New Years Eve 2002

"Darlin, what are you doing on the floor?" I hear Hunter's voice coming from somewhere...

I'm lying flat staring at the ceiling in his living room, like what's-his-name said to do.

"You're, hic, not, up' supposed to call me, hic-up, anymore, remember?" I manage to say. 

"Like I could forget. Now, come on, get up." I see his face now, for a moment, as he hovers over me. He grabs hold of my arms and pulls me up while the hiccups are still coming hard and fast.

"Hunter! I almost had 'em," I whine as I stumble into this dizzyingly standing position. He holds me steady. Another hiccup escapes me, and I scowl at him as if it's his fault.

"Dirty carpet is not the cure for hiccups," Hunter says. "Let's get you some water."

"It's lying flat! It regulates your breathing," What's-his- name says.

"I got this, Austin," Hunter says to him.

"Austin!" I yell out.

"What?" Austin asks.

"That's your name," I tell him excitedly.

"Thanks, apple girl," Austin says as he laughs.

"Ha! See, you forgot mine too!"

"Come on, Kinz, water," Hunter grumbles as he takes my hand. "When did you get here, and how the hell are you this drunk?"

"I dunno, a few hours, maybe?"

"What? Why didn't you come tell me you were here?"

We're in the kitchen now, and he's handing me a glass of water. As I sip it, I realize my hiccups are gone already, so maybe the flat-back trick did work.

"They said Erin was in your room," I say as I sloppily sip on the water. "Is she still here? Just cause... um, I just think she should go home."

"She went home a long time ago, Kinz."

"Oh." Huh? That's confusing. "Then why were you in your room?"

"Just thinkin' about stuff. Why are you here? Where is Olly?"

"Who's ready for some shots?" Austin calls, and I glance over to see him and a few others around the table with a bunch of tequila shots lined up.

"Hell yeah, I am ready!" I agree, but as I start to walk that way, Hunter grabs the back of my shirt and stops me.

"Nope."

"Lemme go, Hunter. My hiccups are gone!" I struggle as I try and fail to get out of Hunter's grasp.

"You are way too drunk to be taking any more shots." He is leading me down the hall now toward his room.

He pushes the door open, and I walk in and notice his TV is on and his bed is wrinkled, an open bottle of whiskey is sitting on the end table next to his bed.

"Why are you in here drinking alone?" I ask. "Did Erin do something?"

"No Kinz," he says with a sigh. "And you know it's not like that, we broke up last spring in what was probably the world's nicest breakup if such a thing exists."

"I know that, but you said it still hurt when she left," I protest.

"Sure, it did, but I'm fine now."

"Then why is she gone and you're drinking alone?"

"You're more stubborn than ever when you're drunk, you know that?" he groans. "She came over wanting to... hang out. I sent her away because I'm in no mood tonight."

"Why are you in a mood?"

"Because I am," he replies. "Now go sit down in my chair and get comfy. I have the New Year's Eve thing on TV you can watch that. Just stay here in here for now."

"No, don't go!" I call as he's turning to leave the room, and he turns back around with a pained look.

"I need to call Olly to come get you."

"Don't call him," I walk over to the end table and grab the whiskey bottle off it. 

"I have to call him and put that down."

"Nope," I quip as uncap it, but I barely even get it to my lips before he snatches it away.

"Hey!"

"You had enough," he sighs. "Why are you here instead of with Olly? Did you two fight?"

"Obviously," I scoff.

"I see I'm not the only one in a mood," Hunter says dryly. He brings the bottle to his lips and downs a big gulp.

"That's a double standard," I complain. "If you can drink, so can I."

"I'm not as drunk as you," he points out. "Was on my way to doing that, and then I heard someone yelling something about an apple girl. I had a feeling that was you."

"That's me, the apple girl!" I cheer out loud with a goofy grin. "Lemme have one more sip of that."

"No.'' But as he sets it down, I grab it, and he doesn't stop me instead he looks at me carefully.

"It's your anniversary, I thought y'all were getting a room or something."

"We were until the stupid mailman came."

"What does the mailman have to do with this?"

"They should wait New Year's is a holiday. Don't ruin people's holidays with good news that's not good news for everyone, you know what I mean?" My words all come out in one slurry, blurred rush.

"I hardly got a word of that," he says as he takes the bottle away from me again. "Look, whatever this is, y'all will work it out. I'm going to call Olly to come and get you."

