Chapter 12

"I'm...so...sorry," I kept repeating through tears.

I knew words meant nothing when you broke your promise and failed those around you whom you cared for the most, but that was the only thing I could think of saying. Maybe if I could have remembered the rest of my past, I could have tried to justify my actions, but as it was, all I had was guilt and an empty apology.

"Shh, it's okay, calm down," Andromalius kept repeating, gently stroking my hair. "You have nothing to apologize for. I would have rather suffered a thousand wounds than let anything happen to you."

That was when I realized he thought I was breaking apart because of the injuries he sustained. He couldn't see that I finally realized that the physical pain was nothing compared to what I did to him, how I betrayed him. The one person he trusted the most.

I lifted my head to look him in the eyes, annoyingly blushing while thinking how ridiculous I looked, all swollen up and red-eyed with a running nose and unstoppable tears. Yet he seemed so calm, unperturbed, sure of his words. It made me wonder if I was ever ready to get hurt for him.

If I was, how could I have chosen to leave him behind?

"I am not talking about that," I whispered, trying to stop my sniveling by breathing deeply between my sentences. "I am talking about the past."

"Do you remember everything now?" he exclaimed, leaping a little and jostling his wound. "Ouch."

"Are you okay?" I asked, panicking.

"I'm fine, don't worry," he said soothingly. "Being half-angel and half-demon has its perks. One of them is being able to heal quickly."

"Still, you have to stop moving or Grandma will have to stitch you up again," I said, getting into a sitting position so I could stop him if he tried to move recklessly again. "To answer your question, I don't remember everything. It's just one part of the memory, like one scene from the middle of a movie or something. I couldn't fully understand everything being said, but I finally know how I felt about you."

His eyes lit up in joy, which pained me more than I would have thought possible. How could he be happy that I remembered when I was the person who broke a promise to him?

"Felt?" he asked, joy and worry clashing in an ultimate battle led in his eyes.

"I am sorry that I didn't keep my promise to you," I said, ignoring the question I didn't know the answer to.

Did I still love him?

I didn't know if the warm feeling stirring in my chest, was love.

"What exactly did you remember?" he asked, confused by my words.

"I remembered us sitting under the cherry trees talking about this and that. That was when I told you I would never leave you. Forgetting all about you is the same as leaving, maybe even worse," I said, trying to hold back from another crying fit because that was the last thing either of us needed.

Instead of getting angry or criticizing me for what happened, Andromalius took a long, contemplative look at my expression.

He seemed to have concluded that I was enough of a mess for him to be able to hold me without me freaking out. Because the next thing I knew, he held me close, gently stroking my hair.

"Angela, I never believed even for a second that you abandoned me," Andromalius whispered, his breath tickling my ear, making it impossible to concentrate on his words. "When all the demons kept telling me that I was abandoned because I was worthless, that you had used me, I never believed them."

Hearing how he had been bullied made me cry even louder. However, his presence was also comforting because it meant that, from now on, I could protect him from all those evil tongues.

"The more I thought about it, the more I believed that you had your own reasons for doing so," Andromalius said with unwavering faith in my good nature. "That was when it occurred to me that someone might have used your loving nature, your feelings towards me to manipulate you."

"What?" I asked, breaking the hug to look him in the eyes.

The expression on his face told me he was pretty sure in his theory and that he was furious towards whomever he suspected of doing so. It seemed to me he blamed that potentially imaginary person instead of accepting that it could have been just me, that I wasn't brave enough or loyal enough to stay by his side.

Right now, I was ready to do anything for him but was that the case in the past as well?

"There were many different factors involved in your decision to erase your memories as far as I could figure out," Andromalius said, thinking carefully. "However, you made the decision so suddenly. You were so determined to do it that it made no sense. We always talked through everything. The only reason you could have had for doing this was if you thought you were protecting me."

"I am not sure I follow," I said, wiping away my tears, absorbed in his theory as it felt like something out of spy movies.

"The way you think about demons is like they are monsters who physically hurt others," Andromalius said knitting his brow. "However, that's only a small part of it. A good demon breaks a human's spirit and makes them believe things that are not true. In a way, they corrupt the person's faith in themselves and the world around them. The best way to destroy hope is if you let it be devoured by doubt."

"Why would anyone go through so much trouble just to make me forget everything?" I asked, doubt making me unable to see what he saw.

It felt like he was rationalizing things, trying to come up with wild theories to avoid the truth of my betrayal. If that was the case, I needed to help him see things clearly, even if it meant that he no longer wanted to see me standing by his side.

"Actually, there were more reasons for them to do that to you than anyone else. You are the threat of change that both sides fear," Andromalius said, looking at me with such unguarded affection that it made me feel uncomfortable, like I was invading his privacy. "When you forgot everything, you stopped using your angelic powers and fell off everyone's radar. You became just another human, more or less, no longer a threat to either of the sides once unaware of your true nature or greater purpose."

"You know she never did believe that," I said, remembering the thoughts that had run through my head in the memory. "I mean, I never believed that. I always thought you and those like you who refused to blindly follow the majority and be what everyone else told them to be, were the special ones."

"I know, but you never could understand that you were the one who inspired us to be more than we were ever meant to be," he said.

I lowered my head in embarrassment, unsure what to say to that.

He gently lifted my head, but facing his blazing-hot eyes, I couldn't help but close my eyes, trying to escape from the vortex of emotions that threatened to swallow me up.

"You know, it just occurred to me that you didn't answer my question," he said, sounding much closer than he should have been, much closer than it was safe for us. "How you FELT about me? What about now? Do my eyes scare you now? Is that why you are closing your eyes?"

Hearing those words laced with pain made me snap my eyes open, only then noticing how red his eyes had become. He was clearly overwhelmed with emotions. They seemed to be all related to me, the love, the pain, the hope, and the fear.

"No, of course not!" I exclaimed much louder than necessary. "You aren't that scary, and neither are your eyes."

"Oh really?" he said, a mischievous smile on his face. "How about now?"

When I looked at him again, his horns had popped out. And the eyes were far more intense than I saw in the dream. He must be more emotional or at least feeling more different emotions.

"I forgot how attractive you are," I blurted out quickly, closing my eyes.

There was no other way to escape my embarrassment.

"You are so confusing like this," he said, stroking my cheek. "I've never seen you blushing so fiercely before."

"You try loving a guy you don't actually remember and then blurt-out nonsense in front of him and see how that goes for you!" I said, annoyed.

"You can't say something like that and not expect this stranger to kiss you senseless," he said, his voice strained. "Can I?"

It was crazy.

Stupid.

Insane.

I nodded my head in agreement.

Then his lips were on mine gently, exploringly. So utterly patient and caring.

My response was something neither of us could have anticipated. It was passionate, it was wild, so unlike me. Yet, it felt great to deepen the kiss, to savor the moment.

To finally find what I had been missing for so long.

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