Gilan had long since tired of forcing smiles and faking laughter. He had given up on trying to befriend any new person he didn't recognize and even abandoned helping those cleaning up. Now, he sat on a bench in the empty hallway which led into the hall where the dinner had been held, his head rest against the wall behind him in defeat.

Halt had most definitely left and gone somewhere, as Gilan had been unable to find him anywhere. He'd also been gone an awful lot longer than Gilan had hoped. Something was going on, as he suspected, and Halt's long disappearance proved it.

When the large doors at the end of the hall creaked and someone came striding through, Gilan didn't even move his head. He knew who it was just by the footsteps. He could tell Halt was on edge and there was a hesitation when he saw Gilan sitting there, slouched over.

The boy waited for Halt to approach him. There was a deep ache in his chest now, one that smothered him with a feeling of total apathy. It was difficult to even make himself speak.

"Where is she, Halt?" He asked.

The ranger a few feet away from him sighed heavily.

"I'm sorry, Gilan," Halt started quietly. "I've sent her to do something very important. I wouldn't have—"

"Oh?" Gilan scoffed. "You wouldn't have sent her if you didn't have to, right?"

Halt winced. He knew Gilan was hurting. The boy was a kind soul, and his words and actions often matched that. But now the pain was overriding his normal demeanour, and Halt didn't blame him one bit.

"So why did you? Could it not have waited? Waited until tomorrow?" Gilan straightened up and his eyes were narrowed on Halt now. "Could it not have waited a few goddamn hours?"

"No, it couldn't." Halt had to be honest.

"I had a chance—" Gilan's voice broke and his eyes watered.

"Gilan," Halt knelt down, resting his arm on his knee as he stared at Gilan breaking down before him. "There is nothing you could tell her now that she doesn't already know."

Gilan pursed his lips and furrowed his brows in anger. "But I still wanted to tell her. And I wanted to be there to hear what she said. You took that from me. From—"

Halt knew Gilan was being blinded by his emotions, firing shots into the dark. He figured it was better to stop the boy from saying something that would only fuel his hurt even more. So, Halt reached out and held Gilan in his arms. At first, his apprentice stiffened uncomfortably. Then he realized that his anger was being misguided, that it wasn't Halt's fault, and he sank under his mentors arms.

"I'm sorry, Halt." Gilan whispered.

Halt shook his head. "Not as sorry as I am. The time will come, Gilan. I wish it was now, that this wasn't happening, but i'm afraid those things are out of my control."

Crowley, from down the hall, met eyes with Halt as he comforted his apprentice. Though Gilan may have been cut the deepest, sending Y/N away now had hurt all of them. None of them wanted it. But it was just the way of the world.

Their ride back to Halt's cottage was eerily silent. Gilan stared at the stars as they rode through the woods, hoping and praying that Y/N was safe. Crowley, after a gentle goodbye, rode off after reaching Halt's cottage, seeing it best he probably didn't stay until morning. Y/N would be far ahead of him now and he would never catch up, but figured he should be on his way back sooner than later, too.

Stabling Blaze for the night was a slow and agonizing process. Gilan's entire body felt heavy and every movement took twice as much energy as it normally did. In a way, he felt at any moment that he might just collapse to the ground and stay there forever.

As he unsaddled Blaze, something unfamiliar caught his eye. Just peeking out from the saddle bag was a piece of parchment, one he most definitely did not put there himself. His heart lurched a little and he felt sick. Everything inside of him wanted it to be something from Y/N. He couldn't care less if it was good or bad. He just wanted it to be from her.

With shaky hands, he unravelled the paper ever so slightly to find writing on the inside. Writing he knew perfectly well to be Y/N's. Taking a deep breath, he held the paper close to his chest. He didn't want to read it just yet. He knew he needed to finish his chores first. But the fact that she had left something for him meant everything and more.

Gilan reached to Blaze for comfort one last time before he left the stables and headed for the cottage. The paper in his pocket was burning up, pleading him to be read.

Halt was inside and offered him a cup of coffee, despite it being late in the night. Gilan softly declined it and closed himself in his room.

Even though Y/N had been gone back with Crowley for a while now, Gilan had never moved her bed. He left it where it was, ready for anytime she and Crowley visited, despite being few and far between. He also liked the idea of leaving it, kind of like a sign that this was her home. Somewhere where he was always welcome, where she had a place that people loved her. It wasn't in his heart to pack it up as if she was gone.

Gilan stole one of the blankets from her bedding and added it to his own as the chill from the night gnawed at him. He only had candlelight to read by, but it was enough.

He could tell she'd written the letter in a rush. Almost as if she'd turned back after having already left just to make sure he had something from her. And he was glad for it.

What she wrote didn't alleviate the heaviness on his heart, which had been caused by her being sent away the very time he wanted most to spend time with her. But what she wrote did give him a sense of security and hope. She told him she loved him. She promised she'd be back.

She had told him to not put his life on hold, but the fact that she wrote that she did love him countered that entirely for Gilan. He would wait his entire life before he settled for anyone else.

Gilan finally settled down ever so slightly. He was still upset. But he held that letter close to himself, forcing himself to just trust that things would all work out one day.