Chapter 47 - I Have To

Tobias

All of the Dauntless that were sent to Erudite are now getting sent back to Dauntless for plan making.

My mind has been running off of one thought alone;

'She is alive. I have to save her. My Tris is alive.'

I still have that small part of my head that tells me that it's just another blonde haired, blue eyed, small girl; small woman. But I continue to push the thought out of my head.

Those were her eyes. The bright yet dull blue color that I haven't seen in three years.

The blue that haunted my nightmares and kept me awake at night.

The blue that I remember so clearly from when I lifted her out of the net.

The blue that is tattooed on the back of my mind; that I will never forget.

Except from what I can see now, they aren't as stern and insistent as they were then.

She looked so defeated; so fragile.

Not the warrior Tris that transfered from Abnegation.

That was the first jumper.

That was first in her initiation class.

That was a perfect mix of Dauntless, Abnegation and Erudite.

Now all she looks like is a defeated girl,

Fighting for her life every second of every day.

And who is still sacrificing herself for just about anyone.

*   *   *

All of the Dauntless pile into the Main Building with our stuff around six in the morning, trying to learn what comes next. What we are to do now that we are back from Erudite.

"Welcome back everyone!" Josh announces over the commotion of people in the room; silencing them.

"So you probably are wondering what's the next step, but the leaders of all of the Factions are kind of wondering that as well. All of the leaders are meeting up later tonight to make decisions. But as for you all, you can do whatever all day. I'd recommend that you unpack, relax and reunite with friends and/ or family. Really, whatever you want to do. Everyone will meet back up here at ten tomorrow morning and I will give you answers from the meeting that is tonight. I won't hold you up for any longer. Welcome back and have a good day." He finishes.

People hang around the room for a little while, but I decide to go into my office just down the hall a little ways. I really don't know what for, but I just do.

I unlock my office door with my one key on my pretty full keychain. The keys on it go to various things; the training room, my apartment, my mother's spare apartment key, etc. etc.

I get the door unlocked and walk into the room. I'd say it's basically my second home in here. I've got my desk along with a computer and a bunch of papers on it and in the drawers of it to the right of when you walk in. I also have one of those comfy chairs that spin next to my desk. Then on the wall directly in front of you when you walk in, there's a bookshelf that has two shelves in it and two garbage bins on top of it since it's not too tall. I have those shelves mainly filled with paper and files, but also the two dog books I got for my birthday are there too. There's two wooden chairs by the other side of my desk for when I have people come in and talk to me and stuff. Then I also have an extra dog bed, bowls and a few toys from when I've brought Indy to work with me a few times. I had to put the two garbage bins on top of the bookshelf because he kept digging through them when he would come with me and get bored. I have various things on the walls along with a calendar and a clock.

I will have to go and pick him up at my mother's in a little while, but she's probably still sleeping since its a Saturday. She doesn't work on Saturdays.

I sit at my desk and go on my computer. I end up checking my email and replying to some of them.

I jump when there is a knock on my door.

I hadn't realized how quiet it was in here until now.

"Come in." I yell.

Josh opens the door and walks in, sitting in one of the wooden chairs across from my desk.

"Hey. What's up?" I say closing out my computer.

"Not much. Just stopping by to see how you're doing with all of this going on and stuff." He says looking kind of concerned.

"I'm doing fine. I guess." I lie. Honestly, I'm terrified inside.

"You sure?" He asks skeptically.

I decide to answer honestly, "No, not really."

"I can tell." He says. "Are you going to come to the leader meeting at the Hub tonight at seven thirty? All of the leaders from all of the factions are going to be there. And, maybe it will put you at ease a little."

"Sure, I guess I'll go." I shrug. I want to go, but at the same time, I just want to stay here and enjoy being home.

"We sure could use your input on a plan, I mean, you were there in all of the action, and you saw this stuff on the computers personally. You witnessed Greg and all of that. Oh yeah, the Erudite are also going to be telling us what happened to him tonight. I guess they finally got results." He goes on. My mind is somewhere completely else; a completely different topic.

"We are going to save them, right?" I barely whisper, cutting him off.

He looks directly in my eyes. It's a look that makes me feel like he's not only a year older than me. It make me feel like I'm nine and he's like my father.

Correction: My version of a supportive father.

It's a look of sympathy, hope, yet fear and agreement all at once. It kind of scares me.

"I... I don't know." He stutters.