"I said don't!"

"I know what you said, but if I don't call him, this gets much worse," Hunter says. "There isn't anyone here sober enough to bring you home, and you can't spend the night here. Olly would flip."

"Then he can flip out all the way to Boston," I say, and with that, all the suppressed anger and hurt comes bubbling back up.

Damn it, the shots made those go away, I thought!

"Oh," Hunter says slowly. "Olly got into Havard?"

The look on Olly's face as he read that letter and the terrible fight afterward all come back to me at once, and the tears come spilling down my face.

Hunter's arms are around me in a second, soothing me in a comforting hug, and I want so badly to savor it, but he pulls away fast. Hugging is one of the things we aren't supposed to do, there was this talk, last month and it was a whole thing...

I missed it though, being hugged by Hunter. I have to refrain from clinging to him as he lets go.

"Did he say he's going?" Hunter asks. He takes a safe step back ensuring there's distance between us.

"I dunno," my lip quivers. "He wants to."

"If anyone can make it work, it's you two," Hunter assures me. "I know it might not seem like it now, but it will be okay."

"I'm not sure if it will. This was a bad fight."

"About him going?"

"It started about that, and then it turned into so much more. He's not being fair about what I have to do, and I'm not the one leaving."

"What does that mean? Fair about what?" Hunter tenses. "Me, I assume?"

"I don't want to talk about it." I'm reaching for the whiskey again, and he grabs it before I can he set it back down on the end table and stands too close to it for me to even try and get it now.

"I need to call Olly so you two can talk this out."

"No, please. Hunter, it's not fair. You two will always side with each other first."

"You have no idea how wrong you are about that," Hunter says.

"You don't know how wrong you are," I can't think of what to say so I mimic what he said as I fold my arms around myself stubbornly.

"Oh really?" Hunter smirks slightly as he raises an eyebrow.

"Really," I double down on it.

"What am I wrong about?"

"I don't know, but you can't side with him on this," I say feebly.

"Side with him on what?"

"He doesn't want me to be your best friend anymore if he leaves," I blurt out, and Hunter's eyes widen.

"Excuse me? He couldn't have said that." Hunter frowns. "What exactly did he say, Kinz?"

"He pretty much did, because he thinks if I won't move closer to his dream school, then I can wait and only come on the weekends when he does," I explain the fight as best I can, with slurred words, finding myself growing angry again. "Or if I come home on a weekend he doesn't, he doesn't think I should hang out with you so much."

"What? No... you're serious? What'd you say?"

"I got all mad by then, and said it wasn't fair and then it was just fighting, and I don't even know" I squint as I try and remember what was said next. 

"He doesn't get to tell you what you can and cannot do!" Hunter looks mad now, and I don't know if that's good or bad, but he's on my side, at least.

"Thanks for being on my side," I whisper as I wipe some dampness from my eyes.

"I am always on your side," Hunter says as he takes a step closer. "Always. Even trying to call him, it's for you, okay?"

"Two years," I whimper. "Two years and he doesn't trust me."

"Listen...you had an emotional conversation give it a day and talk it out," Hunter says softly.

"I know, and I hope that helps but..." I trail off, it's been getting worse and not better every day with Olly, and this fight has me incredibly worried.

"Do you think it's wrong that I don't want to move to Boston?" I ask.

"No, that's his dream, not yours."

"But he says I'm not supportive," I say.

"That's bull, he can't expect you to move that far away from home, he knows you."

"I don't know maybe he has a point but... I just can't imagine being away from home," I say. "I want to come home every weekend and see you. I love him but you're my best friend and-"

"Stop," Hunter says as he clasps my hands. "Stop worrying, okay? I don't know what's going on in his head right now, but I am not letting him do this. We were understanding after the casino trip we followed all his damn rules. No more. No more rules. If he can't handle you living your life when he's gone, he shouldn't go."

"Yeah!" I agree, but he has to go, a person doesn't get into Harvard and not go.

"I'll tell him, Kinz. I'll talk to him." Hunter begins to pace as he talks to himself "I haven't ever done a damn thing to make him doubt me so what the hell, Ol?"

While Huter is mumbling and pacing I grab the bottle again and flop down on his bed with it. I get cozy with my back against the headboard as I sip from the bottle. I lose focus on whatever Hunter is muttering. 

