The air is heavy with grease, hot and sticky, the thickness that comes with constantly frying bacon and sausage coating every inch of the old diner. As soon as I walk through the door, the tattered bell jingling overhead, my skin is coated in that familiar dewy feeling.

My stomach gurgles loudly, sweet, grilled muffins and towering stacks of buttery pancakes, savory omelets and peppered hash browns assaulting my empty belly.

I stop just inside the door, inhaling the delicious aroma so deeply that my eyes flutter closed. I open them again, the noise of the diner - coffee brewing, forks clanging, eggs sizzling - bringing me back to the moment.

A moment I've pushed off for far too long.

The diner isn't too full. I came later than the normal breakfast rush, after I helped Dad and Mom get Grams settled back at her place. They'll be staying with her for a few days. Where I'll go next... I'm not sure.

But I do know where I want to be right now.

The table I was looking for, hoping for, is empty. I cross the diner quickly, settling into the cracked booth and tucking myself way in deep, till my arm is touching the warm glass window that allows me to overlook the street.

My favorite spot.

The old menu, worn and faded, is sitting right in front of me, but I push it away, already sure of what I want. Instead I focus my gaze outside, to the boys playing outside of the tackle shop across the street. The guy in a baseball hat taking a picture of his girlfriend in her new sunglasses.

By the time the young waitress comes by, her deep brown skin slick with sweat and tight, dark curls bouncing, I've gone through every possible distraction. I'm simply staring ahead of me, the empty booth staring back.

"And what can I get for you today, ma'am?"

Her voice makes me jump. I have a hard time turning my head to meet her gaze.

"I'm sorry, are you waiting for someone?" She tries again, glancing between me and the empty booth across from me.

Always, I answer silently. Forever.

"No," I blink at her, finally. "I'll have the chocolate chip pancake stack, please."

"Sure thing. And would you like three, seven, or ten pancakes on that?" Her pen scribbles across the little notepad.

Once upon a time, I demolished a seven-stack. I won't be able to even finish three now.

"Three is perfect."

"Great," She snaps her gum and pivots away, glancing in my direction once more to add, "I'll send some coffee over."

I nod even though her back is already to me, checkered dress swirling around her as she flits table to table.

A quick glance around the diner makes the emptiness across from me even more unpleasant. The place isn't full, but every occupied table has more than one person sitting there.

A mother and her young daughter, wearing a princess dress. An elderly couple, hands shaking as they hold them across the table. A group of high schoolers laughing loudly over their phones. A few middle aged men discussing the morning's fishing.

Staring in front of me once again, the red faux-leather booth cushion my only companion, my eyes get misty. Mistier and mistier until the tears are welled at my lash line and I don't hear any of the diner sounds anymore, can't focus on anything else besides how long it's taken me to do this.

And this, the way it feels to sit here, in this booth, completely alone, is why. There was supposed to be so many more weekend mornings spent here, so many chocolate chip pancakes to be eaten.

So many words to be said. An apology for calling him an asshole, for one. Then the endless chatter that would prove to him I wasn't mad anymore, ready to go back to how we always were before that stupid party.

I close my eyes tight, picturing Casey across from me, smearing extra butter on his pancakes, stealing my bacon and rolling his eyes, laughing as he says, "See, Pickle, I knew you couldn't stay mad at me."

My eyes snap open abruptly as a ceramic saucer clatters across the table.

"Oops," The waitress grunts, balancing a tray in one hand as she tried to right my saucer and cup. I sniffle, reaching to help her, just as coffee sloshes from the pot and dribbles onto my hand.

A sad hiccup escapes my lips, drawing the waitress's attention from her busy hands. Eyes widening at my reddened eyes and tear-stained cheeks, she rushes, "Oh, God. Did I burn you?"

I shake my head quickly, rapidly wiping at my face to hide the evidence.

"Did you want something else?" She looks over her shoulder for help. "Like juice or hot chocolate or-"

My head continues to shake but these stupid tears won't stop coming and I don't even know why, I've faced Casey already, I've done the hardest part. This shouldn't be so hard, it should be easy. It should...

"It's okay, Hazel." A familiar voice is suddenly so close that I can't breathe. I refuse to look up, even as he continues, "This isn't about the coffee."

"Oh." The waitress, Hazel, mumbles.

Peering from beneath my lashes, I watch as Luke settles his long body in the booth across from mine.

"Hey Luke." Hazel smiles brightly, my tears forgotten now that Luke is here. "Should I put in for your usual?"

He nods, a soft smile on his lips, as I take in the words, his usual. Usual as in...

I look up at him finally, my stomach doing somersaults. I expected to face the diner without Casey, I didn't think I'd have to face Luke, too. After everything... I don't know what to even say to make things right anymore.

So I just stare, taking in those golden-greenish eyes, his tan skin and the deep dimple lines in his cheeks even when he isn't smiling. God, I wish he'd smile. It'd make all this hurt a little less.

Instead, he rights my saucer and cup, pouring a coffee for me, and then for himself, with the second set Hazel brought over. Without looking at me, I might add. Not that I blame her.

I open my mouth and then close it again, no words accurately portraying what I need to say.

"You're here." Luke says calmly, being courageous when I can't be.

Clearing my throat and blinking the last of my tears away, I reply lamely, "We used to come every Saturday and Sunday."

Just then, Hazel drops off my pancake stack, which I no longer have any appetite for, and a plate of buttermilk waffles, sausage, and sunny-side up eggs for Luke.

