Chapter 17

            I had parked in the same car park as yesterday, and we were now perched on my bonnet. He sat on one side, I sat on the other. I had my hands between my knees and my eyes fixed on the grass in front of me.

            I had just finished telling Baz everything that Cayleb had said to me, and what I had felt throughout it all. I wasn’t putting an innocent face on as I knew I had played as much a part in betraying him as Cayleb had in leading me into my betrayal.

            Not wanting to press him into saying anything, I sat there quietly and listened to cars driving along the road in the background.

            ‘And that’s everything?’ he asked. I could completely understand why he would think I was holding something back or had changed a bit of detail to get some sympathy from him; but I knew he could tell I’d told everything the way it had really occurred.

            ‘Yes, Baz, I swear I wouldn’t keep anything from you when it means losing you is on the line. I feel so bad and it hurt all the way through from when I realised that I was letting him in. I’m not trying to make excuses to cover myself, but I’m seriously going to do my best to try to make this all up to you. Though I know nothing I do will ever be enough.’

            The car bounced as he shuffled closer across the bonnet. ‘Kerry, stop talking and come here.’ As I turned my head to look at him, I saw he had his arms open; the smallest smile I could muster touched my lips and I shuffled over to him and lay my hands and head on his chest as he closed his arms around me. ‘You’re right, it does hurt but I know you well enough that you will try to make it up to me. But the fact is, Kez, I don’t want anything from you; except that you drop out of the play, I will as well,’ he added, then continued. ‘Anything to get him away from you. If I hear that he’s been anywhere near you, then I’m going after him. And if it’s because you’ve asked him to come near you then I’m gone and you won’t see or hear from me again. And that’s that.’ The seriousness of his words and what he was saying hit me hard. My hands gripped at his shirt and I pressed harder into his chest. ‘And that right there tells me it’s going to be him who gets hurt if it happens.’ His arms tightened around me. What he meant by that last comment was that he believed that I wouldn’t dare ask Cayleb to come near me or let him if he did. And there was no way I was going to let even a bit of Cayleb come into my mind again, ever.

            Then something occurred to me, so I built up the courage to speak to him but kept myself firmly in his arms still. ‘Baz, are you going to tell Charlie and the others about this?’ I asked with concern hanging on my words.

            Before he answered, I felt his chest sigh. ‘What do you think I’ll do?’

            I wasn’t expecting him to ask that. ‘Deep down?’ He nodded. ‘Deep down, I’m thinking you might tell Charlie but not the others. Though I don’t know how much you’ll tell him if you do.’

            He grumbled. ‘Well, you’re wrong about that. I’m not going to tell him. This is between you and me, and that’s the way it’s going to stay. Oh, and I think this belongs to you.’

            Leaning off his chest, and him keeping one arm around me still, he rummaged around in his jeans pocket and pulled out his necklace.

            ‘I thought you might have left it behind,’ I exclaimed.

            ‘This was a present, Kerry. And I still want you to wear it. After all...’ He paused with a smile. ‘I still love you,’ he breathed as he placed the necklace round my neck and tried clasping it in place. I hadn’t turned my head around for him to see what he was doing, so as he fiddled around with the clasp, he leaned as close as he could and kissed me soft and slow.

            At first, I was too nervous and scared to kiss him back but he pulled away slightly once he had finished with the necklace and told me that it was all going to be fine; this relaxed me and when his lips next touched mine again I joined in with his affectionate gesture.

            Ten teary minutes later, we were still sat on the bonnet of my car but we had stopped kissing and just held each other tightly in an embrace that even his friends couldn’t pull us apart if they called him. It was hard not to cry and when I tried, my eyes didn’t stay dry for very long.

            ‘Don’t you think we should be getting back soon?’ I asked when he started nuzzling his nose into my neck.

            ‘Why? Are you cold?’

            ‘No, but won’t Charlie start wondering where you are?’ I asked sounding as if I was concerned, but we both knew I wasn’t. ‘I mean he is your best friend after all,’ I added sweetly.

            ‘He’s a big boy; he can deal without me around for longer than two hours. I want to spend this night with you, and know that I’m not gonna lose you.’ He pulled his face away from my neck, and we stared into each other’s eyes; mine held an expression of worry to him saying that. ‘I know you’re not going to suddenly just run off anywhere, but I want to know you won’t leave me.’ He put his palm gingerly onto my cheek. ‘I still want us to be together, even after all that’s just happened tonight.’

            I raised my hands and held his in mine. ‘I know, Baz. And so do I; I don’t want you to leave me either, I really thought that you were going to when he turned up in the car park. But now, now I know that you can afford to give me a second chance and I’m not gonna fuck this up. I’m going to put in as much effort as you in order to keep you happy and in my life.’

            ‘You don’t need to say things like that,’ he reassured me. ‘You feel like you should but that’s not what I want to hear.’

