WARNING: this chapter gets a little depressing. Read at your own risk.

I finished mucking Skyblu's stall, and I wiped my brow. She neighed in what I want to call relief, but was probably just boredom. I smiled tiredly and rubbed her nose.

"Your welcome sweets," she rubbed my cheek, and I hid my face in her mane. I squeezed my eyes against the tears, holding them in, knowing it was too early to start crying. I sniffed and pulled back, and just in time too. I heard faint footsteps and around the corner came Coral. She walked right past me, not even acknowledging my existence, as usual.

She walked to the end of the aisle and stopped, facing away from me. She posed in her mini skirt, hand on hip, nose pointed in the air.

"Marey dear, Coralline's stall needs mucking. Do you think you might find the time is your preciously busy day to do that quick favor for me?" My siblings always pose their commands as requests, which only ridicules me more, because it's not like I can say no. I rubbed a scar on my hand while answering her.

"Of course Lady Coral," I responded in commanded fashion, sighing. "It would be my honor." Coral giggled, flicking her wrist in the air.

"Thanks Dirty Marey!" I cringed at the nickname, praying that God would help me forgive her later. She clicked away, humming like a dying walrus. I shook my head and grabbed the wheelcart, wheeling it outback to the compost pile, letting a few tears leak down my filthy face, praying I would make it through the day.

9:00 p.m.

I threw the wooden plate in the soapy bucket, scrubbing it with what vigor I had left, which to be honest, wasn't much. I wiped my soapy brow, completely worn out. Today had been rough, as usual. I was simply done with it all. But I couldn't think like that right now. My dad was watching over my shoulder, smoking, and making sure I didn't mess up. I was so tired though; I wasn't sure how much longer I could stay awake.

Suddenly I yelped as I felt a huge pain in the side of my head. It jerked my head sideways, and I immediately knew my father had cuffed me.

"MY NIGHTMARE, how many ..." and then he began spewing words I will never repeat, because apparently I had missed a spot. All I heard was his 'nickname' for me though. My Nightmare. That about perfectly described his love level for me. I was an unwanted nightmare to him.

I turned away from that line of thinking and to the weird warm feeling falling down the side of my head. I unconsciously rubbed my scar as I ignored everything around me, waiting for what I knew was coming.

He finished spouting, and I braced myself. His farm-hardened hand again met the side of my head, on the exact same spot as earlier, breaking the scab that had just begun to form, ensuring the injury would remain for twice as long. I hid my groan, falling to the floor hard, and didn't move as I heard him storm upstairs. Finally, what I had been waiting for all night. When he goes to bed, I get to do whatever I wanted for about an hour. I knew what I was doing this late summer evening.

I took a deep breath, then slowly eased myself up, groaning the whole way. Black dots swirled in my vision, and I prayed that I would be able to stand. God answered that prayer and I stood, a little wobbly, but I was up.

"Thank You Lord," I muttered, closing my eyes against the pain. I steadied myself using a dining room chair, bent over, waiting for the dots to disappear.

When they were gone, I slowly walked over to one of our pans and held it up, looking at my head in the reflection. I winced at the amount of blood. This was easily one of his harder cuffs. I used the counter to get the door and opened it gingerly, still slightly unsteady.

I gently walked over to the water pump and knelt in front of it, getting my head under it. Using both hands, I reached in front of me and  gently pushed down. Water came out, soaking my head and shoulders, washing most of the blood away. I pushed again, and used my right hand to softly massage my scalp, getting all the blood out.

Once that was done, I lay down on the grass, running fingers through my midnight black hair, thinking.

"Aiee, I need to be alone," I murmured to myself. Thank God, I knew just the place to do that. I got up and felt my head. There was a little fresh blood their, but I really don't want to go back in the house for bandaging. I looked down at my old shirt and shrugged. It was night, right?

A few minutes later I patted my newly bandaged head, wrapped in a third of my shirt. I looked down, but it was so dark even I could see anything, so I decided I was fine. I started walking, heading for the woods. The woods were about half a mile deep, but behind them was a beautiful grassy plain. That's where I went many nights a week, and that's where I was headed now.

I pushed away a pine branch, stepping gingerly in my bare feet, trying not to step on anything sharp. I could just see the end of the forest and I walked a little faster, getting poked on the stomach for my efforts, but I pushed past the scratch and burst from the forest, breathing in the night air, embracing the slight chill. Yep, my favorite kinda of night.

I walked over to a rock, letting my hand brush against the tall grass, and leaned on the rock. Finally, I was alone; I was free. I took a moment just to bask in the Creators creation, listening to the owls hoot, the crickets chirp, and the leaves sway. It was real peace.

And I was about to ruin it. I thought over the day. Tonia had really annoyed me a lot today. She sat next to me in class, and that's when I knew something was going to go down, and I wasn't entirely wrong. Not that she did anything actually wrong, but every few seconds she would peek over at my paper to see what I wrote. It frustrates me beyond belief knowing there was nothing I could do about it, what with the teacher being on their side. She, along with everybody else, just ignored me. It frustrates the living daylight out of me.

"RrrrrAAAARRRGGGGG!" I screamed into the night. I glared at the moon.

"Why God? Why me? Why doesn't anyone love me? Why aren't I loved? Why aren't I WANTED!" I shook my fist in the air, hot, angry tears coursing down my face. Hate, sadness, frustration, it all built up inside me all day, and this was the only time I could let it out, so I went all the way. I kicked and punched and screamed at God until my voice was hoarse, and still I heard nothing from Him.

"UUUGGG!" I yelled, my voice cracking. I flopped down in the grass, fully drained.

"God, where are You?" I whispered. My face was dripping, but for once I did nothing about it. I couldn't go on like this. I couldn't keep living like this. All I feel is pain, both physical and emotional. It was slowly eating me up, taking me over, and there was nothing I could do to stop it.

I hugged myself, sniffing. I knew I had two options right now. I could put my 'I'm fine' face on, like I have for my whole life. Continue living like nothing phased me, while really it was gnawing at my insides, slowly eating me alive.

Or I could end it all now. I could go back to the woodshed, grab an ax. It could all be over. The pain, the suffering, the gnawing loneliness.

It could all be gone in one swipe.

What should she do? What advice would YOU give Mare? What would you do in her situation?
Again, sorry for the slow updates, and thanks to TheHTTYDexpert for reminding me to de this XD Sometimes I need a little shove to keep things going.
Anyway, have a great ready if you day, thanks for the reads, votes, and comments, and bye 👋

~Me