"S-She might not make it. S-S-She could bl-bleed out. We h-have to sa-ve them." I choke on my words and tears threaten to fall from my eyes, but I refuse to let them.

"I had the same conversation with Zeke yesterday." He starts, his head looking at his hands in his lap. "I do think that they should be saved, I mean, they are our people. They lived here and we're members here, they still are. Heck, if it was one hundred percent my decision, we would already have Dauntless troops lined up and getting ready to go and get them out. But that's the thing; it's not all my decision. My sister, Mya, she's also in that building. I feel what you're going through. That's why I need you, and more people that are also going through this to come to the meeting tonight; to fight to go and rescue them. Advertise it to anyone you can to come and fight for this tonight; leader or not, they can still come. We really need to have the truth spoken to everyone. That these people aren't dead; that they are our people. They are our people. I will do everything I can to get us to save them." He says, tears brimming his eyes.

There's a long, uncomfortable silence between the two of us but somehow my mouth lets the silence end as would a Candor on their opinion.

"I'll be there." I say in a voice I don't comprehend as my own.

He simply just nods then walks out if the room in a rushed manor.

I decide to go back to my apartment and unpack because it's only six forty five so my mother wouldn't be awake yet, and just so it will be over with. Then I'll go to her apartment so I can catch up with her and pick up Indy.

*   *   *

I feel so much more comfortable back in my apartment; back in my territory; back where I belong. Not where everything, even the language is high-tech.

Unpacking for me is pretty simple. All of the clothes go in one pile, and all of the bathroom crap goes somewhere on the bathroom counter. Then bam. All done. Simple as that.

Clearly I have lost all of my organized Abnegation traits...

Since that didn't take that long, it's only seven, and I don't want to wake mom up too early.

Zeke and I were texting yesterday on my lunch, and he said that he was planning on getting to the Infirmary early to hang with Shauna today because he couldn't much yesterday. This was before I knew that I would be coming back to Dauntless today, so he probably doesn't know I'm here.

I find myself walking to the Infirmary texting Zeke one question:

-What room number is Shauna in?-

I continue to walk to the Infirmary and in less than a minute he texts back.

-E17. Why?-

I don't bother texting back because, well, he's going to find out soon enough. Plus, I'm almost there anyway.

I push open the door to the Infirmary and walk down the hall titled rooms E1-E20.

I walk by rooms until I get close to E17.

11, 13, 15. Here we go, E17

I knock a few times then wait a second. I hear footsteps, then the door opens, revealing a confused Zeke.

"Hey! What are you doing here?!" Zeke says giving me a bro hug, no longer confused.

"Well, we were sent back for now. Who knows what happens next. Hey Shauna!" I say walking into the room. Zeke shuts the door behind me.

"Hey! What are you doing here?! Aren't you suppose to be hanging with the smart people right now?" She teases me.

I don't want to make things awkward for her by asking how she is. I mean, I don't want to put her in a situation where like 'As good as a person paralyzed from the waist down can get!'

"Well, I just had gotten back around an hour or so ago, and I unpacked. That's just about it." I say chuckling a little bit.

"Any news on what's going to happen about all of this with the building now?" Zeke asks crossing his arms over his chest, leaning against a wall. I've honestly never really seen him in such a serious yet laid back mood.

"There's a meeting tonight at the Hub, seven thirty. All of the leaders and then some are going to be there. We need to stand against the people who want to leave everyone in that building to die. You coming?" I turn to Zeke.

"Sure." He says.

"I wish I could go." Shauna says glancing at the floor. "Argue extra for me, would ya?" She says looking at Zeke, then me smiling a little.

"You got it." Zeke says winking at her and I just simply nod.

I can't help but feel guilty for her. I mean, she was better, she was perfectly fine, running around like the rest of us crazy Dauntless. Now she's back to ground zero; back on the ground.

"I should go and visit with my mother," I say. "And bring Indy back home."

"Indy is just too cute!" Shauna exclaims. "Evelyn had brought him down here the other day when she was taking him for a walk. Surprisingly, I guess they let well behaved dogs in the Infirmary. He's grown so much, I couldn't believe it's only been a few months since you'd gotten him!"

"I'll have to bring him with me next time I visit!" I say smiling. That's cool that they allow dogs here.

"See ya later buddy." Zeke says. "I'll meet you at the train around six fifty to catch the seven o'clock train."

"That works. See you later. Bye Shauna!" I call leaving the room. I hear Shauna yell something back, but I don't bother listening.