Instead, my head goes back to the fight. So many fights lately and today of all days? Our anniversary?

"Kinz, I said no more of that!" Hunter notices too late and cringes as I lick whiskey off my lips. 

"Too late." I wipe my chin as he takes the bottle back from me.

He sighs as his concerned eyes wash over me; he sits down on the bed the very edge, so he's not close enough for our bodies to touch.

"No more, you're going to be hurting tomorrow," Hunter says. 

"I am right now."

He looks so pained at that I wish I hadn't said it. 

"I'm sorry, I wish I could fix this," Hunter whispers. "All I want is for you to be happy." 

"You are the sweetest guy I know but, you can't fix it," I say. "It's my relationship, I have to fix it. well Olly and I do."

"But I'm sorry Olly's been so jealous. That's all my fault, really," Hunter says with a sad smile.

"No, it's–"

"It is, for reasons I can't tell you, but I'm going to make it right," Hunter says, he speaks softly and soothingly.

"No..."  I say, it's mine for reasons I can't tell him.

"I know how much you love him, and he loves you, you'll work it out, Kinz," Hunter begins offering words of hope, but as I lie here, the room is starting to spin, and it becomes hard to focus on the words.

****

"What the hell!? I knew it, I knew this would happen."

Is that Olly? Where am I?

"Oh, come of it, you know nothing happened."

Hunter, we were talking. What happened? Did I fall asleep?

"She is in your goddamn bed!"

"She passed out. I was just about to call you. I was making sure she was alright first."

"Riiiiight...you let her get wasted enough to pass out, and you were just about to call me?"

"I didn't even know she was here until she was drunk. She was upset, blowing off steam. Sounds like she had a good reason though." 

"Stay the hell out of our relationship. I won't say it again." 

"I have done everything I can to do that–"

"She is in your bed!" Olly screams it this time his anger pulls the groggy blanket of confusion from me as I sit up rubbing my eyes. I gasp at the scene in Hunter's room. He and Olly are toe to toe in each other's faces, and Olly is bright red. I've never seen him this angry.

"Olly? Why are you here?" I ask.

He freezes as he turns from Hunter to me, and his dark brown eyes pierce into me like a dagger. The situation of me in Hunter's bedroom in his bed sleeping hits me all at once, and my heart nearly stops.

"Why am I here?" Olly questions.

"Olly... This isn't..."

"Why am I here?" he asks again as he steps closer. "You're seriously asking me that? Why are you here in Hunter's bed?"

"I didn't mean to... I had a lot of tequila," I say hastily as I scramble to stand up. "We were just talking..."

"I told you not to come here."

"You don't get to tell her what to do," Hunter says. "You wanted boundaries. We set boundaries. But now you're going too far."

"I'm going too far!?" Olly whirls around, and suddenly, he's in front of Hunter again. "You have my girlfriend in your bed, and I'm going too far?"

"I'm not talking about that," Hunter says.

"Well, I am!" Olly says. "This is all playing right into your hands, and you know it is."

"That's bullshit. All I've ever done is be supportive," Hunter says.

"Yeah, this screams just that," Olly says dryly.

"Olly... stop, I'm sorry," I step closer to Olly and put my hand on his shoulder. "Not that I am over here, but for being in here. We do follow the rules."

"Not rules, Kinsey boundaries," Olly corrects me. "One of them is not hanging out in his room with him, and here we are!"

"I was upset, and you know why."

"It's not an excuse," Olly snaps pushing my hand off him. 

"You don't trust me," I shoot at him. "After all this time, that's messed up."

"You just showed me I can't."

"Come on, Olly. You know nothing happened. You know that. She was drunk, and I wanted her somewhere safe and away from the tequila bottle. To wait for you to get here."

"Yet I never got a call from you," Olly comments.

"Who called you?" I ask.

"That's not what matters. What matters is we fought, and you ran over here to cry in Hunter's bed! I have every right to be pissed."

"You do... " I nod. "I am sorry... but it was like Hunter said, he was going to call you."

"He's drunk too," Olly says. "So, how do I know anything?"

"Don't you dare," Hunter warns.

"Why should I trust you?" Olly asks. "When I know how you feel about me and her."

"Because I gave you every fucking thing, that's why," Hunter grits out.

"There it is," Olly says.

"What? The truth?"

"No, you, doing what you do best and making sure I know I only stand where I do because you let me," Olly snaps.

