We were just a mile from Pennsylvania and now in New York, it had been about a week and the excitement was close to dead. Jake and I continued to share his insomnia tablets until there was only one left, I felt horrible for using what he needed for sleep just so I could just skip some nightmares, I had looked it up and apparently you need a and written and signed prescription from a therapist and doctor and sadly I had neither I asked Jake and he didn't either. Plan B was in process, I knew some people in New York who could hook us up, I felt sketchy, like a druggy but in all honesty they were just family friends who owned a breaking down pharmacy on the outskirts of town and would be willing to sell anything for a penny. Jake insisted on driving cause there was no way he could get to sleep, I hoped in the back and pulled out my diary to write in pivet. "Can I be in it?" Jake laughed, peeking in the mirror,

"Who says you're not already?" I laughed as I pulled out a pen.

This diary was only meant to be for my stupid school counselor but it's actually really handy to write in, so basically if you haven't heard I'm on a road trip with Jake (my boyfriend) We're on our way to meet my birth mother and I know probably wondering why not take a plane it's because I wasn't 18 yet so if I booked a flight the details would've gone straight to Karen and John's email. Speaking about those bitchy shady objects, I've moved out! Well not moved it's just I'm never going back to Los Angeles unless I become famous which of course will never happen. My birth mother lives in Maine which just happens to be on the slap balm opposite side of the country which is definitely an experience, I've to several states like Cali, Texas, Wisconsin and Utah and that's it in my life but this road trip has brought me to many more, We met an English hitchhiker and brought her to Utah to catch a plane. I just realised something... I haven't written in this diary positively before! It's weird, I feel boring. I've decided, this diary is for two things and two things only! Which are if something crazy happens to me or someone's being a total bitch... Ok there we go... bye.

I set my diary in my bag and hopped back into the front seat, I made Jake switch places with me and forced him to take the pill cause I could tell he needed sleep badly. While he was sleeping I made my way to the drugstore and got the tablets, I made sure to cover my face cause when I said they were family friends I mean that they stay for weeks at a time when they visit. I went in go the tablets and quickly left before they could get a glimpse of my face.

I had been driving for a few hours and I was struggling to keep a straight mind, the one thing on my mind was to take a pill but I knew that I had to keep driving. I was never sure if this happened to anyone ever but when it's quiet and I have time to think bad passed memories flood into my mind and continue to replay themselves over and over embarrassing me to the point where I want to burst into tears, in this case it was about my family. I couldn't grasp onto the point how I never noticed how different I was to everyone else in that family! My mind kept telling me how stupid I was. They all had curly blond locks, blue eyes, I had dead straight dark brown hair and dark hazel eyes, I was a good few years older than the other kids and they were all close enough in age. During the summer I would get a steller based nice tan and everyone else would be wearing factor 90, protecting themselves from the heat careful not to damage their porcelain skin. I kept reminding myself how stupid I was to believe that I was actually a part of that stupid Wilkinson Family! I felt tears rapidly pouring down my cheeks, blurring my vision from the dark and busy motorway, I couldn't wipe them away cause they would quickly be replaced. It had gotten to the point where I pulled the car over and began to cry. I took myself back to the night in the park with Jake... what if Jake weren't there and I had drowned myself, all the pain would have gone far far away, I was pulled away from the memory by arms pulling me in for a hug, I didn't open my eyes all I wanted was for this moment to pass.

"Let me drive, get some sleep" He whispered, I shook my head and continued to ball.

"I hate it Jake... I can't, I just can't" I sobbed, "We should just head straight back! This means nothing, it's not like she's that excited I mean she did fucking give me away!" I cried. "Bring me back to the park" I whispered,

"Vanessa come on" Jake said lifting my chin with his finger "Just get out of the car and switch with me, we have about two days left and I'll do it" He offered.

"No Jake go back to sleep."

"I can't" He replied,

"Jake!"

"No I honestly can't, there's no more tablets left" He finished as I pulled the new full container to him along with a bottle of water, he eventually somehow convinced me to get some sleep using the tablets.

The pill helped the dream part and it stopped you from thinking very much but there was a lot on my mind so problems kept slipping through the cracks and it had finally gotten to the point where I was done and decided that from now on I have forgotten about everyone in my past and that I'm gonna make a fresh start, maybe the part of that's never been fulfilled will be... filled? The one thing I always felt was missing. I was now relaxed, I felt fine and tired but I knew I was asleep and when I wake up I'll be with Jake, on a new journey starting out fresh. I will meet my birth mother, I will ask her questions and I will receive answers but at this moment in time I did not give a shit.

(I know it doesn't look like much but it took forever to writeXD Thanks for reading<3)