*Sonja's PoV*

When I woke up I was in a white room, Is this heaven? I thought to myself. When I moved a sharp pain moved all down my back and along my stomach, "Shit, no, shit. This isn't heaven." I groaned. I was carefully moving around, trying to make myself comfortable without hurting myself when I suddenly remembered what happened. My baby. I tossed around quickly trying to find some way of alerting somebody that I was awake.
A nurse came running into my room pushing me back down onto my pillow and pulling the duvet back over me and said, "Sonja it's okay, you're safe." I relaxed letting out a breath I had been holding, but I still wasn't fully happy. And I wouldn't be until I knew that my baby was okay.
"I was, I mean I am pregnant..." I paused scanning her face for any hints. None were being given, "Is.. Is my baby okay?" I wondered if I even wanted to know the answer if it's anything other than good news..
"I'm so sorry Sonja.. Neither of them pulled through.. I understand" She continued to talk after I zoned out. Neither? There was more than one baby?
"Um," I interrupted, "There.. There was more than one baby?" The nurse nodded and I suppressed a sob, "Was... Was it twins?" I quizzed and the nurse nodded again. My two children were gone. And it was all my fault, I sniffed and opened my mouth to talk but no words came out, only strangled sobs and cries. The nurse jumped forward and hugged me tightly, "Its okay Sonja" She soothed, rubbing small circles on my back.
"W-w-where's my h-h-husband?" I asked quietly, as if on queue, Tucker walked in. His cheeks stained with tears, as soon as he saw that I was awake he ran over to be embracing me.
"O-o-our babies T-t-Tucker... I-i-its my fault..." I wailed still in his arms
"It's not your fault Sonja, y-y-you couldn't have done anything to pr-prevent it.." He sobbed, and so we sat there. Sobbing in my hospital room. Neither of us cared who saw us sobbing, this was our moment of grief and heartache. And pain. A lot of pain.

---- Slightly triggering [I almost triggered myself.. oops!] ----
*One week time skip*

How fucking stupid could I have been. I knew that stress was bad for babies but I still planned my wedding. I'm such a dumbass. Words kept swimming in my head, nothing anyone could say would stop them. Idiot. Bitch. Bad mother. Waste of space. These are just words. I can deal with just words. Those kids are dead because of you. They got out luckily. They didn't meet you. Death is better than you.
"Sonja.. Are you okay ba-honey? My mom had been staying with me and Tucker in LA since I got out of hospital. No mom I'm not okay, My head is like a carousel. I can't get any sleep. I can't eat without feeling guilty. I felt like saying, but I didn't. I only smiled and nodded.
Feelings hurt. They suck.
You don't need them you bitch.
You don't deserve them you asshole.
You're heartless anyway, you killed your two kids. Didn't you?
Maybe the voices are right..

---
I'm so sorry if that triggered anybody, I had to take a break from writing it too but I felt like it really needed to be included (with what goes on later).
[Free ice cream is provided in the comments, along with free tissues and warm blankets for you to stick out the feels attacks that should be coming soon]
I'm actually crying real tears but idk I've been down again recently but you guys always cheer me up..
IN HAPPIER NEWS! HAPPY 1ST BIRTHDAY DIL!✨ HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO DIL!✨✨✨
But I hope you guys enjoyed this sad chapter... I think the next few will be kind of sad, but then after that idk... Happy maybe?
"What is this mysterious 'Happy' that you speak of" you may ask, and I am afraid that I do not have the answer ;)

If you enjoyed this part please give it a vote and maybe leave a cheeky comment (share it also, Aunty Anne would love this part I'm sure!)

---

SimplyHowell x