Penelope

Lunch isn't awkward. Cassian and I keep the conversation going without succumbing to silence.

The awkwardness sets in about three hours later, when I'm sitting alone in the hot tub with Harry Styles playing the background. I try to hum along with "Sweet Creature," but my mind won't allow me to. Although kissing Cassian seemed like a good idea, I'm regretting it. Have I ruined things between us? Today's events in the kitchen are what led me to kiss him. I didn't intentionally use a banana and Nutella to tease him. That appears to be the case, though. I could tell by the way he licked his lips. By how his nostrils flared at the sight of my tongue. He had to ask me who Rocco was, for God's sake!

Tilting my head to the cloudy sky, I groan with embarrassment. Morgane has always flirted with men and women without thinking twice. I've seen her in action. Every move she makes doesn't seem out of the blue—and I've witnessed her kissing someone she thought was attractive. She's precise with her methods. I wanted to possess the courage Morgane does. Which is why I kissed Cassian. I thought taking a page from her book would benefit me. But now all it's done is mortify me—even if Cassian reacted this morning.

Sick of background noise and music, I scoop up my iPhone and dial Gemma's number. She has better things to worry about than my calamities, but oh God, this embarrassment is sedating my emotions. I feel like I'm falling down a rabbit hole with nothing but replays of our kiss surrounding me. There are no floating tables or chairs. No wacky patterns that send me into a tizzy. Just the feel of Cassian's lips moving against mine and his thumb skimming my collarbone. And the mortification. That's hellishly potent.

"Hello?" Gemma asks.

"Hey," I reply, keeping my voice airy. "How's it going?"

Gemma takes a moment to ponder my question, which leads me to believe I've screwed up. My tone sounds fake. Damn it. The truth may as well be spoken.

"I kissed Cassian," I blurt.

"WHAT?!" Gemma gasps. "WHEN?"

Her enthusiasm causes me to hold the phone several centimetres away from my ear. I wait until she's calmed down before I respond. "Earlier today," I reply, securing my grip on the glass of wine. I can't afford to break another one. I hope Gemma doesn't have any news to spring on me this time. "After he got a haircut."

"I need more details than that, Nell!"

Sighing, I take a sip of wine. I need liquid confidence to spill the events of last night and today. I do this while subconsciously judging myself. Unwinding with a glass of wine after a stressful day is acceptable. I could, however, be doing better, more productive things with my life. But hell, in a handbasket, do I love my red wine. "Yesterday was rough for Cassian and I. We met up with Patrick at Utterly Uncorked to see how renovations were progressing..." I trail off, recounting the drama that followed. Although Ophelia has a right to be distraught—she did just find out I'm her cousin—she had no right to disregard my feelings and mistreat me.

"Does Cassian not get along with Patrick?" Gemma asks.

"No," I reply, shaking my head. "That's not the case. Cassian and Patrick are good together. Ophelia was the epicentre of our problems. Cassian made a joke about Patrick and I being twins, which Ophelia overheard. We've been keeping the news a secret because we're still trying to come to terms with it. I'm at the point where I've accepted it, but I can't admit to loving my brother yet. You know what I mean?" I set my wine glass down on the steps to the hot tub, sinking further down into the steamy water. "Patrick and I are still building a relationship."

"Of course," Gemma replies. Her voice is cotton-like, bringing a smile to my face. Gemma always knows how to comfort someone when they're in distress. "So, how did Ophelia react?"

"To put it modestly, she was pissed. She dragged Cassian into the middle of it and called Patrick insane. She disregarded how me, the one who had been given up for adoption, felt. After she stormed out, Cassian followed and had a discussion with her. He wasn't pleased with how things had gone or how she'd tried to make him choose sides. I'd like to say, though, he took my side and defended me." A small smile teases my lips. It's a wonder I didn't use Morgane's book sooner—Cassian's beautiful soul has me infatuated. He's independent and doesn't take bullshit.

"That's Cassian for you," Gemma says. "Loyal to the end."

"After he broke things off with Ophelia, we grabbed some fast food and alcohol and then went home."

"Oh, God," Gemma chuckles. "Let me guess: you guys got drunk."

"We did," I laugh, remembering the warm burn of whisky running down my throat. The main reason I drank was to forget Ophelia's reaction. Although I can understand where her emotions stemmed from, they saddened me. Perhaps I'm biased, but I would be ecstatic to find a long-lost family member. "Anyway, Cassian has been complaining about his hair length. I... um... I offered to cut his hair for him."

"You didn't!" she gasp-laughs.

"I did!" I reply. "But it's not my fault! He agreed."

"He must not've been happy about that one. Did he lose his shit this morning?"

I stare out at the view of Lake Okanagan, replaying our exchange in the kitchen. I wouldn't define his reaction as "losing his shit." Cassian was calm. He let me take a picture. I'll send it to you later. It's hilarious. A chilly breeze picks up, and I sink lower into the hot water. I'm going to miss having a hot tub when we return to Vancouver Island. I might have to invest in one. "No," I reply. "He didn't. He woke up before me. I think he had time to reflect and adjust. Taking him to the barber shop helped, too."

On the other line, I hear the rustling of tissue paper. "What are you doing?" I ask.

"Unpacking a crib," Gemma says. "Jake and I have been piecing the nursery together. He's trying to find the tool kit while I unpack."

I press my lips into a flat line, feeing guilty for interrupting them. "We can talk later," I say. "I don't want to use up your time."

