Major spoilers for Season 4 Episode 26

"Okay, okay, watch this." Chat Noir spun the chair around, back to the camera before moving to the other side of the room. "This is how I'm going to deliver my story this evening."

Bounding forward and taking a rather dramatic (and crap) hop, skip and a jump, he straddled his legs in midair and landed with them on either side of the arm rests, collapsing in the middle of the seat. Only for the chair to be lower than expected and his ears being the only part of him visible to the camera.

"Well," he exclaimed, his ears twitching with mischief. "That's shit!"

"I don't know," Ladybug said, downing half a glass of Sauvignon Blanc. "I think you look better."

"Whatever, I know you want me. Everybody wants me."

"Alya!" Ladybug shouted. "Do you want Chat Noir?"

"Hell no!" Alya shouted back, as she continued to fix her camera into the right position.

"That's only because her boyfriend is a DJ. I mean, fuck, everyone wants a DJ."

"I don't, little puddy tat, I want a model." Ladybug poured herself another glass before settling back.

"What? Like a model aeroplane?"

"What the hell are you on? I don't want to have a night of passion with a model aeroplane, I want a real life supermodel. Blonde hair, green eyes and one fit as fuck body."

"You know you've just described me, right? Time to admit it, Lovebug, you want a piece of this." Standing himself up on the chair cushion he vaulted over the back, spun the chair and then very impressively, sat down and missed it.

Ladybug burst out laughing as Chat scrambled back onto his chair and grabbed his next beer. "Whatever!" He mumbled, downing over half of it in one swig. "One day you'll come running, and I will deny you!"

"The only thing you're denying would be a life full of happiness and a superhero with a six pack."

"Of what?"

"Pardon?"

"A six pack of what? If I'm getting into this I need to know if you're a Bud, girl or more fond of Peroni?"

"What the are you on about?" Ladybug grabbed the wine bottle and took a swig straight from it.

"You said you come with a six pack, and I want to know if it's a quality pack or a bargain bucket."

"Right," Alya interrupted, if this was going to be finished tonight they needed to get started pronto. "I'm going to count you in and then you can start. Do you need anything before we begin?"

"A Big Mac and large fries please." Ladybug announced, followed by a rather large belch.

"Let it out girlfriend!" Chat saluted before finishing his beer, and moving slightly to the right involuntarily. "Woah, why are you moving the room so much?"

"That's you, Kitty. You're pissed."

"Before you two go off on another tangent, let's get started." Alya sat down, slipping her headphones on to check the sound levels, happy with the mic check, she counted to the two of them down, indicating with a point when she was ready for them to speak.

"In 3 ... 2 ..."

"Wait!" Chat shouted. "Are we starting on 1 or go?"

"1," Ladybug said at the same time as Alya announced, "Go".

"Well," Ladybug said, "that's just crazy. Why wouldn't we start on 1?"

"Because we're starting on 'go'," Alya said.

"Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold... on." Chat Noir lifted his hips to one side letting out a rather unflattering fart. "Okay, I'm ready."

Pinching her nose, Ladybug gagged and started to wave a hand in front of her face.

"What did you eat?" she said, voice distorted due to the fingers pinching her nose.

"It was burrito day in the cafeteria at university. I needed to eat well so I could drink."

"I think something died up your ass."

"Wanna check it out?" He wiggled his eyebrows at her, only for her to flip him the bird; her partner bursting out laughing.

"Okay on 'go' you're going to start speaking. Ready, 3... 2... 1... Go!"

Chat Noir decided now would be the ideal time to test out his knowledge of film soundtracks; starting with Star Wars. Humming the famous intro music, Chat nodded and bounced around like he was in a mosh pit.

"Episode 26 Season 4; Strike Back," Ladybug said, voice serious as she spoke into the camera. "It is a dark time for Paris. Although the Akuma known as Risk has been destroyed, Hawk Moth has driven the Miraculous holders from their hidden base and pursued them across the city.

Evading the dreaded akuma's, a group of freedom fighters led by Ladybug has established a secret base on the rooftop opposite the Montparnasse Tower.

The evil lord Hawk Moth, obsessed with finding young Ladybug and Chat Noir, has dispatched three sentimonsters into the far reaches of Paris...."

"We are just so in sync! How did you know?" Chat said, seemingly impressed by Ladybug's ability to pick up the Star Wars theme and then deliver the opening so flawlessly. Could this woman be any more perfect?

She wiggled her eyebrows at him before starting the segment. "Anyway ... so Strike Back,"

"Strike Back?"

