"We're leaving in a week," I said, watching Sunngifu carefully. "All I know is that the group is separating. Legolas is going to Mirkwood and taking me with him. I don't know where the others are going." Although I'm sure I know where. Gondor, the white city.

"We have work to do then." Sunngifu shifted on the couch, her outstretched feet propped up on a pillow. Pregnancy made her feet swell, she claimed elevating them helped.

"What work...?" I asked apprehensively. Despite only knowing her an extremely short while, I liked her. She had a strong will that could knock anything or anyone down. It terrified me.

Her hand fished out her knife, which she always kept sheathed at her waist. She handed it out to me. Naturally, I cringed. And tugged at my sleeves.

Sighing, she stuck the blade in the table, groaning at the strain as she did so.

I close the book I had been reading, deciding to it finish later before sleep. The musty library around us wasn't as big as Mirkwood's, but to my standards (a measly bookshelf) it was still giant. At the center of the book world sat a couple chairs and a couch, encircling a small table. Obviously, Sunngifu had taken the couch for herself, sprawling her pregnant body out. It was a wonder the old fortress had a library at all, although most of the books were on warfare and food conservation.

"Those scars that you always hide, who caused them?"

I started at the question, an unwelcome panic starting to rise. I pushed it down, all the while tugging at my sleeves once more. "Saruman."

She nodded, not seeming to be surprised. "When I was a child, I got bit by a rabid dog. The wound was so severe I almost lost my foot." She pulled up the pant leg on her left leg, revealing a grotesque collection of white scars.

"For the longest time afterward, I was terrified of all dogs. But..." She gulped, and I could hear the sudden strain in her voice. "There was a man, his name Sormer, who cared for those around him. He saw my fear of dogs and brought me to his home. He had a beast of his own, his name Dane. I was terrified and demanded to leave. He let me, but he was persistent. There wasn't a time when he didn't have Dane."

Sunngifu played with the sparkling ring on her finger. "He taught me not to be afraid of an object or animal, but to be afraid of the thing and motive behind it."

"An object or person is not dangerous, it is the intent behind it that is. The dog who bit me was rabid and was not properly cared for, but Dane was raised to be kind."

She motioned to the shining knife on the table. "That blade has many purposes, but it's the person behind it that you should worry about. If you're wielding the blade, it will only do your will."

I leaned forward, outstretching my arm to the knife as I saw the truth in her words. I hesitated.

She's right, I know she is. But every time I saw a knife, Saruman's humming tortured my ears. Every time the blade glinted in the light, my scars itched. I can't do it.

I withdrew, trying not to cringe as Sunngifu sighed. I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

Pulling my knees up to my chest, I did the only thing that would distract her. Even if it was unfair. "Is the man with the dog the father of your baby?"

She nodded, teeth clenched.

"His name is Sormer?"

A terse nod again

"He was a soldier," she whispered. Was.

We sat in sorrowed silence. I was tempted to leave my guilt behind to go search for a book about the strange mirror in my boot. But I couldn't help but to stay.

Her voice stayed low, her body unresponsive except for fat drops that began to drip from her chin. "He didn't know about the baby... He would've been so excited."

She sniffed and wiped at her eyes, almost angrily as she stood up. "You said you had tea?"

I started at the change in topic. What tea? Oh. Yeah.

Standing, I grabbed Legolas's bow and quiver and threw it over my shoulder. Before coming to the library, I had been on guard duty with some of Eomer's men and some of the other women. Covertly, I wiped away the dirt in the table from my boots.

Her lithe hand snatched up the knife, throwing it up in the air and catching it. She did it again. And again. Until it became a steady beat. I walked on her other side as I lead her to my bedchamber, where the tea herbs waited.

"You speak elvish?"

I almost stopped walking at the randomness of the question. "Um, yes."

She nodded, almost as if confirming something to herself. "Then you wouldn't mind if you translated something for me?"

"Is it Sindarin or Quenya?" I asked, following her hand that trailed on the cold walls of the hallways.

I turned to her when she didn't answer. "You didn't know there was more than one type of elvish, did you?"

She hesitated, considering passing off her ignorance, but nodded.

I got the feeling I wouldn't have been able to say no, so I nodded yes. "What would I—"

"Lord Legolas," Sunngifu bowed her head in greeting. I started, looking up at the elf.

He eyed me curiously, making me want to squirm under his gaze. "Legolas," I greeted. "Why are you here?"

"I was—Is that my bow?" His delicate eyebrow quirked almost annoyingly, eyeing the weapon that peaked up from behind my shoulder.

"Uh—uh—" I blushed a deep red.

"I think that translates to 'yes,'" Sunngifu quipped. Judging by the smugness on her face, I could tell she was quite satisfied with herself.

"I was—I needed it for—Leofwyn invited me to join guard duty so, um, yeah."

