Gimli finally left the darkened encampment to walk around the perimeter, freeing Legolas to sit up from his pretense of sleep and think in isolation. He never had time to himself anymore, either Aragorn or Gandalf kept him under their keen eyes or Lumornel was basking in the return of his sanity, failing to see how utterly broken he was underneath.

Legolas looked around at the sleeping members of the fellowship, double checking to see if any had awoken under the moonlight.

I don't have the strength to keep this façade going, Legolas thought. He took relief in finally being able to drop his head into his hands without anyone seeing his weakness.

His slender fingers twisted in his hair as his breathing quickened. He's slowly breaking apart from wounds he never saw coming.

The death of his mother.

His dead warriors and their curses against him.

His friend, so much like a brother, the crimson blood coating his terrified fingers.

His father's assassination.

The failure of holding the Ring and his sanity, all the while almost killing Estel.

Cracks and fissures too wide to stitch streaked through his mind, him desperately trying to pull the sides together by plastering on a smile.

But smiles can only hold for so long.

*********

I awoke in a cold sweat. Siting up and pushing the cloak off me, I ran my fingers through my hair, willing my heavy breathing to calm.

Soil broke to my will as I curled my nails into it. I tried to push the broken images out of my mind by looking up at the stars, but to no avail. Tonight the soft void made of satin cloth sown through with diamonds gave me no comfort.

When the elves by Cuivieńen had nightmares, did they look to Varda's creation in the dark sky for comfort? But of course, that's right, elves don't really have sleep. Not in the same way humans do.

I felt Legolas settle beside me, startling me out of my thoughts.

We sat in silence for a while, just watching how the breeze moved and danced along the tall grasses around us. The sound of their swaying was surprisingly comforting. Despite the fire running through my veins, I shivered. The Rohan winds were unrelenting. And we couldn't risk a fire because any enemy could spot us from a mile away and the Rohanian grass would be two easy to flame.

"Too many pernicious evils have tainted our minds." The winds howled, almost making Legolas's words float away.

I winced at the pounding in my head. "I'm scared that more will come along."

Legolas scooted closer so that our shoulders leaned on each other's. His soft touch allowed me to relax, as if I could pour my stress into him. Although I hated the thought of giving stress to someone. "Then nightmares will have to plague our minds a bit longer. Although I hope that is not the case."

Mutilated elves, Saruman's knife, fiery orange eyes flashed before me.

I let my head rest on his shoulder, but didn't dare let my eyes close. "Same here."

But I knew in my heart that many more horrifying events lay ahead of us. I just hope we survive it.

Suddenly, I felt sick to my stomach.

I don't want to die, I realized with vivid clarity.

It wasn't that I didn't realize the fear before, only that dying would mean failing. And failing to save innocents is the worst thing imaginable.

I bit my tongue as part of my dream came back to me in fragments.

An evil grin on a dark feminine warrior.

The exchanging of snarled words.

Dark familiar eyes bore into mine.

A flash of elven silver.

Agony flamed through my chest as I gaped in horror at the sword sticking through me.

More pain as my body fell.

Legolas screaming words above me, but I could not hear them.

Could not even feel his frantic hands pressing on my wound as death carried me away.

I gripped Legolas's hand hard and he held mine with just as much force. Death was too much a possibility for me. Yes, I'm a supposed 'savior' but that doesn't mean every savior lives to the end of their days. I'm just as likely to die as the average joe. Even more so, since I'm basically looking for battle.

Even more reason to stay away from Legolas. If I were to die, it might break him. I know that if he were to die I would be more than devastated. Just thinking about it made my heart clench.

Without a second thought, I pushed away from Legolas.

I could feel Aragorn's eyes following me as I inched closer to him. None of them trusted Legolas enough yet to let him take a watch. I knew they were warry about the ring (that he no longer had!) but there was something else that had happened while I was being... while I was suffering in Orthanc. I couldn't place my finger on what it could be, and no one had offered any ideas to what it could be. And I wasn't about to ask about it, anyone could see that the event was a sore spot.

"I'll take over the watch," I offered.

But he rubbed his hands together to muster warmth on this cool night and furrowed his brows. "What was that about?" He motioned with his head towards Legolas.

Of course, he couldn't hear what was being said. He isn't an elf, after all, not like the prince over there.

I shook my head. "Nothing." No need telling him that Legolas and I have nightmares. However, Aragorn already knew about mine—since, you know, I had waked everyone up screaming one time. I was grateful for the cover of night to hide the dark blush covering my face like a mask.

I nudged his shoulder. "Go on. You need sleep, mellon. Not everyone can be an elf."

Finally, he caved. "Aright, but you're not an elf either."

I waved off the words, "sleep is for the weak."

An arched brow greeted me. "Are you saying I'm weak?"

I shrugged, but released a grin.

