Lan Xichen's PoV

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It had been eight months since the other world adventure ended with the return of 3 "guests" who were not necessarily welcome among us. During the first summit, we had told what had happened ... well, partly! We had not told the whole story, especially about the artifact used by Baochen!

Wuxian had managed to confuse everyone, improvising about incantations that only he, Patriarch of Yiling, knew the secret of! He had mentioned an object that he had left before entering the portal so that reinforcements could be sent to him! He had conveniently destroyed it after their return! It was obvious that no one had dared to question his word and his powers!

The recognition of Ni Bi was done without any problem, all accepted this child as the daughter of Wei Wuxian and at the same time the Chief Patriarch.

As for Wen Qin, the wall of protection formed by Jiang Cheng, Wen Ning and Wen Wuxian had once again won over the clan leaders. After all, she had not participated in the Twilight War! They had forgiven the Ghost General, her brother!

When it was Meng Yao's turn, the discussions were much more bitter and vindictive. There was so much resentment towards Jin GuangYao, that we knew that the game would be hard to win. Again, all the people involved in the rescue mission stood together, silencing one after another any objections the clan leaders might raise. The decision was made by the Chief Patriarch. Wangji placed Meng Yao under my responsibility.

We had discussed this more than once before, and he only wanted to live peacefully. He had only good memories of YunShen Buzhi, so he agreed without any problem to stay by my side under my "tutelage".

I must admit that he was glowing. I could see his face getting more relaxed day by day. He got along with everyone and was always ready to help. He fit in perfectly with the Lan clan. We talked a lot about each other's lives, about what we had experienced. But there was one subject that we did not discuss in detail: our relationship with the "other us". One day, however, we came to talk about "them".

Every evening, Meng Yao would come to me for tea before going to bed and tell me about his day. I would listen to him talk about the books he was studying. He had also decided to learn to play the flute. I asked him if he played any other instrument. His face had closed and his eyes seemed lost in the past. I looked at his eyes waiting for him to regain the liveliness I knew him for. When life seemed to return to him, I apologized for having revived painful memories. He gave me a soft and sad smile. His eyes fled from me. I realized that it was likely that my other self had taught him music.

"Excuse me, I didn't mean to hurt you..."

"Don't apologize. Xichen taught me Qin when I was 17 years old. I had accompanied HuaiSang on a study session and he offered me to stay and study too. At first I didn't want to because I was a servant, but MingJue allowed me to. That's how we got to know each other better. He always dazzled me with his strength and firmness combined with gentleness. He gave me private lessons so that I could catch up with my core culture.

His gaze was fixed on me, but I knew that it was not me he was thinking of, strangely I had a twinge of sadness. He continued...

"I spent the most wonderful 6 months ever and then there was the "mobilization" of the clan leaders' children. HuaiSang was forced to go to Qishan. I went back to Qinghe, but when I heard that the Lans had refused to send Wangji, I suspected that Wen Ruohan would not remain idle. When I arrived, I discovered that he had managed to take control of Wei Wuxian and was using him against his former comrades to destroy everything. The leader of the Wen clan had discovered that Wuxian was really powerful and especially that he was gifted in demonic cultivation. I never knew how he found out but he did! I managed to escape Xichen and several survivors of the Lan clan and led them to Qinghe. Some time later, we learned that several "disciples" had perished in the collapse of a cave. HuaiSang was among them. MingJue never really recovered. He then set out to resist the oppressor Wen and contacted Jin GuangShan. This is how we found out that in fact the disciples had been sacrificed to an ancient monster to allow Wen Chao to escape! Jin ZiXuan had escaped and told us everything. I have already told you the rest. I became the intelligence source of the resistance by infiltrating the enemy ranks. "

He paused in his story and looked me straight in the eye.

"My love for Xichen was like a cataclysm for me. It was born the first time I looked at him! I always knew that I preferred men, but for me, he was an impossible dream.

A smile played on her lips and a mischievous flash flickered in her eyes.

"I also admit that I have...shamefully abused him ...."