"Strike Back."

The two bounced the name between them each saying it a little more dramatic each time.

"Three huge terrifying things! They looked like um - how can I describe them?" Chat started, taking another beer and nursing it in his hands.

"Monsters?" Ladybug helped out, grabbing the bottle of wine again and downing what was left.

"Yes, totally. Three giant monsters, and I'm not going to lie, they were kicking our ass! Stealing our powers and using them against us."

"I'm not going to lie, I thought we'd lost. I mean, I disappeared for about 10 minutes and came back to a destroyed Paris."

"It wasn't your finest hour to be fair, M'Lady. It was a complete mess."

"It was, my kitty. So I needed to call in reinforcements, someone who hadn't been affected by the previous Akuma. So I went to find this boy."

Chat suddenly burst out laughing, clutching onto the sides of the chair as he rocked backwards and forwards.

"Do you wanna know what this fucker here did?" He pointed a thumb over towards Ladybug, laughter still spilling from his lips.

"Don't you 'fucker here' me!"

"She - she - gave my cousin a Miraculous thinking it was..." He suddenly couldn't talk through the tears streaming down his cheeks. "Thinking it was..." He moved forward, dropping his head between his legs in hope of breathing again. Ladybug began to join the laughter even though she had no idea what it was about. "She gave it to my cousin because she thought it was me." His voice squeaked on the last word as he fell off the chair laughing.

He looked up at Ladybug from his position on the floor, both of them bursting into more laughter, Chat rolling around with his legs in the air.

"Fuck me, that's funny!" Ladybug said, trying her hardest to control her laughter.

"Yes please."

They looked at each other again before exploding with laughter once more. At this point Alya knew she'd lost them. Chat crawled onto his knees before lifting himself back into the chair, swiping under his eyes as he spoke.

"At least invite me out for a drink first, Chaton. I'm not an easy Lady."

"I'm glad to hear you're not an easy lay-Dee."

"Oh my God, imagine if my name was Dee."

"Naa you don't look like a Dee, maybe a Bee, or - or - a bug!" Chat scrunched his eyebrows together as if he'd just figured something out. "Bug," he said slowly.

"Anyway, I was trying to save the most beautiful boy on the planet from having to spend time with this colossal liar."

"Awwww, that's the sweetest thing you've ever said about me."

"I'm not talking about you kitty, I'm talking about Adrien Agreste."

The sound of Alya's hand slapping her forehead echoed around the room. Chat Noir looking over at Alya before waving a hand around in front of his face.

"Are those damn flies back? Be gone little creatures!" he dramatically announced, swatting his hand erratically in front of his face. Smacking his own forehead and looking at his palm.

"Are you trying to kill my family?" Ladybug turned her head to Chat, mortification plastered over it.

"You're not a real bug!"

"How do you know? I could be."

"Bite me then, and if I flame up we know you are!"

Ladybug rolled her eyes, before looking back to the camera and pointed a thumb over at Chat. "He's so weird."

"He's not the only one," Alya whispered to herself, pressing a few buttons to increase the light on them both.

"Anyway, as I was saying. We had managed to defeat Risk with the help of my private PI Rena Furtive," Ladybug exclaimed dramatically, Chat sitting in his chair and tucking his feet underneath.

"She's cool isn't she, Alya? Wink, wink."

Ladybug slapped Chat Noir around the back of the head, the cat hero in shock from the sudden movement.

"So, we kicked Risk's ass then needed to move onto the sentimonsters which kept stealing our powers. So I got these extra cool sunglasses which had a UV rating of, like, 10 million, so we could look at the sun. My lucky charms are so pointlessly incredible, you know. Though to be honest, I'd like to blow stuff up like him."

"Yeah, like, sometimes I get a bit angry and I need to let off some steam, so I'm like ..." Chat Noir stands up and walks over to a nearby wall. "Wall! No! Cataclysm!" Stretching high into the air, he called his power, tapping the adjourning wall and turning it to ash! Surprisingly the door frame remained standing. "Oops."

Alya sighed, writing something down on the notepad next to her. There was another expense they couldn't afford.

"Sorry," Chat said, making his way back to his chair. "At least it wasn't the chair right? That would have been so much worse."

"Than a wall?" Ladybug questioned, a smirk dragging across her lips. Her hand moved to shield it.

"Shush! So we needed to defeat these big ass monsters, and she just created this portal and pushed them through and into the sun."

"Yippee-ki-yay-mother fucker!"