            Keeping one hand on top of his (that was still on my cheek) I put my other on his shoulder and stared at him more. ‘Then what do you want to hear?’

            He chuckled. ‘Nothing, my pet.’ He kissed my forehead as my cheeks flared up in the warm night air. ‘Just stay with me.’ I just nodded.

*****

            As soon as we were through the front door, we could tell the rest had gone to bed as the TV wasn’t on and we couldn’t hear anyone talking. Baz decided we should stay downstairs and sleep on the sofa. In no position to argue, I clambered into the corner of the corner sofa and curled up in a ball on my side; Baz brought down his blanket, cuddled up to me and pulled me into his side before pulling the blanket over us both and resting his head on mine. I slipped one hand between him and the sofa and my other one over his stomach.

            ‘Baz,’ I whispered, as I shut my eyes.

            ‘Hmm?’ he hummed and I felt it through my fingers.

            ‘I forgot to say earlier that... I love you too. And I’m extremely sorry for what I did,’ I repeated for about the twentieth time tonight.

            He twirled his fingers through my hair. ‘Hmmm, I’m glad you do. And if you say you’re sorry one more time...’ He hesitated. ‘Ok, well I’m not quite sure what, but I will think of something.’

            We both went quiet and set about falling asleep in each other’s arms which seemed to be the first time we had done this since about four nights ago.

*****

            The next morning wasn’t started with a simple opening of eyes and stretching.

            Charlie had pounced onto the side of the sofa that Baz sat nearer to and Kevin had done the same but on the side I sat nearest to. They started howling together; and because it was so close to my ears, I literally woke up with a scream and in the process scared Baz awake too (which was probably the first time I think I remember seeing him genuinely scared).

            ‘What the fuck do you think you’re doing?’ I shouted. ‘You know I hate it when you do that when I’m awake, so why are you doing it when I’m asleep and scaring the shit out of me and Baz?’ To be perfectly honest, I don’t know why I was shouting at them and completely losing it over them howling me awake. Storming out and up the stairs, I locked myself in my room, leaving Baz alone with those two idiots.

            Changing my clothes as I’d had these on all of yesterday and last night, and then headed back downstairs to get some breakfast as my anger rant had made me very hungry.

            ‘Kez?’

            ‘What?’ I replied angrily; when I realised it was Baz, I composed myself and apologised.

            ‘What are you doing?’ he asked, with one raised eyebrow.

            ‘Making breakfast. Why?’

            Stepping over, he took my hands and put them round him before holding me in the same way. ‘You really scared me, before, when you screamed. Why does it get to you so much? I can see you’re angry with yourself but there’s no need to take it out on them. Even if they are idiots,’ he added as he pushed my chin up.

            Just then, the pattering of paws ran through the hallway and they came running into the kitchen, bumbling about like puppies with a new toy. Standing with my hands on Baz’s chest, he and I watched as they ran on into the garden; I looked at him confused and then we both burst into giggles.

            ‘Come with me,’ he whispered, and he pulled us both into the back garden, following the other three (I didn’t know what Derek, Kevin and Toby looked like as wolves). As soon as we were outside, Baz freed my hands and transformed to join the others. I sat on the grass and watched in the sunlight, trying to tan my legs at the same time. Bounding about, Baz and whoever the other three actually were started barking and panting. I corrected myself; they were exactly like puppies, which made me giggle more. Finding Baz’s attention from this, he wandered over and nudged my shoulder.

            ‘You know if I could join you I would,’ I began. ‘But I’m kind of stuck in this single form; whereas you, you can meander about as free as you like, however you like. Though don’t you feel a bit naked with just a fur coat?’ I asked, giggling still.

            Propping his head to one side, and dropping one ear, he looked confused as though I amused him. Some growling began and soon enough they were ambling about again. I got up and went to get the breakfast I was so rudely taken from.

            Later that day I was sat at my desk thinking of an essay I needed to do on some battle or war which I hadn’t really heard of before. I started researching and after about two thousand words or so, I gave up until tomorrow and went to get some food.

            ‘...need to get sorted if we want to go through with that,’ I heard Kevin say as I reached the bottom of the staircase. I stepped through the door and made my way to the fridge I shared with Baz and Charlie; getting out some chocolate I had been hiding, I then went to sit, cross-legged, next to Baz, munching away.

            ‘How do you feel about going on a camping trip next holiday?’ Baz asked.

            At first I didn’t realise he was speaking to me, but when I did, I looked up and smiled. ‘Erm, how and with what?’

            ‘We have enough stuff between us all. And I looked up some places before and there are a couple places that are cheap which I’m sure we can afford. The guys are coming too. It seems like a good idea to me. What do you think?’

            I thought about it. ‘It sounds fun. Where were you thinking?’

            ‘I’m keeping that a secret from you.’ I pouted; I wasn’t very good with things being kept from me, especially when I’m involved in them.