What had he just said? I was stunned, what was he talking about?

"Sometimes I would wait for him to fall asleep and when I was sure he wouldn't wake up, I would go into his room to watch him sleep... One night, before leaving, I touched his lips... he didn't feel anything... then the next time I got bolder and caressed his cheek, then his neck .... And then shortly before ... well you know ... we were in Jinlintai, it was just before the battle, I just wanted to tell him that I would protect him and that ... "He paused and sobs echoed in the silence of the Hanshi.

I grabbed his hand over the table and squeezed it.

"That night he was not sleeping and caught me in the act, so to speak. He chuckled.

"That night was our one and only night together...Two days later he died in my arms, sacrificing himself to save my life..."

Tears flowed freely down her face. I had always suspected that there was something very strong between him and my double and I was not mistaken. They had been lovers, even if only once.

I noticed that I was still holding his hand and that my thumb was caressing the top of his... he didn't seem to mind and neither did I... Maybe it was time for me to open up to him too...

"I always had a lot of tenderness from Jin GuangYao. I only really got to know him when he came to YunShen Buzhi to save us. But I never really knew why he came that day .... He was convinced that Wen Ruohan could only be brought down from within, so he infiltrated the Wen clan and gave us all the information we needed. After that, we became very close. I considered him as my brother, and he was my brother by oath as well as MingJue... For 16 years, he deceived everyone and me first. I fell down very hard when I learned all his turpitude... his betrayals .... his murders, including that of our brother MingJue! He told me that he had no choice ... but he could have come and asked for my help! Together we would have found an alternative ... but that is not what he decided to do!!! "

There was still something very hard for me to talk to him about: the death of Jin GuangYao.

"When everything he had done came to light, he tried to flee and took me hostage, depriving me of my spiritual powers. Wangji and Wuxian found me, as did Jin Ling and Jiang Cheng. HuaiSang was also taken hostage... After we overpowered Jin GuangYao, I told him not to move and that I would not hesitate... my sword pierced him... Was I right or wrong? I don't know. What is sure is that HuaiSang manipulated me to carry out his revenge. But I feel guilty because there will always be a doubt in me. Had he really moved or not? He had always lied about everything, that I believe, that he no longer perceived the truth from the lie nor the good from the bad! I trusted him so much! I thought I knew him, but in the end, he had played me because he had manipulated me too. In some ways, I envy my brother, because his soul mate never betrayed him. In spite of all the doubts, all the pitfalls, they shared everything and it is together that they fought and that they proved the good faith of Wei Wuxian! I feel guilty and like a fool for letting myself be manipulated! ".

I shut up. There, I had opened my heart to him and revealed the guilt that plagued my life. I felt a pressure on my hand. I looked down. Our fingers were entwined and this time it was he who was squeezing them.

The night had fallen, we had talked so much that our tea was cold and we had not touched it.

"I think I should go back to my Pavilion. It wouldn't be right for me to break the rules" he said. The silence in the HanShi was heavy, and we were both embarrassed to have given ourselves away.

He got up and went to the door. Before crossing it, he turned to me and greeted me. I took his hands, to interrupt his gesture, as I had so often done with Jin GuangYao. A beautiful smile appeared on his lips... I couldn't take my eyes off them and before I knew what I was doing, I had placed a light kiss on them. He looked as surprised as I did .... and turned around and left the HanShi. I was left alone, wondering why I had done this and whether I would dare to look him in the face the next day.

But the problem did not arise because I was busy all day with Wangji preparing for the next clan summit. When evening came, I wondered whether he would come or not. When I turned around, he was there. We did not talk about what we had talked about the day before. I think that the context of the confidences that we had made, had provoked a moment of weakness in me and of a tacit agreement we had decided not to make allusion to it... When it was time for him to go back to his room, I walked him to the door. Just before leaving, he kissed me back the day before in a light and furtive way.

I watched him disappear around the corner of the gallery. I put my fingers on my lips and smiled, my heart filled with a strength I didn't know where it came from, but it filled my heart with a sweet warmth.

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