Chapter 38 - Rough Decisions

Zeke

"I can't stay. I just can't." I say emotionless. I feel as if the life has been drained out of me. Like if I wasn't already sitting on the floor I would have defiantly fell by now.

How could I stay here when Shauna is back home unconscious? She needs me and I need her.

Tobias

I stop walking when I hear Zeke talking in his room.

"I can't stay. I just can't." I hear him say quietly. He sounds lifeless.

I know that if I was in this situation I would want to be alone; but I still think about knocking on the door. I decide against it and to go to the living room couch to call my mother.

My phone rings and rings and just when I'm about to hang up, she picks up.

"Tobias? You still there?" She asks.

"Yes," I laugh. "I'm still here. And hello."

"I thought I had missed the call. I had just gotten in the door. Did you hear abo-"

"Shauna?" I cut her off. "Yes. Zeke and I has just gotten in for the night and he's completely torn. He wants to stay, but his heart is telling him to go."

"What did you tell him? Anything?"

"I had told him that if he wants to go back, go back. His spot in the project can stay open for him. Do what his heart wants. He just feels so guilty about it though. Like, he can't do anything if he's there, but he can only worry if he's here. I just wish I could help him..."

"I think you've done all you can. Now it's up to him to choose."

"Yeah, but still. He's never like this. I just feel horrible that I can't do more to help."

There's a moment where the line goes dead with awkward silence. It's like dead air strangling me and killing me slowly. It honestly makes me want to scream.

"How's the project doing?" She breaks the silence.

"Pretty good, I think. Today we had split into groups working on different things; either the death mystery or the building outside the fence and both groups made progress so I hear. I'm part of the one that's investigating the building outside the fence."

"Investigating? The Erudite must be rubbing off on you to use such a big word!" She jokes laughing. I laugh as well.

"We found signals that there is some form of technology that we could possibly hack into. We are starting to work on finding it tomorrow."

"That's good news!" She exclaims.

Then that silence comes back.

It's like a bag over my head

Or a box that keeps getting smaller and smaller

Or a rope around you that just keeps getting

Tighter

And

Tighter.

It's like I can't breathe

Or I can't blink.

All I can do is tap my fingers on my knee nervously.

But what am I nervous about?

It's just my mother.

Thoughts start swarming my head.

Shauna's situation

Zeke's reaction

What's going on at home

Indy and how I miss him

But my mind focuses on one thing:

Tris would know what to right now.

She would know how to help Zeke.

She would know where to start with this building outside the fence.

She would know what to say.

She would find the rights words to calm us all.

But overall, she wou-

"Your stressed, aren't you." Mom's voice breaks me from my thoughts.

She would know how to calm me down was what I was thinking.

"Yes." I answer the words slipping out of my mouth like a Candor on their opinion.

"What's on your mind. I can keep secrets. Well, not like I have anyone to tell, but I still can keep quiet. Maybe talking will help."

I sigh. "Just about everything. Most of all, how Tris would know what to do right now." I hold back tears.

Talking things out may help some people, but most of the time it only brings me down.

I get up and walk to my room which is on the other side of the small living room, across from Zeke's.

"Tobias-"

"Don't tell me to move on because I never will." I snap cutting her off.

"That's not what I was going to say."

I don't answer.

"Your going to find a way. She's probably helping you from above and you don't even realize. Stressing yourself out won't help. Maybe just stop and breathe to listen. See what you can hear." She says.

I stay quiet; thinking on her words and not really knowing what to say.

"Hey. Look. I've got to go to a meeting tonight with the Ambassadors about stuff for next week in like twenty minutes so I don't have much time. I also have do do things before I leave so-"

"Your right. I just need to stop worrying. Okay. Good luck with the meeting."

"Okay. Love you."

"Love you too."

It's times like these that I'm glad to have made up with my mother. I don't know what I would do sometimes without her. I would defiantly find my way like I did the past how many years, but it's defiantly easier with her in my life.

I know about the Ambassador meeting she's going to. The leaders of Chicago have been talking about starting a week once a year in each faction on a different day where people can come and visit and learn about the faction. They've been having many meetings about it and I guess that now they're going to ask the Ambassadors of all of the factions about what they think of it.

Personally, I don't think it's needed, but it could be fun. I really don't care what happens about it.

"I need help." Zeke says walking out of his room. His eyes are all bloodshot and his face is red. It's doesn't look like he has tear stains on his face or shirt though.

"What should I do? I just don't know. I want to stay, but I want to be there for Shauna. But if I go home, there's nothing I really can do. She's unconscious and the doctors aren't letting almost any visitors in to see her. But if I'm here, I'll be glad to be working with the project, but I'll be worrying about her twenty four seven." He runs his hand through his short hair looking as stressed as I probably did ten minutes ago.

"Whatever you think is right. It's not my decision, and I have no clue. I'm here for you for whatever you decide."

"Thanks, but I don't know what to decide." He walks over and sits on the end of my bed.

"Well, what's more important to you? This building we know nothing about, or your girlfriend that you've known for who knows how long?" I ask.

"When you put it that way it makes the answer obvious. This building could threat the whole city though, so that leaves me almost even. But I don't want her to be upset if I'm not there when she wakes up, but if I could find the answer to the building by being here, then I may help out the whole city. But what are the chances of that. I mean me, find an answer?" He remarks.

"It sounds like you have your decision already made."

"I guess I do."

A/N-

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