"That's fucking ridiculous," Hunter spits out.

"Is it?

"You take it how you want to take it, Olly. I can't control that," Hunter says. "But you don't get to take her away as my friend. I won't let that happen."

"Whatever Kinsey and I decide is between us."

"Not if it's about me."

Their words are like ping pong balls back and forth and back again. I'm; not grasping all of what they're saying. Mostly, I'm feeling dizzy and confused as the room spins faster.

"Stop fighting." I take a step forward, and everything goes dark.

***

When I come to again, I can feel myself moving, my head pressed against something warm. And strong arms are wrapped around me.

I mumble and moan out loud making a noise.

"Shh," a whisper as a door creaks open.

"It's gonna be alight.... get you home, okay?" I recall Hunter's calming words hovering above me from his bedroom floor.

Hunter...he must've taken me home. What happened to Olly? I can't remember, did he leave? I need to talk to him. I want to ask Hunter, but I cant make my voice work.

I'm being gently released, and I sink into something soft, I pry my eyes open and recognize the plaid pattern of our couch, I'm home. The motion of opening my eyes makes the spinning worse, though, and I close them tightly once again. A blanket is being placed over me, and a soft one and I take in the comfort of the warm quilt, and care from Hunter.

"Thank you, you always do that. Take care of me," I mutter.

He sighs, and I hear the creek of his footsteps as he leaves. I lie there for a long moment as a sense of loss I haven't felt in quite some time comes over me. That ghost of never was, that first love, even if unrequited was intense, and it does haunt me sometimes. 

Maybe in some other world, some other life, we're together and happy.

"I hope so. Cause I love you, Hunter, even if we can't ever be."

With that thought, I drift off to sleep.

***

New Year's Day 2003

The next morning, I wake up to the sun shining brightly into my eyes, Mama is sitting next to me on the chair sipping coffee, and my head throbbing like the world is about to end.

"Well, well, well. Look what the cat drug in," Mama scolds, albeit teasingly. "I thought you had plans to stay with Olly last night?"

"I did and it didn't work out," I groan.

Fuck. Olly, I need to call him, now.

"How did you get home?" Mama asks.

"I think Hunter," I say as I roll my neck around to loosen the stiffness from it. I vaguely remember him carrying me in here, but it's all so blurry. I think I blacked out a few times last night actually.

"You're eighteen and it was New Year's Eve, so I won't lecture you, but be careful young lady. Know your limits," she warns. "Also, you owe me, your dad wanted to blast country music to wake you up."

"I do owe you for that," I agree with a laugh that almost makes my head explode, and I cringe.

"You want some coffee?" She asks.

"Please," I beg, "and aspirin."

She pats my head as she stands up and heads into the kitchen. I stand desperately needing to stretch my sore limbs from sleeping on the couch. I walk over to the end table, grab my purse, and pull out my phone, first things first, I need to talk to Olly today. The sooner the better.

I flip my phone open and find a few text messages from him., good he is ready to talk too.

I open the older message first.

It was sent just after two in the morning. 

...I wrote and rewrote this text about fifteen times and almost called you once. But this is easier. So here it is. You're as sick of the fighting as me. You going there like you did, you were telling me you're done. I got your message, and I am too. It's over, Kinsey.

"He's breaking up with me?" My face pales, via a text? No way!? What!? 

"This can't be real." I feel my blood boil. 

I take responsibility for getting angry and going to Hunter's party instead of letting it rest and talking to Olly the next day. But to break up with me in a text message, no.

 Not the guy I knew since this birth he must've got drunk after he left Hunters and sent this. No way is this real. 

There is another text sent at eight this morning, a few hours ago now. Good, it better be an apology. 

As I open and begin read it, and my anger fades to pure shock.

At the airport. Kinsey. Thought you should know. It was decided it made the most sense for me to finish the school year at my dad's. This is goodbye, don't try and contact me or find me. I just need to go. Take care. Be happy with Hunter, I guess. 

I start to shake as I dial his number, but an operator's voice comes on, telling me it's been disconnected. 

"No! Olly no!" I cry out as I sink to my knees.

*I opted to leave this as its own chapter, but this night will start coming up now as demolition begins in the house of these memories. 

*Finally, that night is revealed! More details will get filled in when the trio talks of course, but I can't wait to read your thoughts!