Returning to the dormitories had been awkward, especially with Izzy constantly grinning and staring. Too self-conscious to apologize with his nosy audience present, Kanden joined his peers in the bare-bones communal area. This was the start of their two-day down-time, and though many had gone back to sleep after their brutal run, a few remained awake and had come out to socialize. Someone had found a rare game from Overland that somehow still had its contents — faded red and yellow chips and a vertical tray with holes — and a group gathered round the players.

Kanden sat in the corner on a crate, hugging his knees to his chest and leaning forward with a grin. Grown men sat there, cheering, laughing, and booing over a child's game, yet it was comforting to watch. Here, the main floor and those above ceased to exist, taking their woes with it as everyone enjoyed a simple moment of bliss.

The moment didn't last long.

"Are we really going to do this?" Giada demanded as she dragged a second crate to where Kanden sat. Hopping onto the surface, she nudged his thigh with the toe of her boot. "It's kind of annoying when you leave before I can say anything."

Valid, since Kanden ran from his shadow most days, but it didn't make his dilemma any less awkward. He shifted in his seat as he watched someone block a row of their yellow chips with their red piece and cheer. "Can't you accept I don't handle any sort of social interaction?" he mumbled through the raucous. "I'm awkward and clumsy, and I never meant to grab your breast."

"Woah, you touched her boob?" Griffin asked, bringing the room to a stunned silence as every head turned toward Kanden and Giada.

Could the ground just swallow Griffin into a shadowy pit of Hell? Or take Kanden. His embarrassment would be much shorter lived.

Kanden's foot slipped off the crate's edge, forcing him to catch himself before he face-planted. With so many people staring, he couldn't make his voice work or his body move to flee. He was literally trapped in a corner.

Giada rolled her eyes and stood, whirling around to face Griffin. "Do you ever stop talking?"

Ignoring her, Griffin sneered at Kanden. "You do realize she's a woman, right?"

A nervous chuckle sounded from the far corner of the room, followed by someone shushing him. Everyone else watched the exchange with rapt attention.

Kanden sighed. He'd never shake his bullies if he ran from every confrontation. Refusing to acknowledge Blaze and others like him throughout Kanden's life hadn't accomplished anything either. The only thing people like Griffin understood was assertiveness.

So, he shuffled to his feet, squared his shoulders, and raised his chin. "I do. And if you knew how to treat a woman, you might actually have one."

Several snorts mixed with 'oh's' and unveiled chuckles saturated the tense air. One guy bumped the makeshift table with the game, making the pieces rattle and clink as they came loose from the flimsy plastic. The only people not laughing were Kanden, Giada, and Griffin, who'd moved into the former's personal space. "You got somethin' to say, Calvorite?"

The dramatic pitch of his voice and his over-the-top attempt to intimidate tore an inappropriate giggle from Kanden's throat. "Seriously? Who talks like that? Obviously, I said what I needed. You're a dick, and you build yourself up by kicking everyone else down. But look around." Kanden indicated the room with both arms. "Not one person here is on your side. Even if you make it through training, you won't have anyone's respect until you drop your fragile ego down a notch."

Griffin's shoulders heaved, and his voice dropped. "Look who's talking. I might be a dick, but I know it. You're so insecure, making everyone around you feel sorry about how you're always the victim."

"I don't ask for shit to happen to me," Kanden snapped, "Do you think I enjoyed watching Sabre kill my mother? Or for everyone to call me out as a fag or whatever other vitriol you all spew at me? Maybe I'm just tired of taking everyone's crap."

It was the first time he'd acknowledged the incident in any capacity, and just saying the words hit him like a kick to the stomach. "Maybe I am insecure and weak, but I never asked to be here. Unlike you, I don't get to quit, and thought to myself, 'I'll give this a shot and try to make the best of it.' And it's hard, and I still hate it, but I'm here when all I really want is to stay in bed and properly grieve because I want her back, and nothing will ever make that happen."

He hadn't meant to say all that, and Kanden definitely didn't want the others to see him cry – again. Not to mention, he now had to worry about other people perceiving him as an attention seeker. Oh, and he still needed to apologize for grabbing Giada's breast.

Electric energy charged the air; no one moved or attempted to break the silence – a snarky comment or enraged outburst from Griffin would be welcome at this point. Everyone stared, the walls shrank, and the floor rocked while invisible glue rooted him in place.

Tingles pricked his hand, and he blinked, vaguely aware Giada had grabbed his hand. "Let's go," she urged in a soothing tone.

The contact broke the spell keeping him still, and Kanden allowed her to lead him away. Raising his hands with his palms facing outward, Griffin stepped back and allowed them to pass. If he said anything, Kanden didn't hear it over the blood pounding against his eardrums.

The hallway was no less stifling. The space was too narrow, squeezing him until he stopped to sway in place.

"Come on," Giada instructed in a far-away voice, "a little further, and you can sit." That's what he thought she'd said. Kanden couldn't be sure.

She pulled him into a vacant dormitory room and closed the door. Then she guided him to the bed and sat beside him, rubbing his back in slow circles. He hated and loved the touch – hated it because skin itched from the contact, but loved it because she was fast becoming the only friend he didn't share some kind of history with, and she genuinely seemed to care about his well-being.