"And because we had these sunglasses on, it was totally okay that she did that," Chat said.

"Yup! It's not like the light could get under the glasses or anything." She rolled her eyes, as Chat laughed. "But the fucker I gave a Miraculous to then stole all of the Miraculous from my yo-yo."

"Then in my bathroom she had a nervous breakdown and ran away."

"I felt sorry for myself, and went to our spot so I could have a good cry and moan."

"But it's okay because I'm psychic and went looking for her in the bright sunshine of a summer afternoon, only to find her 3 hours later in the darkness of night. And as soon as I saw her I struck my 'puffed out chest' superhero pose and held out my hand. I was like 'come with me if you want to live'", Chat Noir said in his best Terminator voice.

"And then he saved me from the asylum ... wait no?"

"That's the Terminator, you butt munch." Chat laughed, clutching his side as he did.

"And no one likes a butt much."

"What is a butt much anyway? Is it someone who munches butts? Because if it is, bend over will ya?" They began to bawl out laughing once more, Alya knowing full well she'd lost them.

"The hug you gave me that day, Kitty Cat, was fab-bloody-tastic! Like it was the best hug I've ever had in my whole entire life."

"That's just because you think I'm hot," he said, extremely sure of himself.

"That, my friend, is totally true. You know what else is true, what I told you that morning. That you'd always be my favourite."

A sudden portal appeared in the room, a blue bunny appeared out of the centre with a stern look on her face.

"Oh look, it's Mary Hoppins." Chat shouted out in greeting.

"Is a trip to the past needed, Governor?" Ladybug said in her best (worst) British accent before falling sideways and off the chair onto Chat's lap, the cat hero having to battle to stay up right with the additional weight.

"Well ain't you a pretty lassy?" Chat said, twirling a piggy tail around his finger.

"I'm bloody gorgeous and don't you forget it."

"You're bloody bug headed! Oh my God, bug headed!" Chat started laughing, bouncing Ladybug up and down on his stomach before throwing her off and onto the floor. "Bug overboard! Save the bug!"

Jumping down, Chat Noir straddled over his Lady as he began to talk through his CPR training. He looked directly into the camera and suddenly looked as sober as a Nun.

"Boys and girls at home, I'm about to teach you how to perform CPR."

"I'm breathing, Chaton," Ladybug said from her position on the floor.

"I'm going to use mouth to mouth resuscitation techniques," he said, looking down at her and wiggling his eyebrows.

As Ladybug flopped back on the floor ready for her Minou to save her, Bunnyx made her way over to Alya, one hand firmly on her eyebrows.

"Is there any way of stopping them?" she asked, watching as Chat began feeling up Ladybugs breasts 'apparently' directing the children to the exact place to push on the rib cage. To Alya it looked like he was just 'coping a feel'.

"Nope," Alya said, moving around to pack her things away.

"Well, fuck!"

Bunnyx and Alya watched as instead of mouth to mouth, Ladybug had now switched positions to mount Chat Noir, her lips settling firmly against his quite obviously taking their CPR lesson into one for making out. Tilting her head to the side, Bunnyx couldn't help but study the two heroes.

"I didn't know you needed to use your tongue for CPR," she said, watching as Chat's hands became a little overly friendly with Ladybug's body.

"Yup," Alya replied. "CPR for idiots."

As the make out became progressively more heated, neither Alya or Bunnyx were shocked when two bright flashes of light filled the room and Adrien suddenly had Marinette in his arms.

"We bid you Goodnight." Adrien stood up, swaying horrendously, and made his way into the bedroom, Marinette in his arms and kicking the door closed behind them.

"They do realise the walls are missing right?" Bunnyx said, watching as the two heroes fell onto the bed in a heap and the door frame finally gave up and fell down with an almighty crash.

"What do you need them for anyway?" Alya asked.

"There's a new villain in Paris," Bunnyx said, watching as Marinette was clumsily trying to seduce Adrien with some form of dance.

"I'm thinking they'll be done in about five minutes, then they'll sort it out. Are you coming for drinks tomorrow?"

"I'm thinking about it. Just need to check Kim hasn't hidden my shoes again."

"Fair point." Alya finished packing as Bunnyx called on her burrow. "Well, hopefully see you tomorrow then."

"See ya."

The two headed out in opposite directions, leaving Adrien and Marinette consummating their newly found feelings in the bedroom. The destruction of Paris would have to wait, nothing was more important at the moment than finding out how easy a lay Marinette truly was.