I can tell that Zeke still isn't back to himself. He tries to joke around a little, but he just doesn't have that look in his eyes again when he does so.

But you know, I probably look miserable too.

I have looked miserable.

For three years.

I hope that will change.

It may seem like I would have control over a thing like that, but I really don't.

As I walk through the compound toward my mother's apartment I see that the compound is slowly starting to come to life. It tends to take a while because it is usually awake like all night into the early morning. Most people are in sleeping and/ or hungover until noonish so it tends to be pretty quiet and laid low until then. It's actually quite nice and peaceful. Kind of like the streets after a big storm, or the stillness of my apartment when Indy is passed out on his bed.

It makes it seem like actually a more civilized faction.

But like I said; all of that changes around noonish.

I now am at the hallway that my and my mother's apartment is down. My apartment is only a few doors down from her's on this hallway.

I knock on the door a few times. The compound is so quiet right now that it sounds as if I banged on the door the way it echoes down the hall.

I stand there for a few seconds and then think to myself 'Am I here too early?' 'Is she awake yet?' 'I don't want to wake her up if she's not awake.' 'Maybe I should come back la--'

I first hear the click of toenails which must be Indy's then followed by footsteps. Surprisingly, Indy doesn't bark as I hear my mother fiddle with the door.

"Hello--? Tobias! You're home!" My mother exclaims immediately opening the door all the way and wrapping me in an embrace. I hug her back as I feel Indy jumping up on my legs.

"Yeah. We are back now for making a game plan. From there, who knows." I say moving out of the way so she can close the door. Indy is barking and basically has his paws on my hip.

"Hey bud." I say getting down to pet him. He coats my face with his slobber as he keeps licking my face. I try to not get grossed out, but still push his nose away.

Shauna was right; he has gotten much bigger. His head probably now comes up to my mid knee when he stands. It makes me feel like I've been gone for years when it's only been almost three weeks.

Indy runs probably to go get one of his toys or something when I notice Holly is lurking her way up to me.

I don't think I'll ever understand that cat. She's either scared of me, shy around me, or won't leave me alone.

"Hey there." I say to her picking her up, then stand up and look back at my mom.

"We are having a meeting of the leaders and other people tonight at seven thirty st the Hub. We are going to make a plan about all of this." I look down at Holly as I run my fingers through her silky, but thin black fur with one hand while my other is under her stomach, holding her up.

"Some of the leaders, of the other factions," I feel my voice get lower and quieter, "They... They don't want to rescue everyone in the building." I set Holly down as I feel tears brim my cheeks.

I look up straight into my mother's eyes. They are such a dark color; not a dark blue like mine, but a dark brown that makes her eyes look like black pits if you had only looked for a quick second.

"I can't loose her. I just found her and she might not make it." I start to feel tears escape my eyes. I see mom start to have tears beginning to fall from her eyes as well. She comes and wraps her arms around me.

"We have to save them. We have to." I let a sob escape my mouth.

My mother is pretty tall, but not as tall as me. She rests her head on my shoulder also now crying.

I wish I had gotten support like this when I was a child.

I must say that she is making up for it now though.

She looks up at me, directly into my eyes again.

She puts her hands to my face and wipes my tears with both her thumbs although new ones replace those in an instant.

"Tobias," she says very quietly and calmingly, "Don't worry. You will save them. Tris will make it. She is strong; a true fighter. She won't give up that easily."

"Bu--" I try to cut her off.

"No. She will make it. Just stay strong in what you want at that meeting. They won't even know why they had questioned not wanting to save them in the first place. Tris will be fine. I know she will. S-She's a fighter. I know I've questioned her strength before, and you can see how that ended. It was a stupid move on my part." She says sternly looking right into my eyes as I look into her tear stained ones.

I nod and smile weakly.

Sure enough, Indy comes barreling into the room with his favorite monkey chew toy dangling from his mouth. It almost looks like he's smiling or saying 'Look! I found him!' when he runs circles around me squeezing it with his teeth, making it let out this sharp squeak.

"Hey buddy! What'd you find?!" I roughly pet his head making his fur stand up everywhere.

"Why don't we pack up all of your stuff and then go back home." I say like he's actually going to answer.

Eventually I have all of his toys extra food and food bowls in a plastic bag my mother gave me, his bed and old blanket rolled up under my arm, and then him on his leash ready to take him back to my apartment.

"You sure you don't want me to help you?" Mom asks yet again.