"The usual." She grins before she leaves and my eyes snap to Luke's knowingly.

He shrugs, "I still do."

And it's like a knife to my chest, imagining him here, in our booth, ours and Casey's, weekend after weekend, all alone. All alone while I blamed him. Hated him.

I gnaw at my lips, pick up my utensils and then put them down again. Not pushing me for anything, Luke grabs his own and digs in. Watching him eat, the way his jaw clenches as he chews, the way his brows bunch over his eyes, his throat working as he drinks bitter coffee from a chipped mug, it gives me something to distract myself with.

And I appreciate him, for every bite he takes and napkin he crumbles, for allowing me a break from the pity-fest I was spiraling into. The game where my mind goes and goes until I hate myself again and can't be anything but angry and hurt that Case is gone.

For being here, when Casey couldn't be.

Just like he promised he would be, that day at the beach when Casey saved my finger from that tiny crab. Just like he always has been.

Shoving my plate away, my words begin to tumble out of me.

"Luke. I just..." He looks up and I push on, "Out of everyone, I treated you the worst. I just... I didn't know how to watch you going about your life, just living and doing normal things, when I was so sure you were the one who took Casey away."

He stiffens, his fork suspended midair, gooey egg dripping from it.

"I spent so much time being so angry at you... When really you should've been angry at me. Not just at me, but with Casey, too, for what he did to you."

Luke's mouth falls open and I shake my head, not letting him interrupt. "And I didn't know, I couldn't see it. Even when things didn't make sense, I just... I didn't see it. So I spent my time mad at you, wondering why it was Casey who died and-"

I catch myself, lips snapping shut immediately.

"And not me?" Luke finishes for me.

The shame is so terrible, heating my cheeks till they're bright red, but I refuse to look away as I nod.

"Luke, I'm so sorry. I -"

Now it's his turn to interrupt, a soft smile on his lips. "I get it, Dylan. I wondered that a lot too, in the beginning, you know. Why him and not me, I mean."

"Luke," I choke. He has to let me apologize, he has to, because... Because...

"Luke please, I didn't mean it. I don't mean it, I didn't know the truth."

I didn't know anything.

And now that I do, the one thing I'm the most sure of, is the one thing I can't tell him. Because if I hadn't told him I loved him this entire time I've been back, this entire time even when my heart was begging me to, how can I do that to him now?

It's not fair to tell him now, in some effort to get him back, now that we've both realized how wrong I was. I need to just... get Luke back, first.

He has to forgive me. He has to.

He surprises me still, by resuming eating and giving me a painfully nonchalant shrug.

"You believed what your parents wanted you to, Dyl. I'm not mad."

I want him to be mad. It would be easier to accept his anger than the sad look in his eyes right now.

"I'm so sorry." I rasp, "I ..."

I would take it all back, if I could.

I was all wrong.

I love you.

"I'm so sorry. For the things I said, how I acted. For everything." I repeat, a lump forming in my throat.

Luke looks me head-on. "You were surviving. Don't feel guilty for surviving."

But I know Luke, and I know that tick in his jaw means he is mad, even if it's deep down. And worse, he's devastated. Devastated that I spent time actually believing he killed Casey. Devastated that I spent time wishing the world took him away instead.

I can see it, written all over his face, even though he tries to hide it. That's what you get when you know someone as long as we've known each other. You see right through the mask, to the ugly and painful underside everyone would rather keep hidden.

Meeting his gaze across the table, seeing the boy I knew, the young guy I fell for, the man I know that I'm meant for, I know, with a sinking, terrible feeling, that some damage is too much to repair.

Like blaming someone for killing your brother. For wanting them dead instead. For admitting it out loud.

Christ. How did I let this all happen?

Full of love that's not enough, my shoulders sag, the weight of this summer of truth settling on my shoulders.

"I should've listened to you." I sigh.

"I didn't really let you, did I?" He cocks his head at me, always my Luke, taking some of the weight off my shoulders, knowing when it's too much to bear. "Taking the blame for Maya's kiss?"

"Still." I say, the word heavy in the air. An acknowledgement of things left unsaid.

I love you, I love you, I love you.

"Still." Luke says it back like he knows.

With that, his head falls and he eats in silence. I try a bite or two, to say that I did it, so I can tell Casey that I did, but mostly I watch Luke, drinking him in. Committing every bit of that face to my memory, knowing how bad it hurts when these things start to fade.

Once his plate is cleared, Luke leans back in the booth. Our eyes lock.

"Thank you." I whisper, not needing to say for what. He already knows.

He nods, digging in his jeans for his wallet, and throws a wad of cash on the table, enough to cover us both.

I watch as he stands, stretching his arms over his head.

Tell him, tell him now.

The words are right there and I should know better than to leave things left unsaid but... But he doesn't need to be guilted into staying, into taking care of me anymore. He's done enough. More than enough.

I force myself to look into his eyes, force myself to return the gesture when he offers the saddest, softest smile.

Then Luke, Luke who's always been there, who's always watched over me, even when I didn't know it, breaks my heart in the gentlest of ways.

"Please take care of yourself, Dylan Grace."

What do you guys think? Are Dyl and Luke done for good? Is Dylan right that Luke doesn't need to carry her anymore? Only a few chapters left loves, I hope you're enjoying seeing how things wrap up! Let me know in the comments ❤️