If you saw the last chapter, you would know my dream... It's bothering me... Yesterday, when I had it, it was my birthday... I went to a restaurant and I looked outside and got anxious... All it was, was a road, cars and windy trees...
Road: destroyed nature
Cars: pollution
Windy trees: my big anxiety on the weather and climate change...

Ok recently my brain is all over the place with emotions, I tend to think that I overthink in a part of my brain that I can't 'hear' like what makes you read or think to yourself.
I hate myself at times because of my anxiety... I feel like a friend yandere at times and I find myself smiling or trying to smile at random times...
I could talk and stand up in the social group and no one would really notice if something was wrong, but if I sit down and not talk, my friend, Titan, asks "what's the matter" with a sigh at the beginning.... She always sounds annoyed or bored or even fed up...
I don't know what my brain thinks...

It's already my birthday... These past few years have gone so fast and I've done nothing.. Absolutely nothing... Time seems to be going so fast for the worst... I look around at children, some adults, animals... And become jealous they don't feel like this...
Children don't care about problems most of the time, just the now.. I'm here anxious for seemingly over nothing... Adults try to live their life and animals usually don't understand as far as we know...

I always think of, what if I wasn't here? What if a few of us never existed? The world wouldn't change too much... It's a few lives of billions... Anyway more people are born then die. So one life doesn't matter because many children are born that same minute...
This world is crowded... I want to go back to a time when these thoughts weren't a big problem...

I always wonder what being dead feels like and I always get anxious... Is it like a sleep? A slow way to watch the world fade? Do you actually have a flash of memory before your eyes? Has anyone actually predicted what death is like and don't know it for sure?
If I die, I want it to be in my sleep, quick, painless and unexpected....
I don't wanna watch everything fade... I'm asleep doesn't matter....