"No, I've got it all. Thanks again for watching him. I don't know what I would've done with him for that long while in Erudite."

"It was nothing. See you later!"

"Okay. Bye!" I say walking out the door. I hear her close it behind Indy and I.

Indy walks a few footsteps infront of me down the hall to my apartment. I stop him though when I see Chris walking down the hall in our direction. Of course Indy recognizing the familiar face, bolts down the hall and I loose my grip on his leash.

"Indy!" I yell running after him, frustrated.

"Hey boy! Why are you running from Four? Can't you see he already has enough on his hands? Well, no pun intended there." Chris coos and chuckles after the last part then picking up Indy's leash and petting him while he drowns her face in his slobber.

"Hey Chris!" I say catching up to her and Indy.

"Hey! What brings you back so early?!" She asks standing up and handing me Indy's leash.

"Planning for here on out. Oh yeah. There's a leader and other people meeting tonight, seven thirty at the Hub. It's kinda important. You should come. We could use your help."

"Why me? I'm not a leader." She says crossing her arms over her chest.

I explain to her all about some of the leaders not wanting to save the people in the building, and how we are going to kind of protest against them and everything.

"I'll be there. I'll meet you and Zeke at the seven o'clock train." She says nodding; tears brimming her eyes.

"Great. See you then!"

"Okay! Bye. Bye Indy!" She coos to Indy petting his head then walking down the hall in the other direction.

"Here we are." I say to Indy when we are outside my apartment door.

After fiddling with my keys for a few seconds, I finally find the right one and open the door. I let go of Indy's leash and let him barrel around the apartment while I put his things back in order in the living room where they belong. I jump when I hear a small bang coming from my bedroom.

"Indiana! Where'd you go?!" I yell wondering what trouble he's getting into.

I run into my bedroom to see that my alarm clock has been knocked off of my dresser.

But my heart jumps when I see the one picture I have of Tris wobbling; about to fall along with it.

Quickly I run over and grab the frame just as it slips off of the dresser. It seems like the whole room is in slow motion for the moment.

I grab the frame and clutch it to my chest.

The little piece I have of her.

It was almost ruined.

It could've broken to a million pieces.

As would've my heart.

"Indiana! What were you doing! What were you thinking?!" I yell; a few tears streaming down my face unintentionally.

Right after I yell, he immediately whimpers, puts his tail between his legs and cowers toward the corner of the room.

I take a deep breath.

I didn't mean to scare him.

"I'm sorry buddy." I say getting down at his level on my knees on the floor.

He doesn't move colser or further away from me. He stays still; like he's frozen in fear.

"I didn't mean to yell at you buddy. I'm sorry. I didn't mean it that way. It's okay." I say reaching my hand out to him to pet him. He moves his head under my hand as if to say 'I forgive you.'

He walks up to me and basically sits on top of me. I just laugh and wrap my arms around him; the picture frame in my lap between us. He turns around and licks right up the side of my face.

"Ugh. Indy that's really gross." I groan pushing his nose away from me.

"How about some lunch?" I say. Immediately his ears perk up and he runs to the kitchen.

I stand up and look at the picture of Tris for a minute.

"We will find you, don't worry. Just hold on." I say to the frame like an idiot; but you know what, who cares.

"We have to find you."

"We have to save you."

"We will."

"I will."

"I have to."

I kiss her forehead on the picture and place it back on my dresser back where it belongs; next to her shirt. Then I head out to feed Indy and find something for me to eat with one thought in my head all day:

'I have to.'

A/N-

Hi humans!

I did finally preordered my Insurgent tickets though! (Yeah... I was kinda slow on that...) My mom and I are going after school on Friday! I can't wait!!!

My mom is like going to be so confused throughout this movie though. I did force her to watch Divergent, but when I was 'reminding her' of what happened the other day she was like "So their adding a love triangle between her, Four and this Tobias guy?! It's just like the Hunger Games!" And I'm just like "No mom. *groans* Four is Tobias's alias. They are the same person." *shakes head while facepalming* Gah she is so clueless when it comes to my (secret) fangirl life. She's also convinced that I'm taking her to this 'dirty' movie because she saw the TV ad where they were kissing with their shirts off and I'm just like "Whatever. Still never in the book." Even though inside I'm just like 'Yessss!!! Fourtris fluff and possible sex!!' Lol I'm such a perv sometimes... So yeah. Should be interesting to see this with my mother... I'm pumped to see it anyway.

15.6k reads!! <4 <4

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