instead of pushing you, he got up and put the plate in the sink. He gripped the counter, his knuckles turning white as he chewed on the inner side of his cheek.

"I don't believe you, babe. What is it? I know that look. You're worried, or sad, or something is bothering you. You know you can tell me everything and anything, about everyone and anyone", Kai said, and turned to face you. You walked to him, and wrapped your arms around his muscular upper body, pressing your palms against his warm, bare skin while holding your face against his muscles.

"Everything is okay, Kai. I promise", you whispered, and tried to smile as you hugged him a bit tighter. But everything wasn't okay. Because as you held him, you felt like you were saying goodbye. You never knew, maybe this would be the last hug you would ever give your lover.

Maybe this would be the last time you'd get the chance to tell him how much you loved him.

"I love you, Kai", you mumbled, and of course, Kai replied the same way.

But you knew that he didn't mean it in the same way you did.

"In the blink of an eye
Just a whisper of smoke
You could lose everything
The truth is you never know."

You and Kai were sitting on your couch, watching reruns of How I Met Your Mother when the thoughts got to you again. Your concentration drifted from the episode to Kai and his perfect face as he laughed and enjoyed the time with you at its finest. You weren't doing the same. You were just worrying.

"This is hilarious!", Kai exclaimed - it was the first time he saw the show while you had seen all of the episodes and therefore, had the time to let it go and look at Kai. His sparkling eyes, his boyish grin and the genuine happiness in his actions and expressions. You loved him so much. But maybe, soon, you wouldn't. Maybe he wouldn't love you.

"Sure is, baby", you muttered, but your half-hearted presence and lack of enthusiasm made Kai look at you with his eyebrows knitted together and his lips turned upside down unhappily and in concern. He placed a hand on your thigh, and you looked down at it, not sure what to say or how to react so you settled with sitting there, frozen and holding in your breath. Everything made you so worried. Even the slightest touch.

Would it be the last time he'd do it? Maybe it would. Maybe he'd never touch you like that again. Maybe he'd never place a hand on your thigh again. Maybe he'd leave you that night, or maybe his head would be torn from his body by an angry enemy that would break into your house. There were so many options - Mystic Falls was a dangerous place to live in and it was taking away your control and sanity.

"I don't think everything is as fine as you promised. Babe? Please tell me what's going on. I'm getting worried", Kai begged, and you let out a sigh of defeat.

"Fine. But you need to... Don't... Just, don't laugh. Or leave me", you mumbled, and Kai already chuckled at the thought of him ever leaving you, but you gave him a glare and he shut up. "I'm scared of losing you, I guess. I saw a nightmare last night and it made me realize that we don't control life. It control us, you know? I could lose you tonight. Who knows what could happen. No one, Kai. That's the truth - you never know. I could lose you. I could lose everything", you confessed, and looked down sadly. Tears filled your eyes, and you gave Kai a heartbroken look as you continued, "I really don't want to lose you, Kai."

He let out a sad sigh, and pulled you into a tight, warm hug. "Oh, Y/N, you're so silly. I love you, so much. I swear that there is no need for you to be scared of such. I'll do my everything to make you see that there is nothing to be worried about. I'll never leave you, baby girl, I promise", Kai whispered in your ear, calming you down. Maybe you were being paranoid after all. Maybe not, though. Maybe Kai was just trying to calm you before the real storm hits.

"Okay, baby", you replied, but the truth was, it didn't stop from eating your heart. The feeling was still there, and the fear of losing Kai remained in you. You were scared and he couldn't take it away. No one and nothing could.

"So I'll kiss you longer baby
Any chance that I get
I'll make the most of the
minutes and love with no regrets."

You started to live differently with the fear. You and Kai now more often made out and showed your love to each other, even in public. He now knew about your feelings, and he did his everything to make you feel otherwise, and while it was impossible, you didn't mind the endless sex and gestures of love. You began living with no regrets and made every minute memorable and legendary - this including things like pranking Damon, getting wasted in the middle of the week, and starting a shared Instagram account where you two posted photos of food, cute selfies and Damon in unexpected, surprising situations which made him very angry.

Also, a lot of public sex which was just thrilling.

You and Kai lived like every second was the last, and you didn't feel so scared anymore when you had so much to do. Of course that was just during the day though. In the night, you couldn't sleep, you just rolled around the bed and cried. But Kai didn't know, he had no clue what you did during the nights and thought you were happy. You weren't.

You were miserable. But it was a hidden side of you, something you kept in the shadows. And Kai would never find out.

"We'll never know when
when we'll run out of time
so I'm gonna love you like
I'm gonna lose you."

Living like every day was the last, and loving Kai was you would lose him was exhausting. But it was worth it. It made you happy, for a moment, and the fear of losing your one true love quieted down for a while but it never left you. It had built a home in your broken heart, and you continued to live, surrendered to the pain and the worry. Kai couldn't take it away, no one could, nothing could.

"I love you, Kai", you said every day, every time you got the chance to do so. You could never know when you'd run out of the time, when you'd lose Kai, when things would fall apart right in front of you. You would never be quite prepared, never ready - it would hit you out of nowhere, and break your heart, break you entirely. Maybe you wouldn't lose Kai, though, maybe he'd lose you. Maybe you'd die from all the worrying. Maybe you'd be stabbed in your sleep. After all, you were only human. You could be killed so easily. Maybe heartbreak would be the death of you.

"I love you too", Kai always replied, meaning it every time. And one time, he did say it for the last time. You weren't wrong when you decided to love him like you'd lose him, because you did. On one day, he said love you for the last time. He kissed you for the last time. He touched you for the last time. You held hands for the last time, you had sex for the last time, you shared a bed for the last time. You made pancakes for him for the last time. You were in love for the last time.

Because when he left your shared home, and said the three words for the last time, he walked to right to his doom. He died through Damon's hands, and with him, you died too. Your heart broke, and you weren't capable of dealing with it. That day, the both of you ended, your love story reached it's finish line and suddenly there was no longer Y/N and Kai. There was just an empty house, memories, and an epic story that was told in Mystic Falls for years.

The story of Y/N Y/L/N being scared, and for a reason, until she reached peace with the person she was most worried about.

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this is either one of the best things i've ever written or just unbelievable trash because i tried to be deep but idk lmao

anyway i'm sorry the updates got slow again but i've been busy with watching vines of stucky and crying

no sorry that's not the only thing i've been doing but i promise i'll get back to it and update more again !!