He barked a laugh and shook his head, then continued more serious—but still held a grin. "When the moon reaches the two-thirds mark, wake someone for the watch."

Nodding, I settled back and pulled out my dagger, putting it to work to clean the dirt from under my nails.

But the sky slowly turned to dawn—and I woke no one.

*********

Riding horses was a pain. Especially, when I could no longer sleep at my leisure. Having been in Rohan, we had found enough horses for all of us. Which meant I could no longer relax. But the horse was kind enough. It was not its fault that I had to stay concentrated on the path ahead.

If Mithrandir's words were to be believed, then we would reach Helm's Deep by nightfall.

A loud rumbling broke the silence.

I groaned and looked over my shoulder to Legolas, "you wouldn't happen to have any crumbs in that sack of yours, would you?"

"No, huril vuin, I'm afraid not." He smiled, knowing I just wanted a topic to keep my mind occupied. He was not the one who carried the food, that job went to Aragorn and myself. But midafternoon yesterday we had run out of sustenance. I hope that Helm's Deep is stocked full of mouthwatering tastyness.

"That reminds me..." He reached behind him for his sack and rummaged around in it. There couldn't be much in it though, since he didn't need much.

"Too many hair brushes and product in your way?" I joked.

He looked up and scowled. Waving a brownish black rectangle in the air he said, "so I'm guessing you don't want this?"

Without thinking, I lunged for the object, nearly falling off my horse in the process.

"How do you have this?!" I questioned as soon as I held the diary in my calloused hands. I thought I had lost it forever at Amon Hen, right before I was captured.

"I picked it up after... after you were taken."

Letting my fingers run over the ridged papers, I turned each over. All the words were there, each ink smudge and tears were there.

"Th-thank you." I couldn't put it into words on how I was feeling. I guess that's why I normally write it in this journal.

"Ta nae amin saesa," he nodded.

Looking to Gimli and then back to Legolas, I switched over to Sindarin. "What do you expect to find in Helm's Deep?"

I tucked the diary away in my pack. I wouldn't forget this, maybe one day I could repay him.

He looked ahead, some memory playing itself over in his mind. "Death. Pain. Sorrow. That's all that ever comes out of battle."

I nodded solemnly.

We rode for many miles more with little chatter between us. Pressing my knees deeper into my horse's side, I urged him forward to ride beside Melnare.

"Why are you still here?" The question had been on my mind for some time.

She did not look at me when she answered, just kept her head forward. "If you want me gone, just say so."

I shook my head, "No! I did not mean it in that way!"

She was waiting for an explanation, I realized. "I-I only meant, why do you stay with us? This rag tag group of weary travelers, when you could be off on your own—or visiting loved ones."

When I didn't receive an answer, I began to ride away. Fine, if she didn't want to talk, then I didn't want to either.

"I stay, child, because I am afraid of the reaction I will receive If I return to those I love."

I paused, glad for her answer. "Well, if they are your loved ones, then surely they will be happy when they see you."

She shook her head, those brown waves shimmering. "I've done many horrid things in my long life. If they saw me, I'm afraid they would only welcome me with arrows and swords."

I knew so little of this elleth, only her name and appearance. What had she done in her past that warranted her this kind of 'praise' from the ones she loved? Did it have something to do with her fire?

"Why do you think Saruman had me in his dark tower, child? He was once good, long ago. He was doing what was right. He did not imprison me out of spite."

My grip tightened on the reins, I felt through the energy in the air rather than saw my companions lay a hand on their weapons.

"Why would he cage you?" I asked slowly, pushing the words out carefully.

The air was dead silent.

"To keep a monster away from the world."

"But surely you're not a mons—"

The energy around me went alive with static. So much so that I felt my nose bleed. The air started to change color, little bits of brilliant red and dirty brown skirted across my vision. Sound left me in a rush that was so deafening I thought I would no longer hear again.

And then—a new world greeted me. Or rather an older version of this world did.

Houses were aflame. Birds screeched in the black night air. And a woman clothed in fire stood in its midst.

Melnare.

Her eyes didn't hold their timeless depth, only anger and a pain so great it hurt to look at. The cloak she gave me in Saruman's cell lay on her shoulders, her malevolent flames not turning the blue cloth to ash.

Embers drifted away from her and the grass she stood on was blackened with death. The air around her young self wavered with heat.

"Face me, you servant of Morgoth, for I am Arahael! Answer for the crimes you have done against me!" Her voice thundered towards the sea. Livid fury coated and contorted her face. The sight of so much emotion on her usually-stoic face shocked me to no end.

"Galadhon and Galathil's death will not have been in vain!"

She looked around, as if waiting for someone to pop out in front of her.

"You will pay for taking my children's father away from them! You will answer for taking him away from me!!" She choked on a sob. Steam wafted away from where tears evaporated into the air.

"Fight me you coward! Fight me like how you fought and killed my people!"