"Please," she replies. I can hear the eye roll in her voice. "That tool kit disappears every time we need it; Jake will search for hours. Besides, you need to tell me what happened with this kiss."

Easing the strained muscles in my neck, I rest my head against the headrest and sigh, staring up at the sky. My loose bun hangs over the edge. Although the weather was beautiful this morning, fog has rolled in and the clouds have gobbled up any blue sky. The wind has picked up, too, making my cheeks sting from the cold. "I may have unintentionally teased him in the kitchen while we were discussing the events of last night."

If Gemma were with me right now, she'd strangle me. Why do I keep hinting instead of telling? God, I'm annoying.

"Sorry," I say before she can speak. "When we were in the kitchen, I was eating a banana and Nutella. Cassian was kind of... turned on? I can't say for sure, but he was licking his lips and his eyebrows were raised. He also asked me who Rocco—the barber we met a few days ago—was."

"Do you know who you're talking about?" Gemma snorts. "Cassian is the king of inappropriate jokes and comments. You eating a banana in front of him must've pushed him over the edge. It definitely turned him on."

I ignore the rush of hope that seeps into my chest. Instead of basking in it, I continue with the story. "After Rocco's, we had this... moment on the sidewalk. His hands were on my shoulders, and then we got closer. I then kissed him, thinking it would be a good idea to take a page from Morgane's book and kiss him." I squeeze my eyes shut as the words leave my mouth. I'm so goddamn stupid. Why did I kiss him? I'm not Morgane! I don't have courage like she does. With my luck, I've probably scared Cassian away.

God, I hate the anxiety that's wreaking havoc on my nervous system.

"Did he kiss you back?" she frowns.

I turn at a curled strand of hair. With every second I spend surrounded by steam, my hair becomes curlier and curlier. When I think back to earlier, I can conclude Cassian kissed me back. If gripping my chin and deepening the kiss isn't a telltale sign, then I don't know what is. "He did..." I trail off, shaking my head. "Gemma, I'm worried I've messed everything up. He's been acting weird. My assumptions led me to believe his odd behaviour was because of Ophelia, but now I'm not so sure. He really kissed me back. He kind of got... possessive, too."

"Possessive?"

Sighing, I explain how Cassian held my chin between his thumb and pointer finger. How he hardened the kiss. What I leave out are details I want to hoard; the softness of his lips, the taste of his mouth, and the way his hand shook against my waist.

"Penelope!" Gemma squeals. "He's in to you!"

That same jolt of hope rushes through me.

"Do you really think so?" I ask, unable to hide the high-pitched note in my voice.

"Yes. Cassian doesn't kiss random people who don't mean something to him. In high school, he wasn't the type of guy who went around kissing girls. He's stringent with relationships. Loyal to a fault. And while it's acceptable to sleep with whoever you please, that's far from his preferable route."

Gemma's words don't surprise me. Although he can be more immature than a prepubescent boy, he follows an excellent set of morals and knows what he wants. I don't want to get my hopes up. My moves were spontaneous—I don't think Cassian expected me to kiss him at that moment. Maybe he kissed me back to not offend me.

"And," Gemma continues, "don't feel you have to amount to another woman's character or values. Cassian likes you because you're you. If being spontaneous doesn't feel right, then don't do it. I know we all strive for confidence. A way to fit in with society. Don't think you need to level up to Morgane. We're the same species, but our characters are different."

A small smile curves my lips. "Thanks, Gemma."

The rustling of tissue paper fills my ears. Although it's nice to hear her voice, I want to wrap this conversation up. My fingers and toes are wrinkling from the steaming water, a telltale sign I've been out here too long. I can't stand wrinkled skin. The feeling makes me uncomfortable. "Do I let this play out?" I ask.

"Yes," Gemma replies. "You know what you want. Give Cassian time to sort out his feelings. Right now, Penelope, focus on what matters to you. As women, we're taught to be the caregivers since the moment we're born. We're inducted into that field without consent. The cycle needs to be broken. Although we all love Cassian, your life shouldn't be affected by his problems. I know you have more on your plate than you care to admit. Don't worry about Cassian. He'll suffer from awkwardness at first, but he'll soon get over it. Trust me."

I dip my head down, nodding and breathing in the steam. Gemma has informed me about what happened during high school. How Cassian was the only one to demolish the rumours that spread. His tactics didn't work, but he tried. He was awkward with Gemma at first. He could feel nothing but guilt and pity, but he came around.

"You're right," I reply, thinking about my issues with Ophelia. I plan on talking to her. The way she treated Patrick was despicable. If she doesn't like me or the fact that Patrick's claims were proven true, then she can take it out on me. She doesn't have the right to crush his happiness. Patrick had to live a portion of his life knowing he had a sibling. I had a much easier lifestyle than him. I knew my parents had given me up for adoption, but I didn't have the weight of being kept while one was given up on my shoulders. "I've got a lot on my plate. But we'll talk about that later. Cassian should be back from the grocery store soon. He'll want help with dinner."

"Good luck," Gemma replies. It isn't hard to tell she's smiling. "I'm rooting for you and Cassian."

I can't find words to relay back to Gemma. Her comment has caught me by surprise. How long has she been wanting Cassian and I together? I realized it during their wedding, but has it been longer? Her tone of voice makes me think so.

Either way, I can do this. Cassian needs time to comb through his feelings. I need to deal with family drama.

Until Cassian knows what he wants, I can be patient.