OS that happens between "I promise you" and "Inquiry".

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I woke up with the feeling that I was not alone. What time was it? Through the round window near my bed, I could see the starry sky. Dawn was still far away. Someone had broken into the Jingshi ... no, it was not that. But I was no longer alone.

When I returned from Xining, I had made a decision. I had made some changes in my house and turned one of the rooms I wasn't using into a room for SiZhui. I should have done it earlier! It was his presence that I had to feel. Maybe he had gotten up!

The despair that had gripped me in Xining had made me aware of my loved ones and the feelings that bound me to them!

First of all, there was my brother. He had always been there. When we were small, he was my only reference point with Uncle QiRen. Our mother, we could only see her once a month.

When I was little, I thought that was normal. That all the children in the clan were raised by an uncle and only saw the "parents" occasionally so that our learning and education would not be disrupted. It wasn't until much later, after our mother died, that I realized that this was not the case! That children grew up with their parents and that their parents gave them ... their love. I wondered if our parents loved us? One of the few times I had seen our father, I had asked him. He didn't answer. It hurt. So I said to myself that I probably didn't deserve it, that I must have done something wrong... I apologized to him and promised him that from that moment on, I would do everything in my power to never disappoint him again!

I think it was from that moment on that I had completely closed myself off from the outside world and had taken to putting a mask of impassivity on my face. If no one could read me, no one could see my weaknesses and fears!

Soon I saw the repercussions of this new state of mind, Uncle QiRen was proud. I imposed a certain respect on others, which was reinforced by my perfect mastery of the rules of our clan and my powers.

My upbringing, like my brother's, had been strict. I never complained about it until the day I met Wei Ying! He had brought feelings into my life that I had never experienced before and that scared me! I think Brother knew it! From the evening of his arrival, he had pushed me towards him, telling me that I was at an age where it was normal to make friends! I didn't see the point! And then he pissed me off! He was disrespectful, insolent, provocative, ... funny, friendly, affectionate, strong, protective ... Brother had seen, that although I was constantly punishing him or scolding him, I appreciated his presence. That was probably why he had agreed to accompany us to the maelstrom to chase the water ghouls! Brother could read my silences.

He had seen before me that we had become friends. Now he knew that my feelings towards him were quite different! He knew that I considered Wei Ying as my soul mate! He did not judge me.

Brother was a clan leader, he too must have felt lonely sometimes. Despite my young age, he regularly relied on me. Sending me on missions, where most clans sent more experienced men!

Despite the bond we had, I found it hard to talk to him about my feelings! However, since my reclusion, I was able to express these feelings better and better. The solitude had allowed me to put a name on what I felt.

At the Phoenix Mountain, I had confessed to Wei Ying that I considered him as my soul mate when he had confided to me that he also considered me as such! But I am not sure if he was aware of the meaning of these words! I knew it perfectly well!

Brother didn't blame me for siding with Wei Ying in Qishan either. I knew that some of the secondary clans still held a grudge against me.

Brother had always been a friend and protector!

He knew about A-Yuan but kept my secret.

And then there was A-Yuan, my son. The gift of my soul mate! This child that he had protected until the end, until his own heart could not take it anymore and gave up the fight!

A-Yuan who despite his young age had suffered so much! His parents had died when he was only a baby. He had no memory of them. He didn't remember my love either. The fever he had when I had found him was so strong that it had altered his memory. I had not told him anything about his origins. I was afraid of his reaction. I had told him from the beginning that I was not his real father. For him, his parents were people dear to my heart and that was why I was raising him.

How could I tell him that his parents had been executed because of their name? Because of a war they had not even been in! How could I tell him that the man who had raised him afterwards had been pushed so hard that he had preferred to end his life? How could I tell him that we were responsible for his misfortunes?

He had lost everything, his parents, his family, his clan and his adoptive father! Yet, he didn't ask himself any questions! He was content to live from day to day and enjoy what life offered him. He was intelligent and affectionate, the perfect son.

And finally, there was Uncle, I had not forgiven him! Would I ever? He had raised me, he had taken the place of a father for Brother and me. He was the closest thing I had to a father! But shouldn't a father listen to his child and try to understand him? Not kill him! Had he loved me? He had found himself with two children to raise without having asked for anything. Did he hold a grudge against us?

The confinement of his father had forced him to live a life that perhaps was not the one he wanted! He had never married, come to think of it, I had never seen him with any woman! I was surprised when Brother told me about Uncle's feelings for Wei Ying's mother!

He had put his duty to the clan and to his brother before his personal life, before his desires... and for what? To be faced with a child who in one second had stood against him and all that he had sacrificed. I hadn't done it intentionally, but he must have seen it that way! I was a disappointment to him! Yet I had only respected the main principle he had instilled in Brother and me, that of justice !!!!

I sighed in my bed. It was a certainty, I felt a presence very close to me... very very close!

I opened my eyes, I hadn't imagined anything, there was someone... lying at the foot of my bed. SiZhui was curled up in a ball. I was about to wake him up to ask him what he was doing there, when I saw tears running down his cheeks and his face contracting. He was shaking his head from side to side. He must have been having a nightmare! His instinct had unconsciously led him to my bed to seek refuge.

I had had this feeling of not being alone several times. Was it that every time he had a bad dream, his footsteps guided him to my bed to take refuge in my protection? Yet in the morning I was always alone! He had to wake up just before me and go back to his room. I got up and took him in my arms.

He was growing and becoming heavy. In his sleep, he put his arms around my neck. I went to his room to put him back in his bed. As I was putting him back in bed, I was stopped in my tracks and my tears began to flow. In his sleep my son had said two words while holding me tighter.

"Die Wei".

Translated with www.DeepL.com/Translator (free version)