"Where's Halt gotten off to?" Gilan asked Crowley in a rather uneasy and tense manner. He was antsy and ready to leave, but with one third of their company missing, they couldn't leave.

"Ah, who knows." Crowley tried to wave it off.

"But we need to get back to Y/N." Gilan said firmly.

"We will, we will," Crowley said a little less certainly than Gilan had hoped. Something was going on. Crowley, as good as an actor as he was, couldn't fool Gilan. He knew something that Gilan didn't wasn't telling him. "She's alright, Gilan."

Gilan didn't believe Crowley. Restraining himself from blowing up in the dining hall, Gilan swallowed hard. "Well, come find me when he returns. I want to leave."

Crowley, a little stunned by Gilan's harsh words, watched the boy filter off into the crowd. He knew he and Halt had caught the pair in a sensitive moment earlier in the day, but didn't realize how much it had hurt Gilan. And it amazed Crowley how respectful of a young man Gilan really was. It was clear what he wanted and what was aggravating him, and yet he remained on duty instead of just running off. That would be plenty easy for him to have done.

But Crowley knew there was nothing he could do to ease Gilan even if he told him the truth. He couldn't change what was already happening. Halt was off, racing for her in the very moment, with a bag of supplies.

Worst of all, he couldn't show that he shared in Gilan's anxiousness about Y/N.

At the sound of footsteps, Y/N hoped it was Gilan escaping dinner early to come see her. When Halt's face appeared from the shadows, she wasn't necessarily disappointed, she had just been hoping for someone else.

"Get Napper," Was the first thing he said to her. "It's time to go."

"What?" She scoffed, jumping up from the small fire she sat close to. Though, she did as told, readying her mule. "What's going on?"

Halt hurriedly strapped the supplies to Napper, making sure it was secure by tugging a couple more times than necessary.

"It's time to play the part we've trained you for, unfortunately." Halt helped her up into the saddle. "Get this message to Duncan as soon as you can."

"What's going on?" Y/N plead, taking the letter Halt handed to her carefully. "Are you coming with me?"

"I have to stay. We have to make sure no one else knows what is happening." Halt uneasily scanned his surroundings. "There's a war coming. Word just arrived from a scout in the mountains that Morgarath is gathering forces. It could be weeks or it could be years, but we need to start preparing all of the fiefs. But we can't send the people into a panic. Disarray will give Morgarath an opening. "

"I understand." Y/N nod. She was thankful, if nothing else, that the message was going to Duncan. As they had come to find, he too could remember Y/N.

"I would go in your place if I could," Halt put a hand on her lower leg reassuringly. "But this job falls to you, I'm afraid."

"It's why I'm here." She said. "Just...don't let Gilan think I ran away, please."

"I won't." Halt agreed, sadly. He didn't want to send her away.

The girls head lowered and she stared at her hands. "Will I miss Gilan's graduation?" She asked.

Halt's expression didn't comfort her in anyway. "As fast as you are, I'm afraid so. I assume Duncan will send you to deliver messages to Ranger's in the farther fiefs before you can return."

"Well, do get him some flowers for me, will you? Maybe put them in Blaze's hair like some circus pony." She tried to laugh but it didn't really come out. Gilan's graduation at the Gathering was going to be her once chance to get to spend some time in a large group with all of the Rangers. For once, she'd be in a place where more than a couple people at a time remembered her. Even though her presence was supposed to be secret, she was getting to know enough of the Rangers now that Crowley said Gilan's graduation would be a risk he was willing to take. In a way, it was terrifying. In another it was all she could possibly ask for. Even if to to experience it just once. "Make sure he knows I—"

"Y/N," Halt cut the girl off and lowered his hands to Nappers reins. "I'll make sure he doesn't think you ran away. I'll make sure that he knows you wish you could be there with him. You have to trust me."

Sighing and trying to straighten herself up, she knew she had to trust Halt. "Okay. I'll uhm—I'll see you soon."

Halt had a hard time letting go of Napper. The very second he did that, he was sending her out there all alone. And while he had full faith in her, the outside world was still the outside world. There were bad people and bad things could happen. He felt powerless sending her out into an every changing world that grew darker by the minute. "I am counting on that."

Just as Y/N was about to turn her back on Halt for good, she stopped.

"Hey, Halt?" She called back.

"Yes?"

"What will you tell Gilan?"

Halt chewed the inside of his cheek. He knew that the moment he saw Gilan's pleading eyes and heard his cries he'd have a hard time withholding the truth. But it was best that even Gilan be left in the dark for now. At the moment, this burden of knowing a war was coming was for Duncan, Halt, and Crowley alone. And now, Y/N.

"I'll tell him I had to send the bravest person I know on a mission, strictly on Ranger business."

Y/N nod. Gilan would have to respect Halt's words. Rangers were secretive folk, even sometimes amongst themselves when dealing with delicate information. Gilan would have to accept that Y/N had an important job and that not even Halt could divulge the full details of it.

With that certainty, Y/N finally forced herself to set her eyes ahead of her and not turn back. Every hoofbeat sent a wave of pain through her body, Gilan being torn further and further away from her.

It had felt today like she had found a some sense of security with Gilan. He'd given her his full truth and reciprocating would be easy enough. Admitting her feelings would be easy knowing he already felt the same.

But she'd never gotten the chance to fully return them. They'd separated for the evening under the assumption that they would be able to talk later. But later was never going to happen. At least not in the near foreseeable future where she saw him waiting for her.

And it broke her heart. The farther away she rode from Redmont, the more the loss weighed on her. She realized now how slim the chances really had been that she got to meet someone like Gilan. And that someone like Gilan had actually come to like her, someone forgettable.

There had never been much in her life that she wished and hoped for because she was denied it by default. But this she wanted. And for the first time in her life, she felt she was grieving something that she always knew had been important, but now felt like her world had been stripped of all light.

There was only one thing she could do to try and lessen the weight on her heart. Knowing Halt would have already run back to Redmont, Y/N wheeled Napper around and raced back for the other horses.

Once there, she quickly scribbled out a note on a piece of paper and shoved it into Gilan's saddle bag, leaving the edge peeking out ever so slightly. This was her only chance to make things right and to try and preserve what she had.

Wishing she had more time, she wrote what first came to mind.

'I'm not sure how long I'll be away for this time. Please don't put your life on hold. But I want to thank you for saying what you did. And I want you to know I love you. You're my best friend and more than I could have ever asked for. But I was afraid of saying anything. I'm sure you understand why.

Enjoy your graduation. You deserve it all. I promise I will come back when I can.'

The girl wanted to scream out in agony and frustration. But she'd done all she could. So she tucked the letter into the saddle bag and hopped onto Napper with tears in her eyes, riding away.