All that said though, he didn't want her to witness him fall apart. Would she be like everyone else in his life and give him a wide berth or write him off like the lost cause he was?

"What can I do?" she asked.

He dug his fingernails in his palm, scraping the flesh raw.

"Talk to me."

About what?

"What are you thinking?"

Kanden stopped. "I don't know," he whispered.

Scooting closer until their thighs connected, she looped her arm through his elbow and leaned against him. "Then tell me how you feel."

Scared that you're touching me so intimately? Empty since Mother's death? Directionless? Embarrassed that I can't keep anything together? This could become a very long list.

"I..." So many emotions and thoughts at once. Where was he supposed to start? "I miss my mom," he finally said. "Today is my birthday, and..." Heaviness washed over him from head to toe, and he slumped. "I just want her back."

"That's valid. Anyone would be a mess after losing a loved one, especially one as special as a parent."

He swallowed and tried to navigate the maelstrom of thoughts attacking from every angle. "I'm not the only person who lost someone that day," he said slowly, reflecting on his earlier altercation. "Griffin was right about that; things happen, and I'm so self-absorbed that I can't focus on everyone else around me."

Giada scoffed. "He is so full of crap. Everyone copes differently. You shouldn't be forced to internalize everything just because it's normal. And so what if you're focused on yourself? If I had to think about the world twenty-four/seven, I'd lose my mind. Selfishness doesn't always have to be a negative quality, no matter what the world tries to say."

Kanden sighed, wishing he could agree. For now, her assurance would have to assuage the barrage of constant emotions.

Slowly, the room balanced itself as they sat on the uncomfortable bunk. Still attached to Giada's arm, Kanden decided to address the elephant in the room, lest she get the wrong idea. "G?"

"Hm?"

Now what? "Um, this is probably weird. Or it'll upset you. I don't know yet, but we need to talk–"

She sat upright and released his arm while crossing her legs on the bed. Amusement danced along her quivering lips, like she was one giggle away from hysterics. She raised her ginger eyebrows expectantly.

He stared into his lap, where he now rubbed his thumbs over his index fingers. "I mean, you know I didn't grab your, uh, breast on purpose, right? I don't want you to think any sort of way." What the fuck was that supposed to mean?

To his relief (or horror, he didn't know which way was up or down just then), Giada didn't laugh. Though when he dared to meet her eyes after a few seconds, her mouth curved slightly at the corners. "Are you worried I suddenly believe I converted you to the world of hetero-relationships?"

Kanden blinked, and she snorted before poking him in the ribs like she'd done that morning. Once again, she got him right between the bones where it hurt. "I'm not under any illusions, Calvorite. I was surprised when it happened, but I'm not about to sing euphoric lyrics in the main square."

Her comment was so bizarre, Kanden's sour mood dissipated as his laugh echoed, joined by hers. "That is the weirdest thing I've ever heard someone say. And don't call me Calvorite. You know I hate that."

"I hate when you assume everything," she retorted, sticking out her tongue. "Why would I even think you're anything but the awesome person you are? Can't we just be two platonic friends who happen to occasionally hold hands?"

Huh. Kanden couldn't argue with that. He chewed the corner of his lip, awed by her patience and humor. Few people would have put up with all his shit. "Can I ask you something then?"

"Okay..."

When her nose twitched, he tapped it, whipping away his hand when she sneezed. He wiped the back of his hand on his leg. "Oh, ew, really?"

Giada covered her face with both hands. "Sorry." Then, "I hope that wasn't your question."

He rolled his eyes, but couldn't hide the grin she always knew how to draw from him. "Shush. I just meant to ask what you were thinking when that happened with the whole–" he splayed his hands, not sure how to articulate his awkward train of thought.

She grabbed her breasts and squeezed, making him squirm before dropping her hands and laughing. "You're funny. And it's not what you think."

She didn't elaborate, which by itself said a lot. Giada never stopped talking. Kanden took this opportunity to needle her, curious as hell to know what she was keeping to herself as her cheeks threatened to match the shade of her flaming hair. "And what do I think?"

Her pale nose turned red while her head dipped to hide her face. "Oh, um... it's not important."

Could have fooled him, but Kanden decided to let it drop. Much as he wanted to know, Giada deserved to keep her secrets if she wasn't comfortable sharing.

Changing the subject, he said, "Thanks for being with me."

"You couldn't get rid of me if you wanted," she replied, curling into him again, this time with his arms ready to accept her 'platonic' gesture. Gods, he hoped it was friendly, or this really would turn into a disaster later. He lost his thought as quickly as it had entered his mind while she resumed her rambling. "Besides, it's not a real friendship if we don't see each other at our worst. That's the real test, after all. Anyone else isn't worth your time or energy."

Truer words had never been spoken. Secured by her reassurance, Kanden allowed himself to relax.

"Hey."

That was random. "Hi?"

"Happy birthday."

Her sincerity lightened his heart, and he held her closer, grateful for her proximity. "Thanks."

"Anytime."