The soft smile on his face made me more even more flustered. Then he held out his hand. "May I have my bow back?"

I bit my tongue, holding back a wide smile as I slipped the beautiful bow into my hands. Possibly feeling the curved weapon, the engraved swirls and script, and the smooth mallorn wood for the last time.

I gripped the bow tighter.

"No... You can have it back... later."

Bewildered, Legolas dropped his hand. "This fortress is filled with thousands of weapons, I'm sure there is a bow somewhere you can put to use."

I pressed the bow to my chest, practically hugging it. "But I like this one." Plus, princeling, it's yours. So, I want it.

"And I like it too." He sighed, a small, almost forced smile showing. "Very well, but I'd like it back when we leave in a weeks' time."

I narrowed my eyes, in a joking manner of course, "we'll see."

"I'd..." He glanced over at Sunngifu, then back at me. "Na lû e-govaned 'wîn."

Legolas walked around us, continuing the way he had originally set. His shoulders drooped and his eyes seemed unusually dim. He was acting more strongly towards my reaction to his 'show of heart' than I thought. I wanted to comfort him, but I didn't want to get closer to him than I already am. I don't want to bring more pain to him when I die.

I set my feet into motion, head down in thought.

It wasn't until we reached the safety of my closed bedchamber did Sunngifu speak.

"The barrier between you and the elf, don't let it continue."

I spun, sputtering. "W-what?"

Sunngifu sighed audibly and lowered herself slowly onto the edge of the bed. "I believe you heard me."

I stared in astonished surprise at her knowing eyes, the home-made tea concoction forgotten. "But I—I can't. He'll fade when I die."

She shook her head, eyes narrowing. "Correct me if I'm wrong, but don't elves only love once?"

I said nothing, knowing full well where she was heading. Turning, I gather the herbs, not wanting to hear her words.

"Anyone with any sense can quite obviously see he cares deeply for you. So why do you reject his feelings? Am I wrong that you also care for him?"

Against my will, my ears warmed. I do not need relationship advice!

"No I—your aren't wrong." Valar save me now. "I don't let this—this thing happen because when I die he'll fade. I do not wish that pain on him."

"Why do you assume you'll die?" Her tone was simply curious, as if she was not asking a dumb question but the question of life itself.

I spun towards her, enraged. Terrified at what she was prying at. The armoire near me groaned back a foot at the sudden presence of my power. "Because I am a human! It does not matter if my parents were elves. I am mortal! Death will not evade me!" But what of those pointed ears I saw in that mirror?

She ignored the outburst. "Legolas will fade no matter what—if he truly does love you. You claim you are mortal—"

"Because I am!"

"—so you will die anyway. Why not let him fade later, rather than let him spend eighty years in pain, until you die of old age, only to fade when he would have if you two were happily together. For he will surely not let himself fade while you still live. Why not let him be happy with you until old age claims you?"

"Well—I—!"

"It is not fair for you to do this to him and to yourself. You may think you are being selfless by doing this; keeping yourself from a happiness you need in a world of pain so Legolas will not be hurt. But you're being selfish."

"Stop lying to yourself. You want him. He wants you. He will feel pain no matter what, the only thing is; will you let him feel pain longer?"

"I—" I had no words.

"But what if I die soon," I nearly whispered, the idea of war shivering my spine. "What if I die in only a few months?"

"Why would you—?" She shook away her confusion, an almost hidden sorrow in her eyes alongside understanding. "Then let both you and he be happy until then. And stop worrying about death, it will only lead you to it."

"But what if—"

"Stop with the 'what if's,' they might be good for battle strategy, but they aren't good in the terms of love."

"I—" I closed my mouth, letting myself descend into stunned, yet thoughtful silence.

Could her words hold any truth? They all held sound reasoning, but I couldn't—I wouldn't—

She's right. Why let him live in pain until after I die? Why let myself be unhappy? Varda knows I could use some happiness. But did I deserve it?

Maybe I didn't, but Legolas had long ago earned the right to be happy.

My hands found the tin of herbs and held them out as a gift. "Thank you, Gifu."

She took them swiftly, inhaling the scent of them. She smiled. "Don't mention it, Nelly."

I cocked my head, "Nelly?"

She nodded, heading for the door. Opening it.

"A derivative of Lumornelly." She closed the door and left.

*********

" 'Humans don't make sense.'
'If you're only now learning that,' Kaladin said, 'then you haven't been paying attention.' "

—Brandon Sanderson, Words of Radiance

Na lû e-govaned 'wîn -- Until next we meet

I love Sunngifu.

I've found another great series. Also by Brandon Sanderson. Mistborn.

*inhales deeply* only two more weeks until the chapter I've been waiting for you all to read is revealed!!

Many blessings,

~awatin~