The scenery around her warped and changed into day light and horses, until it was just her, standing and quivering like the flame of a candle.

But then she too, went away.

And my vision and senses were mine again. Arms were around me, as was the swaying of a horse underneath me.

I groaned, "I must stop waking up like this."

"Lumornel!" Legolas shouted in joy. I winced and protected my ears with my hands.

"Stop shouting," I moaned.

And then my eyes found Melnare. Had she really been the elleth I saw in the vision? They seemed too different. The one in riding in front of me was like cold stone and the one I saw was like—well—a dancing flame.

"What ha—"

I interrupted Legolas to get to more urgent matters. "Melnare, why didn't you tell me your real name?" I swiped at the blood beneath my nose.

Melnare froze—then twisted around in her saddle. "I have not lied to you. My name is Melnare."

"But it is not your birth name. Is it Arahael?"

Suddenly Gandalf reined in his horse and spun around. His eyes shot daggers while he held out his staff.

"Is what she says true? Are you Sarae?" He stared Melnare—or was it Arahael—down.

Sarae? No. No! It couldn't be! I had read about Sarae in books before. She was a fiery vengeful elleth wanting to avenge her dead husband, child, and... people...

Oh.

No.

But Melnare wouldn't have burned whole towns and villages to kill the maia that harmed her people and family! Melnare was too... stoic.

"Yes. I was once Sarae. But I am also Arahael and Melnare. I've had much time to think in Saruman's cell, and I've decided to put my time as Sarae behind me."

"How do I know you won't change back to her?" the old wizard grumbled.

"I guess, Mithrandir, you'll have to trust me." A battle of wills happened then. They stared into each other, willing the other to back down.

"Who is Galadhon?" I ask.

Melnare/Arahael/Sarae flinched. Then hesitantly, she looked over to me.

"He was my equal, my light, my love. He was my everything." She looked away, towards her hands.

"But he was taken away from me." Her hands clenched.

Legolas inquired, "how have you not faded?"

She didn't answer right away. "I almost did."

"What happened?" I asked.

"I was heading to the Grey Havens to sail when I heard that my youngest child, Galathil, had died. I once had an amulet that protected me against an evil Maia named Luiton. He had destroyed my people long ago. But that is for another tale." She took in a deep breath.

"I only had one amulet, so I gave it to my eldest—Celeborn."

What? My father—?

"He was protected. But Galthil was not. When I heard of his death it—it filled me with rage. I tasked myself with the job of hunting down Luiton and making him pay for all the evils he had done to me, not caring that I was harming the innocents that got in my way. I didn't care that he was a Maia—I'd kill him somehow."

"And...?" Gimli prompted.

"And that is all there is to know, Dwarf. I was captured by Saruman and dealt with my demons. That is all."

"But-but Celeborn? Are you sure?" of course she was sure, it's her CHILD. "The Celeborn that married Galadriel?"

A small smile curved her lips. "Did he now? He fancied her, long ago." She shook her head, letting her hair hide the emotion on her face. "I should have been there for their wedding. Galadhon should have gave them his blessing."

"Celeborn—" I blurted. "—he's my father."

She shook off the hair covering her face. Her eyes widened. She spoke not a word.

"And—and he fathered Celebrian. But she is long gone now. She sailed for Valinor, leaving Elrond and her children behind."

Her lips parted. But still silence.

"And Galathil—I've heard he had a daughter, Nimloth. But I think—I think she died—"

"okay-I'll-stop-now," I rushed, taking in her expression.

Melnare shook her head, something shinning in her eyes. And then she turned her horse and continued the journey. After a moment of stunned silence, we continued on.

The grief of learning of Melnare's sad past made me silent. Not for the first time I thought, the world is too cruel.

Legolas and I only stopped once to let me get off his horse and onto mine. Although he made it clear he did not mind me riding with him. But I wanted the people of Helm's Deep to see me as independent and strong.

And when the sun started to set, I looked up.

There, not too far ahead, lay Helm's Deep.

"On the further bank we can rest, and the sound of the falling water may bring us sleep and forgetfulness of grief"
                     —Legolas, Fellowship of the Ring

Ta nae amin saesa --> it was my pleasure

Wise words from Danny (my friend in study hall): "The tongue is the strongest muscle and can be the most hurtful as well. So choose your words kindly since saltwater and fresh water cannot flow from the same well.(I got this from Dr.sue$$) jiggle wiggle piggle snickle pickle tickle
*insert picture of JIGGGGLLLLYYYYY PUUUUUFFFFF* 8^3"

If there's any random underlined/bold words then that's Danny's fault.

OH MY GONDOR BRANDON SANDERSON IS AN AMAZING WRITER/FANTASY BUILDER.

If you like short stories, please check out my bundle of tales in Tales of Then. Two of the stories are part of a book/fantasy world I will write at some part.

I'm forgetting something again...

Novaer, mellyn
~awatin~